Disclaimer: Weiss isn't mine. Shocker, I know.
A/N: Thank you to everyone for your kind words and patience as I struggled with this story. I think I've got a pretty good handle on it now and hopefully (cross everything you've got people!) the next update will not take as long.
Heart's Truth
Chapter 9
The pounding in his head told Yohji it was time to face another day but he was willing to fight it to get a decent day's sleep. He pulled the covers over his head and groaned as he rolled over, turning his back to the offending light streaming in through the window. But instead of rolling over into an empty space, Yohji came in contact with something warm and solid.
Slowly he opened his eyes to a broad set of shoulders and ebony hair. He forced his brain to start working and he searched hazy memories of last night to come up with a name. Joseph. American. Here on a business trip. Insanely talented tongue.
Yohji smiled as he pushed himself up onto his elbows and looked around to find he was in a hotel room. And from the furnishings and the bed linens, he would say it was a really nice hotel. But Joseph's talent and a nice hotel were not enough to keep Yohji in bed. He expertly extricated himself from the bed without disturbing its other occupant and quickly found his clothes.
Once dressed he went to the other side of the bed to gaze down at the sleeping man. He was very sexy with pale skin, shiny ebony hair and luscious pink lips. Yohji recalled his killer smile, deep voice and even deeper green eyes. Yohji frowned as he stood up and headed for the door. As he walked down the hallway towards the elevator, Yohji lit a cigarette and inhaled deeply. They all look like him in one way or another. What the fuck is wrong with me?
It had been three weeks since he'd found out that the man he fell in love with was just a mirage. A beautiful, cruel mirage thought up by a sick and twisted man to torture him. He still couldn't recall what happened to him the first few days after Schuldig revealed himself. He eventually woke up on a park bench to find himself suffering from the worst hangover known to man as well as shivering so hard that it hurt.
His coat was gone and his wallet only held his driver's license, a business card from a club with a phone number written on the back and a napkin which had a scribbled note on it that he assumed read 'thanks for the memorable night'. The only good things he could come up with were that he still had his keys and Omi wasn't around to yell at him and lecture.
After retching in some nearby bushes, he slowly and gratefully staggered the short distance to his apartment where he found that he had a few bruises on his face, several hickeys along his torso and much to his horror there were several small doodles of what looked like pornographic stick figures drawn in pen on his thighs. What the fuck did I do! It wasn't until he'd showered, eaten and slept for almost a day that another disturbing question came to mind. Where the hell is my car!
After his little escapade into the world of the drunk and depraved, Yohji decided that for his own safety he should try and handle things a little differently. He had resolved not to tell Omi, not wanting to give the younger man another reason to worry about him. And when he did finally have to offer up an explanation for Sai's absence to his longtime friend, he would simply tell him that Sai had suddenly left without saying goodbye. Which isn't too far from the truth.
After that, he was faced with the dilemma of how he was going to banish the pain and hatred in his heart. He opted for equal parts work and alcohol. But instead of indulging in alcohol and work, Yohji found himself with one after another of men who reminded him of the ebony-haired man of his dreams. Gods damn you, Schuldig, for reducing me to this!
At the thought of Schuldig's manipulation, Yohji slipped the car into sixth gear and roared down the highway trying to outrun the dull ache in his chest.
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Dead green eyes stared ahead blankly as the sound of the phone pierced the tomb-like silence of the apartment. Schuldig didn't even flinch as the phone rang five times before the answering machine picked up. A female voice sounded inquiring about his interest in doing a survey on a product he recently purchased. The machine beeped, signaling the end of the message and still Schuldig had not even blinked.
He'd only left his apartment once since Yohji had stormed out three weeks ago. Summoning courage from some unknown source within, Schuldig tracked down Yohji to beg the blonde for his forgiveness. But when he'd found the blonde he was in a club, making out with some guy in a dark corner. Schuldig's stomach heaved and he raced to the restroom just in time to empty the contents of his stomach before slinking back to his silent and dark apartment.
Schuldig remained on the sofa, eyes staring at a memory that just wouldn't leave him in peace. He recalled the anguished green eyes and the venomous voice that warned him of his fate. "If I ever see your face again, I will kill you." Schuldig shivered involuntarily but still gave no other indication he was alive.
Maybe I'm dead and just don't know it. I could be in some sort of limbo, stuck here because I'm unwilling to move forward in my journey. But…how did I die? Did Yohji actually kill me? Or perhaps Crawford finally found me. But I should remember dying, right?
Schuldig looked around the apartment, seeing images of happier times with Yohji. Times filled with laughter and love and light. But now it was drained of any life or happiness. Now there was only silence, anguish and darkness.
Why can't I leave? He doesn't ever want to see me again and I'm sure Crawford is still lurking out there somewhere. So why can't I leave? There's nothing left here for me.
He felt a familiar stirring and slowly stood up and walked for the bathroom keeping a steadying hand on the wall. How could I need to go to the bathroom? When's the last time I put something in my stomach?
As Schuldig washed his hands he looked up at the image in the mirror and felt a spark of anger ignite and he punched the mirror with an anguished cry. Schuldig pulled his fist back and looked at the trickles of blood on his knuckles, then turned back to the shattered mirror.
Why do I keep this face? I don't need it anymore. Yohji knows the truth.
Schuldig fell to his knees as tears welled up in his eyes. He slumped fully to the floor and just sat there, crying for a few moments. As he wiped at his eyes and made to stand up, a flash caught his eye and he picked up a large shard of mirror. Again, the image of Sai looked back at him, sad, hollow, and broken.
He loved you. He loved you and that's why I can't let you go. Because he loves you….. The image of Sai melted away revealing Schuldig's true appearance. …..And he hates me.
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Yohji sat in his car, half-smoked cigarette dangling dangerously from his lips as he stared unblinking at a doorway down the street. He was on a stakeout and the person he needed to follow was in the brick townhouse behind the unassuming dark green door.
"Come on, what's taking so long?"
He'd been sitting on the street for over an hour, his information indicating that on Thursday nights the target went out with his mistress and so he was waiting for the man to emerge with the kept woman in tow.
In an attempt to keep himself occupied, he let his eyes slowly roam up and down the street scene laid out before him. It was getting pretty late in the evening and the street lamps offered some illumination on his subject. The neighborhood was nice enough. Mostly residential, mixed with a few small businesses.
He smiled at the threesome of old men standing at the newspaper stand, smoking and chatting. More houses dotted here and there with window boxes, a small grocery store which was already closed. His eyes continued to wander, always checking the illuminated doorway for his target, when something out of the ordinary caught his eye. A blue neon sign further down the street. He sat up and squinted and when he was finally able to make out the letters he sat back and groaned.
I wasn't even paying attention. Shit.
Yohji tried to look away, but his eyes wouldn't leave the cool blue lighting that advertised the Blue Note Jazz Club and his mind began to think back to a certain night with a certain ebony-haired man. He had learned a lot about Sai that night.
The blonde frowned and shook his head a few times. No, not Sai. Schuldig. And they were nothing but lies.
He practically growled as he stubbed the cigarette but out in the ashtray and quickly lit another, inhaling deeply. And as much as he fought his mind, it just wouldn't let him bury the memories. He watched the hazy smoke swirl within the confines of his car and he was suddenly transported back to the smoky jazz club.
"I was taking care of my mother. She was ill and I'm the only family she had left."
Yohji remembered the sadness in his voice and the forced smile when he brushed off Yohji's apology at bringing up something so sensitive.
The bastard. He had me believing that shit. I can't believe I was so easily manipulated.
He desperately wanted a drink right now and made a note of the time as he glanced down at his wrist. Half an hour asshole and I'm outta here.
Years of training and I still fell victim to his mind manipulation. Shit! Yohji banged against his steering wheel several times in disgust and frustration. He inhaled another lungful of nicotine and stared out the window.
But…..even if he was manipulating my mind…..he didn't have to play the part, right? He could have just implanted suggestions into my mind instead of altering his appearance and going through this whole song and dance routine. What was he trying to accomplish?
Movement caught his eye and he saw a couple walking down the street, arm in arm. They looked happy and in love and Yohji was about to dismiss them when the guy grabbed the girl and pressed her up against a car, kissing her deeply before opening the door for her to get in. Yohji watched, the vision blurring until he saw himself and a certain honey-skinned man leaning against a car, kissing.
Sai…Schuldig…..that man….had invited Yohji back to his place. Moans, gasps, the feel of slick, heated flesh and hands desperately clutching at his back sent a wave of heat through his body. He recalled his delight the next morning at seeing two mugs next to the coffee pot as the smell of French toast filled the kitchen.
Did he make me feel that too? That sense of belonging? Of happiness? Was he just playing some game?
Yohji couldn't take it anymore. He started the car and drove off to find a dark bar to drown his sorrows. As if sensing that it would soon be shutdown, Yohji's mind kicked into overdrive.
Was it all just a game? He said he was hiding from Esset, not me. Which would explain…..Sai. And what purpose would a game like that truly serve? Sex? He could get it anytime, anywhere. Secrets? I'm no longer privy to Kritiker secrets and we're no longer adversaries on jobs. So what could he possibly want from me other than…..me?
"I did this to protect myself. The man you've fallen in love with….is still me. I love you, and no matter what you see…..It's still me."
Yohji recalled the terrified look in the green eyes and the desperation in the voice as Schuldig pleaded his case. He knew the redhead didn't fear for his life. All he had to do was reach into Yohji's mind and…..
The sound of screeching tires and honking horns filled the night as Yohji slammed on his brakes and stopped in the middle of the street.
He never had to tell me in the first place. But….he did….
The unlit cigarette fell from his lips and he stared ahead, eyes wide as his heart began to pound wildly in his chest
"It wasn't a game. He….loves me. He promised….It was real. He really loves me."
To be continued….
To Roxie Faye: Talk about everything being connected! The SchuxYohji pics, the WK fics and the GW fics? Well, great minds do think alike! Glad you're enjoying the stories and thanks for the review!
To moimoi-chan: The Weiss boys were made for angst and that's one of the reasons why we love them so much.
To StickmanRVR: And a big WOW right back at ya! You've read it more than once? I thought I was the only one crazy enough to read my stuff over and over. Thanks for the kind words and the review!
