Title: Love On A Rotten Day

Author: Slashapalooza

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts. I do, however, own a Playstation magazine with Sora on the cover and pictures from Kingdom Hearts 2, which I won't get to play because some bastards stole my PS2. …All this just did was depress me. I want sugar.

Author's Note: 'Kay. So. Long wait, I know. And some of you are ready to beat me—or Riku—with flaming pitch forks. However. Um. Don't? Because I kind of need Riku for another ten or so chapters. And, without Riku, Sora would have to resort to banging Kairi and no one wants that.

Except, you know, maybe Kairi. Her love life is pretty much none existent in this story, unless she feels like dating Tidus. Or Wakka. Or… ew. Anyway… what was my point again?

Author's Note II: In all fairness, this chapter should not be posted before Separate Lives, but my beta hasn't sent that chapter back yet. So. Here. Yeah. My system's screwed up because of you, Kari. Yes, you. You there sitting and looking innocent. Uh huh. I've got my eye on you.

Thanks to:

bOb the bUilder, manyissues101, Queen Le Fra Fra, MiKa Sasaki Chan, ThestralPhaelis, Neriad, Uuber, Yamato's Tiger Lily, ReverberatingSilence, DieChan, anon., LaDyPnAi, Rinoki Rio, Omnimalevolent, Kyllia Kakanto, SangoXKirara, Suwlan, neji, la la, §elphie, link's girl, Render Hellsing Zero, sephy's girl, hydrafang19, KHFanatic, co-cho, Toxic Gamer, sgt.crackers, Ravyn Masaki, Onirei Kirara, Sorceress Sakura, Laic, takenawayone, PureMindedNot, elementalalchemist331, Kairi, Slashy no Paloza, diane, you hurt my sora, you die..., ferenatical, KHlover, LitaStarr, The Plushie Bandit, Hunter Hatake, Zract, thunder sister, WhiteLightning, Ferenatical, ElfanGirl, Riku's-Kitsune-Mate, evline'sanger5, sinister hope, vicky, SilverEmerald-DAS, simonski32, The Six of Hearts, KyokiXKurama, ToysofLove, Insanehikari, RuN-Fr0m-h3r3, UTHorns600, superseifer, PSYCH0tic, Evil Chibi Kitten, AlmightyNano1, hYpErAcTivEcAkE, Spooky-Chan, LadyRhio, FREAKnLOSER, BLACKSHEEEP, cRoZx aNgeL, Blackasg, Weee, AmethystButterfly18, DevilsThrill, Haven-Hikari, SaraChris, Peppita-chan, Senrae, Kikei, gwertygwerty, Hiza-chan, KHdude, aoyagi, KruezTexture, Reiky, Pai Mei Lin, MooNBlaDeR, Darkness Rising, Korbin, HeyBlondieHowYouDoin, Jenni Kunoichi, She-Pirate, Ink2, XoBrYtToX, Moomba Luver 385, Tama-Kitsune, Lain of the Weird, silveryami, Queen of the Paperclips, animekittynyan, Shiakuu Hitome, cammy-world, Rise From Thy Ashes, Anukis-san, KittyBlue, RikuxSora, ChibiNekoSakura, Momochi Zabuza, Staryday, Riku's gurl, AirbenderSora, and Lili-Sama.

VERY IMPORTANT NOTICE! READ OR I WON'T UPDATE EVER AGAIN (KIDDING!)

Anyone who didn't get the lemon. There is one of two causes for this:

1. You put your email in your review. If you do that, takes it out so all it says is, 'here's my email: '. And I couldn't send it if I didn't know your email, could I?

2. I sent it to you, but for some reason, it was sent back to me or whatever. Emailing error or something. Either way, it's not my fault.

So, um, yeah. Sorry. 'Kay, so, since you missed what happened, I'll summarize: Sora lost his towel and his virginity. The end.

Date Begun: July 30, 2005

Date Posted: August 23, 2005

Chapter 15: I Used To Think I Had It Good

You're a salty water ocean wave

You knock me down, you kiss my face

I know the storms will always come

But I still love to have you around

Heaven knows what will come next

So emotional, you're so complex

A rollercoaster built to crash

But I still love to have you around

You're the one I want and it's not just phase

You're the one I trust, our love is the real thing

—Gwen Stefani's "The Real Thing"

Not many people knew this (okay, maybe that was a slight exaggeration. A great many people knew this), but Riku was very selfish. What they didn't know was just how selfish he truly was.

His only thought, as he disentangled himself from Sora and walked over to the camera to turn it off and stuff it into his daypack was that this was the only way. He'd had two choices: Not Make The Tape And Keep Sora Until The End Of The Week, or Make The Tape And Keep Sora Until The Dance.

And the longer he got to keep Sora, the better. Riku wasn't ready to part with the younger boy so soon. He didn't think he could stand it to see the horrified and betrayed look Sora would give him when he found out what had been going on. And since it had to happen anyway, he wanted it to happen later, rather than sooner.

Riku zipped up his daypack and stared out the window of the hotel. The sun was just starting to rise. They had a good two hours before they had to leave to go back home. That is, if they wanted to make it back in time for the bloodbath their mothers would put them through.

"Riku?" Sora said, sitting up in bed and rubbing his eyes. His voice was thick with exhaustion. "Where are you?"

Riku pushed his bag into the corner with his foot and sat down on the edge of the bed, pulling Sora into a hug – albeit a very tight one. Sora re-closed his eyes and snuggled up against Riku's chest.

"What time is it?" he asked with a yawn.

"Five in the morning," Riku answered, checking his watch. He traced patterns on Sora's back with his hand, then reached up to play with a lock of Sora's gravity-defiant hair. "You can go back to sleep if you want."

Sora smiled sleepily. "Not tired," he insisted, burying his head against Riku's chest and inhaling. "You smell like sex."

"Gee, I wonder why," Riku said sarcastically, pushing Sora back down onto the bed and pinning his wrists above his head. "Got any ideas, Sora?"

Sora shifted, grinning. "Guess what?"

"Hm?"

"I'm sore," the brunette replied calmly. "But…"

Riku traced a line from Sora's arm, along the side of his face, down his chest and towards his abdomen. "But what?"

"But I wouldn't be opposed to doing that again," Sora finished, shivering at the direction Riku's hand was going. He unpinned his wrists and caught the wandering hand. "Just, like, not now because I'm sore. And hungry."

Riku smiled and sat up, just staring down at Sora with a fond look on his face. Sora tilted his head to the side. "You look upset. What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Riku replied with a shake of his head. He got up and headed over to the door. "I'm going to go get us some breakfast."

"Riku…" Sora whined, not taking his eyes off the older boy. "Are you sure you're alright? Did I do something?" Sora's eyes widened. "Oh my god, I'm bad in bed, aren't I? I was afraid of that! I'll get better I promise! You must hate me now! Waaaah!" Sora dived under the sheets, his face burning with humiliation. "I'M SORRY!"

Riku stared at the lump on the bed blankly before it registered with him what Sora had just screamed. His lips twitched with the effort of not laughing. "Sora… you're not… I mean…" Riku bit his lip to keep a snicker from escaping.

Sora poked his head out from under the blanket, eyes shiny with tears. "Why are you laughing at me? You're not going to go find somebody else are you? Somebody with better… um… bed skills? Please say you're not going to do that…"

Sora looked so honestly upset that any urge Riku had to laugh was instantly forgotten.

"Sora, come on, don't cry," Riku said, going back to the bed and pulling Sora into his lap, blanket and all. "You're not bad in bed and I'm not going to find somebody with better bed skills. I wouldn't do that to you."

Sora didn't look convinced. "But… you looked so upset… I-I thought…"

"Shhh," Riku responded, kissing Sora lightly. He pulled away and smiled. "You just worry about not starving to death in the time it takes me to get to the food court and back."

Sora beamed. "Okay!"

-

Kairi was somewhat proud to say that she and Tidus had formed some kind of weird, twisted friendship. That, coupled with the fact that Riku and Sora hadn't been in school for two days, was her excuse for sitting with him.

Not that Tidus was making very good conversation. His eyes were riveted on a certain brunette sitting across the cafeteria.

"You know," Kairi pointed out as she sipped her Sprite, "you're the one who dumped her. So, this shouldn't really bother you."

'This' referred to the fact that the certain brunette, known to her friends as Selphie, was sitting on the lap of one Irvine Kinneas and was currently involved in a very intense game of tonsil hockey.

Tidus's left eyebrow twitched. "She looks like a total slut hanging off him like that. And I know Irvine. He's a playboy. He's going to dump her as soon as something prettier with a tighter ass comes along."

"Oooh," Kairi replied, pretending to fan her tongue. "Bitter."

"I'm not bitter."

"No, of course not," she said patronizingly. "Selphie looks so happy, doesn't she? Just look at that wide smile on her face. And, oh, Irvine's hand is up her shirt. That might be why she's smiling so much."

Tidus clutched his milk carton so tight it exploded, spraying milk all over him and Kairi. He, however, didn't notice that he'd completely ruined Kairi's brand new shirt. His eyes were still on Selphie.

"I can't believe she's letting him violate her like that. He has no respect for her at all," Tidus hissed. "I mean, god, they're practically humping each other in the middle of the friggen cafeteria!"

"Would you calm down? You don't have any claim on her. Selphie can do whatever she wants with whomever she wants now. She's no longer your doormat," Kairi said. "She is a liberated woman. She doesn't need you to make her happy – as if you ever could."

Tidus deflated a little, but he didn't stop looking angry. "I guess… but he still shouldn't be—HE'S UNHOOKING HER BRA FOR GOD'S SAKE!"

Kairi looked over at the busy couple. "So he is."

Tidus gave her a very dirty look, then picked up his chocolate pudding. "Not for long." Before Kairi could stop him, he'd thrown his pudding across the room – effectively getting both Irvine and Selphie covered in it – and had screamed out, "FOOD FIGHT!" before ducking under the table.

Kairi ducked a flying bowl of macaroni and cheese and followed Tidus under the table, glowering at the smug look on his face. "That was really mature."

"Yet extremely effective," Tidus said as he peeked out into the chaos. Selphie and Irvine were gone.

-

Riku knew, the moment he entered his house, that he was in trouble. He'd already walked Sora home and stayed to hold him while Seiya screamed bloody murder, then just as suddenly gave Sora a giant chocolate cake and begged his forgiveness for yelling at him in the first place. Sora'd eaten the entire cake by himself and fallen asleep on the couch before Riku decided to go home.

Ayumi was standing in front of him, arms folded and foot tapping. "Well? Explain yourself."

"Um…" Riku stammered. "I screwed Sora while I was gone."

Ayumi's eyes immediately lit up. "Oh, you did? That's wonderful! I always knew you two would make the cutest couple! I mean, he's just so adorable and girly and you're all hot and manly and the chemistry between you two is absolutely undeniable and—what the hell is that?"

Riku looked down to where she was pointing and winced. The video camera was sticking slightly out of his bag. "Er…"

Ayumi's shoulders slumped. "You didn't."

Rather than answer, Riku shuffled his feet and looked at the ground.

There was nothing but silence. After studying his feet for close to two minutes, Riku finally decided to look up. His head snapped to the side as he was slapped hard enough to make him slightly dizzy for a couple minutes.

"And I thought I'd raised you right," Ayumi muttered, saying every curse she knew, in as many languages as she knew. She threw up her hands and stormed into the kitchen, screaming expletives.

Riku rubbed his now-red cheek. Ayumi would definitely be cooking some giant concoction that took forever. She always cooked when she was pissed off. Strangely enough, that was when she did her best cooking.

Riku touched his cheek again, not really minding the pain. He was going to be hurting a lot worse in a couple of weeks.

"I'm sorry, Mom," he murmured as he passed the kitchen. There was a pause in the banging before it started up just as loud as before, complete with another expletive.

-

Directly after lunch, during eighth period math class, all hell broke loose.

"That was extremely mean, Mihada!" Selphie shouted, balling her hands into fists and glaring at the blond in front of her.

Tidus rolled his eyes. "Those of us with pure thoughts, minds, and eyes should not have to be subjected to any sexual misconduct in the cafeteria, Tillmet."

"Did your precious Kairi teach you all those pretty new words?"

"I'm not his precious anything—" Kairi interrupted, but no one was paying any attention to her.

"No, she didn't, but if you want, I'll find you a dictionary so you can understand the insult."

"Are you calling me stupid?

"Were you ever smart?"

"Why you—"

"Selphie, put down the math textbook!"

"Kairi, get out of the way! Let her hit me and then I can sue her ass for physical abuse!"

"Don't you talk to me about abuse, Mihada! I've got a whole year of abuse I could sue you for!"

"Oh, save it for the drama club!"

"BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP!"

Selphie and Tidus stared at Kairi as though she'd lost her mind.

"There's no need to yell," Tidus said curtly, narrowing his eyes. "We're not deaf."

"Honestly, Kairi. You're disrupting the class," Selphie hissed, pointing at the shocked, yet mildly interested students staring at the three of them.

Kairi felt an intense headache coming on. Thankfully, that's when the teacher chose to enter to begin the lesson so Tidus and Selphie were forced to take their respective seats – right next to one another – or risk having to serve detention.

Alone. Together. Not good.

And as the class was lost in a whirlpool of Pythagorean Theorems and triangles and SOCATOA and all the other complex terms usually associated with Trigonometry, Kairi rested her head on her desk and looked from one tense teen to the other.

Selphie was bent over her notebook, scribbling furiously and giving Tidus annoyed glares every once in awhile.

Tidus was busy constructing a football out of a piece of notebook paper, blatantly ignoring Selphie and her glares.

Kairi found herself longing for Sora's company. At least he had sense. Well, when Riku wasn't around, anyway.

She sat up straight in her seat. But, no. Sora didn't care about her anymore. He'd rather blindly throw himself at some boy he barely knew, rather than listen to the sage advice of his best friend. Which was okay, because Kairi was a pure, angelic person. She would never say 'I told you so,' not even when Riku eventually broke Sora's heart and left them shattered on the street.

Oh no. She would merely pick up the shattered pieces and glue them back together, one by one. Because that was what good friends did.

Good friends did not beat up their female best friends for merely suggesting they cool it with the human personification of a sex god.

Sora was not a good friend. She would just have to accept that. And she did. But she was his best friend whether he liked it or not, dammit, and he was going to let her take care of him when the time came.

And it would.

"Kairi," whispered a voice from in front of her and, since she sat directly behind Tidus, she had to assume that was him.

"Hm?"

"Has anyone ever told you that you need to practice your internal monologue? I can hear every word you're saying," Tidus continued, tossing his football at her forehead without turning around.

Kairi blinked at the intricately folded paper and picked it up, staring at it. Sora used to be fond of trying to teach her how to play football with nothing but the little piece of paper and their hands. She'd never been very good at it.

"Tidus," Kairi called quietly, her fingers closing around the paper. The blonde turned slightly in his seat to show he was listening. Kairi looked down. "Tomorrow at lunch… will you teach me how to play with this?"

There was a period of silence before he shrugged. "Whatever."

Kairi smiled.

Translation: Yes.

-

"There are laws against people like you," Sora said good-naturedly as he picked his backpack up off the floor and slipped it onto his back. That being done, he was suddenly trapped between the wall and Riku's very warm body. "Laws and movie ratings."

"Are you saying I'm not appropriate for children under the age of thirteen?" Riku asked, nipping playfully at Sora's ear.

"I'm talking NC-17," Sora responded, giggling and wrapping his arms around Riku's neck. If they continued on like this, they would be late for school, he was sure. And there was no way his mother would let him skip school again.

But. He wasn't sore anymore.

Riku raised an amused eyebrow. "I'm rated NC-17, hm? Well then. I should definitely live up to my rating." And then his hands were in Sora's jeans and little balls of white lights were exploding behind Sora's eyes.

"Oi! Boys! School, remember?" Seiya called, knocking on the bedroom door. "Get out of this house and go to school and grope each other there!"

"Alright, alright," Riku said reluctantly, pulling his hands out of Sora's jeans and re-zipping them. He looked at Sora intently. "But do know that I intend to have you some time before homeroom. And twice during lunch."

"Got it," Sora responded, cheeks bright, bright red.

Riku opened the bedroom door and allowed Sora to walk ahead of him although, Sora quickly discovered, this gentlemanly move was only because Riku wanted to grope his denim-clad ass.

Seiya shook her head. "Boys these days. So young and full of raging hormones." She simpered. "I just remembered. I'll never have grandchildren. Riku, can't you just let Sora, oh I don't know, impregnate Kairi on the side just so I can have one?"

Sora looked horrified. "Mom. Ew."

"I'm afraid that if Sora ever attempted to sleep with Kairi, he'd be castrated and she'd be mysteriously asphyxiated in her bed. You know. Mysteriously," Riku said with a cough. "Anyway, we're going to be late for pre-homeroom."

"Pre-homeroom?" Seiya asked, smirking. "You sure you don't mean, pre-homeroom sex?"

Sora's look changed from horrified to mortified. "Mom—"

Seiya held up a familiar box. "Condom?"

"Got one. Or two. Or ten. Bye, Mrs. Harada." Riku smiled brightly and ushered Sora down the stairs and out the front door before the cherry red brunette could even formulate a proper reply.

He was still stammering incoherently as they entered the school building and Riku steered him gently towards his locker. Riku had no need to go to his since he wrote all his notes for every class in the same notebook and they never really needed their textbooks anyway, but Sora, he'd noticed, always insisted upon bringing his with him.

Sora blinked rapidly, then seemed to realize where they were and gave Riku an apprehensive look. "T-ten?"

"Well, we have to be prepared and all. I know how insatiable you are," Riku said innocently, trying to hide his amused grin.

Sora squeaked an undignified reply and opened his locker, stuffing the books he would need into his backpack.

"Hey, isn't that Kairi? With Tidus?"

Sora looked up, glancing in the direction Riku was pointing in. And, indeed, Kairi and Tidus were standing outside first period English, in deep discussion. Well, Kairi was discussing. Tidus looked much like he wanted to slit someone's throat.

"…Since when are Selphie and Irvine dating?" Riku piped up again.

Sora looked in the direction Tidus was glaring and realized that the girl Irvine Kinneas had pinned to the wall was, in fact, Selphie.

Wow.

"Miss two days of school and this is what happens," Sora muttered as he pushed his locker closed. Although, if he was talking to Kairi—which he wasn't—he would have been all caught up on the latest gossip, as well as whatever they'd been talking about in class.

He suddenly found himself really wishing he'd just believed Kairi, just so they could still be talking.

Then Riku's lips were suddenly on his and Sora banished that thought from his mind with a flaming stick. Riku pulled away, smiling fondly. "Sorry. But you looked so cute, being all serious and thoughtful."

"Eheh. Thanks?"

Riku kissed him again. Sora tangled his fingers in Riku's hair and let himself fall backwards until his back was pressed up against the lockers—and, Riku was right, they did provide good leverage—and drowned in the kiss.

Riku pulled away, breathing heavily, and grabbed Sora's wrist. "Empty classroom. Now."

-

Oh, look. Kairi said mentally. Riku and Sora have finally decided to grace the school with their presence.

She would have said it aloud for conversational purposes, but she recognized that glow that Sora was giving off. That distinctly un-virginal glow. Oh yes. Sora and Riku had not been playing Parcheesi in the two days they were out.

Well, unless Parcheesi was the new hip word for sex. And, judging by how quickly Riku was heading into a nearby classroom and slamming the door, they were about to indulge themselves again.

There was no way Kairi was pointing it out to Tidus. Because she knew that the instant Tidus found out that Sora was… impure, then he'd want to collect a certain video tape that had to exist because Selphie was a generally reliable source.

And then…

Well. Okay, Kairi had no idea what Tidus planned to do with the video tape, but it was going to be bad. And she would figure it out. Eventually.

Thankfully, Tidus' attention wasn't on her—and never had been. He was more preoccupied with the face-sucking session going on a few feet in front of him. His mouth was curved into a thin line and he practically radiated jealousy.

Kairi took a giant step to the side. Jealous men tended to be very irrational and also tended to do stupid things. And he'd already stolen her first kiss and there was no way she was going to play sex toy for some Sora-obsessed, can't-make-up-his-mind, if-I-can't-have-her-then-neither-can-Irvine asshole.

"Are you ever going to get over them?" she asked from a safe distance.

Tidus turned his death glare on her. "What are you talking about? I am over them. It's just… the indecency of what they're doing… and where's the principal when you need him? Isn't it his job to break up stuff like this?"

If that were true, this wouldn't be the act he'd be concerned with, Kairi thought, her eyes darting towards the door of the occupied empty classroom.

"I suppose it is," she said in a noncommittal voice.

Tidus looked thoughtful for a moment. "Hey, Kairi?"

"Mhmm?"

"Who's that girl? The one who's the head of the drama club? Who had that crush on me a month ago?"

"Erm… Yuna Ananda?"

"Yuna. Right. Where would she be right now?"

Kairi stared at Tidus wide-eyed. "No. No way. You're not possibly thinking—"

"Thinking what?" Tidus asked innocently. "I'm just asking where I can find Yuna. Or, if you prefer, I could go for her blond cousin. What's her name? The perky one? Rikku?"

"I am going to kick you," Kairi threatened, shaking a fist, "if you dare use either of those girls to make Selphie jealous!"

"Well, why not? She's using Irvine for the same reason!"

"No, she's not! Is it so weird that she might actually like Irvine?"

Tidus looked offended. "Why like him when there's me?"

"THERE'S NOT YOU, YOU MORON! YOU DUMPED HER IN THE WORST POSSIBLE WAY AND NOW SHE HAS MOVED ON AND YOU SHOULD, TOO!" Kairi's foot connected with the soles of Tidus' Nikes. "Argh, you're so annoying! And self-centered! And—and—homeroom's starting! Move it."

Tidus barely had time to blink before she shoved him into their homeroom and pushed him into his seat and found hers on the opposite side of the room.

Selphie walked into the classroom, looking annoyingly fulfilled. She turned and blew a kiss to someone in the hallway. "See you later, Irvy."

Tidus watched her flounce into the seat in front of him with barely suppressed rage.

Irvy? IRVY!

"Selphie?" Tidus whispered in his most casual voice. "You know that girl? Yuna?"

Selphie tensed in her seat. "What about her?"

"What do you think about her?"

"Why do you care what I think?"

"I know thinking is a hard task for you, but…"

"I think she's fine. Very nice. And mature. Now, leave me alone."

"What about her cousin, Rikku?"

"What about her?"

"What do you think about her?"

"WHY DO YOU CARE!" Selphie asked, turning around in her seat, eyes narrowed.

Tidus blinked, looking confused. "What? I can't ask questions anymore?"

Selphie deflated and turned back around. "I think she's kind of irritatingly bubbly, okay? What about her?"

Tidus sat back in his seat, satisfied. "We're dating."

-

Riku and Sora were late for homeroom. In fact, they missed it entirely. It wasn't until mid-way through first period that they arrived at their designated classes, and even then, their teacher had taken one look at them, flushed, and told them to take their seats in a high-pitched squeaky voice.

Sora assumed it had something to do with the fact that his shirt was on backwards and his pants were still unzipped.

Or the fact that Riku was stuffing a used condom wrapper into his backpack.

Either way, Sora flushed and sat in the second-to-last row, hiding his face behind his books. Riku sat behind him, chuckling deviously under his breath.

"My report card is going to suck because of you," Sora whispered, not taking his eyes off the board.

"Right. The way I see it, now you can get your Fs without putting any real effort in." Riku whispered back, amusement lacing his tone.

Sora opened his mouth to say that he worked hard for those Fs and that Riku should shut up before Sora did bad things to him, but then Riku's tongue brushed along the sensitive skin behind his ear and he forgot how to breathe.

Satisfied, Riku sat back in his seat. "Lunch time?"

Sora could do little more than nod.

-

"I'm dating who with what now?" Rikku asked blankly. The cheery blonde had been quite absorbed in her student council activities. Yuna had put her in charge of selling tickets for the spring dance and she didn't want to disappoint.

However, news spread fast at the school and now everybody was whispering about the latest IT couple – Rikku and Tidus.

Apparently, no one had thought to inform Rikku that she was in a relationship, let alone with an extremely popular guy.

Yuna raised an eyebrow. "Well, everybody's talking about it, so I thought I'd get confirmation from you first. Are you dating Tidus Mihada or not?"

Do I look stupid? Rikku wanted to ask. She knew all about Yuna's year-long crush on Tidus. There was no way she was coming between that. Yuna wasn't just her cousin; she was her best friend. Rikku wasn't going to screw that up over some moderately attractive blond boy she didn't know very much about.

Rikku opened her mouth to express these thoughts out loud, but then a hand wrapped around her wrist and she was forcibly dragged into a nearby empty classroom. She turned and blinked.

"Uh… despite whatever you may have heard, I don't look at you that way," Rikku said immediately, folding her arms.

Tidus rolled his eyes. "I know that. Thing is, I kind of need you—"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Rikku interrupted, waving her arms. "This is really sudden, ya know? And, we barely know each other! I don't think it would be appropriate for us to engage in any such activities until a time when… when… well, at least a first date…"

Tidus stared at her. "You're insane, aren't you?"

"No," Rikku said, looking insulted. "Who told you that?"

Tidus shook his head, grinning despite himself. "No one. Listen, I meant I need you to do me a favor. A really big one." He expected more protests, but when none came, he continued hesitantly. "Well, you know Selphie Tillmet?"

"…Yes.," Rikku answered, folding her arms behind her head and giving him a thoughtful look. "Brunette? Usually cheerful? Doesn't like me? Dating you?"

"You got everything but that last part right. We broke up," Tidus explained quickly. "And now she's hanging off the arm of Irvine Kinneas, trying to make me jealous—"

"So you want to use me to make her jealous?" Rikku finished for him. "And exactly what's in this for me?"

Tidus blanched. He hadn't thought that far ahead. "Uh…"

Rikku held up two fingers. "Two conditions. One – you let me tell my cousin Yunie what's really going on between us. Two – you take her out on a date. She likes you, ya know."

"Sounds fair," Tidus replied, hoping that Yuna wouldn't be a total waste of an afternoon. He held out his hand. "Deal."

Rikku shook it. "Deal! So… Tidy," she said experimentally, wrinkling her nose. "This is weird."

Tidus tried not to twitch at the familiar nickname. "A deal's a deal."

"Yeah, yeah. See you at lunch, boyfriend," Rikku stated with a bright grin, flouncing out the door to talk to Yuna.

Tidus watched her go, trying not to think of how much she reminded him of Selphie. Or that he had a date with a girl he didn't know, but who had a crush on him. As if his life wasn't complicated enough.

"I wonder how long it'll take Kairi to find out about this…" Tidus muttered offhand, leaving the classroom as well.

-

Yuffie blinked as she stared at the two silent boys at the lunch table. "Okay, what happened?"

Leon was busy eating whatever it was on his plate, without even looking at it. A first. Cloud was busy reading a book. Another first.

Even Wakka, who had just arrived at the table after Yuffie, was shocked. "What's going on with them, ya?"

"I… think they had a lover's spat," Yuffie replied uncertainly. "But I'm not too sure, because they're always this quiet."

Wakka nodded his head in agreement and sat down next to Cloud, while Yuffie slid into the seat next to Leon. Wakka looked around. "Where's Tidus?"

"Who knows? He hasn't sat with us in days," Yuffie responded with a snort. "He's been hanging around with that Kairi girl and spying on Sora. I mean, I thought we were all in this together. I want to help. It's something to do. I bet he isn't even taking advantage of the fact that Kairi's the group slave."

"It wasn't even his idea to get back at Sora," Wakka said, pushing the brown goop around on his plate. "I'm not sure if the plan has changed or what."

"It hasn't," Leon spoke up, his first words all day. "Tidus is waiting for Riku to deliver the goods. He tried to back out, but we blackmailed him into it. Don't worry so much."

Yuffie pouted. "Well, you guys could at least let us in on everything once in awhile. This is my single source of entertainment."

"You need to find yourself a man," Cloud chipped in, turning a page in his book. "That's seriously pathetic."

Yuffie rolled her eyes and rested her head on the table. "So. I heard Tidus and Rikku Kudo are dating?"

"I heard that, too," Wakka said, continuing in his quest to make a giant mountain out of what was supposed to be beef stew. "I think he's on the rebound. I mean, Rikku and Selphie are a lot alike, aren't they?"

Leon snorted. "Except Rikku gets good grades and is on the Student Council and Selphie… well, doesn't and isn't. And she's dating Irvine Kinneas, who's just as bad."

Yuffie and Wakka stared at Leon incredulously. Since when did he keep up with the school gossip?

Leon noticed their stares and scowled. "They make out everywhere. It's impossible not to notice."

"Uh huh," Yuffie said disbelievingly, shrugging her shoulders. "Well, while I do think they were cuter together, they can date whoever they want to date. It's none of my business."

Leon and Cloud snorted simultaneously.

Yuffie pouted again. "Shut up."

-

"This is the teachers' lounge."

"I'm aware this is the teachers' lounge."

"We're not supposed to be in the teachers' lounge."

"I'm aware of that, too."

"Then why are we in the teachers' lounge?"

"Because I'm horny and this was closer than the storage closet on the second floor."

Sora turned and eyed his boyfriend warily. "We'll get detention if we get caught."

"We'd get detention if we were caught anywhere, considering that the school insists we practice abstinence." Riku shuddered at the very word. "Anyway, I came in here for a reason."

Sora gave up and trudged over to the table, beginning to clear it off. He wrinkled his nose. The teachers ate and worked on this table they were about to defile. Then again, Sora didn't like most of his teachers.

Riku hoisted himself onto the desk and yawned, brushing his hair out of his face. "So. Kairi."

Sora frowned. "You want to talk about Kairi now?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I do," Riku responded. "This relationship is not all about sex, you know. I might actually care about more than seeing you naked."

Sora blushed and hoisted himself up onto the desk, too, taking Riku's hand and intertwining their fingers. "So, what about Kairi?"

"Have you made up with her yet?" Riku asked, swinging their hands back and forth slightly. Sora stared down at their conjoined hands without speaking for a moment. Then he raised an eyebrow.

"You've been with me every day since the fight. Do you think we've made up?"

Riku leaned down and kissed Sora's forehead. "You should. I don't know what you were fighting about, but you guys were really good friends."

Sora let go of Riku's hand and scooted into his lap, wrapping his arms tightly around Riku's abdomen. He sighed. "She was trying to break us up."

"Oh," Riku said unemotionally.

"She kept saying that you were going to break my heart and make some kind of video tape and all kinds of stupid stuff."

"Oh."

Sora looked up at Riku, eyes bright. "But you aren't, right? She was lying, wasn't she? You wouldn't… you wouldn't do that to me."

"I…" Riku shifted uncomfortably and stared at a nearby coffee maker rather than at Sora. "I wouldn't."

Sora smiled, satisfied. "I know. Anyway, that's why I'm not talking to her. Because she said those lies about you. It's unforgivable." He made a face. "I hate being lied to."

Riku felt a warm wave of shame washing over him. He swallowed. "I-I think you should forgive her. Just this once."

Sora wrinkled his nose. "But—"

"Do it. For me?"

"Okay," the brunette agreed immediately. "But only because you forgave her first."

Riku smiled faintly and hugged Sora the slightest bit tighter. He didn't much feel like Doing It on the teachers' lounge table like he had originally planned, but he certainly didn't feel like going to lunch. The longer he avoided the Populars, the longer it would be until he had to fork over the tape.

Sora was going to hate him.

Fingers forced their way into his mouth at the corners and stretched his lips into a smile. "You look way too sad for somebody who's skipping lunch to cuddle with their boyfriend."

Riku pushed Sora hands away and laughed, leaning his head down to press a rare chaste kiss on Sora's lips. Sora grinned and pushed him back onto the table, straddling Riku's hips and pinning his wrists above his head.

"Who says you have to be seme all the time?" Sora asked, smirking.

Riku blinked, but made no move to get up. "Um, the height rule? The age rule? The experience rule? The sexiness rule?"

Sora bit Riku's neck gently as punishment. "There is no sexiness rule!"

"There should be," Riku replied, trying to keep his cool. "Either way, it all adds up to me being the one to take advantage of you."

"Huh. And yet I'm the one pinning you to a table. Funny how that all works out." Sora leaned down and kissed Riku fiercely and, when he pulled away, they were both breathless. His eyes sparkled mischievously. "Hey, Riku?"

Riku took a deep breath to try and regain his composure, but it was extremely hard to do with Sora shifting on top of him like that. "Y-yes?"

"Where are you most sensitive?"

You're sitting on it, Riku thought with a slightly cocky smirk. "Uh… I don't know. Nobody's ever taken the time to find out before."

Sora glanced at the clock on the wall. Twenty minutes.

Plenty of time.

-

A kick on the shins nearly sent Tidus stumbling forward. He didn't even have to turn around to know who it was. Instead, he let go of Rikku's hand and pressed the hand to his temple. "Hi, Kairi."

The redhead glared daggers at him. "You bastard."

"Hey! Don't talk about my Tidy that way!" Rikku protested, eyeing Kairi disdainfully. "And what's with the kicking? He could have been injured."

Kairi turned her glare on Rikku. "'Your' Tidy? He is not 'your' Tidy!"

Rikku looked confused. "I'm sorry… did you want him, too?"

Tidus hid his laughter in a coughing fit while Kairi turned red and sputtered for a moment, blinking rapidly.

Unable to understand the violent reaction she'd caused, Rikku furrowed her brow and looked at Tidus. "Did I say something wrong?"

"Oh no," Tidus said with a snicker. "You didn't say anything wrong. Kairi just hasn't come to grips with her attraction to me yet, is all. She's still blissfully in denial."

Kairi kicked him again, then grabbed Rikku's arm and tugged the girl a safe distance away. Rikku smiled in amusement.

"You're funny," she said, pushing a blond bang out of her face. "Are you always this overprotective of him?"

Kairi glowered. "Do you always let yourself get used like that?"

"Only when it benefits me in some way." Rikku responded, glancing over at Tidus. "I sway my hips and act like I'm totally head-over-heels and he gives Yunie what she's been wanting for months. It all works out."

"But he's in love with Selphie!"

"Yeah, and if making her jealous helps her see that, then all the better, right?" Rikku sighed. "Listen, I don't know you and you don't know me. I don't know Tidus or Selphie either. But I do know that the two of them… they've got something really complicated going on and if I'm helping to fix it, then I have no regrets. Can I go to lunch now?"

Kairi sighed as well. "What if you make it worse?"

"Then I'll fix it."

Rikku looked so serious about it that Kairi couldn't help but believe her. The redhead smiled slightly. "Okay, I trust you. But, for future reference, I don't want Tidus. We're just friends… in a manner of speaking."

"Got it. Now can I go to lunch?"

Kairi laughed and waved a hand dismissively. Rikku saluted her and ran back to Tidus' side, holding his hand again as they headed towards the cafeteria.

She's alright, Kairi thought. But Tidus is still an asshole.

-

Selphie was in a bad mood. An extremely bad mood. The kind of mood that made small children cry and ripped the wings off butterflies.

Sure, she was sitting in the lap of the Irvine Kinneas and, sure, he was trailing kisses along her collarbone. But she wasn't paying attention to that. Her mind was elsewhere.

Since when were Rikku and Tidus dating? Had Tidus just been pulling her leg, trying to see how she'd react? Although, she hadn't been able to keep her big mouth shut and now it was all over school. Not to mention she hadn't seen Tidus since that morning.

Were the rumors true or not? And if they were true, why Rikku? Tidus knew Selphie couldn't stand her!

"Babe, you seem tense," Irvine murmured from somewhere near her jaw. "Relax."

How could she relax when her ex-boyfriend had replaced her with some cheap, blond bimbo-esque knock-off?

She sighed. "I'm trying, but it's not working very well."

Her eyes flew to the cafeteria door as two people suddenly entered. Two very familiar people. Two very familiar who were holding hands and smiling and whispering and laughing and—

Rikku. Must. Die.

Selphie watched the couple make their way over to an empty table by the window, still speaking in hushed tones and laughing every so often, then watched as Kairi entered the cafeteria and sat down with them.

She seemed comfortable with this. As if she'd known about it. As if it'd been going on for a long time.

Kairi. Must. Die.

If Selphie was unable to relax before, she definitely couldn't now. If anything, her only thoughts involved two of her fellow schoolmates and a variety of deadly weapons under her control. Too bad, for some strange reason, murder was illegal in Japan.

She watched in irritation as Rikku pulled a piece of paper out of her backpack and folded it into a football, then handed it to Tidus, who seemed to be saying something to Kairi.

And Irvine's hand was up her shirt again. Selphie impatiently batted it away and scooted out of his lap. "I'm not in the mood right now."

"You'd rather glare daggers at your ex-boyfriend and company, even though they're not even looking in your direction?" Irvine asked, genuinely curious.

Selphie scowled. "Yes."

"To each his own." Irvine relented and turned to actually finishing his lunch rather than groping his girlfriend. Selphie ignored him in favor of watching Kairi try, unsuccessfully, to flick the football over the goalpost Tidus was making with his fingers.

This was not how it was supposed to go. Tidus was supposed to be burning with rage over the fact that she was now unavailable, that she wasn't pining over him anymore, and that she had moved on. He was supposed to be feeling even a small portion of the pain she'd gone through over the past few weeks.

And, considering Tidus hated Irvine due to Selphie once saying he was sexy about three months into their relationship, she'd figured Irvine was the perfect guy with which to make Tidus pay. Besides, she could enjoy herself in the mean time since Irvine was rumored to be – and was, in reality - a very, very good kisser.

Tidus was not supposed to be looking like Miss Mary Sunshine, playing paper football with his new girlfriend and his… friend? Well, whatever Kairi was.

It just wasn't fair.

Depressed, she sculpted her mashed potatoes into a mountain and sighed.

She blinked as a hand slid into hers and gave Irvine a confused look.

"Don't worry about it. He doesn't know what he's missing," the blonde said, releasing her hand and going back to his food.

Selphie smiled, feeling marginally better. Tidus didn't know what he was missing. And she was sick and tired of trying to show him.

-

A few minutes after the bell rang, signaling the end of lunch, two boys snuck out of the teachers' lounge. The shorter of the two looked very smug while the taller just looked exasperated.

"I got to be on top… I got to be on top… and you liked it…" Sora said in a sing-songy voice, the smug look increasing. "You looked so cute all flushed like that—"

"First of all, you were the one flushed and panting. Second of all, you were still bottomed, even if you were on top. Third of all," a smirk spread on Riku's face, "we have gym next. You think they'll let us use the same shower?"

Sora rolled his eyes. "Oh yeah, like I would really let you traumatize a locker room full of boys like that."

"You'd enjoy it," Riku protested devilishly.

"They wouldn't," Sora said flatly. "We're not doing anything in the shower. At all. We're going to use separate showers like the other nice straight guys and then you can grope me all you want when we're playing touch football. But only if we're on opposite teams."

Riku tried his best not to look sulky. "Yes, sir." He blinked for a moment. "Oh, hey, wait, remember what we agreed on!"

Sora gave him a blank look.

"I 'give you a ride', you mend things with Kairi. You promised."

"That was unfair! You asked me while you were… and I was… there were extenuating circumstances!"

"A deal's a deal. You promised," Riku insisted. "And if you don't, I'll never fuck you again."

Sora stared.

Riku smirked and relented. "…Well, only on Wednesdays… and Thursdays… and all the other days ending in a Y…"

Rolling his eyes, Sora turned and headed down the hallway, on his way to the gymnasium. "Fine. Next time I see her, I'll—oof."

"Will the wonders never cease? Hello, Kairi," Riku said, reaching out an arm to keep Sora from stumbling and falling. "What a pleasure to see you this beautiful afternoon."

"And where have you two been all day?" Kairi asked flatly, gathering her books. "And for the last two days? Sora's been nice and deflowered on camera by now, hasn't he?"

Sora scowled and opened his mouth, presumably to tell Kairi off, but Riku's hand covered his mouth and prevented him from doing so.

The white-haired boy smiled patiently. "Well. Sora's been deflowered, at least."

"Congratulations. And I'm late for History, so—"

Riku gave Sora a meaningful look and removed his hand, jogging ahead to tell the gym teacher that Sora would be a little bit late(er) to class.

Sora watched him go for a moment, then sighed, looking back at his ex-best friend. She was busy brushing invisible dirt off the ends of her skirt. He sighed again.

"Look, Kairi—"

Kairi put up her hand. "Save it. We obviously don't see eye to eye where Riku is concerned, so why even bother?" She shook her head sadly. "I don't even feel like I know you anymore. I mean, you tried to beat up a girl."

Sora flushed. "You tried to beat me up first!"

"Did not."

"Did too! You tackled me!"

"Because you threatened to tell about my dream!"

"Because you threatened to tell about my embarrassing childhood!"

"That's only because you were being a snothead!"

"Snothead? Oh, wow, that's mature."

"What do you know about being mature, Sora?"

"One word. Deflowered."

Kairi rolled her eyes. "Wow. I'm so impressed. You lost your virginity to a PORN FILM MAKER!"

"A porn film maker who's forcing me to make things right between us!" Sora snapped. He paused a moment. "Wait. HE IS NOT A PORN FILM MAKER!"

"As much as I'd like to continue this stimulating conversation, I'm extremely late for class. Have fun with your porn star boyfriend."

Sora scowled. "You have fun with your relationship screw-up of a best friend. Let's see how long it takes Tidus to make you cry."

"And how long it takes Riku to make you do the same thing," Kairi hissed back, none too kindly. "Goodbye, Sora."

Sora watched her storm off indignantly, a frown on his face. He knew exactly what she was going to do now. She'd seethe quietly for a few hours, refusing to talk about it, then finally come clean over a pint of ice cream – preferably from Baskin Robbins. Then she'd feel guilty for the way she acted, whether the fight was her fault or not, but never guilty enough to actually apologize.

He sighed and started heading towards his own class, feeling a sudden urge for Baskin Robbins ice cream.

-

"So. About your date with Yunie," Rikku said as she flipped through her history textbook. The teacher had disappeared behind a newspaper after giving them an assignment to pair up into groups of three and pick one interesting fact about the American Revolution.

Kairi wasn't being much help. She hadn't done anything more than growl and grunt ever since she'd entered the room, so it was up to Rikku and Tidus to find a fact. Luckily for them, Rikku was acing the class.

Tidus tried to look more excited than he felt. "Can't wait."

"Well, you don't have to," Rikku replied. "I'm throwing a house party on Saturday night since my parents are gone for the month. You can take Yunie to it."

Curious despite himself, Tidus raised an eyebrow. "Your parents are gone for the month?"

"Yeah. They're archaeologists and they're off on expedition again," Rikku explained, shrugging. "They always leave for long periods at a time and they're barely ever home. Whenever I get too bored or lonely, I throw a party and Yunie helps me clean up afterwards."

"Oh. Where have they gone to this time?"

"Egypt. They want to go check out the pyramids and stuff." Rikku chewed the end of her pen thoughtfully, her bright green eyes searching the page. "I went to Egypt when I was nine. They couldn't get a nanny in time and I was too young to stay by myself. It was really hot there, but I got to bring back a whole bunch of stuff. I keep them in my room."

Tidus propped his head up with his arm, smiling. "Well, maybe I can check them out some time."

Rikku raised an eyebrow. "Last time I checked, this was a fake relationship."

Even Kairi had to snicker at that.

Tidus flushed. "That was not what I meant. I meant that maybe you could show me the Egyptian stuff. Not, you know, your bedroom. I wasn't even thinking that way."

"Of course you weren't. Now, how about the fact that the revolutionists dressed up as Indians to dump tea in the Harbor during the Boston Tea Party. That's pretty interesting." Rikku pointed at the page in the textbook. She blinked, then looked at Kairi. "Oh! Excuse my rudeness. You can come to the house party, too."

Kairi scooted her seat forward and smiled a bit. "Sure, okay. I don't have anything better to do, anyway. Maybe I'll even stay after and help you clean up."

"If you want," Rikku said with a shrug as Tidus copied down the fact into his notebook. "Yunie and I can handle it though.

"I'll stay after, too," the blonde volunteered. "It might be fun."

Rikku laughed. "When is cleaning ever fun? But, it'll take less time if we all help out, I guess." She jotted down the fact into her notebook and passed the textbook to Kairi. "So, what had you so upset earlier?"

Kairi scowled. "Got in a fight with someone I used to know. No big deal."

"If it was no big deal, you wouldn't have been in a bad mood for twenty-five minutes afterwards," Rikku pointed out. She winced at Kairi's glare. "Sheesh. Sorry I asked."

Tidus mouthed 'PMS' in Rikku's direction, whistling innocently when Kairi turned her death glare on him. Rikku bit her lip to keep from laughing and looked down at the desk.

Taking a deep breath to regain her composure, Kairi fixed violet eyes on Rikku. "So, who else is coming to your house party?"

"Who isn't?" Rikku countered with a laugh. "Everybody always comes, whether I know them or not. Freshman, sophomores, juniors, seniors, even people from other schools. They just all know my ground rules – if they break something, I release the asp I keep in my basement."

Kairi and Tidus stared.

"Okay, I don't really keep an asp in my basement. It's really just a garden snake. But they don't know that."

The staring continued.

Rikku frowned. "What?"

"Oh, nothing," Kairi said with a cough, averting her eyes.

Rikku shrugged. "Anyway, I told Yuna you're taking her to the house party so you're taking her to the house party. That's okay, right?"

"What does it matter? I don't have a choice do I?" Tidus asked, resting his head on the desk.

"Well, no, but if you don't want to take her to the house party, you don't have to. You could always take her somewhere more private. I mean, that part's up to you," Rikku clarified, twirling her pen around in her hands. "I'm not totally heartless."

"Unlike some people."

Tidus ignored the pointed glare he was getting. "Shut up, Kairi."

"Yeah, whatever," Kairi replied, muttering 'bastard' under her breath.

-

"Let's play a game," Cloud said, turning around in his seat. They were in Trigonometry, but their teacher had gotten an urgent phone call and had dashed off to the office, leaving the class to their own devices.

Leon, who had engrossed himself in tapping his pencil against his notebook, raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

"Because I want to play a game," Cloud replied as if it should have been obvious.

Leon scowled at him. "Well, I don't."

"Too bad." Cloud rested his elbows on Leon's desk and rested his head on his hands. "This game is called Word Association. It's supposed to be very telling. All psychiatric and shit."

"Fascinating."

"Anyway, I say a word, and you say the first word that comes to mind. Usually, an evaluation would follow the game, but I'm your boyfriend, not your psychiatrist."

Leon snorted.

"Ready?" Cloud didn't bother to wait for an answer. "Okay, er… telephone."

Silence.

"Basketball?"

Silence.

"Window?"

Silence.

"LEON!"

Silence.

Cloud glared. "If you don't play, I'll… I'll… I'll…"

"Finish a sentence?" Leon suggested with a the slightest hint of a smile on his face. Cloud decided to resort to extreme tactics.

Leon blanched as Cloud's eyes suddenly became wide and watery.

"Please, Leon… think of how it could benefit our relationship… and it's just a game… I mean, you love me, right?"

When Leon hesitated to answer, little tears gathered in the corners of Cloud's eyes.

Damn.

"Fine. I'll play your stupid game," Leon said flatly, scowling again. Cloud's tears instantly dried up and he beamed.

"Good. Now. Telephone?"

"Nuisance."

"Violence?"

"Fun."

"Sex."

"Cloud."

Cloud smirked. "Sex with Cloud?"

The glare on Leon's face forced him to move on.

"Okay, uh, problem?"

"Meditation."

"Communication."

"Headache."

Cloud imitated a buzzer. "The correct answer was 'the key to a healthy relationship', but thanks for playing."

"I didn't know you could have a wrong answer in Word Association," Leon said flatly. "And what was your point, anyway?"

"There was no point. I was just bored." Cloud ducked the pencil Leon threw at him and rolled his eyes. "God, you're so violent. I feel sorry for your future husband—oh, wait, that's me."

Leon blinked blankly. "…You're my future husband…?" he echoed in confusion.

"Well. Yeah." Cloud gave Leon a 'duh' look. "Were you planning on marrying somebody else?"

"…No…" Leon said, still sounding confused. He really hadn't been thinking about marriage at all. His main focus over the last few days had been how to ask Cloud whether their relationship meant more than tons of, albeit good, sex.

He didn't know Cloud had been thinking so far ahead. The thought was kind of… warming.

"Oh my god," Cloud suddenly whispered. "Oh my god. We're all going to die. Leon is smiling. And in public."

Leon put a hand to his mouth and blinked. He was smiling. He quickly frowned before anyone noticed and raised an eyebrow at Cloud's relieved look.

"Idiot," he muttered with a hint of affection.

Cloud smiled. "But I'm your idiot."

True. Very true.

The teacher returned to the classroom, making her embarrassed apologies and drowning the class in equations and triangles.

Cloud glanced over his shoulder briefly. "Going to that house party on Saturday?"

"Are you?" Leon whispered back, keeping his eye on the teacher.

"Well, Tidus is going. Yuffie and Wakka are going. Aerith's going. It might be fun."

Leon shrugged. "So we'll go. Not like we have anything else to do."

"Cool."

That decided, Cloud gave Leon a small grin and turned back to the lesson that he hadn't been paying attention to.

-

Sora tried valiantly to ignore the boy currently suckling his earlobe. It was a very hard task indeed. He and Riku were at Sora's house, curled up on the couch, watching Scary Movie 3. Well, Sora was watching. Riku's mind was elsewhere.

"Have you heard about this videotape?"

"The one where they do it on the boat and then in the car and then in the bathtub? And he's like, "Hey, baby, I love you" and she's like "Where are we?" And did you see the size of his...?"

"No. Not that tape."

"I think I've seen that tape," Riku murmured, dipping his head down lower and swirling his tongue along Sora's collarbone. The brunette tensed up, shifting on Riku's lap and whimpering.

"Ri-ku, I love this movie," Sora protested, his breath hitching as Riku's hand slid under his shirt and ran over his stomach. "I'd like to watch it, please."

Riku ignored him in favor of pulling Sora closer and pressing feather light kisses along the side of his face. Sora would have relaxed, had Riku's free hand not slipped into his shorts.

He jumped up. "Riku! The movie! Would it hurt to actually watch a movie for once?"

"It'd hurt my pride," Riku said in a defeated voice. "And my libido."

Sora rolled his eyes and stomped over to the other side of the couch, sitting down and drawing his limbs as far away from Riku as possible. He turned his head back to the movie resolutely.

"I'm looking for something more than just good sex."

"I know. You want commitment."

"No, I want great sex."

"Me, too, Blondie," Riku muttered, giving Sora a wistful look. The brunette pointedly ignored him. "Do we have to watch this? You've already seen it thirteen times."

"I—" Sora looked confused. "How did you know that?"

Riku stuck out his tongue and looked at the television, ignoring Sora completely. Sora puffed up his cheeks indignantly, narrowing his eyes at Riku. How dare Riku use his own weapon against him! It was just plain cruel!

A grin spread on Sora's face. Two could play that game.

"Ri-ku," Sora said in his most sultry voice, scooting over to Riku's side of the couch and tracing patterns on Riku's thigh. "Why're you ignoring me, Riku? Don't you want to… play?"

Riku gave Sora a glare, but it was obviously strained. Sora tried not to grin.

"Come on, Riku. I'm ready, willing, and waiting. Don't you want to wrap me up in your big strong arms and have your way with me?"

Riku bit his lip and stared at the television, trying to keep up with the movie. An old man was on the screen talking to the blond girl. Focus on the old man and the blond girl.

"We loved our daughter very much, but she was evil. Made the horses crazy. Killed our puppies. Hid the remote. Really sick shit. My wife took her to the old family farm and drowned her in the well. I felt a simple time-out would have been sufficient."

"SHIT!" Riku shouted, his head snapping around to look at Sora. For someone who had a hold on a very important part of Riku's anatomy, he sure could look innocent.

"Something wrong, Ri-ku?" Sora asked sweetly. "Let's talk, hmmm?"

Riku went cross-eyed briefly. "…nnnergh…"

"How'd you know I've seen Scary Movie 3 thirteen times?" Sora asked, a smug expression on his face for the second time that day.

"Y-your mother told me…" Riku said in a strained voice, clamping his eyes shut. And then it was over. His eyes flew open to see that Sora had retreated to the other end of the couch and was now thoroughly engrossed in the movie once again.

Riku scowled. "What are you doing?"

"Um," Sora blinked in confusion. "Watching a movie?"

"All the way over there?" Riku ground out.

"Um. Yes?"

"Why?"

"Because you can't keep your hands to yourself, of course."

Riku found this to be completely unfair considering he was not the one who'd been putting his boyfriend through sweet torture moments before. He clenched his teeth and growled. "Sora…"

"Hm?"

"Come here."

"…That's okay. You look like you need a nice long nap first," Sora said with a sweet smile. "I'll just be right over here with the—eep! Riku! Let go! The movie! What if Mom hears us?"

Sora's protests fell on deaf ears as Riku grabbed his arm and dragged him up the stairs to the bedroom, grumbling about teases and sexual frustration.

Seiya smiled happily at them as they passed her on their way to relieve Riku's current frustrations. "Have fun, boys! I'll turn up the stereo!"

"Thanks," Riku called, slamming the bedroom door shut.

-

"Hey," Sora observed two hours later as he pulled on a pair of boxers. Riku was laying stark-naked on his bed, humming something that sounded suspiciously like 'Bad Touch' by the Bloodhound Gang. "We only used up three out of ten condoms. Are you holding back or something?"

Riku smirked, rolling onto his stomach and pulling the covers up over him. "Trust me, Sora. If I were to unleash the full power of my sexual appetite on you, you would be walking bowlegged for the rest of your life."

Sora rolled his eyes. Riku never ceased to amaze him with his brash overconfidence and general love for anything relating to sex. He pulled a shirt on over his head and gave Riku an exasperated look.

Riku merely smiled. "Yes…?"

"Nothing. You're amazing," Sora said with another roll of his eyes.

"I know." Riku replied smugly, patting the bed next to him. "Now, come here."

"Put some clothes on and maybe I will."

Riku sighed as if the very effort would cost him his life and sat up, grabbing his previously discarded boxers and slipping into them before flopping into bed again. "Okay. So, come here."

"Fine," Sora said, knowing that was the best he was going to get. He walked over to the bed and slid beneath the sheets, smiling as the older boy's arms snaked around his waist. He allowed Riku to give him a slow kiss, then buried his face against Riku's neck. "Hey…"

"We'll use up the rest of the condoms tomorrow, Sora. Stop worrying about it."

Sora bit Riku lightly in retaliation. "Not what I was going to say. I was going to ask you… what your favorite color was."

"Blue," Riku responded, running his fingers through Sora's hair.

"I'm more of a red person, myself. But blue's nice. I guess," Sora said, wrinkling his nose. "Oh, when's your birthday?"

"March 30. And, before you even ask, I'm an Aries."

Sora's cheeks turned pink. "I wasn't going to," he protested, even though he was. "Although… aren't you going to ask me…?"

"July 17. Cancer," Riku rattled off. "Go to sleep."

Sora pulled himself out of Riku's arms slightly to give the older boy an incredulous look. "How do you know—?"

Riku pulled him back again. "Shh. Sleep."

"But—"

"Shh."

"You—"

"Shh."

"Riku—"

"Sora, if you don't go to sleep, I'm going to use up the rest of those condoms right now and laugh at you when you try to sit down at school tomorrow."

The brunette pouted. "Excuse me for trying to get to know the guy I'm sleeping with better."

"Don't you think you should have done that before the initial deflowering?" Riku yawned, closing his eyes.

"No, because then I was busy avoiding you because you wouldn't fess up to your true feelings for me! Speaking of which…" Sora looked as cute as humanly possible. "Say it."

"Ugh." Riku looked down at Sora and cupped the younger boy's face in his hands. "Sora, I love you. I did love you before, I love you now, and I will love you tomorrow when I strangle you for keeping me up all night."

His anger dissolved as Sora beamed at him in a sickeningly heartwarming way. He groaned.

"I take it back. I hate you. I hate you so much," Riku muttered as Sora leaned forward and kissed his cheek.

"Aww, I love you, too, my wittle Riri—oomph!" Sora's eyes narrowed as he pulled the pillow off his face and glared at Riku, who had rolled over and was now attempting to go to sleep with his back to Sora.

"Shut up and go to bed," Riku said, grabbing the pillow Sora threw back at him and putting it under his head.

Sora pouted. "That wasn't nice. We were having a moment and you had to go and ruin it."

Silence.

"Riku…?" he tried again, prodding Riku's shoulder.

Silence.

"Stop ignoring me!" Sora demanded, whacking Riku on the arm as hard as he could.

Silence.

Frustrated, Sora lay down, his arms folded, sulking. Riku was sleeping peacefully, an easy task once he'd stopped listening to Sora's babbling. Sora, on the other hand, wasn't the least bit tired. After a few long minutes of trying to sleep, Sora rolled out of bed and, shooting Riku's sleeping form one last dirty look, stomped out of the room and down to the kitchen.

Seiya was already waiting, a glass of milk in her hand. Sora gratefully took the milk from her, pleasantly surprised to see that it was already warm. He grinned. "Thanks, Mom."

"No problem. I could hear you guys talking," Seiya replied, sitting back down at the table and picking up her crossword puzzle.

Sora looked incredulous. "What have you got? A bionic ear?"

"No." Seiya tapped her pencil against a vent. "I've got air vents."

Sora sat down at the table and sipped his milk. "There's something sick – and illegal – about listening to your son have sex via air vents. Is there some deep, dark secret you're not telling me, Mom?"

"Right," Seiya said with a snort. "Trust me, if I was suddenly going to be a pedophile, I'd be hitting on Riku, not you."

"I didn't need to know that," Sora muttered, taking another sip. "Is that why you were listening at the air vents?"

"No, I was sitting here doing a crossword puzzle when these moans and groans started up. At first I thought the house was falling down, but then I heard the squeaking of the bedsprings from upstairs and figured you two were going at it," Seiya explained. "Then the conversation started up, and once Riku started ignoring you, I knew you'd come down here for some milk."

Sora hummed in understanding. Whenever he couldn't sleep, he always went for a glass of warm milk. Whenever Seiya couldn't sleep, she did a crossword puzzle.

Which reminded him. "Hey, Mom, what are you doing up, anyway? What's wrong?"

Seiya stared pointedly at her crossword. "What's an eight-letter word for someone who's nosy?"

"Busybody," Sora answered without hesitation. "But now you're changing the subject."

"And you're being an eight-letter word for someone who's about to be hit in the head with a crossword puzzle," Seiya said sweetly.

"Is it about Dad?"

"Maybe."

"And his hospital bills?"

"Maybe."

"And—ouch!" Sora picked up the book of crossword puzzles that had just hit him in the face and stuck his tongue out at his giggling mother. "That's it. I'm sending a handwritten plea to the Bureau for Child Welfare."

"Yeah, and then they'll relocate you to a foster home and you'll never screw Riku again," Seiya responded, grabbing her crossword and going back to work.

Sora sighed. "Aw, damn."

-

Girls: -giggling-

Slashy: What's everybody looking at?

Kairi: We looked up Sora and Riku's profiles in your astrology book. Listen to this: 'Aries Man – Aries men are in love with love. The appeal is in the art of romance and the thrill of the chase, not your charming smile. Some astrologers compare an Aries man to a knight in shining armor. However, you are just as likely to get run down by his charging steed as scooped up in a pair of loving arms.'

Girls: -giggle more-

Selphie: You think that's bad? Listen to Sora's. 'Cancer Man – The first thing you'll notice is his genuine, and adorable, smile. The Cancer man is sweet, chivalrous, and has a wonderfully off-beat sense of humor that can be downright loony. You may see an ideal mate, but what you get is an ideal stalker. In bed, he is tender, but so passive that you'll soon tire of always being on top.'

Slashy: Pfft. Not where Riku is concerned.

Boys: -snickering-

Slashy: What now? -walks to the next room- What're all of you looking at?

Tidus: The girls think that book is bad? You should see what it says about them in the astrology book for which this fanfiction is titled.

Leon Seriously, man, stop talking like that.

Tidus: Sorry. Anyway, -clears throat- 'When it is time to hit the sheets, remember Aries is the sign of passionate action. So don't say you are ready to screw your brains out unless you are ready at the exact moment you consent. Wearing Velcro-fastened clothing will save your shirt as your Ram leaps from across the room to rip it from your body.'

Cloud: Sweet.

Tidus: And then there's Sora's: 'This sign takes a bit of work to turn on, but once under that down comforter, you are liable to have your socks blasted off. Crabs are not overtly into sexual escapades. However, they are willing participants if you take the role of teacher and tell him or her you can make all those romantic fantasies come true'.

Leon And you think you know a guy.

Tidus: I wonder if Sora's read this book.

Sora: -comes out of Slashy's bedroom in nothing but a toga made out of sheets- I've read it five times. -heads to the kitchen-

Slashy: …Sora, what are you doing with my whipped cream?

Sora: -walks over to boys and grabs book, flipping through the pages- 'Your Ram won't be shy about vocalizing his preferences under the covers and will expect you to do the same. Feel free to suggest anything that pops into your head. Few signs will be as eager to try something new and only Gemini can get kinkier'. –hands book back to Tidus- I'm hungry so Riku figured we could kill two birds with one stone. Now, if you'll excuse me. –walks back to bedroom and slams door-

Slashy: You're doing my fucking laundry, Harada!