There were only three days until the Hogsmead trip, and Lily felt miserable. On one hand, she wanted to give James a chance, and make him happy. But on the other, she couldn't even bare the thought of letting her guard down. Yes, James was being sensitive and kind about the situation…but was Lily going to give in, even after five non-stop years of his madness? She couldn't. She wouldn't. Or would she?
Heaving a deep sigh, she mentally kicked herself. Why was she thinking about this now, when she was supposed to be studying for a Potions exam? Lily had noticed a change in her, physically and emotionally, ever since she had found out about Harry. Yesterday, she was shocked to find her eyes slightly blood-shot, and to have deep bags set under them. She also seemed to have lost some weight, making her seem even frailer that she was before. Emotionally, she was incredibly vulnerable. If she happened to be reading a book and one of the characters was crying, she would find herself tear-stained and shaking only a few moments later. She couldn't stop thinking about it, and truth be told, it terrified her. What was all the fuss about? She was going to have a son with James; there were so many worse things that could happen to her. But maybe she wasn't upset because it was a bad predicament…maybe she was mad at herself for being happy.
Angrily, she snapped her book shut, and looked up from her lap. Sirius was lounging in the chair closest to the fire, a smirk splayed across his face. Lily didn't want to know what he was thinking about, so looked to his left, and Remus. He was absorbed in his Potions book, and had his notes layed out in front of him. Why can't I concentrate like that, Lily thought bitterly. Her eyes strayed again, and landed on Allie. She looked rather distant, and even though she had her book open, she wasn't paying attention to it. Occasionally she glanced at Sirius and sighed. Allie. Allie, Allie, Allie. Did she have to fall for Sirius, of all people? Of course she did.
Finally, Lily let her eyes look for what she wanted to see. Unfortunatly they didn't find him. James. Where was he? It was a habit that every night, the five of them, Allie, Remus, Sirius, Lily, and James, would sit in the common room together until they went to bed. She scanned the common room, and felt a jolt of excitement as she spotted a boy with black, messy hair sitting with his back to her.
"I'll be right back," Lily whispered to no one in particular and quickly walked over to him. Not wanting to startle him, she tapped him lightly on the shoulder and said softly, "James, why aren't you over there? Everyone else is…"
Her words cut off abruptly as the boy turned around. Lily wanted to cry at that moment. He looked exactly like James. He had his hair, his nose, the same face cut, and even the same expression on his face. The only thing that set them apart was Harry's eyes. Unwillingly, her hand went up to touch her own eyes, and she gasped slightly, as if she had never noticed it before. Harry had her eyes.
"Oh, I'm…er…sorry. I thought you were James. You look a lot like him, you know. Your back was facing me, so I couldn't see your eyes…" Biting her lip, Lily studied his expression. He was nervous. What kind of mother was she, if her own son was nervous when he met her when she was younger? "Well, I'll see you around, Harry," his name felt like velvet on her tongue as she walked back to her friends. Was it possible to love someone if you didn't even know them? At that moment, Lily decided the answer was yes. She loved Harry as her son, even if she didn't feel like a mother.
xxx
Sirius was waiting for Lily to leave. She looked like a ghoul, and he could tell that she wasn't paying the slightest attention to her studying, because her eyes were completely placid. The whole situation with James and Harry was getting to her, Sirius could tell. Yes, Sirius would have usually said something insensitive or thick; just to make her forget about it, but now he didn't feel like doing that. She had her future laid out for her clearly. What was so wrong about that? Sirius would have loved to have found out that he would marry Allie, and have a child with her. So why was Lily acting like it was the end of the world?
Stop it, Black. Stop thinking about her problems, Sirius willed the frustrated thoughts out of his head. He needed to concentrate. Once Lily left, he was going to ask Allie to go on the Hogsmead trip with him. Yes, he had asked girls out many times before, but this was different. He didn't know whether Allie fancied him back or not. With the other girls, Sirius had only asked them out if he'd seen them staring at him, or talking about him to their friends. He played out what was going to say in his head again,
"So, Allie. I was wondering if you would like to go to Hogsmead this weekend."
Yes, it was simple. But what was the point in getting caught up in some extensive speech when that was all he needed to say? He could say that she wasn't like the other girls that he had dated. He could say that she was more special to him, because she had been his friend for all of these years. But what was the point? Besides, he wasn't going to wait until Remus left, because who knew how long that would take? Sirius wasn't about to show his feelings in front of Moony like that.
"Alright guys, I'm going to bed," Lily said in a weary voice, "You coming, Allie?"
Oh, bloody hell. Sirius hadn't thought of the fact that Allie might go with Lily. To his relief, Allie shook her head, "Not right now. I'll be up in a little while though."
Turning his head slowly, Sirius watched Lily walk over to the stairs, and ascend them to go inside the Girl's dorm. Once he was sure that the door was shut, and that she wasn't going to come back for any reason, he turned towards Allie. With a deep breath, Sirius cleared his throat to get her attention. He grinned slightly as her head snapped up, and she looked at him inquiringly.
"Er…So, Allie. I was just wondering…would you like to go to Hogsmead with me this weekend?"
At these words, Remus' head appeared over his book, a curious expression on his face. Of course he had noticed that Sirius and Allie seemed to have something going, but Sirius asking her to Hogsmead? That was odd.
"I-what? I thought you were going to ask another girl…the one you have your eye on." Allie looked slightly shocked, and she seemed to be breathing faster.
Chuckling, Sirius shook his head, "You were the girl I had my eye on. So what do you say? The Three Broomsticks, Zonkos, and then a walk?" He couldn't help but smile at her expression. Obviously she hadn't expected this at all.
Blushing slightly, Allie ran a hand through her hair and smiled back at him, "Sure. That sounds like an ideal date to me."
A/N: Ehh it's not that long, but I spent more time with the details this time. Next chapter will be better, I promise!
Klappa: Thanks! Are the feelings better in this chapter, or do you have any suggestions?
Ginverva Molly: Thanks, yeah I'm have to defiantly try and do that!
