Deku's jaw dropped. "Why?!"

He started waving his hands around, sweating, looking scared. "Huh, what a minute, why did it come to this all of a sudden? No, but seriously…this is a really bad idea! It's already bad that we're here in the first place! At the very least, if we're gonna fight, we should do it during free practice! We should borrow a training room and do it there! There's no good reason why we have to do it now, is there?"

I let him go through it. I waited. Once he'd tired it out, I told him. "Don't you get it? If we try to fight seriously, they'll just stop us." I looked him in the eye, then. For once, I wasn't angry. That had moved out. Instead, I was just looking at him. And I told him. "I want to confirm exactly what's so great about you that All Might himself would go that far for you. And…" I was horrified that my voice was breaking, just a little. "If your aspiration was so much greater than mine, then does that mean I've been doing it wrong the whole time?"

"Kacchan…"

No matter how bad things look, he's always the winner.

And you…

I stretched my arms out.

"If you don't wanna get hurt, then put up your fists..oh, that's right. You're going with kicks now, arent'cha?"

"Hold on a minute!" Waving the hands again. "C'mob, seriously! We can't do this!"

I blasted off.

"Kacchan!" He called. He stared at my right arm, as I prepared a blast. I could read every thought going through his mind, somehow, in seconds that passed. Eyes turned to my right arm…Suddenly he looks less worried. Thinking 'I got that right arm before. Sweating a bit. 'He's just feinting' - that's what you're thinking.

No. 'm not.

I let him have it. And it made me smile, his face as he dodged. "You think too much, you know that?"

Don't hold back. Don't hesitate. "Come at me!"

Still not convinced. "Kacchan, are we seriously gonna do this?"

The smoke was clearing and we faced each other on opposite sides of the road. He's defensive, but not offensive yet.

"Wait-wait a minute! Do we really have to fight?!"

Take me seriously. I prepared a blast.

"It doesn't mean your admiration was wrong! Nobody's saying that!"

Another blast. Fight me.

"I said wait!"

'Wait Kacchan! ' 'Wait for me!' Deku following me, Deku watching me…

Even though I always gave you shit as you trailed…

Deku reaching out his hand to me in that damn quarry. Are you ok?

No matter how many times I beat you up…

You were still always following me…always watching me with those damn eyes.

Those giant green eyes.

"Don't run away! Fight me!"

Deku and me and the other losers outside the hero merch shop. Years and years ago. Hoping that we'd get All Might cards. Opening our packages at the same time and seeing them Shaking together as we looked at them - 'We're the only ones who got them! How is that possible?' Even though we admired the same person…

All Might himself, putting his hands on my shoulders and saying 'let me tell you, self-confidence is important! You have the power fitting of a hero, no doubt about it!'

they day I lost to you

"I understand. It's because of Young Midoriya's sudden growth, isn't it? But you know, someone at level 1 and someone at level 50 can't possibly grow at the same rate, right?'

Why?

And I was losing control - I threw a kick - it barely connected

I grabbed for his arm - he ducked, flipped backwards, flipped up again.

Why?

The force of my explosion threw me off balance and I hit the ground.

Deku ran forward with his hand outstretched.

"Are you - ok -"

I slapped it away. "DON'T YOU FUCKING WORRY ABOUT ME! Fight me! What the hell is your problem? Why?"

I stumbled somehow to my feet. But I couldn't lift my head. I felt so ashamed, so worthless…someone, somehow, not good enough for Deku to take seriously as a fighter. Not able to take care of himself, someone he had to pity.

"Why - how did I end up chasing someone who was always so far behind me? You got so much better - you got recognized by All Might himself - I admired him so much - so why - why did I become the reason for All Might's end?!"

It just came pouring out of me. Everything that I had kept back, suppressed, tried not to say or think or admit fro the last few weeks, since it happened…all of it. I can't keep anything from you..

"If I had been stronger - if I hadn't been kidnapped by villains, then none of that would have ever happened…"

dammit. I'm crying. Damn, damn, damn…

"I tried to keep it a secret, I couldn't tell anyone. But even though I tried not to think about it, the slightest accident would make it all come flooding back. So what the hell am I supposed to do?!"

choking and drowning really. I'm about to scream. I held myself with one hand like I was about to vomit, doubled over. I couldn't even look at Deku -

c'mon, please. Please fight me. Show me.

I went for him - and this time, he kicked me away. And put up his fists.

"All right then. I wanted to see if shoot style would work against you anyway. If you wanna go, then there's no holding back."

It might be meaningless, yeah. No one but us will ever no who won or lost. But I need it. I need you now…because right now, you're the only person in the world who can understand how I'm feeling.