AN/ another chappie! Yay! All hail me! Hehe. Ok, before I begin, I have a
few things to say. as usual. Reviews will be answered at the end, I don't
own any of this crap, but more importantly, this will probably be the last
update until December. Why you ask? How could Lamoo possibly neglect her
fics for a whole month? Well, NaNoWriMo starts November 1st and runs for
the whole month of November. So, I'll be more than busy trying to write 50
000 words in that month I doubt I'll have the time for the inspiration to
write fanfiction for you guys. I am terribly sorry, but rest assured that
there will be plenty of new stuff once November is over.
Disclaimer: Lamoo has suddenly realised what a dull activity it is writing disclaimers. She wishes she didn't have to but feels it is her duty to remind everyone out there in fanfiction land, that none of Mr Tolkien's characters belong to her. She also wishes to remind everyone that neither the loyal reviewers who feature in this fic, nor the pair of lovely pirates belong in her possession either. But Lamoo is very happy when she declares that Legolas's car, Pippin's friend Percy as well as the other insane nonsense in this story occasionally like to visit her house, thus giving their permission to be featured in this silly story. Have a nice day and please ignore future disclaimers that state that Lamoo is an evil chipmunk and rules the world. This is not so. She is in fact and evil gold fish who rules the world *cough cough*.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~
Chapter Six!!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Previously in TF&TEND: the adventures continue, Percy made more appearances, we caught a glimpse of Lamoo's magic weirdo bus, Aragorn got bitten by a piranha and Legolas is wondering "dude, where's my car?!"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Dude, where is it!" Legolas asked in a panicked tone of voice.
"How should I know?" replied Aragorn with a shrug. "Why do you always blame me when something goes wrong?"
Legolas rolled his eyes. "I blame you because it's usually your fault!" he barked
"Maybe your car has just been towed cos you parked it in a no parking zone," suggested the ranger.
The elf shook his head. "Would never happen. I never park in idiotic places like you do."
"Maybe you just parked it somewhere else and forgot,"
Again, the elf shook his head. "I am an elf Aragorn, I don't forget stuff as easily as mortals do."
"Could have fooled me," Aragorn muttered under his breath. Legolas glared and the ranger smiled sheepishly before he suggested another option. "Maybe Lamoo came and borrowed it while we were getting our massages?"
"That might be a possibility," began Legolas with a despairing nod. "But thankfully she didn't, because she and her cronies are off playing paintball with the others."
"I see," remarked Aragorn. He paused for a moment. "I still think you forgot where you parked the car," he muttered. Legolas heard and turned around to face his companion, punching Aragorn in the nose. "Oww, wa os at for?" Aragorn asked, clutching at his nose, which was now bleeding quite heavily.
"For being an idiot," replied the elf coolly.
"Ok," said the ranger, defeated. "Still hurt." He added, rummaging around in his pockets for a tissue to stem the blood flow.
"It was supposed to hurt," commented Legolas.
"Whatever," muttered Aragorn. Then, suddenly, Aragorn noticed a silver Porsche parked a few car spaces down. "Uh, Lego, your car is over there,"
"What!?" came the reply as the elf leapt from where he'd been sitting on the edge of the walkway.
"Over there," replied Aragorn, pointing at the car in question with one hand, holding a tissue to his nose with the other.
Legolas ran up to it and started inspecting the car. Of course, one would only have to look at the number plate and the bumper stickers to see that the car plainly belonged to an elven prince of Mirkwood.
"Told you." Said the ranger triumphantly.
Legolas narrowed his eyes. "Do you want me to give you a broken jaw to match your nose?"
Aragorn shook his head. ~Ha! I knew he'd forgotten, ~ he thought to himself, grinning.
"What's so funny?" Legolas wanted to know as he unlocked the car.
"Nothing," replied the ranger, sliding into his seat, his nose still bleeding.
"That's what I thought," said the elf as he revved the engine to life. "Let's go. We have a holiday to plan."
For the elf and the ranger, the drive home was fairly normal by Legolas's usual standards. He only drove onto the wrong side of the road once and managed to avoid hitting anything. Soon, the silver Porsche pulled up in the driveway of the fellowship's house.
It appeared that the rest of the fellowship had arrived home some time earlier for there were blue, yellow and orange footprints all over the front porch. Frodo had left the door open, as usual, so Legolas and Aragorn strolled in, Legolas acting like he had never almost lost his car. Aragorn was carrying all the bags of shopping while Legolas just had a few holiday brochures in his left hand. And yes, the ranger's nose had eventually stopped bleeding.
"We're baaaack," Legolas called out in a singsong voice.
The hobbits scampered out into the kitchen, hoping Legolas had bought them food like he usually did on one of his shopping trips. Gandalf followed, wanting to see if any of the clothes Legolas had probably bought would fit him. And Gimli tagged along as well, just for the hell of it.
"Did you get us anything?" Merry wanted to know.
Legolas sighed and rummaged through one of the bags that Aragorn had gladly dumped on the kitchen table. After a few minutes of searching, Legolas found what he's been looking for.
"There you go," he said brightly, tossing each of the hobbits something, the elf's bad mood forgotten.
Pippin beamed and held up the bunch of bananas Legolas got for him for everyone to see whilst Merry hoed in immediately to the packet of chicken flavoured rice crackers.
"Easily amused aren't they," mused Aragorn as Sam and Frodo compared their own items, Frodo's a tin of instant coffee and Sam's bottle of vinegar.
"What about me?" Gandalf asked, hands on hips.
"What about you?" Legolas wanted to know. "Oh, yea, I did get you something."
Gandalf beamed with glee whilst Legolas again rummaged through another bag. "Ah ha!" cried the elf when he found Gandalf's gift. The wizard grinned with delight when Legolas bestowed upon him an orange frilly shower cap, which was the same colour as the tie the elf prince gifted the wizard with.
"I take by your delighted expression you like the tie," commented Legolas. Gandalf nodded and thrust the shower cap over his head and pulled the tie around his neck.
"You really should discourage him from wearing those sort of things," Gimli commented, hoping that Legolas had bought something for him too.
Legolas shrugged. "In my opinion, the worse he looks, the less the rest of us have to worry about how bad we appear. And yes, I did get you something, but you only get it if you stop making that ridiculous expression." Again, the elf rummaged around unnecessarily before he found the pair of musical socks with potatoes embroidered all over them and the extra large bottle of two in one shampoo and conditioner. "And I expect the shampoo to be actually USED, not eaten."
"What evidence is there to suggest that I eat shampoo?!" cried Gimli, highly offended.
Legolas shrugged. "A few weeks ago, Sam made stir fry something, and you heaped my shampoo all over the top of it then proceeded to eat the food, AND the shampoo."
"That was Gandalf." Remarked Aragorn. "Gimli was eating the dental floss."
"Oh." Replied the elf. "Sorry, my mistake. Yo can still keep the shampoo Gimli. You're hair would look lovely if it wasn't so." the elf paused, looking for a suitable word to use.
"Frizzy?" suggested Merry. "How about disgusting? Repulsive? Filthy?"
"All of those." Replied the elf. Gimli's lower lip trembled and for a moment everyone thought he was about to burst into tears. "I'm only being honest Gimli," Legolas explained, trying not to snicker. "All your hair needs is a wash once in a while," he said, eyeing Gimli's split ends and filthy locks before moving on. "And perhaps a cut."
Gimli smiled, happy that all Legolas thought was wrong with his beard was that it was dirty and in dire need of a cut. But Legolas of course, could think of nothing more repulsive than Gimli's greasy, grimy hair and his beard, split ends, complete with morsels of food stuck there for over a month.
There was an awkward silence in the kitchen before Aragorn spoke. "Did you all have to put up with Lamoo?" he wondered.
The hobbits shook their heads gleefully and explained that Lamoo and her friends had been late and had stayed at the paintball centre to have a game or two to make up for the time they missed.
Pippin thrust Percy the Parsnip under Aragorn's nose all of a sudden. The ranger looked disgusted and shoved the mouldy vegetable away.
Pippin scowled. "Don't be mean to Percy," he said, cradling the parsnip in his arms.
Legolas grinned evilly. "Hey Estel," he began. "You know what I feel like for dinner tonight?"
"What?" replied the ranger, having a fairly good guess at what Legolas was going at.
"Parsnip soup," added the elf, rubbing his stomach.
Pippin squeaked in protest and hugged Percy closer before he dashed off to his bedroom to sulk and find away to protect his beloved parsnip from the horrors of Legolas's cooking.
The elf chucked as did the ranger and they both went their separate ways. Legolas took his shopping to his room where it was presumed he was trying to lot of it on. again. Aragorn meanwhile went into the lounge room and plonked down on the couch with the TV remote, changing the channels, looking for anything that might resemble something worth watching.
Gimli shrugged and announced that he was going to wash his hair, much to the amazement of the other members of the fellowship. Merry trotted back to the room he shared with Pippin and tried to convince the other hobbits that Legolas was not going to put Percy the parsnip in a soup.
Gandalf declared that he was going to clean the toilet with his new tie. Off he sauntered, not remembering in time that Gimli was trying to have a shower.
Of course there was a lock on the bathroom door, Legolas had installed it to prevent unwanted visitors interrupting him when he was trying to have a long soak in the bath after a crazy day. But the last time Gimli had had a shower was at least six months ago, before Legolas had put the lock on the bathroom door. Thus, the dwarf did not think to lock to door. Instead he simply stripped off his clothes, creating very, very bad mental images for all the readers out there in fanfiction land, and hopped into the shower with his bottle of two in one shampoo and conditioner.
So along came the ludicrous wizard, wearing his orange shower cap and matching tie, ready to clean the toilet for his own enjoyment. He casually opened the door and caught a glimpse of Gimli, nude.
Lamoo wishes to inform readers that she will not even try to describe this scene as it may damage her permanently and evaporate the last of her remaining sanity. She would like to reassure readers that it was certainly not a pretty sight, so she will leave the interpretation of this scene up to the disturbed imaginations of loyal readers.
Gandalf's ear splitting scream mingled with a cry of despair from Gimli could be heard four streets away.
It wasn't long before Legolas stomped out of his room, no shirt on, halfway through trying on his new jeans, and barked at the dwarf and wizard to quieten down, move out or suffer his wrath. Lamoo would like to inform readers that even though Legolas is certainly a very beautiful elf, his wrath is not something one would like to experience often. Haldir and Boromir are the only two living people who had suffered Legolas's wrath and lived to tell the tale. Lamoo wishes to inform readers that previous little screaming fits Legolas may have had during the duration of this story and its prequel are nothing in comparison to the wrath of the blonde archer.
The dwarf and the wizard yelped and ran away from the elf, Gimli trying to hold a towel around his waist to prevent Lamoo from barfing should she catch a glimpse of. anything. while writing this chapter. Gandalf skittered away and went to hide in the linen closet while Gimli took shelter underneath the kitchen table.
The elf rolled his eyes and stomped back to his room.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Meanwhile, Frodo and Sam had taken Legolas's holiday brochures out into the lounge room and the pair of hobbits were lying on their stomachs on the floor reading them.
"Aragorn," spoke up Frodo, trying to get the attention of the ranger parked on the couch who was thoroughly engrossed in a documentary about potato peelers. "Aragorn!" yelled Frodo once more.
The ranger spun around to glare at the hobbits who had disturbed his TV watching. "What do you want?" he asked.
"Why did Legolas get all these brochures?" Sam wanted to know, quite literally taking the words out of Frodo's mouth.
Aragorn's mood changed and he climbed off the couch to join the hobbits on the floor, abandoning the potato peeler documentary. He sat cross-legged and grinned. "We're going on holidays." He said
"All of us?" wondered Frodo.
The ranger nodded. "Yep. Lego won a competition, and we're going on vacation!"
"Where are we going?" Sam enquired.
Aragorn shrugged. "No idea. It's up to Legolas." He explained. "But rest assured that he'll probably pick somewhere nice."
"I'd like to go skiing," mused Frodo.
The ranger winced and shook his head. "You know how much Merry and Pippin would protest." He said. "Its more trouble asking than it's worth. Besides, Legolas'll say he can't get a good tan in the snow."
"The beach!" chorused both hobbits in unison.
Aragorn smiled and nodded. "I hope so." He said. He was just about to suggest they go and ask the elf now when a mind blowing yelling match broke out. As usual, it sounded as though something had pissed the elf off and now he was screaming at the top of his lungs at the culprit/s.
"Maybe we should ask him later," remarked Aragorn. Sam nodded in agreement but Frodo had an idea.
"Maybe if we asked him now, he might suddenly drop his pissy mood and be somewhat civilised." Explained the hobbit. "Vacations make me happy, maybe they'll make Legolas forget that he ticked off at someone."
Aragorn and Sam agreed that this was a better idea and all three off the made their way out of the lounge room, down the hall, and knocked on the elf's bedroom door.
"Mani uma lle merna? (What do you want?)" Came the elf's voice through the door.
Frodo and Sam didn't speak much elvish so they thought Legolas was swearing at them. Aragorn though, did understand.
"Amin merna quen (I wish to speak,)" replied the ranger.
There was a hollow laugh from behind Legolas's door. "Speak away," he said, this time in the common tongue.
"May we come in?" Aragorn asked.
The door opened and Legolas let the ranger and the three hobbits into his room. "What do you want?" he asked.
"To ask you where you want to go on vacation," piped up Sam.
Legolas's expression softened and a smile graced his fair face. He smiled but shrugged. "I have no idea," he remarked. "Any ideas?"
"Well," began Frodo. "We were thinking that the beach would be nice."
The elf nodded, deep in thought. Finally he spoke. "Sun, Sea and Sand, I like that idea."
The hobbits and Aragorn grinned in triumph. Aragorn piped up again. "There are plenty of beaches around, let's go somewhere tropical and exotic."
"The moon?" suggested Sam. His suggestion was declined as Frodo rolled his eyes and slapped his companion over the head. Sam frowned. "How about the sun, it's nice and warm."
"And we'll frizzle you idiot!" exclaimed Frodo.
Sam sniffed. "Fine then." He said. "What about Bali?" he said, reading out the first thing he saw in the brochure that Frodo had in his hand.
Much to the surprise of the hobbits, the elf nodded as if seriously contemplating this possibility. "Why not," remarked the elf. "I've heard the shopping is great, and the beaches are wonderful. Bali it is. That is it none of you have any objections?"
The hobbits and the ranger all shook their heads in unison. The elf beamed before he stood up to usher them out of the room. "Out, out," he said. "I have planning to do."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Well that certainly changed his mood," mused Frodo a few minutes later once he and Sam and Aragorn were all in the kitchen. Aragorn nodded as he rummaged in the fridge for a can of beer and Sam grunted in agreement through his mouthful of left over chocolate cake.
"Bali," mused Sam. "where's that?"
"Indonesia." Replied Aragorn, sighing with disappointment when he discovered there was no beer left.
Frodo picked up the travel brochure. "Tropical, wonderful warm climate, culture and shopping."
"Sounds fun." Remarked Sam. Frodo nodded in agreement while the ranger grumbled under his breath about the lack of beer.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
That evening, Legolas did the cooking, much to the dismay of Sam. Pippin meanwhile was terrified that Legolas would carry out his threat and put Percy in the soup.
Thankfully, Legolas decided to make stir-fried something or other. He hummed to himself as he tossed the assorted vegetables and chopped up bits of chicken around the wok. The hobbits waited eagerly at the table for the elf to finish cooking, Sam perhaps less eager than the others after having being turfed from the kitchen by the elf who did not particularly want any help cooking from any hobbit, least of all Sam.
Aragorn meanwhile tried to help Legolas by cooking some rice to go with the stir-fry. No body saw Legolas tip several chopped up chillies into the wok. The elf licked his lips; he was rather fond of chilli. He smiled evilly. He'd also like to see the reactions of Gimli and Merry to the massive amounts of chilli in the food. Aragorn probably wouldn't notice, and neither would Frodo probably.
Legolas barked out an order to Gandalf, whom he was still not exactly pleased with, for the wizard to get the chopsticks out of the drawer.
Unfortunately Legolas didn't remember that he and Aragorn were the only ones in the household who had ever actually seen a pair of chopsticks before, let alone ones who knew how to use them properly.
"Mithrandir," called Legolas. "Get out the chopsticks please,"
The elf's request was met by a bemused expression on Gandalf's part and an argument broke out between Frodo and Merry over what exactly a chopstick was.
Legolas let go an frustrated sigh and thrust the thing he was stirring the stir fry with into Aragorn's hands, leaving the ranger in charge of the cooking, while he marched over to the drawers and rummaged through until he found several sets of miss-matched chopsticks. Only after a second thought did Legolas think that perhaps he should get forks in stead.
"Forks?" he asked the hobbits tiredly.
They all shook their heads, wanting to be like everyone else and use the choppies. The elf shrugged and handed Gandalf the chopsticks and went back to stirring the stir-fry.
As is the nature of stirs fried chicken, it did not take very long for Legolas to finish up cooking. Just as he had served the food, as if on cue, there was a knock on the door.
"I'll get it," remarked Aragorn, hopping up to answer the door.
"Please let it be anyone but Haldir or Lamoo." Said Legolas to the ceiling fan.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
TBC
AN/ yep, that's it. And again cos I am so lazy, I cant be bothered replying to reviews. I hope no body minds. I did receive them all, but it takes me way too long to reply to them all. And if it takes me ages, it takes me ages to finish this chapter, which means its ages before you guys get to read it.
Sorry guys.
Hehe Love Lamoo
Disclaimer: Lamoo has suddenly realised what a dull activity it is writing disclaimers. She wishes she didn't have to but feels it is her duty to remind everyone out there in fanfiction land, that none of Mr Tolkien's characters belong to her. She also wishes to remind everyone that neither the loyal reviewers who feature in this fic, nor the pair of lovely pirates belong in her possession either. But Lamoo is very happy when she declares that Legolas's car, Pippin's friend Percy as well as the other insane nonsense in this story occasionally like to visit her house, thus giving their permission to be featured in this silly story. Have a nice day and please ignore future disclaimers that state that Lamoo is an evil chipmunk and rules the world. This is not so. She is in fact and evil gold fish who rules the world *cough cough*.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~
Chapter Six!!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Previously in TF&TEND: the adventures continue, Percy made more appearances, we caught a glimpse of Lamoo's magic weirdo bus, Aragorn got bitten by a piranha and Legolas is wondering "dude, where's my car?!"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Dude, where is it!" Legolas asked in a panicked tone of voice.
"How should I know?" replied Aragorn with a shrug. "Why do you always blame me when something goes wrong?"
Legolas rolled his eyes. "I blame you because it's usually your fault!" he barked
"Maybe your car has just been towed cos you parked it in a no parking zone," suggested the ranger.
The elf shook his head. "Would never happen. I never park in idiotic places like you do."
"Maybe you just parked it somewhere else and forgot,"
Again, the elf shook his head. "I am an elf Aragorn, I don't forget stuff as easily as mortals do."
"Could have fooled me," Aragorn muttered under his breath. Legolas glared and the ranger smiled sheepishly before he suggested another option. "Maybe Lamoo came and borrowed it while we were getting our massages?"
"That might be a possibility," began Legolas with a despairing nod. "But thankfully she didn't, because she and her cronies are off playing paintball with the others."
"I see," remarked Aragorn. He paused for a moment. "I still think you forgot where you parked the car," he muttered. Legolas heard and turned around to face his companion, punching Aragorn in the nose. "Oww, wa os at for?" Aragorn asked, clutching at his nose, which was now bleeding quite heavily.
"For being an idiot," replied the elf coolly.
"Ok," said the ranger, defeated. "Still hurt." He added, rummaging around in his pockets for a tissue to stem the blood flow.
"It was supposed to hurt," commented Legolas.
"Whatever," muttered Aragorn. Then, suddenly, Aragorn noticed a silver Porsche parked a few car spaces down. "Uh, Lego, your car is over there,"
"What!?" came the reply as the elf leapt from where he'd been sitting on the edge of the walkway.
"Over there," replied Aragorn, pointing at the car in question with one hand, holding a tissue to his nose with the other.
Legolas ran up to it and started inspecting the car. Of course, one would only have to look at the number plate and the bumper stickers to see that the car plainly belonged to an elven prince of Mirkwood.
"Told you." Said the ranger triumphantly.
Legolas narrowed his eyes. "Do you want me to give you a broken jaw to match your nose?"
Aragorn shook his head. ~Ha! I knew he'd forgotten, ~ he thought to himself, grinning.
"What's so funny?" Legolas wanted to know as he unlocked the car.
"Nothing," replied the ranger, sliding into his seat, his nose still bleeding.
"That's what I thought," said the elf as he revved the engine to life. "Let's go. We have a holiday to plan."
For the elf and the ranger, the drive home was fairly normal by Legolas's usual standards. He only drove onto the wrong side of the road once and managed to avoid hitting anything. Soon, the silver Porsche pulled up in the driveway of the fellowship's house.
It appeared that the rest of the fellowship had arrived home some time earlier for there were blue, yellow and orange footprints all over the front porch. Frodo had left the door open, as usual, so Legolas and Aragorn strolled in, Legolas acting like he had never almost lost his car. Aragorn was carrying all the bags of shopping while Legolas just had a few holiday brochures in his left hand. And yes, the ranger's nose had eventually stopped bleeding.
"We're baaaack," Legolas called out in a singsong voice.
The hobbits scampered out into the kitchen, hoping Legolas had bought them food like he usually did on one of his shopping trips. Gandalf followed, wanting to see if any of the clothes Legolas had probably bought would fit him. And Gimli tagged along as well, just for the hell of it.
"Did you get us anything?" Merry wanted to know.
Legolas sighed and rummaged through one of the bags that Aragorn had gladly dumped on the kitchen table. After a few minutes of searching, Legolas found what he's been looking for.
"There you go," he said brightly, tossing each of the hobbits something, the elf's bad mood forgotten.
Pippin beamed and held up the bunch of bananas Legolas got for him for everyone to see whilst Merry hoed in immediately to the packet of chicken flavoured rice crackers.
"Easily amused aren't they," mused Aragorn as Sam and Frodo compared their own items, Frodo's a tin of instant coffee and Sam's bottle of vinegar.
"What about me?" Gandalf asked, hands on hips.
"What about you?" Legolas wanted to know. "Oh, yea, I did get you something."
Gandalf beamed with glee whilst Legolas again rummaged through another bag. "Ah ha!" cried the elf when he found Gandalf's gift. The wizard grinned with delight when Legolas bestowed upon him an orange frilly shower cap, which was the same colour as the tie the elf prince gifted the wizard with.
"I take by your delighted expression you like the tie," commented Legolas. Gandalf nodded and thrust the shower cap over his head and pulled the tie around his neck.
"You really should discourage him from wearing those sort of things," Gimli commented, hoping that Legolas had bought something for him too.
Legolas shrugged. "In my opinion, the worse he looks, the less the rest of us have to worry about how bad we appear. And yes, I did get you something, but you only get it if you stop making that ridiculous expression." Again, the elf rummaged around unnecessarily before he found the pair of musical socks with potatoes embroidered all over them and the extra large bottle of two in one shampoo and conditioner. "And I expect the shampoo to be actually USED, not eaten."
"What evidence is there to suggest that I eat shampoo?!" cried Gimli, highly offended.
Legolas shrugged. "A few weeks ago, Sam made stir fry something, and you heaped my shampoo all over the top of it then proceeded to eat the food, AND the shampoo."
"That was Gandalf." Remarked Aragorn. "Gimli was eating the dental floss."
"Oh." Replied the elf. "Sorry, my mistake. Yo can still keep the shampoo Gimli. You're hair would look lovely if it wasn't so." the elf paused, looking for a suitable word to use.
"Frizzy?" suggested Merry. "How about disgusting? Repulsive? Filthy?"
"All of those." Replied the elf. Gimli's lower lip trembled and for a moment everyone thought he was about to burst into tears. "I'm only being honest Gimli," Legolas explained, trying not to snicker. "All your hair needs is a wash once in a while," he said, eyeing Gimli's split ends and filthy locks before moving on. "And perhaps a cut."
Gimli smiled, happy that all Legolas thought was wrong with his beard was that it was dirty and in dire need of a cut. But Legolas of course, could think of nothing more repulsive than Gimli's greasy, grimy hair and his beard, split ends, complete with morsels of food stuck there for over a month.
There was an awkward silence in the kitchen before Aragorn spoke. "Did you all have to put up with Lamoo?" he wondered.
The hobbits shook their heads gleefully and explained that Lamoo and her friends had been late and had stayed at the paintball centre to have a game or two to make up for the time they missed.
Pippin thrust Percy the Parsnip under Aragorn's nose all of a sudden. The ranger looked disgusted and shoved the mouldy vegetable away.
Pippin scowled. "Don't be mean to Percy," he said, cradling the parsnip in his arms.
Legolas grinned evilly. "Hey Estel," he began. "You know what I feel like for dinner tonight?"
"What?" replied the ranger, having a fairly good guess at what Legolas was going at.
"Parsnip soup," added the elf, rubbing his stomach.
Pippin squeaked in protest and hugged Percy closer before he dashed off to his bedroom to sulk and find away to protect his beloved parsnip from the horrors of Legolas's cooking.
The elf chucked as did the ranger and they both went their separate ways. Legolas took his shopping to his room where it was presumed he was trying to lot of it on. again. Aragorn meanwhile went into the lounge room and plonked down on the couch with the TV remote, changing the channels, looking for anything that might resemble something worth watching.
Gimli shrugged and announced that he was going to wash his hair, much to the amazement of the other members of the fellowship. Merry trotted back to the room he shared with Pippin and tried to convince the other hobbits that Legolas was not going to put Percy the parsnip in a soup.
Gandalf declared that he was going to clean the toilet with his new tie. Off he sauntered, not remembering in time that Gimli was trying to have a shower.
Of course there was a lock on the bathroom door, Legolas had installed it to prevent unwanted visitors interrupting him when he was trying to have a long soak in the bath after a crazy day. But the last time Gimli had had a shower was at least six months ago, before Legolas had put the lock on the bathroom door. Thus, the dwarf did not think to lock to door. Instead he simply stripped off his clothes, creating very, very bad mental images for all the readers out there in fanfiction land, and hopped into the shower with his bottle of two in one shampoo and conditioner.
So along came the ludicrous wizard, wearing his orange shower cap and matching tie, ready to clean the toilet for his own enjoyment. He casually opened the door and caught a glimpse of Gimli, nude.
Lamoo wishes to inform readers that she will not even try to describe this scene as it may damage her permanently and evaporate the last of her remaining sanity. She would like to reassure readers that it was certainly not a pretty sight, so she will leave the interpretation of this scene up to the disturbed imaginations of loyal readers.
Gandalf's ear splitting scream mingled with a cry of despair from Gimli could be heard four streets away.
It wasn't long before Legolas stomped out of his room, no shirt on, halfway through trying on his new jeans, and barked at the dwarf and wizard to quieten down, move out or suffer his wrath. Lamoo would like to inform readers that even though Legolas is certainly a very beautiful elf, his wrath is not something one would like to experience often. Haldir and Boromir are the only two living people who had suffered Legolas's wrath and lived to tell the tale. Lamoo wishes to inform readers that previous little screaming fits Legolas may have had during the duration of this story and its prequel are nothing in comparison to the wrath of the blonde archer.
The dwarf and the wizard yelped and ran away from the elf, Gimli trying to hold a towel around his waist to prevent Lamoo from barfing should she catch a glimpse of. anything. while writing this chapter. Gandalf skittered away and went to hide in the linen closet while Gimli took shelter underneath the kitchen table.
The elf rolled his eyes and stomped back to his room.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Meanwhile, Frodo and Sam had taken Legolas's holiday brochures out into the lounge room and the pair of hobbits were lying on their stomachs on the floor reading them.
"Aragorn," spoke up Frodo, trying to get the attention of the ranger parked on the couch who was thoroughly engrossed in a documentary about potato peelers. "Aragorn!" yelled Frodo once more.
The ranger spun around to glare at the hobbits who had disturbed his TV watching. "What do you want?" he asked.
"Why did Legolas get all these brochures?" Sam wanted to know, quite literally taking the words out of Frodo's mouth.
Aragorn's mood changed and he climbed off the couch to join the hobbits on the floor, abandoning the potato peeler documentary. He sat cross-legged and grinned. "We're going on holidays." He said
"All of us?" wondered Frodo.
The ranger nodded. "Yep. Lego won a competition, and we're going on vacation!"
"Where are we going?" Sam enquired.
Aragorn shrugged. "No idea. It's up to Legolas." He explained. "But rest assured that he'll probably pick somewhere nice."
"I'd like to go skiing," mused Frodo.
The ranger winced and shook his head. "You know how much Merry and Pippin would protest." He said. "Its more trouble asking than it's worth. Besides, Legolas'll say he can't get a good tan in the snow."
"The beach!" chorused both hobbits in unison.
Aragorn smiled and nodded. "I hope so." He said. He was just about to suggest they go and ask the elf now when a mind blowing yelling match broke out. As usual, it sounded as though something had pissed the elf off and now he was screaming at the top of his lungs at the culprit/s.
"Maybe we should ask him later," remarked Aragorn. Sam nodded in agreement but Frodo had an idea.
"Maybe if we asked him now, he might suddenly drop his pissy mood and be somewhat civilised." Explained the hobbit. "Vacations make me happy, maybe they'll make Legolas forget that he ticked off at someone."
Aragorn and Sam agreed that this was a better idea and all three off the made their way out of the lounge room, down the hall, and knocked on the elf's bedroom door.
"Mani uma lle merna? (What do you want?)" Came the elf's voice through the door.
Frodo and Sam didn't speak much elvish so they thought Legolas was swearing at them. Aragorn though, did understand.
"Amin merna quen (I wish to speak,)" replied the ranger.
There was a hollow laugh from behind Legolas's door. "Speak away," he said, this time in the common tongue.
"May we come in?" Aragorn asked.
The door opened and Legolas let the ranger and the three hobbits into his room. "What do you want?" he asked.
"To ask you where you want to go on vacation," piped up Sam.
Legolas's expression softened and a smile graced his fair face. He smiled but shrugged. "I have no idea," he remarked. "Any ideas?"
"Well," began Frodo. "We were thinking that the beach would be nice."
The elf nodded, deep in thought. Finally he spoke. "Sun, Sea and Sand, I like that idea."
The hobbits and Aragorn grinned in triumph. Aragorn piped up again. "There are plenty of beaches around, let's go somewhere tropical and exotic."
"The moon?" suggested Sam. His suggestion was declined as Frodo rolled his eyes and slapped his companion over the head. Sam frowned. "How about the sun, it's nice and warm."
"And we'll frizzle you idiot!" exclaimed Frodo.
Sam sniffed. "Fine then." He said. "What about Bali?" he said, reading out the first thing he saw in the brochure that Frodo had in his hand.
Much to the surprise of the hobbits, the elf nodded as if seriously contemplating this possibility. "Why not," remarked the elf. "I've heard the shopping is great, and the beaches are wonderful. Bali it is. That is it none of you have any objections?"
The hobbits and the ranger all shook their heads in unison. The elf beamed before he stood up to usher them out of the room. "Out, out," he said. "I have planning to do."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Well that certainly changed his mood," mused Frodo a few minutes later once he and Sam and Aragorn were all in the kitchen. Aragorn nodded as he rummaged in the fridge for a can of beer and Sam grunted in agreement through his mouthful of left over chocolate cake.
"Bali," mused Sam. "where's that?"
"Indonesia." Replied Aragorn, sighing with disappointment when he discovered there was no beer left.
Frodo picked up the travel brochure. "Tropical, wonderful warm climate, culture and shopping."
"Sounds fun." Remarked Sam. Frodo nodded in agreement while the ranger grumbled under his breath about the lack of beer.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
That evening, Legolas did the cooking, much to the dismay of Sam. Pippin meanwhile was terrified that Legolas would carry out his threat and put Percy in the soup.
Thankfully, Legolas decided to make stir-fried something or other. He hummed to himself as he tossed the assorted vegetables and chopped up bits of chicken around the wok. The hobbits waited eagerly at the table for the elf to finish cooking, Sam perhaps less eager than the others after having being turfed from the kitchen by the elf who did not particularly want any help cooking from any hobbit, least of all Sam.
Aragorn meanwhile tried to help Legolas by cooking some rice to go with the stir-fry. No body saw Legolas tip several chopped up chillies into the wok. The elf licked his lips; he was rather fond of chilli. He smiled evilly. He'd also like to see the reactions of Gimli and Merry to the massive amounts of chilli in the food. Aragorn probably wouldn't notice, and neither would Frodo probably.
Legolas barked out an order to Gandalf, whom he was still not exactly pleased with, for the wizard to get the chopsticks out of the drawer.
Unfortunately Legolas didn't remember that he and Aragorn were the only ones in the household who had ever actually seen a pair of chopsticks before, let alone ones who knew how to use them properly.
"Mithrandir," called Legolas. "Get out the chopsticks please,"
The elf's request was met by a bemused expression on Gandalf's part and an argument broke out between Frodo and Merry over what exactly a chopstick was.
Legolas let go an frustrated sigh and thrust the thing he was stirring the stir fry with into Aragorn's hands, leaving the ranger in charge of the cooking, while he marched over to the drawers and rummaged through until he found several sets of miss-matched chopsticks. Only after a second thought did Legolas think that perhaps he should get forks in stead.
"Forks?" he asked the hobbits tiredly.
They all shook their heads, wanting to be like everyone else and use the choppies. The elf shrugged and handed Gandalf the chopsticks and went back to stirring the stir-fry.
As is the nature of stirs fried chicken, it did not take very long for Legolas to finish up cooking. Just as he had served the food, as if on cue, there was a knock on the door.
"I'll get it," remarked Aragorn, hopping up to answer the door.
"Please let it be anyone but Haldir or Lamoo." Said Legolas to the ceiling fan.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
TBC
AN/ yep, that's it. And again cos I am so lazy, I cant be bothered replying to reviews. I hope no body minds. I did receive them all, but it takes me way too long to reply to them all. And if it takes me ages, it takes me ages to finish this chapter, which means its ages before you guys get to read it.
Sorry guys.
Hehe Love Lamoo
