A/N: Sorry that updates have been so slow. I'm trying to keep up on top of all my academic work for university.


Chapter 6: For Your Happiness

Leaning against a tree, its branches shading her from the sun, Kaoru was in a pleasant dream world where no work and overbearing directors existed. On top of her head, curled up, as usual, was Nene, just as sleepy as her. The Tojis at Renpu Girls' School may not have discovered this little secluded paradise on their grounds, but Kaoru found it almost right after becoming an Elite Guard two years ago. She and her fuzzy aradama pet were always on the hunt for nearby spots perfect for napping. And with the lack of sleep she had last night, the pink-haired loli was in dire need of it.

She had the graveyard shift of patrolling the Origami Estate with Maki and Suzuka. Lucky Sayaka had the night off, something Kaoru wished she had. And on top of doing her late-night rounds, she was also in charge of escorting Hiyori back to her guest quarters at the Renpu Girls' School dormitory, right after her dinner with the Origamis. Hiyori said nothing about how it went, but her disturbing silence made Kaoru suspect that it hadn't been a walk in the park.

Even more so since, after she returned to the Origami Estate, Kaoru overheard an argument between Yukari and Akane. With the thin shoji walls, it didn't take her much effort to catch snippets here and there. The elder sister's voice was controlled but barely, and the younger sounded close to tears.

"The poor girl has lost her entire family and even sacrificed half of her life for the world. How can you and our aunts expect more from her? She's a child, Nee-sama!"

"And so were we, Akane! Yet, did we complain when Mother forced us to do our duty?"

Kaoru had held her breath, having rarely heard Yukari speak so scathingly. She did not hear anymore after that, but she knew they had been arguing about Hiyori. But what for? Just what was it that Yukari and her aunts "expected more" out of from the Heijou Toji?

These were the questions the pink-haired loli ruminated over last night—these among other things. Things which involved Ellen phoning her late during her shift. Things which involved her having to listen to her best friend talk for hours. Things which involved hearing nothing else but about John, handsome John, gentleman-like John... Ugh, how Kaoru had wanted to barf at the whole nuisance!

And how she had wanted to cry...

Thinking about all that wearisome shit made her doze off almost immediately, out like a light, underneath her tree. Her pen and notepad, which she had been using to write a short cynical poem about lovesick romance, lolled out of her hands, her eyes drooping closed and her head nodding off. She barely got five minutes of blessed naptime before her phone started getting a series of notifications, one after the other.

Ding! Ding! Ding!

"Ne..." Nene whined.

Kaoru ignored it at first. She didn't want to deal with more complaints from a certain old hag. After a long pause, it seemed that she'd actually get her wish of being left alone. But then, it became apparent that the sender wasn't going to give up, as the texts kept coming.

Ding! Ding! Ding!

"Grr..." Kaoru grumbled, finally glaring at the screen to turn her phone on silent (and perhaps send a text back giving a piece of her mind to Director Maniwa).

But it wasn't Director Maniwa. It was Ellen.

Kaoru, I have a question.

What kind of fashion do you think John likes?

Do you think he prefers girls in dresses and skirts or pants?

Kaoru, are you napping?

You're napping again, aren't you?

Honestly...

"Well, after yakking my ear off all night about John this and John that, what else do you think I'd be doing?!" Kaoru said to the screen.

"Ne!" her pet agreed with a huff.

Her face as pinched as a nutcracker's, she turned her phone on silent before shutting her eyes again, not even bothering to text back a response. It wouldn't matter anyway. John was a guy—and like most guys, he probably didn't even care about such things as clothes. Even if she gave Ellen her opinion, it'd be of little significance.

'Come to think of it...why would Ellen even ask what kind of clothes John prefers seeing on a girl?'

Her eyes snapped back open as the alarms began ringing in her head. She could almost see red flags waving in front of her blurred vision. Ugh...she really needed to rest. Now her tired brain was making her see things. She was really starting to get annoyed with Ellen. It even almost looked as though John's hazy figure was standing right in front of her.

Wait, what—

"Ah, Mashiko-san! Fancy bumping into you here."

Rubbing her eyes, the pink-haired loli saw that they had not been fooling her. His tall figure blocking the sun, Yoshida John stood smart before her in his uniform—with her notepad open in hand.

"Don't read that!" Kaoru screamed, scaring a few pigeons out of the tree. She snatched it from him, clutching it possessively to her heart, her eyes wild and terrified.

But John only raised his hands in the air comically with a good-natured grin. "Sorry. A bit late for that. There's no need to be embarrassed though, Mashiko-san. I think you're a great writer."

Despite how well-meaning he might have been, Kaoru did not feel like she was out of the danger zone yet. "Y-You won't tell anyone, right?"

"Of course not. If that is what you wish, I'll respect that."

Well, he seemed sincere enough. But Kaoru still was a little suspicious. And so too was her furry pet apparently. For John was about to give Nene a friendly pat, but the tiny aradama only tried to bite his fingers off when he got too close, letting out a sinister growl. John sweatdropped, backing away ever so slightly—something that almost made Kaoru smirk in satisfaction.

"I was just passing by to head to a new café until I saw you," the rookie soldier explained. "How is Ellen? I heard that she's being discharged from the hospital today."

"She's fine, I guess. The nurses said she's strong enough now, but should refrain from going on missions too soon."

"I'm glad to hear that."

Kaoru wished he would go away after that, but after a long pause that quickly became awkward, it was clear that John wasn't about to leave just yet. The Special Ritual Riot Squad soldier rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably, looking as though he was trying to figure out his next words.

"Mashiko-san, you and Ellen are close friends, right?"

Her face as hard as stone, Kaoru replied, "You could say that."

"I need your help with something if you don't mind. And now knowing how well you write poetry, I feel like I can ask no better person."

Kaoru said nothing, only giving John an arched eyebrow.

Seeing he would get no other reaction, the soldier continued, "To tell the truth, Ellen and I have actually been texting on LINE and agreed to hang out. We wanted the chance to get to know each other better."

Shocked wouldn't have been the right adjective to describe what Kaoru was feeling. Horrified? Distressed? No secrets had ever been kept between her and Ellen, but this was the first. Why wouldn't Ellen tell her something as big as this? Just the thought of it made Kaoru's heart feel as heavy as a boulder—and perhaps even just as hard.

'I'm probably just overreacting. It's probably not even as big as I'm making it out to be,' Kaoru told herself. Yet, her stomach was still twisted in knots, unable to come undone.

Not noticing the sad look on the Elite Guard's face, John continued, "I have a problem, however. Well, to be more precise, I kind of got myself into a pickle. We were texting each other about interests and hobbies we like, and she then said that she is a lover of Shakespeare. Personally, I don't really care about literature. Never have the time to read anyway."

Then, with a dark blush, he added, "But to impress Ellen...I may have lied about liking Shakespeare too."

John held out his phone, showing Kaoru one of the text messages Ellen had sent him. He sighed, "She said that this is her favourite quote: Love is begun by time, and time qualifies the spark and fire of it. I don't even know which play this is from."

"Hamlet," was the pink-haired loli's immediate response. "You do that there's something called Google, right?"

"Yes, um, Mashiko-san...so as for what I wanted help with..." John said, before bowing deeply to her in desperation, "...please could I borrow a few of your poems?"

"What?"

"Your poems...they convey deep feelings and such passionate emotions beyond what anyone can fully express. So, what I'm asking is please could you let me use them to impress Ellen?"

"Are you crazy? This is my work!" Kaoru exclaimed. "If you want to give her a poem, write one yourself!"

"Ne!" Nene agreed.

"I can't write to save my life. You don't want anyone to know you're a poet anyway, right? What is the point when nobody can appreciate your work? Haven't you ever wanted Ellen to know what she thinks of your poems?"

'Yes...' Kaoru grudgingly admitted in her head.

"Please, Mashiko-san, I am a tongue-tied idiot in her beautiful presence. Even more so when I have to put my words on paper. If you won't let me use the poems you already have, then tell me what to say and write. You know her best."

"I can't put words in your mouth. That would just be insincere and there's no use in being a liar to Ellen either. I could never do that to my best friend. Just be yourself, that's all I can say. Your mouth will speak for you."

'What a hypocrite I am, telling him to be who he is and speak truthfully...when I can't even do that with Ellen myself,' Kaoru thought.

But how could she ever? She couldn't possibly let what she had with Ellen crumble into ruins. Their friendship was already complicated enough. So many unsaid words, so many feelings hidden away...and with John now in the picture, Kaoru knew she wasn't the only one being secretive. Love...how could she even define hers for Ellen?

With a sigh, Kaoru looked at the notebook in her hands, staring at a few of the lines she had written:

To see your bright smile, no matter the cost

I'd break my own heart and continue on lost

Cause the wish for your happiness will always outweigh

My selfish desire which grows day by day

Kaoru let out another sigh. 'What a mess I am...'


"Hey, Kaoru! What's up?"

Kaoru's hand trembled a little, as she held the phone up to her ear. She knew that she was preparing herself for distress. It was like a snake was winding around her heart, crushing it as she made herself ready to delve into the topic she really didn't want to probe. Despite her reluctance, Kaoru wanted to know—she needed to know. Only Ellen could give her the answer that'd conclude everything.

"I saw John today. He mentioned that you two are hanging out," Kaoru said. "W-What was all that about?"

"O-Oh, about that...well, I wasn't sure whether to tell you right away or not." Ellen's voice sounded uncomfortable on the other end. And knowing her friend, Kaoru suspected Ellen was twirling a strand of her hair around her finger like she always did when embarrassed.

In actuality, she was shocked at Ellen's hesitancy. They always told each other everything, no matter what. Problems, secrets, anything really because both knew the other wouldn't be judgmental.

'But not anymore...' Kaoru thought sadly.

Then, in a casual joking manner, Ellen added, "Y-You said that you weren't interested in boys anyway, Kaoru—s-so I didn't think it necessary."

"What does that even have to do with John? You're only hanging out," Kaoru said, trying to hide any contempt in her voice. "A-And you're right. I'm not interested in guys."

'Because it's you who I like...'

"Well, I am. And Kaoru, I know it sounds melodramatic, but I do want to be in a relationship. John seems like a good and respectable guy. Certainly, the first that I've ever met."

'And just how many dudes have you met, huh?' Kaoru tried not to say out loud.

"Ellen, you've only just gotten to know him like two days ago," the pink-haired loli said, really starting to hate herself. How cruel she was being, feeding doubt into her friend. But Ellen was completely oblivious to Kaoru's motive for her vindictive words. To the blonde-haired Toji, they only sounded like concern.

"I know. That's why I want to get to know him better as a person...to see whether he is someone I could possibly be interested in. Whether it is right for me to have these feelings or not. I know it seems stupid—the idea of falling in love at first sight. But I'm beginning to wonder whether such a thing has fallen upon me. Please, Kaoru, I hope you understand."

There it was. All the clarification she needed. Ellen's feelings had been placed face up in front of her, and there was nothing she could do to deny it. But, oh, how it hurt! A few of the people passing by Kaoru on the street stared at her curiously, seeing tear after tear roll down her face.

"You're my best friend, Kaoru, so...would you be willing to support me?"

'And that's all I am to you...just a best friend.'

Steeling herself, Kaoru choked out, "I'd do anything for your happiness, Ellen."

"Thank you, Kaoru. You don't know how much that means to me. Sorry to cut our conversation short, but I got to go now. See you sometime soon, perhaps?"

"Sure."

"Okay, bye!"

'Why did that "bye" feel like a final farewell?' Kaoru thought. 'Whatever. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter!'

Looking down at her notebook, the pink-haired loli realized that splotches of her tears had fallen upon the pages, ruining some of the ink. These were words she could never tell Ellen. She had no hope of ever revealing them now.

'But someone else can. And for Ellen's sake, I must let him...'


Picking at her food in the Renpu Girls' School cafeteria, Sayaka could barely make herself concentrate on any of it. Not just because of what transpired last night, but apparently fruit punch did not agree with her stomach. And after drinking several glasses during the social gathering, the albino-haired Toji still found herself too sick to swallow anything. But her conversation with Aya and Mio, and then later on with Mai, just remembering it all also made her want to throw up from anxiety.

"Sayaka-chan, you've barely touched your food. Are you unwell?"

The gentle older sister-like voice, touched with concern, made Sayaka's already sick stomach turn more somersaults inside her. After what happened last night, why did she decide to have lunch in the busy cafeteria? She should have just gone somewhere more isolated on campus. Not the main hall where every student ate. Not a noisy area where she could barely hear her own thoughts to make sense of them. Not the same table where she and Mai would sit when the latter would be on duty in Kamakura.

Taking a deep breath, Sayaka said, "I'm fine."

No, she wasn't. How could romance be harder than missions? Of course, missions had two outcomes. You either succeeded or failed. But romance had more outcomes than Sayaka's serious mind could think up of. No strategy that she ever used could solve how to get out of this situation. And certainly, no fighting technique would work either. Sayaka at least knew that much.

But what could she do? Stay silent and never get her feelings across at all? State them honestly to the best of her ability and face possible rejection? Mai could end up hating her...

Meanwhile, during all this, Mai had been peering underneath the table covertly. Sure enough, as she suspected, Sayaka's feet were pigeon-toed as always whenever she was troubled. She was definitely not okay, no matter what she'd claim.

"Sayaka-chan, please tell me the truth."

"M-Mai?"

"I understand if you want to keep some things to yourself and I respect that. But...I just want what's best for you."

She searched for any sort of reaction in Sayaka's face but found none. Then, she swallowed, "Is this...about last night?"

The albino-haired Toji kept looking down at her now cold food for a few prolonged seconds, before nodding. Mai sighed, mentally scolding herself. Of course. What an idiot she was. She was stupid to just wish away their little conversation on the balcony as if it never happened. How could she possibly think things could go back to the way they were before?

"Sayaka-chan, please...I want to understand. J-Just who is it that you like?" Mai couldn't comprehend why her friend's confidence could be so drained. "Why can't you tell her how you feel?"

'Because how could I ever tell you?'

"Because it's not that simple," Sayaka replied.

"I don't think love is ever simple, Sayaka-chan. But that's what makes it so worth fighting for."

Sayaka shook her head. How could Mai make it sound like it was so easy? It wasn't!

'Just don't say anything,' she told herself. 'Forget all of this. It's nothing...it's nothing to her...'

"It's selfish when she couldn't possibly see me that way."

With a sympathetic smile, almost tinged with sadness, Mai answered, "It's okay to be selfish once in a while, Sayaka-chan. Don't feel so disheartened. I think any girl would be lucky to have you."

'Including you?'

A look of surprise crossed Mai's face. Sayaka gasped, realizing she had accidentally spoken her thoughts out loud.

"S-Sayaka-chan...did you just say..."

"Mai, just forget it," the Renpu Toji said. She hastily picked up her tray, but Mai's sudden grasp on her sleeve prevented her from just walking out.

"Sayaka-chan, please tell me the truth."

Though they were the same words she said earlier, there was a grim heaviness to Mai's tone this time. The gulp that went down Sayaka's throat was very audible to both.

"You will hate me..."

"Sayaka-chan, I could never hate you."

A light gasp escaped from the Renpu Toji's mouth, her cheeks burning like fire. Time seemed to stop, the students around them fading into mist, their oblivious chatter dying away...till it was nothing but the two of them—just her and Mai. The Yanase heiress was still holding onto her sleeve, refusing to let go.

Mai could tell that Sayaka just wanted to leave the topic alone and leave the issue hanging, but she was not going to allow that. Not after what she had just heard.

Sayaka continued to face the other way, not looking at the girl she loved. With the way things were now, she knew there was no use in trying to turn back or play it off. Hanging her head, her voice was barely a whisper but Mai heard every word loud and clear.

"M-Mai...I'm sorry but...I think I've fallen in love with you."

The purple-haired Toji didn't know what to think, Sayaka's words echoing in her head. Sure, she had always regarded Sayaka as a friend, even a little sister. But a lover? No. Her chest felt tight, though she didn't know for what reason. Truthfully, she was elated that Sayaka thought of her in such a way. But again, she had no idea why. It was an instinctual emotion of happiness that filled her, but at the same time, part of the Yanase heiress was anxious about what all this meant.

This was not at all now she imagined being confessed to. In her dreams, she'd see the perfect setting, the perfect mood, the perfect man... Not here in a rowdy cafeteria, feeling awkward and conflicted, with Sayaka of all people.

'Most importantly, what would Father and Mother think?'

Mai's growing silence made Sayaka realize that it would not be the answer she wanted. Her face was still as emotionless as always, except this time, her tears just wouldn't stop falling.

"I-I'm sorry, Sayaka-chan, but...I don't feel the same."

The Renpu Toji released a sob. So...it was going to end like this.

'No...it shouldn't end like this. It shouldn't!'

"Mai."

Rubbing her eyes, Sayaka steeled herself before fully facing the purple-haired girl. Only this time, there was a look of apathetic determination in her ruby eyes. It was the expression of a Toji who once did whatever it took to complete her mission, no matter the cost. It was the look of someone who knew what she wanted.

"You said that it is okay to be selfish once in a while. Which is why I'm going to be now. Please, Mai...even just for a little while..." Sayaka's determined voice broke, becoming all choked. "...please be mine..."

"Sayaka-chan..."

Reaching into her pocket, Mai did her best to wipe the tears from her friend's eyes with a handkerchief. It pained her to see Sayaka like this. How long had she been hurting in silence?

But as distressed as she was for Sayaka, Mai tried to make sense of her own anxiety. Just what was it that she was feeling herself? This emotion...was it heartbreak? But that was impossible, right? Heartbreak was felt only between two people in love. But she didn't love Sayaka that way...did she? It wasn't right and it could never be. Mai knew that she'd eventually have to marry someone of her parents' choosing—specifically her father's. He'd want her to take over the family business, marry a man with equal social standing and wealth, continue the family line...

'Sayaka-chan could never meet his expectations...'

Suddenly, for the first time, Mai wished that she wasn't a Yanase. Maybe then Sayaka would not be as unhappy. Maybe she could have even given Sayaka a chance. But she was a Yanase and her life was already planned out for her. She put up with it her entire life without question or complaint.

'But I can at least give Sayaka-chan this...even if, as she said, it's just for a moment...'

Raising the Renpu Toji's chin with one hand, Mai planted a tender kiss on her forehead. "Alright, Sayaka-chan...just for a little while...'


A/N: Sorry I'm such a monster and gave so much angst for Kaoru and Sayaka. Will they ever get their happy endings? Well, you'll just have to wait and find out!