Haley had been watching Peyton and Karen talk secretly behind the counter, she couldn't quite make out what they were talking about, but she knew that Karen had intervened once more. Karen was there for everyone else's kid no matter what, while some parents wouldn't give the time of day to help their own child in need. When Haley realized that the two were done talking it finally hit her that she was probably next, Karen really hadn't talked to her about the night before. There was no way that she could tell Karen what really had happened, she would overreact, make Peyton mad, and then Gavin would probably go after her, she had her life threatened enough for one week. But before Karen could even come to talk to her, Haley looked up as the bell rang and Lucas walked in. Lucas approached her and was about to speak, but Haley stopped him, "Whatever you are going to say, save it Luke."
He was a little bewildered by her harshness, "Haley, I just wanted to make sure that you are alright. Are you?"
Haley stopped everything that she was doing previously avoiding any eye contact to look directly into Lucas's eyes, "You want the truth Luke?" She saw him nod and then continued, "Not a day goes by that I do not hate myself for going on that tour bus."
As much as Lucas wanted to have the perfect response to that, he just did not have one, and he knew that Haley was not going to slow down for him to conjure one, so he just let her walk away. He turned around and saw his mom staring at him, "I came here to talk to her and that is all I get out of her. I just feel that she doesn't want to talk, there is something, that either happened or something blocking that does not allow her to open up anymore. She used to tell me everything, even crushes in the fifth grade to a time when Nathan made her cry. She never used to hold back from me, now she won't tell me anything. And I cannot help her if she doesn't."
"It is hard. And it is not a trust thing; I hope that you are not mad at her because she is not opening up to you. There is a lot of scar tissue that has built up that is surrounding her innermost thoughts, and she does not want them to be shown to the world. And she knows Luke that you would never do so, she is just afraid to say it out loud because the pain is real, and it is all that she feels."
"Okay, I will give her more time and space. But how much can you give some one before they are lost?"
"It has yet to be determined; you cannot stop watching her though, because she could easily slip away."
"I always watch after her, even when she doesn't know it. I can never sit back and watch my best friend get hurt. That is why I am going to do everything in my power to make sure that things get better as she goes."
"Remember what I told you Luke, she will come to you if this all becomes too much, she knows that you are there, even if she doesn't show it right now."
"Okay, I will take your word for it."
"That is all I have, Luke, you and my word, and it has gotten me to where I am today, so I am not leaving them behind."
"You better not, I would be lost with out you," he bent down and gave her a kiss on the cheek, "I love you Ma." Lucas was going to leave but then he saw Peyton sitting at the counter and walked over to her, "Do you mind if I sit down?"
"It is a free country; you can do what you want to do."
There had been some things on Lucas's mind lately that he had been thinking and he needed to get them out. Now couldn't have been better then any other time. Last night he was trying to comfort Brooke by telling her that it was just some sort of phase or such that she was going through, and she asked when the last time he had talked to Peyton. With his answer it meant that it was not his place to tell Brooke anything. Lucas and Peyton had been really close at one point, but both went through some life altering events and their paths had not passed in a long time. However after the events of the last night Lucas decided that it was time to break that vow of silence. "Gavin is not a good guy Peyton; I do not think that you should see him anymore."
Peyton was baffled by Lucas, "Wait a second when is the last time that we have talked about anything real? You know what I am going to answer that for you, way too damn long for you to walk over here and tell me that you do not approve of my boyfriend. So if you do not mind I think I am going to go home," when she tried to walk past him, he grabbed her arm gently and she sat back down.
"Actually I do mind. I came over here to talk to you, that was my intention and I do not plan on breaking it. So home can wait for now, it will always be there, with the rate that you are going we can not say the same for you."
"Wait is this Karen/Lucas tag team? Your mom just gave me the talk about how she will always be here for me whatever mistake I make next. What can you possibly tell me that is reassuring or going to make things better?"
"I do not have the answers Peyton, and I did not come over here to tell you that I have them. I just wanted to talk to you and see where you are coming from."
"I don't know Luke, you tell me. I can tell you literally I just came from Noah's," she recognized his confused face right away and clarified, "that is Gavin's brother apparently, he has never talked about him before but that is where I woke up this morning."
"Did something happen last night?" He recognized that as she spoke of it something seemed off.
"I do not know Lucas, did something happen last night?"
"Yeah, it did, but I was not talking about at Tric, I was talking at Noah's. Did something happen there?"
"No, something did not happen there," she looked into his eyes, his kind gentle eyes, and felt obligated to tell him the truth, "Honestly I don't really know what happened last night so I can't tell you."
"That is not good Peyton. It is not good to wake up and not know where the hell you are or what happened."
"Sorry? What do you want me to do, apologize? Tell you that it won't happen again. Because I can't do that, I know that that is not something that is going to happen. I am a lost cause Luke, give up on me now…please just do it."
"Nope, not going to happen, even as much as you want it to happen, it is not. I do not back away from those that I care about."
"Oh should I feel honored? Lucas Scott actually cares about me," she mocked him, it was her character to do so, but she was not in the right mind state to accept it and move on. At the present time she did not want any help, she just wanted to go on with what she was doing. Everything had worked out leading up to this moment, so why should you change a good thing? Well not good, just better, I suppose. "Luke, please just cross me off your list, I do not need your help, I am doing just fine."
"I will only agree with you if you are telling me that throwing your life away is doing fine. Because I really do not agree with you, you are not the Peyton that I knew and…"
"And what? Dated…even loved? What are you trying to tell me Lucas? Please save your bullshit. I am who I am, take it or leave it. People keep telling me I am a different person, but I don't see it like that. I am the same. The world and people in it are the ones who are different. I have not turned into something that I am not, like other people. Hmmm…Haley for example."
"Leave her out of it, you have done enough damage, you have hurt her enough. And you know what, she never did a damn thing to you, other then be nice and accept you for who you are."
"Well since I don't seem to know it, who am I Lucas? Please enlighten me."
"That is not something that I can tell you."
"Are you sure? Because I think that everyone else knows who I am better then I know myself. So please Lucas, do not tell me that Haley accepted me for the way I am, there was no way that she could do that if we cannot classify who I am."
"Fine, but she never did anything to you that would cause you to treat her the way that she has been being treated."
"She got on a fucking tour bus and left her husband," Peyton said louder then she intended and everyone in the café including Haley turned and heard. Then she said quieter to Lucas, "Is that not enough?"
Lucas looked around at all the people staring in their direction, but only one set of eyes meant anything to him, and those were sad eyes, hurt eyes, and they were Haley's. For a minute their eyes were locked and then Haley left and went into the back room. Lucas turned back to Peyton, "That is not someplace that you belong Peyton. Whatever happened between Nathan and Haley does not involve you; you have no place making Haley pay for some mistake that she made. She has already been feeling her own pain for what happened."
"Nathan is my friend, she hurt him, and she needs to hurt as well."
Lucas was actually quite shocked that Peyton would say that nevertheless think that, "She hurts everyday Peyton, have you seen her smile since she has been back, have you seen her smile once?" Lucas stared at her when she didn't respond; he asked her again, "Have you? Have you?"
"No. But she deserves it. She left him. That is not something that he can just forgive."
"Peyton, no one deserves the pain that she feels everyday. How do you think it would feel to have to live with the fact everyday that you made a mistake and have to feel the pain and wrath of it? She has had her share of pain Peyton; I just didn't realize how much she was feeling until now."
"I haven't done anything to her, Luke."
"How do you know that? You don't remember what happened last night."
"Nice Lucas, nice, hit me when I am down."
"And even if it wasn't you that is causing her a little more pain daily, your ass of a boyfriend isn't exactly nice to her. I really cannot believe that you would stoop that low. I thought you were better then that."
"Well apparently you thought wrong."
Lucas looked at Peyton and when he did he did not see her as a former friend, one he once dated, he saw her as a lost cause, some one so far gone into the worst of worlds. He looked at her and instead of seeing pain he saw a failed attempt to cover up the aftermath of a night she could not remember. He saw a lost little girl in the world of evil. And he saw someone he might not be able to save, "I guess I did."
Peyton watched as Lucas got up from his seat and just left her there alone with her uneaten food. She really was a lost cause; there was no one left that could pull her out of the hell that she was sucked into. She pushed everyone away with her words; nevertheless she never imagined that they were really not coming back.
Lucas headed to the back room, he knew that Haley was not very reciprocal earlier but he was hoping that something was triggered and she wanted to talk about it. However, Karen had beaten him to it, just barely though. Haley had her back to them and she was trying to not break down, trying not to let the words that Peyton said get to her. But they were so true, and each word hurt so deep. Karen took a step towards her and then placed a gentle hand on Haley's shoulder. This actually startled her, so Karen attempted to comfort her with her words, "Haley, sweetheart, things are going to get better."
These words caused Haley to turn around, "When?" she was more distraught at this moment then upset, "when are things going to get better? Because I cannot see the future, but I can honestly tell you that they are not getting better anytime soon. And to tell you the truth, I do not know how much more time I am willing to wait…until things 'get better.' There is only so much pain that one person can endure from a mistake they made."
"Nathan is just taking time to recover."
"Are you siding with him, Karen?"
"No, of course I am not. I am just saying that he is not expected to greet you with open arms after you left him."
"But I came back. Why isn't that enough? I came back…" it pained her because she did not understand how this could be going on for so long. She had been back from the tour for almost two months, two months, and there was not one day that it did not hurt to get up. After complete silence in the room because no one knew how to respond, Haley spoke again, "I was never expecting him to greet me with open arms, I know I hurt him. But he told me to leave; he made me choose between my love for music and my love for him, that isn't fair. I did not leave on that tour bus because I did not love him, I left because I did. I was able to bring in money to contribute to our family. I called him, he did not pick up, I left him messages, he never responded. He was the one that gave up on us, on everything that we had made together. If I had known that me going on that bus would have led to where I am now, I would have never stepped a foot on it. Knowing that this was the pain I would feel every second of the day, I would rather be dead."
"Haley, please do not say that…you have so much to live for."
"Yeah? Please enlighten me."
"Your music, your education, those that care for you so much, your intelligence, and service, your…"
"Stop it, stop it, please I don't want to hear anymore. You know why?" She did not even wait for a response, "Because the only thing worth living for…I don't have." She recomposed her self, brushed away her unshed tears and spoke before Lucas or Karen had a chance to speak, "Well if you would excuse me, I have customers waiting for me," again she did not give a chance for response, she walked past them both and made her way over to her customers as if nothing had ever happened.
"Well I think we are two for two today."
"Neither of them want to change the way that they are living, they are both feeling pain and aren't willing to live with it any longer. They are both ending up on paths that they would have never have taken. And it is not the right path at this moment in time. I don't know what to tell you Lucas, all I know is that they are more alike then they will ever know."
"I think we are just going to have to give them time, there is only so much pain that one can take, they will not be able to take it anymore, and when that happens, hopefully they will turn to someone to help them."
"You know them to well to know the truth though."
"Well I hope I am wrong for another time today."
"Me too," she looked at her son, where has the girls in his life turned to? She was unsure, just hoping that something or someone would intervene soon. "I have got to get back to work, what are your plans for the rest of the day?"
"Thinking…and then I am going to come to Tric tonight, Jimmy Eat World is a good band, sometimes people surprise you with rare talent, and I like that."
"I hope so, we need as many people as we can get, and we lost a lot of money last night. I do not know how we are going to make it up."
"We will think of something Ma, we always do. I will talk to you later; call me if there are any breakthroughs in either of them."
Lucas walked out of the back room and saw that Peyton had left the café and her food was uneaten, he really wished that he could go after her and take her away from her hell. But they were at a stand still, and he accepted that. Lucas looked over at Haley, she was not happy, and it pained him to see him like that. But again, it was a standstill and he could not go over there and tell her what he wanted to, so he just walked out of the café, and headed to the first place he could think of.
