Summary: Reela fic. Takes place during the end of "Strange Bedfellows". They're in the kitchen, inches apart from each other. Ray doesn't want her to leave, neither does she, but it's all for the best, she keeps telling herself. She's a married woman; she shouldn't be living with another man, especially not the man she's beginning to fall for.

A/N: This is for all you Roomie fans out there. A few separate song verses are in here from Storyside: B. So no, they're not mine.

Disclaimer: I don't own ER, the songs from Storyside: B, or anything else except the clothes on my back, the thoughts in my head, and this computer on which I type.

That look in Your Eyes

When I look at you

I see your soul

So fragile and beautiful

I know I have made

So many mistakes

I can't deny, I'll take the blame

I wish I could heal

That look in your eyes

If you won't feel to compromise

Ray's POV:

Here we were, standing in the kitchen, so close that if she tried, she could hear my thoughts screaming in the deadly silence. I've dropped the spoon she was just eating out of. Why? Why must you go so soon? She won't look me in the eye and tell me what's wrong. But she doesn't have to tell me. It would only make it worse. I already know why, it was just a matter of when it was going to happen. I didn't think would happen so soon though.

I've gone from annoying roommate to best friend in her book. I mean look at me, she's changed me so much. When she first moved in, I didn't eat unless I ordered out. Now, she's got me cooking in the kitchen, that I-didn't-know-what-it-was-for room.

I was going to show her my new found abilities tonight, cook up something special for her after she came home from that surgeon-what's-it expo. But what a better time to drop the 'I think I should move out' bomb. If she hadn't, it wouldn't be fair for her, for me. Why does this devastate me so? Why do I feel the way I do about her? I haven't even slept with her. She's not mad at me, is she? She's only moving out because she's a married woman, and she shouldn't be with me. She was never mine, and probably never will be. I never thought I could lose something that was never mine, but now I know I can. I feel so lost.

Neela's POV:

I'm such a stupid girl. I'm a married woman for Christ's sake! I've put myself in a very dangerous position. Why does his timing have to be so wrong? If he had gotten to me before I had married Michael, then maybe things might've changed but since he didn't, this is how it has to be.

Why is it that I can pour my life and feelings out on to him, trust him more than I can my own husband? This is why I have to move out. It would be betraying Michael if I don't.

I have to give Ray some credit though. Most guys would've left you out in the cold once you've married someone else. Ray's supported me through this whole thing.

Michael's mother told me to make sure that this marriage doesn't change who I am. Here I am married to him and I still consider myself as Neela Rasgotra. When someone calls me 'Mrs. Gallant' I want to correct them. I can still remember how Michael's father scoffed at the idea that I was living with some other guy other than Michael.

I've got to get out of here! I should've left the moment I thought of this apartment as 'our' apartment. The moment I thought of this as 'home' and created a safe haven within it, I should've left. But I didn't, did I? I stayed here because I was safe here, and now I'm breaking his heart by leaving. There's his t-shirt. I've loved sleeping in it. It has his essence. It makes me feel so safe.

Ray's POV:

Man, she packs fast. 'I think I should move out', right, how about 'I'm going to move out'. Her room is empty, well not unless you count all the boxes in there. Not a trace that someone has lived here is left. I stand in her doorway, watching her pack. I keep telling myself to say something, to keep her from leaving me. What's this? She's packed everything from her room except a t-shirt. It's my t-shirt. I've been looking for it for a month now. Of course, that's when I first noticed it was gone. It's been with Neela all along.

"Um… I've rather like sleeping in it." she states, handing it over to me, rather embarrassed.

"You know, I've been looking for that for a month now." Lame. This is the only thing I've said to her since she's said that she should move out.

Still, she won't look at me. It's like I'm poison. Or some sickly disease of the sort.

Neela's POV:

I can't look at him. One look and I'll be hooked. I know the look he's probably giving me. He probably has this beaten look on his face, like a lost puppy. I've seen this look before, he's used it when a patient dies and he's had a long day. And yes, I think I've seen it on his face when I make him watch one of my chic flicks. I'm sitting on the couch next to him bawling my eyes out and sometimes if I'm lucky I can see him tearing up too. I never tell him that I see him crying though, no, that would ruin the moment. Instead, I put it in the back of my head so I can remember that the soft Ray still exists somewhere.

When we're alone together, we're no longer the people we try so hard to appear to be. He's not the hard, tough Ray who doesn't feel anything and I'm not strong, unbreakable Neela. When I'm with Ray, I'm like glass against concrete, easily broken. Even Michael doesn't see that side of me.

I've really got to go! The sooner the better! I've got to catch a cab. I know he wants me to stay. Why won't you tell me to stay? Because I'll tell you that it couldn't be? Just let me know that you feel the same way I do.

Ray won't say anything, so I leave. I turn to face him one last time, still not looking at him.

"I guess this is good by then." The tears are welling up inside me, I can't take it anymore. I have to leave now.

Ray's POV:

Stay! I only I could say it out loud. Not that it would change anything. She would just tell me that it couldn't be. My mind is battling between telling her to stay and letting her go.

The shirt is still in my hand. She should have it. When I find her, she's outside on the curb waiting as a taxi pulls up.

"Neela!" I yell. She turns to face me, and finally looks me in the eye. " You should have this." I hand her the shirt.

She looks at me with such a pained look in her eyes, the tears that have been threatening to fall for the passed hours begin to run over, spilling against her cheeks. She shakes her head turns away from me, and got into the cab.

And in your eyes,

I see the light

And with one smile,

My soul takes flight

And in your eyes,

I see the light

And when you cry,

your tears are mine

She's gone. I look down at this shirt and watch the cab drive away from me. She's gone. I've forgotten the hard core side of me and I begin to feel tears run down my cheeks and on to the shirt.

I go back into the apartment, looking around to see if she had forgotten something of hers. Nothing. She took everything. Everything except the shirt.

Neela's POV:

As the cab pulls away from the curb I turn around and watch Ray as he begins to shrink in the distance. He doesn't move. He's just watching as this cab disappears from his view. He's beaten and bewildered. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't take the shirt. It wouldn't be fair for him, for me. If Michael ever comes home, where ever home is, he'll find this shirt and wonder why I have it. He'll know its Ray's and he'll think I've betrayed him. If I took his shirt, it would only give him false hope which will only lead to tears. More bloody tears. Tears of sadness, tears of anger, and tears of bewildered sorrow.

Ray's POV:

I'm beaten and bewildered, shot and wounded. She didn't take the shirt. I feel like such an idiot. She's a married woman for crying out loud! She couldn't possibly have feeling for me because she already said 'I do' to someone else. What else is it there to say? She's gone. I can't even get a drink because I finnshed the last of it yestaurday. So there is another reason why I feel like I've been hit in the stomach. I haven't eaten in thirteen hours. Not that I feel like eating now. I should probably get some sleep if I can. I've got an early shift tomorrow.

Narrator's POV:

Ray collapsed into bed without a thought of changing out of his street clothes. He put the shirt next to him on his bed, smelling Neela's fragrance still on it. His Roomie was gone.

You're why I've searched this world

You're what I've waited for

Stay here just for awhile

Stay here just you and I

You're all I'm dreaming of

You waking in my arms

Stay here won't you please

Dance to me


A/N: Come on, push the lil' button!