CH5

It only took Gir a few seconds to find his helpless master and not a moment too soon as far as Zim was concerned. The little red eyed robot flew at Patrick, smashing the boulder he held over his head. Patrick stood there in dismay as tiny pebbles rained down on his head and suddenly he began to cry.

"My home! You broke my lovely little home!"

Zim staggered slowly to his feet, carefully retracting his metallic arachnid limbs. The first thing he noticed was that one of his spider legs was sorely bent out of shape and he needed to shove it back into place.

"Oh that's gonna leave a mark," he complained aloud as he began to examine the rest of the damage Patrick had done to him. He then noticed the starfish was crying like a baby.

"See what happens when you dare to confront a great warrior such as me?" Zim boasted forgetting about his pain. "I never lose in a fight, my strategy is cunning I am an unbeatable opponent; I AM ZIM!"

Gir then landed on his feet next to Zim and began to tightly squeeze his great and mighty leader. "I'm so glad I saved you master!"

"Gir, Gir, let go of me," Zim struggled to breathe. "You're crushing me."

Gir quickly let go of Zim and began to tell him of all he had been doing while they had been apart. "I saw a squirrel who was wearing a space suit, and she was jumping like this, and yelling 'hi-ya' all the time. It was very interesting."

"No Gir," Zim lectured. "You didn't see a squirrel. Squirrels are land creatures, and they certainly don't know karate."

But the moment he said that, a huge moon boot came from nowhere, crashing squarely into his chest and knocked him back to the ground.

"I stand corrected," he humbly admitted staring up at the flowery clouds.

"Look at it!" Squidward recoiled at the sight of Zim. "It's a hideous alien!"

Zim desperately tried to stand to his feet and at least make an attempt to convince everyone he was no alien. "No, no I'm no hideous alien…I'm a normal aquatic sea creature just like you. Hey, wait a second…who are you calling hideous? You're not so hot looking yourself you know." Just then Spongebob came running up to join his friends. He was obviously carrying something behind his back.

"What took you so long?" Sandy stood there giving the sponge an impatient glare, tapping her foot in the sand.

"I wasn't going to go into battle without this…" suddenly Spongebob pulled out a large spray can that was nearly as big was he was with the words 'ROBOT AWAY' printed on the label. "…my economy size can of robot repellent!"

Immediately he began spraying Gir with the can, only to have Gir yank it out of his hands and began spraying under his arm pits like it was deodorant, and then sprayed it directly into his face with his eyes wide open. Gir then began to leap around yelling and screaming for joy, "YEA! It burns!"

"Tell me something you midget sized Marian," Squidward mocked. "Did coming down here break you robot, or has he always been like this?"

"No, he's always been like this;" Zim sadly admitted then nervously added. "Oh but no, he's not a robot and I'm certainly NOT a Marian, I'm just a nice, normal average sea creature."

"Well if yer a sea creature," Sandy asked suspiciously, "Just what are you?"

Zim could feel himself begin to sweat as he desperately tried to think of a lie. "I…am a…mackerel…and I was-s-s-s…caught…in a…fish-er-man's-s-s net…an-n-n-d…a….I escaped…and-d-d-d…a…this is how-w-w…I…c-c-c-ame out." He then dropped his head in shame and looked up pitifully at them, hoping someone would believe his sad story.

"You're pretty big for a mackerel aren't you?" Squidward remarked suspiciously.

"Why yes," Zim's prideful demeanor suddenly returned. "Yes I am."

"Well that doesn't explain why you have a robot," Spongebob argued still unwilling to believe Zim's made up story.

"Oh, well you see, um, he's my pet…um, sardine. Yeah…" he paused long enough to see if so far this much of the story made sense; if not to them then at least to him.

"…and he…got himself…canned…an-n-n-nd we don't know…how to get him out." He stopped right there and held his breath, silently congratulating himself for coming up with such a clever pack of lies. Suddenly everyone he was trying to convince lowered their defenses as they came to believe his stories.

"O-o-oh," they unanimously said at the same time. Then Sandy walked up to him and gave him a hearty slap on the back.

"Well all that makes perfect sense to me. Welcome to Bikini Bottom! This here is Squidward, and that's Patrick over there picking up what's left of his house; and this is my best friend Spongebob!"

"Yes, yes, yes, greetings to you all, my name is Zim," he impolitely brushed her off. "Now please tell me, where would I find a package that was sent here by mistake?"

"Have you checked the post office?" Squidward rudely mentioned.

"Post office aye?" Zim's red eyes glowed with delight. "You fools! Once I have my anti-gravitation apparatus, not even your precious under-water-world will be safe! HA-HA-HA-HA!" He then jumped on Gir's back. "Gir, take me to this post office at once!"

He then paused and humbly asked for directions. "Where exactly is this post office?" Everyone in the group began yelling over each other as they each started giving him their own directions to get there but all of this was getting Zim very confused.

Finally Sandy drew him a map. "Here, this will get you there in no time."

"Thank you female squirrel who should be living in a tree on dry land," Zim gratefully accepted Sandy's map then quickly returned to his arrogant self. "You fools! Once I have my anti-gravitation apparatus…"

"You already said that," Squidward reminded him in an annoyed tone.

"Oh yeah, I forgot," Zim then turned his attention back to Gir who's eyes now glowed bright red.

"Follow this map to the post office Gir!" and in a flash the robot's jets were once again ablaze and together they took off in a rush.