CH6
Zim and Gir literally burst the door down as they flew into the Bikini Bottom post office. "Give me my anti-gravitation apparatus this instant!"
"We don't actually know what's in the mail sir, we just deliver it;" a fishy postal worker snootily commented to Zim. Then suddenly a voice could be heard coming from the back of the post office.
"Hey Bill, Mrs. Grouper is sending some of her famous algae cookies to her nephew again."
The postal worker who had been talking to Zim then turned around and yelled back at the voice, "Save some for me; hey I know, we can eat them while we're watching those foreign films somebody sent to Pearl Krabs yesterday."
He then turned his attention back to Zim, "Besides you have to take a number and have a seat like everyone else sir," the fishy postal worker rudely explained.
"Oh, very well," a frustrated Zim stood on his tip-toes and reached for a numbered ticket and quietly found a secluded seat. He looked at his ticket to see its number, -275. Then he looked at the ticket counter to see what number was currently being served, -05.
He sighed and rolled his eyes; Zim then noticed Gir was busy playing on his portable 'game-buddy'.
"Gir!" Zim harshly snapped his robot's name but got no response other than a gruff grunt to let him know Gir didn't appreciate being interrupted when he was playing his game.
"Gir!" he put his hands on his hips and angrily repeated.
"What!" Gir threw a temper tantrum by stomping his foot on the ground.
"Switch that over to two player mode, we're going to be here a while." Zim then held out his hand and demanded the game-buddy. "Give it to me Gir, you know I'm ALWAYS player one."
After a long wait Zim's number was finally called. He stood up and winced a bit, feeling the blood rush back into his butt he walked slowly to the window.
"May I help you sir," the same fishy postman solemnly asked behind the window.
"Yes," Zim tried his best to sound pleasant and unassuming. "I'm here to pick up a package that was sent here by mistake."
"O…K…" the fishy postman responded dryly. "If it was a mistake, then how do you know it was sent here?"
"My robot, umm, I mean my pet sardine is certain that it's here," Zim tried to explain without telling more than he should.
"Fine…" the postman huffed not really listening to any of Zim's story. "What's the name on the package?"
"Zim," he spoke his name with great pride.
"Zim…what?" the fishy postman impatiently asked.
"Hmmm?" for a moment Zim didn't understand the question. "Oh I understand this question you are asking me now; the name on the package will be just Zim."
"Just Zim?" the fish rudely mocked.
Feeling more than just a bit offended, Zim repeated. "Just Zim? Humph, once I have my package you'll live to learn that the name Zim needs nothing else. Zim and Zim alone is equivalent to destruction, doom and death!"
"Well if you're name is equivalent to destruction, doom and death doesn't that mean I won't live long enough to learn any of that…" the postman mocked. "..sir?"
Zim paused for a moment rubbing his chin and squinting one eye. "Hmmm, you have a point," he confessed. "But that doesn't change the fact that my name is equivalent to destruction, doom and death. Not to mention, it's comparable to mighty, great, superior, and…"
"Here's your package sir," the snooty fishlike post man never left his station as he just seemed to reach under the counter and have it in his hand. "But since you don't actually live at the address written on the box, you'll have to show some sort of ID before I hand this package to you."
"Oh of course," Zim cheerfully smiled and reached into his pocket but found nothing inside.
"Curses! I must have left my intergalactic spaceship driver's license back on the Voot cruiser. Can't you just give it to me, p-l-e-a-s-e?" Zim tried his best to look innocent and sweet but to no avail. In an instant huge and heavy metal bars came crashing down between Zim and his package.
"No ID, no package!" the fishy postman demanded throwing his package into a vault and quickly locked its door.
A very frustrated Zim left the post office with a sympathetic Gir following close behind. "Don't look so glum Master; it's not the end of the world."
"That's precisely the problem Gir," Zim woefully reminded him. "It's supposed to be the end of the world, and I'm the one who's supposed to end it! But how can I without any of my tech? I can't even retrieve my package from this watery post office? At the rate I'm going, both Red and Purple will have turned grey by the time I have this world under my thumb." The two strangers walked aimlessly along the sandy streets with no real idea where they were heading. Then much to Zim and Gir's surprise a strange and creepy voice came from nowhere.
"Hello friend," the voice said.
"Who said that?" Zim demanded to know. "Who dares to call me friend?"
"It is I, your humble servant Plankton," the voice spoke ever so charmingly. The voice seemed to be very close but neither Zim nor Gir saw anyone around.
"Plankton aye?" Zim wondered curiously. "Where are you?"
"I'm right here," the creepy voice replied sugary sweet.
"Where?" Zim repeated sounding a little confused.
"Right here," the voice repeated reassuringly.
"Here?" Zim asked as he began walking to the other side of the street.
"No, you're going the wrong way," Plankton explained.
"Oh, how about now?" the alien asked as he changed his direction.
"No over here," the invisible voice was beginning to loose its sweet charm.
Zim took a step backwards, "Over here you say?"
"No," the voice was now sounding very irritable. "Just come back to the side of the street where you first heard my voice."
"Well why didn't you just say that the first time," Zim huffed and stomped back to the other side of the street. "Am I any closer NOW?"
"Yes, you're almost here; just a little closer," the excited voice was now clearer.
"How about here?" Gir added in as he too looked for the location from where the voice came.
"A little bit closer…wait, wait, not too close! Ugh!" the voice suddenly gave out a painful cry. Gir bent down and gingerly picked off a tiny green one eyed bug looking thing from his metal foot.
"Ooh, you are small! You're gonna need some really small band-aids. Do they even make band-aids that small?" Gir wondered as he lifted up this miniscule creature to speak at eye level with his master.
"Small indeed," Zim remarked with a tone of distaste apparently unmoved by the sea creature's recent run in with Gir's foot. "Speak your peace small thing, I haven't got all day."
Plankton wasted no time brushing off his pain and began to make Zim an offer he hoped the stranger couldn't refuse.
"I heard you talking to your robot about destroying the world and just let me say that I like your thinking! But I also heard you say that you're having some trouble getting this feat done," the small sea creature paused for Zim response.
Meanwhile, as the two evil doers bent on world domination continued there conversation, Gir came up with what he thought was brilliant idea to help mend their tiny new friend. "I know!" he thought out loud to no one listening, then reached inside his head and began to rummage around for something.
"Go on," Zim said cautiously, ignoring Gir's attentions entirely.
"Well say I get this package you want so badly in exchange for something I'm wanting just as much? That sounds fair doesn't it?" Plankton said temptingly as he too ignored the robot. Zim's eyes narrowed a bit.
"And just how does a puny little creature such as you plan to get this package of mine?" he smugly wondered.
Meanwhile, Gir took his hand out of his head and began to chew on the wad of used chewing gum he had been saving with still no one paying the least bit of attention to him.
"Simple my friend," Plankton went on to explain. "You have your robot and I have my army of robots!" he then added a sinister laugh. "Ha-ha-ha!"
"Robot?" Zim denied. "I have no robot. This is my pet sardine in a can."
"Ri-i-i-ght," Plankton said with a wink and a smile.
Meanwhile, Gir was now ready to put his plan into motion. He spit out the gum and squished it to flatten it; then stuck a bit of used tissue onto it and slapped it right onto Plankton covering him up entirely. "Now you won't have to find those very small band-aids!"
Plankton's yelling was completely muffled by the heavy wad of chewed up gum that covered his mouth (and body) entirely but the jest of what he was saying seemed pretty clear by the way he was shaking his fists and kicking like a maniac.
"Gir," Zim snapped angrily. "Remove that rubbery sticky substance from this puny creature at once; he may prove to be of great use to me."
Gir wasted no time yanking the gum from Plankton who let out a painful scream. "Aaagh! You metallic moron, if I was your master I'd chop you into little bits and I then would throw you into a furnace and…" he then quickly looked up at Zim expecting his sudden burst of outrage might the strange think twice before making any deals.
"…I-I mean that was so thoughtful of you to try and help me that way, but its just that I always have the darnedest times getting gum out of my tentacles. Now whadda ya say pal," he turned his attention back to Zim. "Think we can do business?"
"And just what would your terms be?" Zim asked coolly.
"It's not much really, especially when you compare it to destroying the world;" Plankton tried to humbly explain. "All I want is just one krabby patty; that's all. Just meet me back here in one hour with a krabby patty and I'll hand your package over to you. Wadda you say friend?" he added with a wink and a smile.
"Eh?" Zim cocked his head in total confusion. "What the heck is a krabby patty?"
"What the heck is a krabby patty you say!" Plankton's eyes became enormous as he repeated Zim's words in shock. "It's only the tastiest, the most mouth watering, the most delicious hunk of fried meat you'll ever eat!" he explained with lustful eyes and drool seeping from the corner of his mouth.
"Meat!" Zim closed his eyes as a look of dread came over him. "Why does it ALWAYS have to be meat!" He seemed to ask no one unparticular. Finally after a moment or two of feeling sorry for himself, Zim halfhearted agreed to Plankton's deal.
"Very well I'll get this krabby patty and I hope you enjoy it, you insignificant…bug thing or…or…whatever you are…because it will be the last thing you will ever eat! Ha-ha-ha-ha!"
Plankton's face suddenly grew dark and somber as he realized how grave the situation was. "Well in that case…" then instantly his face brightened. "Make it a double krabby patty with cheese!"
