Of all the patients that have come and gone through FMI, very few of them have captured my attention so thoroughly as Erik.
If memory serves me right, it happened shortly after Awnes had settled into the place. I admit that I had gone to some extreme measures to get her to stay, but I really wasn't a people person, and all the incoming patients and visitors had set my nerves on the edge. Deciding that I needed some help, and fast, I bravely took to the outdoors, despite my fears of Douley and his henchmen, who lurked behind every corner, just waiting for a chance to take me back to that horrid place of misery that I had grown up in.
I had been sitting alone in my biosphere, as I affectionately called it. In reality, it was a huge garden with trees and a manmade salt-water pond in the back. Yet, the entire thing was surrounded with plexi-glass, which formed a bubble over the top of it. Through such an encasement, I hoped to provide myself with a park all my own, yet made sure that it was impossible for me to be captured by any outside force. Of course, the great contraption also had a built-in weather control device, in which I could set it to be hot, cold, sunny, dreary, windy, snowy, rainy, or any other bit of weather you could imagine at will. Sort of like a giant green house, if you may. I had been relaxing near the lake, staring down into the water when I became suddenly aware of a foreign presence in my midst. Though I had been quite afraid at first, I followed it's dark, looming shadow up until I met the face of my dearest companion, Awnes. Yet, it was not Awnes that I saw. Rather, it was some young teenage creature whose complexion had gone sheet white before my very eyes. Her lip quivered, and her entire frame radiated in some horrible fear beyond all comprehension. "...What is it, dearest?" I questioned, anxiety toying again with my nerves. Yet, for the sake of Awnes, I held myself firm, refusing to give into the paranoia that once again plagued my mind.
"…I… I think you should come see this, miss…" She stuttered out. The fact that my headstrong little employee was now in this unexplainable state of utter fear had me more than a little worked up, I admit, yet I rose to my feet and strutted quickly after her. Whatever fear had raised itself up in me had been all but pushed aside by the sudden urge to protect my newest friend. Perchance it was because she was so afraid that I felt courageous enough to step back into the lobby of my own creating, or maybe it was simply the fact that curiosity was, unfortunately, a quality that I had too much of. Whatever the case, I pushed open the doors to the lobby and raced in, and suddenly, something worse than all the fears I had previously had pulsed through me.
Before me stood none other than Sano. I froze in my tracks, and for an instant, it was just me and Sano, again lost in the world of my childhood. His slender, yet inhumanly muscular structure towered above me, again bringing to me my childhood days. I cowered there, so small and frail compared to the beast before me. Had I not already been pale in complexion, I am sure my skin would have turned three times lighter.
He was clad in a rather complimenting army uniform, splotched with green and black, brown and gray colors which blended perfectly with the outside world, yet were oddly out of place inside this brightly colored tent. Every feature was hidden behind some cloth or another, and the memories crept up around me, reenacting everything I had been through with this man so easily. Tracing, for a moment, the form that I both feared and adored, I watched as the black shifted suddenly and most unexpectedly to a white face so much paler than my own flesh, that I was instantly reminded of a skeleton. My surroundings faded into black as well, and around me suddenly were those all too familiar cage bars, restraining me from freedom. The chains about my neck nearly choked me to death as I edged towards the towering frame, that sickeningly destructive curiosity overtaking me again. "Hello, my child." The frame spoke softly from behind the palate of bone upon his face. So deep and mysterious that I was all but drawn to it. It was as if I were hearing voices from heaven raining down around me, for I could not see his mouth move beneath the white mask. Nor could I see his eyes, which were clothed in a black plexi-glass of their own. "…W-Who are you?" I remember whispering to the creature before me, trembling in some fantastic, passionate energy that I had never felt before. Such longing, such need. "…Jisei, my child! Do you not remember me? I am your father." He spoke sincerely enough, leaning against the cage bars.
I was stunned and utterly amazed. "…No, my daddy is dead." I remembered suddenly. For my whole life, I had been told that my father and mother had hated me and had dropped me off here to suffer such incomparable horror, such torment and abuse that they felt I should die within a weeks labor in such a place as this. The very thought of this had many times sent me into fits of dark depression, so morbidly deep that I only brought myself out of it by teaching myself to loathe those that had created me. I would prove them wrong. I was not weak. And I had survived all these years, hadn't I? And with all the loathing of my so-called parents, it was only natural that I would consider them dead after so long. Yet, now this brute stood before me, in my environment, speaking so sweetly to me that for a minute, I doubted my stance. Yet, when the same strong, magnificent brute reached through my cage bars and patted my with the gentleness one would show a newborn kitten, and moaned low in his chest, it was hard to believe that he was simply playing a trick on me. "My dear! How could they treat you like this!" He suddenly grew enraged, slamming a fist on the metallic floor beneath me. "I never would have left you here when I went off to war had I known… I'm so sorry! I don't know how you could possibly forgive me, child!"
Yet forgiveness came quite easily. This man had never beat me. This man had never tormented me with words and actions! In fact, I already believed, just by the hypnotizing gentle kindness in his words, that this man was indeed my father. I suddenly believed that I had been lied too for so long by my master and his dear friends. Suddenly, this man who had shown me kindness which I had never known… he was the center of my universe. My every joy. Had he not been my father, I may even have confessed to have some girlish crush on him. All the emptiness I had felt for so long, all the lonely, weary nights… they all seemed worth it now as my heart overflowed with love which poured out as the door to my cage swung open and Sano lifted me into arms. There we stood for some time, my tiny frame snuggled close to his thick, muscular torso. I could do nothing but cry in absolute joy, my arms clasped about his neck as he scratched my head softly. The last thing I remember hearing before falling off into the most peaceful sleep I had ever known was "…I will get you out of here. I promise."
I awoke the next morning back inside my cage. Frantically, I looked around. Sano was nowhere to be seen. I could nearly have wept! I had only just met the loving father I had never had a few hours ago, and he had been ripped from my arms so suddenly. As I cowered in the corner of my cage, pouting, shaking, and throwing such a pity party that one may think I would've flung myself down a cliff right then had I had the chance, my father strode in. "Jisei, dear?" He whispered softly, approaching the cage. My entire body went limp again, the deep voice lulling an inner peace into me that I had never before felt. "…We have a problem." Suddenly, I tensed up again. A problem? Was I to stay here for even longer? Was I going to be surrendered to the permanent care of the ring-keeper and his wife? I could not bear to think of such a thing! I leaned across the bars as far as my chains would permit me, groping for my father's comfort.
"Ji, listen…" was all I received. Yet, I had been beat into submission so many times before, that obedience was almost a spell cast upon my life. I fell limp to my rear before him, ears perked attentively. "…I don't have enough money to buy you from these morons." He tilted his head in the direction of the ring master's tent, where he was no doubt enjoying some expensive wine, or enjoying the comforts of some extravagant luxury I could only dream of. "…I need you to do me a favor. If you have any hope of getting out of here, I need you to get me some money. No matter how you do it. Get me some money." Wait! Was he asking me to steal? Not only was that a punishable crime here at the circus, but how I was supposed to do such a thing when I couldn't even get out of my cage! I mentioned these things to Sano, who dismissed it before I had even finished speaking. "You have claws, don't you? Use them!" He screeched, pointing towards the lock. At first, I didn't quite understand what he meant. And then he showed me. He taught me to pick the lock using my very own claws. What a nifty trick! Had I learned that years ago, I would have been at least had a hand up on my master. Again, I was drawn deeper into the fact that this creature, frightening and deceptive as he was, was my father.
The weeks passed, and I slowly increased in my newly learned skills. I could pick a lock, any lock, in a matter of seconds. I could also pick the very wallet from a rich mans pocket without so much as leaving a paw print in the dirt behind me. A little thief I had become, and all for my father. My father, who promised to buy my freedom with whatever I could steal. My father, who had left me here in hopes of me living a happy life while he ran off to war.
My father, who in all truth, had never seen me before in his life.
And this, the very same man who betrayed me, day in and day out. He whispered my secrets, took what I stole and gave it to Douley without me so much as realizing what was happening behind the scenes. The same man who stood by and watched as the whip came down, harder and harsher every night, biting at my flesh with a crack more cold than I had ever felt or heard before. The very same man who came to me each night, scolding me for messing up, and then demanding my forgiveness. And with a voice so pure and commanding as that, I forgave and forgot each time. And each time he begged for my forgiveness, I fell in love with him all over again. I had been brainwashed.
Brainwashed by Sano, my own father.
Therefore, when I looked up from my cage bars to find Awnes standing there, staring at me with her curious eyes, I nearly leapt out of my skin. "Umn, Ji?" She whispered, poking me in the shoulder. Yet, the long break in conversation, the silence that had come only moments before- both had sent me into such a state of panicked shock, that the very voice brought me back to reality.
"Hmn?" I replied, suddenly, gazing in her general direction. Again, I met her pale face, which had begun to gain it's color again as she pointed a shaking finger in the direction of Sano. Yet, when I looked again, it was not Sano who stood before me, but some living corpse clad in black. Yet another double take revealed that he wasn't that either, but was rather human- flesh and blood, a living and breathing being who was seeking my help. At his side stood another man, who stared at me with an indifference I had never before seen in my life. "Oh. Well, umm, can I help you?" I finally offered, trying my best to regain some composure over myself.
It was understood that this masked man before me was called Erik. At this point, I hadn't heard his voice. In fact, I hadn't even seen a glimmer of life shining within his eyes. Then again, I couldn't even see his eyes. Again, I was reminded of a corpse, no, a zombie. Some living dead from generations past. It was evident from that very moment that this man was not in the least bit sane. It was apparent that he was past the point of needing mental help by so many years that had I been a more experienced doctor, I would've turned him away as impossible before the problems even started. Yet I was young and naïve, and this was the first patient I had even taken the time to meet thus far. Besides, the feelings which this same patient brought upon me were intimidating, yet full of bliss and harmony all at the same time. Again, I felt the strong embrace of my father, his gentle, kind words. Just looking at the way this man carried himself, I could feel all of the intimidation, trust, and love I had felt so many years before. Again, I was bubbling over with such strong emotions that I think, now, that had I been taking drugs, I would not have felt this high. Again, I was being hypnotized. Not only by this new patient, who brought back so many memories- both good and bad- but rather, I was being hypnotized by Sano's deceptive acts over and over again.
And that was my first mistake.
