"Ma, Ma, it has just been a long day. She fell asleep on the way back."
"You can put her in my bed, I don't really see me sleeping much tonight."
Before Lucas could take her anywhere she started to move a little bit, and then she woke up, "You okay?" Lucas asked, putting her down.
"Yeah," she said trying to unwrinkle her clothes.
"So where did you two rush off to?"
"I will tell you about it later."
"Actually, I would kind of like an explanation to why you would leave at a time when your best friend was in the most need."
"I did it for her. I was not leaving for my own good. This was all about her. It just hurt too much to see her like that, and I had to do something, anything for her."
"But how about you imagine, and it might be even worse if you were living it. And she did not just walk away."
"She can't Mom, she is not conscious. She cannot just walk away from the pain she is experiencing."
"Wouldn't you say that was pretty selfish of you to just walk away then?"
"There is nothing else I could do. I have never seen her like this. I did not know what to do. I really do not think I was walking away from anything."
"So because of some unfamiliarity you just chose to leave her alone with it."
"Ma, you know her as well as I do. I have never seen her like this. You never imagine your best friend going through such a hard time. All you can think of is her smiling face after she finished her set, or after she makes a breakthrough with one of the kids she is tutoring. You never expect that smile to turn into a permanent frown; you don't know how to react."
"Just be there for her, no matter the changes she is experiencing."
"I know, I know I wasn't there for her during all of this."
"This, Lucas? This? This is the worse pain that any human can experience, it is more then just…this."
"It doesn't seem like I can get a word in with you that is right. How bad do you want me to feel? Because you know what, Ma? I feel pretty awful. I do not feel good about my actions or lack there of when it came to helping Haley if that is what you what you think."
"I know you do, I am sorry, Lucas. I too am just worried that she might not be able to recover from all of this. She is so strong all the time, she never falters when she is helping others, and I am standing here every second wanting to break down over and over again. But she would never do that, she is strong in the presence of those who need her. If she was to break down she would do it alone, where no one could see her tears, so no one could comfort her. She does not want that, Haley just wants to protect and care for others; she does not want to feel the same way about anyone else. But right now, she has no choice. I just wish it was not like this."
"No one wants it to be like this. But this is life. We have all got to deal with our demons at some point. This is just her time. We all go through it," Peyton spoke for the first time, not quite sure if it was her place, or if what she said was appropriate.
"And look how well you are dealing with yours."
"I cannot make it one conversation without this turning into me. I thought that we were talking about Haley. Oh wait, I am pretty confident that is what we were doing. So either we talk about Haley some more, or I am out of here."
"Okay, but we are not done with you, Peyton. You need just as much help as Haley. I just wish that there was some sort of normalcy in the form of happiness for you all. But I guess you all have to go through periods of emotions other then happiness."
Lucas stopped listening to his mother bicker with Peyton about her emotional status, he would laugh, just to see his mother, his own mother, bickering over Peyton's problems, she is not even her daughter, she is just the friend that he brought to her heart. And he knew that that was someplace that she was never leaving from. But he could not laugh though, laughter at a time like this would be, it would be selfish. Haley cannot laugh, Haley cannot smile, Haley cannot do anything. He stared at the entrance to his room. He knew what was behind the door, he knew that she was in there lying in his bed, motionless, but it was just hard to believe that is the state that she was in. It wasn't like Lucas did not know that she hurt, he was there the night that she came back from the tour. He was the first one; he should have been the last one. But that is not how it goes…the pain that she was feeling broke her. He should have never have let it happen, he should have embraced her before she became as fragile as she was. But he did not, and this is where they are at now. Haley broken. Lucas afraid. Lives waiting to be completed, all while fighting time.
Karen noticed that Lucas' attention was directed towards his room. "She is in there, Lucas. There is no one stopping you from going in there."
"I know it is selfish, but it hurts me so much to see her lying in the bed, broken, all alone."
"She is not alone."
"Is Brooke still with her?"
"She has not left her side."
"Why does she care so much?" Peyton wondered out loud.
"Because no one else does."
"That is not true, Mom, you do, and I do."
"Well neither of us is in there right now, now are we?"
"Maybe she is just stronger then you and me."
"Maybe? I do not think you know Brooke Davis that well then. Because she is stronger then she will let on to the world. She has been there for Haley throughout the entirety of her heartache. She has never left her side; she had been with Haley through each fluctuation of the heart. And it has been dark, and it was not been pretty. There have been morning tears, there has been evening tears, and Brooke was the only one to wipe them away. And Brooke has her own demons that she trying to fight, and she is fighting them alone. She did not want Haley to feel the way that she felt inside. Unfortunately, that did not happen for them."
So it has been nearly three hours since Lucas had placed Haley in his bed, and with a little more talk with his mom, and some with Peyton, he decided that it was time to face his fears. It was not fair of him to stay away because of what he feared. What about what Haley feared? There was nothing that he could do just sitting there outside of his door. She was inside, and Lucas had to think, he did not believe in it, he could not, but he had to think, what happens if she never woke up? What happened if when Haley closed her eyes it was for the last time? What happens if her heartbreak broke her so much, that the pieces tore away at her insides, and they too broke, and then they were not able to be put back together? What happens if all of this is going on and Lucas just sat in his living room, while his best friend lay in his bed…dying? He could not live with himself if that happened. I mean it is not really fair for him to think about himself at a time like this, but she was part of him, it had been Haley and Lucas against the world for the last ten years. There was no way that Lucas could fight the world with out her in it. He pushed aside everything, everything that he was feeling, especially those negative thoughts, she was going to make it, he did not have to worry any longer. Because even if he had to leave Tree Hill to buy more glue, he was going to piece Haley's heart back together, piece by piece. He put his hand on the doorknob and took a huge breath, and then he entered.
Brooke heard some noise, and she did not know where it was coming from, she had fallen asleep slightly, so this unknown noise startled her. She thought that it was Haley; she looked at her, "Haley? Haley, wake up for me. Please, wake up. I cannot do this alone anymore. You are the strong one. What am I supposed to do when the strongest person I know is broken? That does not give me much hope now does it? Please, please, just wake up. I promise you that the world is not as horrible as it may seem. I know it can get bad, I mean I really know that. But there are so many people that care about you; we would miss you too much if you left us so soon. A broken heart is hard to recover from; I am still recovering from mine. But I bet you did not even know I had one, I hid it pretty well. I think I try and hid it from myself more then most though." Brooke shook it off though, she was selfish to think about herself at a time like this, Haley was the one in need, not her. Why did she do this? "I am sorry; I was just telling you that you are not alone. Never alone, open your eyes."
"You are not alone either," Lucas told her from behind her, hearing the entire thing, she just gave away piece of her heart, and he grabbed onto it. He watched the entire thing, his mom was right, Brooke really cared about Haley. Her hand had not left Haley's the entire time. And he finally realized that what his mom was saying was not a fabrication, she was really feeling pain, but she just hid it a lot better then most. He really did not know Brooke, and he should, because he had once been given her heart, he should have treated it better. But now he was staring at two girls, two that he cared about more then the world and they both were fighting a broken heart. One was not as lucky, the other ready for a breaking point at any moment. He had to be there for them now. He just had to now.
She could not believe it. Did Lucas just hear everything that she had just said? No, no, why did she let him past her scar tissue directly to her heart. "Did you hear everything?"
"It is okay, Brooke."
"No, no, it is not okay, Lucas. I trusted you with my heart once, and it was broken in a million pieces, I am not ready to give it back to you for another chance of heartbreak."
"Brooke, I am sorry."
"So am I, Lucas. You held my heart once, and I thought that I was not going to be alone anymore, but I was wrong, and my heart did break. And I am still recovering; it hurts too much to give it away again. Even to you, Lucas. And it is sad; because I have never loved anyone more then I love you. But right now it just hurts too much for me to give it away again. It is the only thing that I have left."
"You have me."
"Do I really have you Luke? Because when was the last time that we talked about our lives? When is the last time you showed more interest then just your Lucas Scott's friendship awarding character? The last two months, I honestly do not even know if I can say that I know you. Or what you were doing. I know what Haley was doing. I know what I was doing. But where were you? So I really do not think that I have you here to support me in whatever this mess that I call life is."
Lucas could not respond to that right away, well at least not to that, he knew one thing that was true though at the moment, "You have my mom. She cares about you more then anything."
"I know, Luke. I know that, and it means a lot to me, for the first time in my life an adult cares about the person that I really am," with each sentence, Lucas could see that she was becoming increasingly upset, he could not interject though, he needed to let her talk, let her let it out, for her sake and selfishly…for his. "She is not throwing money at me telling me to 'buy love, it don't come cheap,'" repeating the exact words that her parents had embedded in her own head. "She is there in every aspect of the word, sometimes even if I do not want her there," she laughed a small laugh, "and she really cares about everything, or anything that I do. But you know what? She is someone else's mom…she is yours. And she is not going to be around forever, I mean of course she is going to be around forever, she is Karen Roe: Superwoman, but she cannot go on saving me for the rest of my life. I am okay with that, there are only so many times someone can be saved before they are simply alone. And I am okay with being alone. I have to remind myself sometimes that I am alive though. I look in the mirror and tell myself this is who I am, wake up, put on your face, the face that I give to the world and just go out there and face everything and everyone. It is all I know. I do it every day. It is who I am. And I am still okay."
"You are not okay, Brooke."
