It was finally goddamn Saturday. I'd been dreading it all week, that stupid day filled with stupid reminders.
IcyHot was waiting at the doorway like he was my babysitter or something.
"Hey…"
"Move it."
I headed out, feeling particularly irritable, and he walked along with me.
"You're lucky the teachers are even letting you do this. You got caught fighting with Midoriya."
What are you, my mom? "Ah, shut up! And walk behind me, you IcyHot bastard!"
The bus was waiting - just the two of us and a teacher escort (because of course we had to have an escort now). And it had to be All Might.
Always walking around reminding me of how badly I screwed up, and how badly I failed him.
Awkward silence. I did my best to sit as far away from IcyHot as I could. He hardly ever talks anyway, so for a while we just sat there in awkward silence. Stewing on the fact that we were here - all three of us were here - because we'd failed, and couldn't go out and be heroes like everyone else.
All Might broke it.
"We're here."
Stupid big training hall. We got off the stupid bus. Todoroki started nagging me as soon as we'd waved goodbye to All Might.
"We've caused a lot of trouble for the teachers, and we're going to have to work hard to catch up to everyone else now. You do get that, right Bakugou?"
"You think I'm stupid?"
"No, I don't. Sorry…"
"Quit apologizing all the time!"
God, that guy irritates me. We headed into a locker room with a bunch of other sullen looking guys who'd also failed. Nobody really wanted to talk to each other. Nobody was here because they wanted to be.
We headed into a training arena - big open space with stadium seating. The doors swung open and we were face to face with Gang Orca.
"Well, well. If it isn't the pukestains underneath all other pukestains!"
Great, this is gonna be fun.
"You know why you're here? Why you aren't out getting work studies? Because you're all bottom feeders! Because you've all failed! And you intend to keep on failing!"
He stomped around, eight feet tall and glaring at us all.
"Today, you'll all be going to begin becoming, if at all possible, less of huge failures. Understood? You're going to do exactly as I say. Though I doubt it, given what mistakes you bottom feeders have made!"
I wanted to argue back, but fighting with teachers isn't really my style. And it wasn't like I could say anything.
"You'll be divided into teams of two. You'll sit down and do exactly what I tell you to do together. Understood?"
"Sir, yes sir!"
"Shut up!" He started pointing to teams of two. I tried to move away from IcyHot. No way I was working with that guy again. Unfortunately I wasn't fast enough.
"You two! Bakugou! Todoroki! UA's two failures." He glared at Todoroki in particular. "Do you know why you are here?"
"Because I got into a fight with Yoarashi instead of fighting you during the exam," said IcyHot. I snickered a little. I'd heard second hand that that was why he'd failed, but it was pretty funny hearing him admit it.
"And you!" Orca rounded on me. "Why are you here?"
"Cause I yelled at the dumb HUC creeps instead of rescuing em," I snapped. The rest of the class started at me. IcyHot tilted his head. "Really?"
"Like you did any better!" I snapped at him. Gang Orca boomed over us.
"Shut up! You two, team up. He stomped up to us. "You will take pen and notebooks. You will right down a list of every one of your failures that led you to be here. You will read them off to your partner and you will not make excuses. You will look your partner in the face and admit to being the screws you are! Understood?"
What the hell will that accomplish!? I wanted to scream at him, but it was no good arguing. You want to pass this stupid class and be a hero, right?
I gritted my teeth and clenched my fists. They were handing out pens and paper. IcyHot was staring at the floor. We headed off to a corner, not looking at each other. I sat down and started scribbling, avoiding looking at him.
All my failures. Goddammit. I have to sit down and tell IcyHot everything?! What the hell did I do to deserve this?
Ok. All my failures. Well, there's the stupid license exam shit. Ok, and maybe getting into a fight with Deku. And hitting that rock that almost hit All Might during quirk training. And getting kidnapped by the League…and ending up there because I failed at the Sports Festival. And not beating All Might or working with Deku in our exams. And not getting any real training at my internship. And not being able to handle those villain creeps at the USJ. And failing to beat Deku, or come out on top in that quirk training exercise. And getting attacked by that sludge villain and not being able to handle it, so Deku had to…and All Might had to…and oh yeah, being the reason for the end of the Symbol of peace…
Goddamnit.
Such a long freaking list. And I could think of more shit to add, that was just the professional stuff. There were other things. Things I hadn't realized were wrong at the time. But that looking back…
Damn it ,damn it. No. I don't have to talk to IcyHot or anyone about that stuff. No license would make you talk about that.
I'd finished making the damn list. Forced to pull up all those old and painful memories. IcyHot wasn't looking at me. He was scribbling down stuff still.
"You finished?" I snapped at him.
"Shouldn't you still be writing?"
I fought the urge to punch him.
"Shut up."
"We're supposed to be working together."
"Yeah, real team building exercise, scribbling shit on paper."
"I heard that!"
I jumped. Gang Orca was behind me.
"You taking this seriously, scum?" He snapped at me. "Or is a hero license just a joke to you?"
"I -"
"You wanna be a hero?"
I nodded. "Yeah."
"Then take this first lesson." And h spoke even louder. "Real heroes don't deny when they've failed. They do not make excuses. They don't blame others. What makes a hero a great hero? What makes us better than villains? Because when heroes fail - when they do wrong - they admit to it. They look failure in the eye, learn from it what they can change, and turn every mistake into an opportunity to do better. Listen well, pond scum. The more you deny your failures the more you allow them to control you. And no great hero can be living in fear of their own failures!"
I couldn't really argue with him. Nether did IcyHot. We both just looked at each other and sighed as he stomped away to go yell at someone else.
"Do you want me to go first?" said IcyHot.
"Doesn't matter." I looked down at the list. Should I start most recent?
No. Recent still hurt too much. I'd start way back.
"Ok." I gritted my teeth and refused to look him in the face. "Couple years back. There was a villain creep who went after me and Deku in middle school. Had some kind of sludge powers."
"I saw. On TV."
Of fucking course he did. "Well, then you know already. Creep got me. And I couldn't fight him off. So Deku ran in like an idiot and almost got killed. And All Might had to bail us both out."
"You figure you should've been able to take him?"
"Damn right I should! My quirk's built to take down villain creeps. Such a lame damn boss! Can't believe I had to be saved from someone that useless."
"But you did."
I again fought the urge to punch him. "Whatever. I've copped. Now it's your turn."
I flinched at that phrase. I'll never be able to use that phrase again without wincing. IcyHot didn't seem to notice.
"I suppose being born in the first place might count."
I blinked at him. "What?"!
"I guess I've never told you. I almost wondered if Midoriya had…about why I was born."
"Oh, right." I wished I hadn't said that. Just let him assume Deku told me. No way I'm gonna admit to eavesdropping.
He nodded. "Well, I was - born with the perfect power combination. And that wasn't…great for my mom. Or anyone in my family."
"How in the hell is that a failure?" I snapped at him. "Like you had any damn control over being born with some strong quirk."
"Oh, like you had any control over being attacked by a villain?" he hit back at me.
We sat in silence for a moment. Then Todoroki said, "It wasn't your fault."
"Well, being fucking born wasn't yours."
"I guess it wasn't the best example. I don't have much to learn from that. It wasn't deliberate. But I suppose I have blamed myself for it."
Damn IcyHot bastard and his family drama. Always making things heavy. "Well, that's moronic. Blame your stupid parents for being screwed up."
"My mom's not - " he stopped. "Ok. You're right…it's not my fault." He looked at me and actually, which I'd never seen him do before, smiled a little. "And being attacked by a villain wasn't yours."
Long silence. Deep breaths.
"All right. What's next?"
