There was a charged energy in the car. In the backseat, Brandon was perched on his booster seat with his forehead pressed against the window, hands splayed out over the glass.
"Is it this one?" he asked for at least the tenth time.
"No, buddy. We'll tell you when we turn onto the street," his mom reminded him again. In the front seat, Stef drove with one hand on the wheel. Her other was clasped around Lena's, nestled on the seat beside Lena's thigh. As they got closer, the hum in Lena's limbs came to a focused flutter deep in her stomach. Every once in a while, she felt Stef squeeze her hand so Lena knew she was excited, too.
In the back of the car, boxes were stacked up to the roof of the hatchback, blocking the view out the back window. They already had all but the necessities packed and neatly labeled in their apartment which meant, even though they had movers coming in two days, Stef wasn't about to waste a trip to the house by going empty handed.
Lena watched the passing streets, mapping out her route to work, trying to ingrain the new neighborhood into her mind. She wondered how long it would take before it became muscle memory. How many times would she go the wrong way out of habit?
"Okay, B. This is it," Stef announced as she slowed to take a left turn.
Lena peered over her shoulder at her partner's son and a soft smile crept up into her eyes as she watched him wriggle in his seat, nose flattened against the window while his breath turned to fog between his palms.
"There it is! There! I see it!"
A laugh bubbled out as Lena turned to look out the windshield. Sure enough, their new house was fast approaching and for just a second, Lena had the urge to bounce in her seat, too.
They pulled into the driveway. Stef parked the car and looked first at Lena and then back at Brandon.
"Are we ready?"
"Yeah!" Brandon shouted. "Let's go!" He already had his seatbelt off and was pulling at the door handle.
"Alright, alright. We're going," Lena laughed.
Both chuckling, they turned to each other and locked eyes for a moment. Part of her still couldn't believe this was real. She and Stef had really bought a house together. For the first time, the three of them were going to be together in a place that had only ever been theirs. Now more than ever, Lena felt like their life together was really beginning. Swallowing a rush of emotion, she held tight to Stef's hand.
"Ready?" she asked again, with a tenderness that made Lena sure she was feeling the same way. Grinning, Lena nodded and, with a wink, Stef let go of her hand so they could get out of the car.
"C'mon you guys!" Brandon called. He was bouncing in front of the door, tugging on the handle in a fruitless effort to get inside.
Lena and Stef gravitated back together, clasping hands again as they crossed from the driveway to the front porch.
"Okay, bud. Settle," Stef warned, mussing Brandon's shaggy brown hair. Groaning, he swiped at it to smooth it back down. She held the keys out towards Lena. "You wanna do the honors?"
"Sure." Lena took the offered keys.
"I wanna do it! Can I do it?" Brandon begged.
"Why don't we do it together?" Lena suggested.
"Okay!"
Lena held the key out to him. "Put it in and we'll both turn it."
Brandon took the key and slipped it into the deadbolt. Lena then rested her hand over the top of his and they turned the key.
"One more," Stef said with a chime of anticipation. Brandon switched the key to the handle lock and Lena took his hand again. She looked to Stef, who had her hands clasped beneath her chin, and they grinned at each other while Brandon counted down from three.
"Three! Two! One!" His voice rang through the covered porch as he and Lena turned the key. Her heart was thumping in her stomach and she reached back for Stef's hand as she pushed the door open.
"Whoooa!" Bolting into the house, Brandon spun around in the entryway. His voice carried up to the corners of the empty room and bounced back to greet them as Lena and Stef followed him into the house.
"Take it down a notch, huh, kiddo?" Stef reminded him. Lena laughed at their identical giddy smiles. "What?" Stef asked, tilting her head in the exact same way she had seen Brandon do a hundred times. Lena laughed again.
"Nothing." She shook her head and squeezed Stef's hand, letting her partner kiss the corner of her grinning mouth. It felt impossible that this was really her life.
Unaware of the significance of the moment and brimming with youthful wonder, Brandon jumped down the step into the next room, the slapping of his shoes magnified in the empty space. "What's in here?"
"That'll be the dining room."
Standing in the center of the room, he turned in a slow circle, surveying the walls. Then he shrugged.
"C'mon, sweets." Stef held her free hand out to him. "Why don't we give you the grand tour?"
The three of them walked the rest of the ground floor: through the kitchen and by the breakfast nook, almost losing Brandon to the big backyard when they peeked out the back door, then around into the living room where they returned to the bottom of the stairs by the entryway.
"I can't believe we're going to have three places to eat!" It was the height of luxury to a boy who had spent most of his life living in apartments.
Lena smiled down at him. "You know, I bet we can fit a piano down here. Then you can put your keyboard in your room."
"Really? A real piano?"
They both looked at Stef whose eyes were narrowed in Lena's direction. Lena pressed her lips together to hide a smile that was only half remorseful.
Stef sucked her teeth and shook her head, the smile already in her eyes. "Maybe for Christmas."
"Yes!"
"You better be on your very best behavior, young man."
"I will! I will!" He was dancing around the room, as giddy as Lena felt. "Can I go upstairs now?"
"Of course," Stef told him. "We'll be up in a minute."
With a pump of his fist, Brandon was up the stairs in a flash and when he disappeared, Stef turned to Lena who was finally looking appropriately sheepish with her tucked chin resting atop her clasped hands and her lower lip pulled in between her teeth.
"A piano? Really? As if a house wasn't enough?" The annoyance in her voice was just for show.
"I know. I'm sorry. I just... got caught up in the moment."
"Yeah, well, try and control yourself, hmm?" She arched a playful eyebrow and reached for Lena's hand, drawing her closer. "We can't afford any other major financial commitments."
"I mean, I do think he needs one. The keyboard is fine for now but as he gets more advanced he—"
Stef cut her off, catching her chin between her thumb and finger. "Love, I already agreed. You don't have to convince me." The smile toying at the corners of her mouth was one of absolute adoration.
"Sorry," she laughed as Stef pulled her in to kiss her. It felt like summertime and blue jeans and warm hazel eyes, early morning coffee over the newspaper and fall evenings with glasses of wine on the porch swing. It was a lifetime of Christmas mornings, gray hairs and crow's feet, the same kiss goodnight every night, forever. It was life and it was love and it was everything she had ever wanted.
The sound of little feet on the stairs ended the moment and they turned to see Brandon standing in the middle, twisting the sleeve of his shirt around his thumb. His exuberance from just a minute ago was gone.
"Everything okay?" Lena asked.
"Yeah. Um... I wanted to, um. Pick out my room. Could, um... could you come help me?"
"Sure, bub." Stef smiled at him, her head tilted just a little to one side in concern.
"Actually, um. Could it, just be Lena?" He dropped his gaze down to his shoes, the tips of his ears glowing red.
"Of course, sweets." Brandon glanced up at them, and when Stef offered her warmest grin, a relieved smile perked up his face. "I'll just work on unloading the car."
As Brandon trudged back upstairs, Stef looked to Lena for some kind of explanation but she had no more insight than her partner. Shrugging, she kissed Stef's cheek before following Brandon to the second floor.
He was waiting for her on the landing. The nervousness he'd had while making his request had shifted to a pensive stillness. It was familiar to Lena and she knew it meant he was thinking about something big. Something important. This was not about picking his room. Whatever was bothering him, she would let him come to the subject on his own time. She had learned pretty early on that he was always willing to talk about big things, but only on his terms.
Lena smiled at him. "Did you check out all the rooms?"
"Uh huh." Brandon nodded.
"What do you think?"
He turned slowly, looking around the hallway. "I think I like this one."
Lena followed him to one of the rooms where he flipped the light on. "What do you like about it?"
"It's big."
"It is," she agreed and laughed to herself. Top priorities for a little boy. "Anything else?"
"This is cool," he said as he stepped over to the nook on one side of the room. Partially walled off, Lena imagined it was meant to be an office space. Brandon stood with his hands on his hips, looking more like a contractor on a job than a six-and-three-quarters-year-old as he contemplated the space. "It could be like a fort. Or like my own magic treehouse."
"That would be a lot of fun. It could be a good place for your keyboard, too."
He looked at her over his shoulder, his face brightening at the reminder about the piano. "Oh yeah!"
"Is this the one then?"
Brandon's stoic demeanor fell over him again. "I think we should still look at the others, too."
"Okay." Amused, Lena nodded and stepped back, allowing him to lead the way.
He crossed the hall to one of the other rooms and flicked the light on.
"This one's big, too," Lena noted. It was broken up by a half wall in the middle which gave the room a unique feel. One of the things she and Stef had loved about this house was how different each room was. They each had their own personality which felt more organic than the houses with identical, cookie-cutter bedrooms as if every kid wanted and needed the same type of living space.
"I don't like the color."
"We can paint it whatever color you want."
"Really?" Lena nodded and Brandon scanned the room again, reevaluating with this new information. Then he shrugged and said, "I still don't like it."
"Okay, then."
"Let's go to the next one."
"Can I show you a secret?" Lena asked, her tone conspiratorial and her smile mischievous. Brandon's eyes got wide and he nodded with tenuous enthusiasm. "Follow me," she whispered, then led him to another door in the room. "Go in."
He looked up at her with narrowed eyes, as if deciding whether or not to trust her. She let her smile grow wider and gave him a reassuring nod so he opened the door and flipped on the light.
"This is a bathroom, Lena!" He was almost laughing, his seriousness still holding on despite Lena's efforts to break through it.
"Oh gosh, you're right. Why don't you go check that door over there?" Now he looked at her like he was afraid she was completely losing it as he crossed the room and pulled open the door.
"Whoa!" Brandon darted across the next bedroom and over to the other door, poking his head out into the hallway. "That's so cool! It's like a secret passageway!"
Lena followed him into the room, feeling vindicated.
"Pretty neat, huh?"
"Yeah!"
"How do you feel now? Do you want your own bathroom connected right to your room?"
Brandon walked slowly around the room, really taking in the layout, his hand brushing along the wall and over the windowsill as he considered it.
"What one do you like?" He tipped his head as he looked at her, inviting her honesty.
"Well," she started, before glancing around the room herself, "I do really like that there's the perfect place for your keyboard in the first one. But it would be convenient to have the bathroom so close. You said you didn't like the last bedroom as much as the first. Does this one feel more like you?"
He closed his eyes, his mouth twisting into a lopsided line. After a moment, he shook his head.
"It's the first one then, huh?" Lena gave his shoulder a happy squeeze.
"What about the last one?" he asked.
Lena laughed a little. "That's the master bedroom. That one is for your mom and me."
"Oh." His eyebrows furrowed and he looked serious again. "Can we still go look at it?"
Lena shrugged. "Sure. Why not?"
When they crossed the hall and entered the final bedroom, Lena couldn't help but envision what it would look like with all their furniture. Once again, she was struck by a feeling of wonderful impossibility at her life.
"It's the biggest," Brandon stated, sounding quite practical.
"That's because it's meant for two people."
"It has a bathroom, too?" He was slightly less pragmatic this time.
"Mhmm." Lena watched as Brandon surveyed the room, his demeanor growing more subdued as he walked the perimeter. When he stopped in front of the window, his hands gripped the sill as he peered outside. Sensing that he was getting ready to broach whatever subject had brought the two of them up there, Lena came to stand a little ways behind him, allowing him both the space and time to collect his thoughts.
He didn't turn to her when he finally spoke, his eyes still trained out the window. "Are you and Mommy going to be married like Mommy was married to Daddy?"
Huh. Her eyebrows lifted slightly. Not quite what she'd been expecting.
"No, not exactly." She glanced down but his face was shielded by his hair.
He was quiet for a moment, then turned his face to look up at her. "But you and Mommy love each other like Mommy and my Daddy used to, right?"
Lena let a smile work its way into her eyes as she met his curious face, nodding her head. "Kind of."
"And now you're going to live with us."
"I've been living with you in the apartment for a while, haven't I?"
Brandon tipped his head to one side as he thought. "Yeah." A crease formed between his eyebrows. "But this feels different."
Lena was astounded at his astuteness. She sat down on the floor and, with a gentle tug on his hand, urged him to do the same. Still holding his hand, she found his inquisitive gaze, keeping her own expression open but assuring. "You're right, it is different. Buying a house with someone is a big commitment. It means you really love each other and that you want to spend a long, long time together. It means you want to be a family."
A troubled look fell across Brandon's face. "Like me and Mommy used to be with Daddy?"
"Oh, honey, that's not what I meant." Feeling guilt rise up into her chest, Lena squeezed his hand. "You and your mommy and daddy will always be a family, even though you don't live together anymore. Nothing is ever going to change that."
Brandon nodded slowly. "But… you and me and Mommy are gonna to be a family, too. Because you and Mommy love each other?"
"Is that what you want? For us to be a family?" Lena asked, feeling a flutter of doubt. She knew Stef had talked to Brandon before they'd all moved in together but that was months ago. Lena now worried that they'd taken his feelings for granted in this new, big step. But his head bobbled up and down without a moment of hesitation.
"Uh huh."
Relief lit up Lena's smile and she held his hand tighter. "Then, yes, we're going to be a family. Because we love each other and we love you. So much."
"I love you, too, Lena." Brandon climbed over to her, hugging her around the neck as she pulled him in tight. After a moment, he settled down into her lap, his head nestled against her chest. "Lena?"
"Yes?"
"If me and Mommy and Daddy are a family, and me and Mommy and you are a family, and you're a girl like Mommy, does that mean I should call you Mommy, too?"
The question caught her off guard and her surprise played across her face. She gave the question as much consideration as the moment allowed. Brandon deserved that, even if internally she was wishing Stef was there for these questions that felt very big for such a little guy. "Well," she finally said, "I think maybe you should just call your mom Mommy. It's okay for you to keep calling me Lena."
"But how will people know we're a family?"
She smiled down into his big green eyes. They were Stef's, just without the flecks of gold to turn them hazel, and so familiar to her she would swear she had known them her whole life. "I think they'll know because we'll be together."
He sat up, turning so he could fully face her. "But I want people to know you're my mom, too. And if I just call you Lena, they won't know." His concern was deep and genuine, almost urgent.
"I would like that, too," she said with a slightly shaky voice. His mom. If she had thought she loved this boy before, it was nothing like she felt in that moment, endeared by his sincere and earnest heart.
"Then can I call you Mommy?"
She thought about it for a moment. Even through her own swirling emotions, Lena knew that just the day-to-day logistics of that would be complicated. And the last thing she wanted was for Stef to feel like she was stepping on her toes.
"What if we pick something different from Mommy?"
Brandon's mouth turned down in concentration. Then his face brightened as he looked back at her. "My friend Jake calls his mom Mama. Could I call you Mama?"
Mama. Just hearing it, Lena thought her heart was going to soar right out of her chest. "That sounds perfect." And it did. It sounded like grass stains and piano recitals, math homework and brownbag lunches, camping trips, bedtime stories, and noisy family dinners. It was board games on rainy days, ice cream sundaes, midnight fevers, and teenage mood swings. It felt like this was who she was always meant to be, and he was always meant to be the boy who made it so.
Beaming, Brandon rocketed himself into her, nearly toppling them over. They were both laughing as Lena righted them and hugged him tight, dropping a kiss into his hair.
"Should we go see how your mom is doing with the boxes?"
"Okay!" He jumped from the floor, his face bright like it had been when they had first arrived at the house. Lena stood, and as they headed out of the room, Brandon slipped his hand into hers.
"Mama?"
Lena's heart twirled again. "Yeah?"
"Thanks for helping me pick my room."
"Of course, bud. I'll always help you with anything you ever need."
"I know." He grinned up at her. "That's what moms do."
As they reached the bottom of the stairs, where Stef was leaning on a stack of boxes, her cheeks pink and her hair disheveled, Lena was struck again that this was real life and that she was going to get to spend the rest of it right here with her very own family.
