The Mushroom Wars

By TossingTheScissors

(Based on a comic by Jay Resop)

Chapter 1: Payback

In a small cell, in the very back of Bowser's throne room, hidden deep within the many labyrinths and maze-like hallways in Bowser's fortress, was a small cell currently holding Prisoner #316161616161618 – otherwise known as Princess Peach Toadstool, ruler of the Mushroom Kingdom of the love of Mario's life.

Peach sat in her cell, weeping silently and occasionally letting out a large sob. Peach was chained by both her ankles and wrists, but this was not the worst part of her imprisonment. Oh no. The worst part was a small TV located to the far right of the cell. And what was playing on it, you might ask?

A Hogan's Heroes marathon.

Princess Peach's despair seemed never-ending inside this cramped cell with the torturous television program blaring just to the right of her. 43 hours she had endured watching the show. If Princess Peach was capable of speaking between her sobs (she had currently gone mute with despair), she might have been able to let out a feeble something like, "I don't want to live."

Luckily, a hero came to rescue her from her torture. After Peach had spent almost two days inside the cell, she saw the door fly open and her boyfriend, Mario, had appeared, eager to rescue her as always.

Now, Peach had not always loved Mario. Mario had actually met Peach through his brother Luigi, who had met her at a nightclub in Toad Town and taken her out on a few dinner dates afterwards. Mario had fallen instantly in love with Peach, even before she revealed herself as royalty to Luigi or Mario. After Peach had revealed herself to be THE Princess Peach on one of her dates with Luigi, Luigi had been eager to come home and tell Mario. Mario's love for her was only fueled by this news, and he began to try and find ways to impress her – none of which worked. Princess Peach much preferred the slimmer, more athletic build of Luigi to Mario's plump figure.

Nevertheless, when King Bowser Koopa had first revealed himself as a threat to the royal family and captured Peach for the first time, it was Mario who had rescued her from her cell.(although it had been Luigi's idea in the first place to rescue her – Mario had simply followed suit and gotten there before Luigi did.) After that, Peach dumped Luigi and started seeing Mario, despite his unhealthy love for pasta.

"Mario!" She cried out, overjoyed that he had once again come to save her from this torture. "You've come to rescue me!"

"That I have!" Mario said smugly, flipping the tiny TV off and pulling out the key he had gotten from Bowser once he had defeated him. "And, I might add, without any help from my little brother, Luigi!"

In reality, Mario had received a lot of help from his brother. They had fought Bowser's minions together and Mario had ditched him at the first chance he got – he had left Luigi behind to fight a seemingly unbeatable Goomba army in hopes of receiving all the credit for rescuing Peach, rather than sharing it with Luigi. But Luigi had defected the army and caught up with Mario to help him fight Bowser. Luigi had told him to climb up onto the ceiling and drop a chandelier on Bowser's head, in hopes he would get stuck up there. And it appeared his plan had worked – Luigi had not bothered him since, and to a mere passerby it appeared Mario had done all of the rescuing himself.

"Oh, Mario!" Peach said, waiting for Mario to unchain her then wrapping her arms around him. "You're so brave!"

"If only you knew what a coward he was…" Said an ominous voice from the doorway Mario had just entered. The mysterious figure was shrouded in shadow, but Mario had his suspicions as to who it was. "'I did it all on my own, Peach! My little brother didn't help me at all!' I mean, come on, Mario- EVERYONE knows I'm older than you…" The mysterious silhouette stepped out of the shadows, revealing itself to be none other than Luigi himself.

"Oh! Luigi…" Mario said, with mock surprise and obvious worry etched on his face. "Fancy seeing you here, in the middle of Bowser's fortress…"

"Oh, cut the crap, Mario. No use back-paddling now." Luigi said this with an evil grin.

"Now, what's that supposed to mean, Luigi?" Mario said with a forced laugh. Meanwhile, Peach glared accusingly at Mario. Had he lied to her about Luigi's involvement in her rescue?

"Please, please, Mario…" Luigi said, grinning broader still. "My name is no longer Luigi. In fact, I am no longer the same Luigi you knew – always tagging along after you, always in your shadow. Well, I spent too long in that shadow! Enough is enough! I will know be known as Darth Butch – King of the Koopas!"

"Wh- What?" Mario said, gaping in disbelief. "King of the…?"

"You see, Mario, when you left me behind with that army of Goombas, I had no chance of surviving… so I negotiated. Turns out none of Bowser's subjects are happy with Bowser's rule. So I made them a deal – if they set me free, I would og finish off Bowser for them and find them a better leader. And I did find them a better leader – me!"

"No!" Peach gasped as the situation finally dawned on her. Luigi, her ex-boyfriend, Mario's brother and sidekick – the new Bowser?

"The first step, of course, was to take out Bowser, which I managed easily enough, since you told me to anyway. Probably hoping I'd get stuck on the ceiling, no doubt… Anyway, after that, it was a simple matter of going to them and assuming control. Now the entire Koopa Troop answers to me and me alone."

"So, what does that mean… exactly?" Mario said, glancing around nervously to find another way out.

Luigi laughed and then, with an evil glint in his eye, said, "It means this: Good-bye!"

With that, Luigi snapped his fingers and a host of Bowser's minions came rushing towards Mario, binding him with rope and carrying him off under Luigi's command.

"As for the girl," Luigi said to the minions who had not left with Mario. "Lock her back up – she is of no use to us right now."

Peach struggled to break free, but it was no use – in moments, her ankles and wrists were once again cuffed.

Luigi turned to go, but before he had left the room, Peach cried out to him, "Why are you doing this?"

Luigi seemed a bit struck by this question. He stopped where he was, then turned back around to face Peach. "Why? I don't know. Maybe if Mario had been willing to share some of the credit for your rescues, maybe if I wasn't always playing second fiddle to Mario in the Mushroom Kingdom's eyes, maybe if YOU hadn't have broken up with me… Then none of this would have happened. As it is, I feel this is my chance to prove my worth to the people of the Mushroom Kingdom. If it means turning evil in the process, so be it."

Peach was not sure how to react to such a calm, rational, and vaguely threatening response, so she settled for something along the lines of, "You twisted freak! Your crazy plans will never work!"

"Crazy plans?" Luigi said with a smile. "No, no crazy plans. Just payback."

And with that, he flipped the television set back on, and left the cell, leaving Peach to watch Hogan's Heroes.