A/N: Summer job is a lot more time-consuming than I would expect. Still, I managed this!
"Gwanpa!" Keisuke yelled as he jumped onto Naruto, recently retired Hokage, and pulled his hair. "Lemmedyeyourhair!"
"Say what?!" Naruto asked as he struggled to discern the boy's words, courtesy of being stuffed with chips.
"Purple!" Keisuke's pudge finger pointed towards Naruto's blond hair. "Purple!"
Gawking, Naruto finally understood what the kid meant and gasped in horror, "No!"
Keisuke's arms folded and his lips pouted. "Bad gwanpa!"
"No, no, no! My hair, my choice! Bad Keisuke!"
"Bad gwanpa!"
"Bad Keisuke!"
"Bad gwanpaaaaaaaaa!" Keisuke started screaming and crying, tossing his toy dinosaur out of the window. He then started jumping up and down, stamping his feet.
The door slammed open. "Is he giving you any trouble?" Boruto walked in and picked Keisuke up, who was struggling to break free and still in tears.
"Eh. No, we're having fun!" Naruto's grin switched on.
"You can drop the pretensions, old man. This kid is worth ten kids' trouble," Boruto quipped with a chuckle. "Come on Keisuke, we're going home," he whispered in the boy's ear, "Say sorry and goodbye to grandpa."
"Sowee and gubbye..." Keisuke muttered, not making eye contact with Naruto.
"Hey! It's okay kiddo!" Naruto replied with an easy smile. "I'll teach you how to make ramen next time!"
"Dad no!" Boruto said in horror.
"Ramen!" Keisuke squeaked.
"Look at what you've done," Boruto remarked with exasperation. Naruto simply ruffled his hair in content.
~X~
There were times when your parents did not help much with your own parenting. Tragic stuff. His children's grandparents, mostly Naruto Uzumaki, have elected to spoil the children rotten, defying Boruto's ban on ramen in the house, buying them all sorts of disgustingly unhealthy snacks, letting them run riot and even going the extra step to suggest pranking ideas.
Boruto sighed as he contemplated how Keisuke and Eriko foiled his ramen ban in the house time and time again. No matter what he said ("It's super unhealthy!", "You'll get really fat and ugly!", "It's made of disgusting chemicals!" or "You will die early!") or what he did (which involved throwing away every single pot of instant ramen he could find in the house, Sarada's included, banning everyone from going to Ichiraku and lecturing his father and sister on clandestine ramen giveaways), nothing seemed to work.
Oh, the woes a house-husband must suffer! All of a sudden, Boruto's sympathies for his own mother increased a hundred-fold. Granted, neither he nor Himawari was as uncontrollable as his own children, but still. He was seriously looking forward to going back to work.
"Boruto, I'm home!" Sarada's cheerful voice wrestled him out of his reverie. She took off her coat and slung it near the coat-rack.
"Sarada!" Boruto ran towards her and lifted her up, spinning her around with a grin plastered across his face.
"Mummy!" Little Keisuke came out of the playroom, his toy dinosaur still in hand, and hugged her. "I want ramen!"
"I let dad babysit him for a while because I needed to buy the groceries. Unfortunately, he may have exposed Keisuke to the dastardly cuisine that is ramen," Boruto explained exasperatedly.
Sarada snorted. "You and your disdain for ramen. Ease up! It was Lord Seventh's favourite food after all."
"But we are not taking Keisuke to Ichiraku's. Not Keisuke, nor Eriko, nor Asami, nor Itachi. This household is ramen free!"
Sarada rolled her eyes. Boruto glared at her as if silently pleading at her to not rebut his statements in front of Keisuke. "Ugh, fine. Moron."
"Hey!"
"Moron!" Keisuke piped after Sarada.
"Aw now look what you've done Sarada! You're teaching our son foul language!"
"Boruto, if you think the word 'moron' constitutes foul language then you haven't really seen anything," Sarada said while smirking.
"Okay, you know what I mean!"
"M'kay..."
"Sarada!"
Keisuke was watching his parents bicker with delight. In his view, dad was getting owned by mum.
~X~
Eriko resented the fact that Boruto simply would not let her eat ramen. It was totally ridiculous! He gave all sorts of bad excuses, like how ramen was unhealthy, like how ramen would make her die younger (as if she was that stupid - she was eight dammit!) and like how no boys would like her if she grew ugly because of ramen. (Grandpa Naruto looked just fine!)
Her first encounter with the heavenly cuisine that is ramen came during her best friend Kizumi's birthday, where they all took a trip to Ichiraku ramen. It was there and then that she slurped the noodles out of a tonkotsu broth and fell in love. She was puzzled at first, wondering just how come her parents never took her here in the past. Then when she returned home and told them about Ichiraku Ramen, her dad was mildly irritated. Rolling his eyes, he called it junk food and disgusting, which offended her. Her mother rolled her eyes at her father and told him to stop being a moron.
Since then, Boruto had embarked on a mission to prevent her from eating ramen at all costs. Okay maybe not. He permitted it once in a while, especially after hours of begging or when mother was there while she begged. Then there's the fact that grandpa Naruto or aunt Himawari were more than willing to take here to Ichiraku's or make her instant ramen.
But still, Boruto's control over ramen was tyrannical! Eriko huffed and puffed as she thought about it. He was behaving like an awful dictator and someone needed to stop his overreach!
That naturally meant that Eriko needed allies in this task. Out of her siblings, Asami was too docile and nice to disobey her father and Itachi never cared much for ramen. That left little Keisuke, still a 4-year-old, as her only possible option, which may not sound like a lot but her little brother could be a force of fury (and trouble) when he tried to. Additionally, Eriko speculated that mother may be sympathetic to her cause. True, mother was usually busy as Hokage and never cared enough for her ramen rights to conduct any significant intervention, but given the right circumstances, Sarada could be swung over. Aunt Himawari and grandpa Naruto are most definitely affiliates, yet Eriko was not too sure about their scope of influence. Her other grandpa, Sasuke Uchiha, was no big fan of ramen.
Furthermore, Eriko was sure her best friends Kizumi and Jun would be more than happy to help. Their parents were good friends with her parents and that must mean something. If anything, they were backup sources of ramen in case her plan didn't work out.
Drawing and mapping all of this on a piece of paper, Eriko plotted to overthrow Boruto's totalitarian grip over the house. She was getting there.
~X~
It was three in the afternoon on a Saturday. Sarada was still at work. Eriko and Keisuke were playing dinosaur again, with the former pretending to be a T-rex and the latter a pterodactyl, flapping his arms. Asami sat in the corner playing dolls with a friend from the Academy. Itachi sat on a table doing homework, asking Boruto questions from time to time.
Boruto gazed at his children fondly. They were truly the light and joy of his life. Little did he know, however, that Eriko was formulating a plan in her head when she tackled Keisuke to the ground and then pulled him to Asami and her friend.
~X~
"Keisuke, do you want ramen?" Eriko asked.
"Ramen!" Keisuke piped up.
"Asami?" She turned around to her sister.
"I... think I'll pass. I'm not a fan, sorry," Asami said.
"Aw man! Okay then. Keisuke, looks like it's just you and me. Dad is denying us the fundamental right of eating ramen and we have had enough!" She whispered indignantly into his ear as he nodded fervently. "We are going to do something about this!"
"Make ramen!"
"What? How do we do that?"
"You make ramen!"
"What kind of demand is that?! You know I don't cook - Asami is the one here who helps with dad the most. Her and Itachi, but Itachi always sides with dad." Eriko turned around and asked her sister again. "So, Asami, wanna help us cook ramen one day?"
"Why?"
"Because it tastes good! Very good! Pleaaasseeeeeeeeeee... Asami please..."
"But dad-"
"Don't worry! We'll cook ramen when mum and grandad are both in the house! I've got it all planned out!" Eriko cackled maniacally before realising she was acting a bit weird.
~X~
Being married to your dad's best friend's daughter does make family reunions much easier - and much more fun and much less awkward. Yet little did Boruto know that an ideological fissure was about to erupt within the household.
Eriko, Asami and Keisuke had insisted - begged - him and Sarada to let them handle the food. After much protesting by Boruto, for he had reservations about their culinary abilities, Sarada managed to convince him to let them do their part. It was a reluctant concession.
Both his father and former master were, technically speaking, retired men who elected to spend the rest of their lives in peace and tranquility after a life of vicissitudes. In theory. In practice, Sasuke Uchiha still gave off an air of somberness and seriousness, taking a seat on the Konoha High Council and constantly communicating with various officials serving under Sarada. Naruto Uzumaki, moreover, was a consistent source of advice for Sarada, another member of the Konoha High Council, and Boruto lost count of the number of when Naruto met with his wife.
Unfortunately, this meant that family reunions can take a dry turn and degenerate into dreary conversations regarding politics. Boruto absolutely loathed them, going so far as to ban them from the dinner table. Sarada was, no doubt, an intelligent woman and genuinely passionate about whatever fishing cooperation in whatever treaty Konoha had signed with the Sea People's beyond the islands of the Land of Water, but the rest of the family were practically dosing off and silently hoping it would all stop. Oh no, in fact, Itachi was probably the only one who could recount Sarada's words when all was said and done.
Anyhow, at present, his wife, Naruto, and Sasuke were debating on the merits of the recent Dark Mountain Compromise. Thankfully, it was a topic that was not too dull.
Recently, due to the relative peace and security on the continent, there was a dearth of regular missions for Konoha to do, which would dampened the village's revenue and income. (Even though Konoha's economy was diversifying to other outlets, shinobi missions were still a major source.) Sarada Uchiha, after hours of consultation with her advisors and eons of contemplation, decided to significantly expand Konoha's range of operations by launching exploration task forces beyond the Eastern Sea, way past the Land of Water. There, Konoha found various trading opportunities with new peoples, villages, cities, kingdoms - and many sources of mission contracts in the form of security guards, escorts, assassinations and more.
Yet when the money started pouring in, trouble inevitably came. Whilst the Gokage on the Continent, owing to the ties made during the Fourth Shinobi War and a common desire for peace, maintained the will for good relations, the same cannot be said for their daimyos, who were starting to make somewhat belligerent demands. The daimyo fo the Land of Water was very much displeased at Konoha's successes and urged the Mizukage, Kagura, to pick a fight with Konoha, citing the right of his country to monopolize all operations on the sea and beyond. Not wanting to disrespect him, Kagura reluctantly launched a taskforce to scout for opportunities beyond the Eastern Sea and to forge relations with the Sea Peoples. Small skirmishes arose here and there between Konoha and Kiri in the Dark Mountain, a crucial location in the Land Beyond the Sea, an intersection between various important cities, raising fears that the Continent was on the brink of another war. Unwilling to break the precious peace her predecessor helped forge and also unwilling to economically disadvantage Konoha, Sarada and Kagura sat down and negotiated a middle ground. Kirigakure would pull out its missions and trading operations east of the Dark Mountain, while Konoha would do so for the west. It was a delicate, but nonetheless relatively durable balance.
Naruto argued that potential for conflict could arise, especially Kumo or Iwa's interests arose, and it was best if Konoha scaled down its overseas operations in general. Sasuke was more pragmatic, saying that times are changing and that although peace was important, Konoha had to find other economic outlets to prevent a slowdown and further unrests fomenting. Both had a point, in Boruto's view, something which Sakura agreed after pointing out that skirmishes never reached a dire level. And it seemed that Sarada shared his opinions.
In fact, it was one of the few occasions during which Boruto was engrossed in conversations regarding political/ geopolitical affairs (for they were usually so dreary), so much so that he never bothered to go check up on Eriko, Asami and Keisuke in the kitchen, reassured by the fact that they were helped by his very earnest mother. Neither did Itachi, for the matter, who was listening attentively and taking mental notes.
Only when Eriko walked in carrying a bowl of stinking, disgusting tonkotsu ramen did Boruto realise what diabolical plan he had fallen for. Naruto fist-bumped her and they both grinned.
"Yes, uncle Naruto, I think managing the daimyo's expectations is key. While not a particularly hawkish person himself, he suffers from profound insecurity regarding the stances of other daimyos. He fears that they will -"
"NO!" Boruto shouted, interrupting his wife and throwing his hands up in the air. "Eriko, just what have you done?!"
Keisuke trotted behind her, carrying two more bowls and placing them in front of Sakura and him.
"WHY?!"
Asami walked in and served ramen to her two grandfathers, smiling rather apprehensively, well aware that they were sitting on top of a volcano.
As Hinata brought in the remaining bowls of ramen, Boruto rolled his eyes and sunk into his chair in despair. "I should have seen this coming."
"Oh come on son! Be a little more grateful to your kids. Think of how hard they worked to make this meal!" Naruto chided him.
"But ramen is a vile dish-"
"Boruto..." Sarada glared at him. "Say one more bad thing about this dish and I will make you regret it," Sarada chided him, as if daring him to mouth a word of complaint.
"Well, though I am no fan of ramen, I must say that your reaction is a little overboard," Sasuke said. "The kids deserve some appreciation."
"Anyways, let us enjoy this meal!" Naruto declared, overjoyed. "Brighten up, Boruto!"
Well, now he felt like a shitty person. He groaned internally. "Well, thank you, Eriko, Asami, Keisuke and mum. Thanks a lot."
Eriko, meanwhile, rejoiced internally. Eriko 1, Boruto 0. They had scored a small but crucial victory over her father's tyrannical ramen ban. Years later, this would be seen as the flame that lit the fire of the rebellion and -
"EW! A piece of hair!" Keisuke's face contorted in discomfort. "It's yours Eriko. Gross!"
Maybe her skills could do with some improvement.
"Maybe I should make it next time," Boruto chuckled a little. "Ramen with carrots, cabbage and broccoli. Yes, that does sound like a good recipe for dinner."
Oops.
Let the ramen wars commence.
A/N: Please leave your thoughts and comments in the reviews!
