AN/ my my, aren't we lucky, TWO chapters! You should all be very proud of
me. Lets not mention the fact that I wrote this when I should have been
nanowrimo-ing in the final week of November. Hey, no one minds seeing as
you all get two chapters for the prince of one!
Disclaimer: I am getting seriously bored of thinking up disclaimers. No one ever reads em anyway. I think you all should have figured out by now that I own absolutely zilch in this strange little world. I don't own the characters and I don't own the TV show 'queer eye for the straight guy.' Nor do I own the fab five, even though I would love to for they are certainly incredibly entertaining. Nothing here is mine you hear me!? Have a nice day.
Chapter 8.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Previously in TF&TEND: the adventures continue, Legolas had a little accident that involved his hair, a table cloth and some candles, Aragorn discovered how annoying it can be being the only vaguely sane person in the house and Lamoo discovered that she should never eat anything that Legolas cooked. Legolas awoke after being out cold for a while, Aragorn became disgusted at his slashy imagination and Arwen called our friend the stinky ranger.
In this chapter everyone is about to get a big surprise, several big surprises actually, especially Aragorn. Enough said, read the story!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Why does my head hurt?" the elf asked calmly. "It almost feels like someone clobbered me over the head." He added.
Frodo looked around nervously and assured Legolas that no one had done anything to his head. "Nothing happened at all Legolas." He said, trying to remain calm.
An expression of dazed confusion came over the elf's face. "Who's Legolas?" he asked. Suddenly he giggled. "Hehe, what kind of an idiot has a name that means green foliage?" He chuckled.
Aragorn's mouth dropped open and before he could do anything Pippin spoke.
"You're the idiot whose name means green foliage." The hobbit said, not knowing that he could indeed be lurking into dangerous territory.
The elf raised his eyebrows. "Don't be silly, my name isn't green foliage." He said. "Its Polly." Gandalf snickered and 'Polly' glared, wondering what was so funny abut his name. "What? Polly is a perfectly acceptable name in Antarctica." Legolas added.
"I think we need to talk." Said Aragorn to the confused elf. "Come with me into the kitchen."
Legolas shook his head. "I'm sorry, my mummy told me never to go places with strangers."
"I'm not a stranger!" bellowed Aragorn, his frustration mounting with the elf.
Legolas shrugged. "Yes you are. I don't know who you are, therefore you are a stranger."
"Hey, something's wrong with Legolas." Remarked Gimli, wonderfully quick on the uptake as usual. *Cough cough*
Aragorn glared at the dwarf. "You don't say." He spat. He turned back to Legolas. "I'm Aragorn." He explained slowly. "Remember me? King of Gondor? Your bestest friend?"
A blank expression remained plastered on the elf's face. "My best friend's name is Gertrude." He remarked casually. "But it's nice to meet you Angela."
"Aragorn, the name is Aragorn." The ranger huffed. The elf did not respond so Aragorn tried something easier. "Try Estel, call me Estel ok?"
"Ok Eric." Replied Legolas.
The ranger suddenly had the impulse to bang his head on the coffee table but decided against it. "Close enough." He told Polly who was formerly known as Legolas. "I need to talk to you in the kitchen."
"In a second." Replied Legolas. "First I would so much like to get to know these charming chums here in front of me." he said, gesturing to the rest of the fellowship who were all wearing bemused expressions.
Aragorn smacked his forehead but agreed. "This is Frodo." He said, motioning to the hobbit who was looking very unsure of the situation.
Legolas waved. "Hullo Fred." He said to Frodo.
Aragorn moved on. "This is Merry." He continued. Merry smiled faintly. "And Pippin." Pippin grinned widely, still clutching Percy the Parsnip.
"Good day to you both. Mary and Pertpetua. I'm charmed." Legolas said graciously.
"Sam." Added Aragorn, poking the chubby hobbit in the belly. Sam squirmed and glared up at Aragorn.
"Sally." Remarked Legolas, shaking Sam's hand. "I had a cousin called Sally once, she was eaten my her pet pony you know." He added in a matter of fact tone.
Sam jerked his hand away and the ranger introduced Gimli and Gandalf. Legolas responded by called Gimli 'Greta' and Gandalf 'Geraldine'. Neither dwarf nor wizard seemed to mind very much and smiled cheerfully at the elf.
"Ok." Legolas declared. "You wanted to have that little talk?" he said, putting on a poncy English accent that made his regular one sound very uncouth and crude. He leapt up from the couch and waited for 'Eric' to lead him into the kitchen.
Aragorn did and the elf skipped along beside him. Once they were alone in the kitchen, or rather, once Aragorn had forced the hobbits to stay away, he spoke to Legolas.
"Lego, what the hell is going on." He asked plainly.
The elf knitted his brows. "I'm afraid I don't know who Lego is. And I assure you that nothing is wrong." He said. "All though I am left wondering whose house this is for I know that I do not live here."
"Ok, enough pretending Legolas, be serious." Aragorn remarked, moving to make himself a cup of tea.
The elf sniffed indignantly. "For the third time, I am not Legolas, I am Polly Van Schnoogenhoover. And I personally think that when it comes to being serious, I am the civil one, rather than yourself."
"You have either gone mad, I have gone mad, or you forgot everything when bloody Haldir hit you last night," the ranger said, more to himself than anyone else in particular.
There was a ring on the doorbell and Aragorn used it as an excuse to get away from Legolas who was now examining some of the photos that were stuck to the fridge with a large tacky magnet. Many of the photos were of him with the other fellowship members and he was rather unnerved to find that he couldn't remember any of it.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~
Delivery for Mr Legolas Greenleaf." Said the courier at the door. He was holding a clipboard and was standing beside a trolley, which was laden with several large crates of something.
"He's not here right now." Aragorn lied. "But I can sign for the packages." He said. The delivery boy shrugged and handed the ranger the clipboard. Aragorn scribbled down his signature and found himself loaded with about ten large wooden crates.
He called Gimli outside and the two of them helped each other lug the boxes into the living room from where they had been dumped on the porch.
Legolas fluttered into the living room and 'oohed' at the parcels.
"I like the new Legolas better." Pippin said to Merry, who nodded vigorously. "The old one was always cranky."
"But the new Lego is weird, too weird." Merry replied.
"Weirder than normal you mean?" Sam interjected.
"We're all used to him by now, and then he goes and looses his memory." Frodo said. It was this simple statement that caused reality to dawn on the fellowship.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Merry and Pippin went to work that day, musing over possible ways that Legolas could have lost him memory. Aragorn went off to his job, wondering if Legolas would get fired for not turning up to work that day.
Aragorn arrived home that day and there was a strange car parked in the driveway. The ranger thought at first that it could have been Elladan's because his foster brother was quite prone to buying new cars every third week. Or perhaps on the other hand Boromir had finally gotten around to buying a car. The vehicle was a big dark coloured four-wheel drive.
Aragorn's heart stopped when he saw the number plate. It read, 'Fab5.' The ranger screamed to the heavens and turned to make a run for his car, hoping that he could drive to Elrond's and camp there until the fab five left. But he didn't make it in time; Legolas opened the door and called out to 'Eric' better known as Estel.
Five blokes appeared at the door behind Legolas and waved, wearing the same expressions of delight and excitement as the elf was. Aragorn put on a polite smile and waved back before casually backing up to his car.
"Where are you goooing?" crooned Legolas, coming out onto the porch.
"Back to work," began Aragorn, looking for an excuse to make a quick exit. "I left my, uh, rainbow socks on my desk." He improvised.
Legolas didn't look very convinced but a shortish blonde dude wearing a pink shirt shook his head violently. "Ah! Rainbow sock! Not good!" he yelled. "Almost as bad a wire hangers and pleats!"
"Guys," spoke up one of the five blokes. This dude was wearing a purple paisley shirt, which actually looked surprisingly good. "I think the fab five need to rescue this poor dude."
"WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?!" screeched Aragorn.
The blonde one rolled his eyes. "You don't watch much TV do you?" he asked in a mater of fact tone of voice. "We're the fab five!"
"I was afraid you were going to say that." Aragorn muttered. He put on his polite smile again. "Are you Legolas's friends?" he asked, actually thinking that they probably were.
The blonde one nodded. "Sure are sweetie." He said. Aragorn was a little disturbed by the 'sweetie' comment but reassured himself that just because they were in the house didn't mean they had to have anything to do with him. "But we're actually here for you."
Aragorn seriously contemplated knocking himself out with one of his shoes, hoping to make it look like an accident and the shoe attacked him, but he decided better of it and told himself that he was ready for whatever these men wearing clothes that were of good taste could dish up for him.
Suddenly they all leapt down off the porch and ran over to him, hustling him inside, introducing themselves as they went. "I'm Carson." Said the blonde dude wearing the pink shirt. Aragorn felt the name ring a bell and dimly remembered watching an episode of the show 'Queer eye for the straight guy' on telly a week or two ago. Merry and Pippin were thoroughly engrossed in the show and wouldn't miss it for the world so there were signs all over the house telling people not to watch anything else at 8.30 on Monday nights.
"Right, Carson." Repeated Aragorn, trying to remember the name.
"I'm Kyan." Said the dude with the purple paisley shirt. "And if it's not to bold of me to say, your hair sucks."
Aragorn was used to these comments coming from Legolas and Lamoo, but when a complete stranger, and a gay stranger at that, told him that his hair sucked, it almost made him break down in tears. kind of.
"I'm Jai." Said another of the fab five guys.
"Ted." Said Ted, the food and wine boffin of the fab five.
"And I'm the best one of all." Said the final guy. All the others giggled. "I'm Thom."
"Can we make it a fab six?" asked Legolas from the side.
Carson shook his head. "You have to be gay, sorry dude."
"I can be gay!" argued Legolas, his pride flaring. He looked determined to be gay, and in his best attempt at it ever, gave Aragorn a snog before he smiled triumphantly.
Aragorn felt like he was about to be sick and furiously bitch slapped the elf. "Thank god that you're not yourself today!" he yelled, escaping the fab 'six' for long enough to grab one of the pointy ended cricket stumps that was set up on the lawn from previous games. He sung the stick mightily and the fab five squealed. The wood clouted Legolas over the head and he was out cold again. Aragorn tossed the stump over his shoulder, just wondering how much more beating Legolas could take before what remained of his brain began to leak out of his ears.
"I like your style." Commented Carson with a nod of approval to the unconscious elf. "You're welcome to kiss me any time you want."
"I think I'll make my exit now." Aragorn said softly, backing away.
"Oh no you don't." said Ted, grabbing the back of Aragorn's shirt. He cringed and pulled his hand away. "Ew!" he exclaimed as he looked down at the grime that had transferred from Aragorn's shirt to his hand.
Legolas began coming round and his eyelids fluttered open. The first thing he saw was the fab five gathered around him, Carson suggesting to the others that perhaps a sleeping beauty style kiss might wake the elf up. The elf raised his eyebrows and wondered what the hell happened. The last thing he could remember was trying to clobber Aragorn with the wok at dinner the night before.
"Where am I?" he asked, realising he was lying on the grass outside.
"On your lawn." Replied Jai. "Not particularly elegant."
"Who are you?" Legolas asked, sitting up and rubbing his head. Aragorn almost shouted in joy from the front seat of his car, which he had managed to make a break to. Legolas was back to his old self and as soon as Jai told him where he was, the elf started telling Carson that pink was not his colour.
Carson scoffed and tossed his hair. "Someone's pissy." He said. "I'm glad we're not rescuing you. You would have to be the worst gay I have ever seen."
Legolas raised his eyebrows so high it looked for a moment that they might disappear into his hair. He seemed unable to find the words at first and his ears began to turn red. Eventually, he found what he wanted to say. He rose to his feet and put his hands on his hips, looking very tall from Carson's point of view. "If I lose my temper, Valar help me." he said in a calm, but dangerous voice. He rounded on the fab five. "I have a few things to say to you." He said. "Firstly, I am not gay, I never have been, and I never will be." Kyan rolled his eyes and muttered to Jai that it was a real pity that Legolas wasn't gay after all.
The elf heard the comment and narrowed his eyes. He continued, "Secondly, why the heck are you five in my front yard?"
"Because we rescuing your friend Eric there, from straight guy hell." Replied Thom. "And your house really needs some help as well."
"Who's Eric?" asked Legolas, a little perplexed.
"That's me." piped up Aragorn. "The name is actually Estel, or Aragorn if you prefer but Polly was calling me Eric today."
"Who's Polly?" Legolas wanted to know, revealing that he had no recollection whatsoever of the morning's activities.
"I thought you were." Replied the Ranger, getting out of his car and coming back to stand beside the elf.
"I have a cousin called Polly." Remarked Haldir, who had appeared and was hanging over the side fence, watching the proceedings.
Carson almost burst with joy when he saw Haldir. "Guys!" he called out. "We have a new victim!"
There were cheers all round, for the fab five had suddenly realised that making over Aragorn was probably not going to be a particularly 'fun' endeavour. Aragorn also cheered because, in truth, he wasn't looking forward to being the fab five's victim anymore than the next guy. Legolas was happy because now no one had a chance to re decorate the house, which he thought he'd so skilfully decorated himself.
Haldir though, looked confused, but not worried. Aragorn sighed, pitying the elf for what would have been the first, nay, perhaps the second, time in his life. From what Aragorn had seen on the TV, the Queer eye capers were not quite as much fun for the poor victim as they looked from an outsider's point of view.
Haldir beamed as Kyan commented on his hair.
"Lovely colour." The groomer commented. "Could do with a bit of a cut though, but it suits you."
"He really doesn't know what he's in for does he?" Aragorn asked Legolas.
The elf shook his head. "I don't know." He replied. "But could someone please tell me what's going on?"
"Long story."
TBC
~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~
AN/ mwa haa haa. I trust we all liked these two chapters? Well, even if you didn't particularly, you still managed to kill a little bit of time in which you could have been doing homework or something equally as tedious.
Anyway, thanks for the reviews guys. Don't forget to send me one on this chapter.
Love Lamoo
Disclaimer: I am getting seriously bored of thinking up disclaimers. No one ever reads em anyway. I think you all should have figured out by now that I own absolutely zilch in this strange little world. I don't own the characters and I don't own the TV show 'queer eye for the straight guy.' Nor do I own the fab five, even though I would love to for they are certainly incredibly entertaining. Nothing here is mine you hear me!? Have a nice day.
Chapter 8.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Previously in TF&TEND: the adventures continue, Legolas had a little accident that involved his hair, a table cloth and some candles, Aragorn discovered how annoying it can be being the only vaguely sane person in the house and Lamoo discovered that she should never eat anything that Legolas cooked. Legolas awoke after being out cold for a while, Aragorn became disgusted at his slashy imagination and Arwen called our friend the stinky ranger.
In this chapter everyone is about to get a big surprise, several big surprises actually, especially Aragorn. Enough said, read the story!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Why does my head hurt?" the elf asked calmly. "It almost feels like someone clobbered me over the head." He added.
Frodo looked around nervously and assured Legolas that no one had done anything to his head. "Nothing happened at all Legolas." He said, trying to remain calm.
An expression of dazed confusion came over the elf's face. "Who's Legolas?" he asked. Suddenly he giggled. "Hehe, what kind of an idiot has a name that means green foliage?" He chuckled.
Aragorn's mouth dropped open and before he could do anything Pippin spoke.
"You're the idiot whose name means green foliage." The hobbit said, not knowing that he could indeed be lurking into dangerous territory.
The elf raised his eyebrows. "Don't be silly, my name isn't green foliage." He said. "Its Polly." Gandalf snickered and 'Polly' glared, wondering what was so funny abut his name. "What? Polly is a perfectly acceptable name in Antarctica." Legolas added.
"I think we need to talk." Said Aragorn to the confused elf. "Come with me into the kitchen."
Legolas shook his head. "I'm sorry, my mummy told me never to go places with strangers."
"I'm not a stranger!" bellowed Aragorn, his frustration mounting with the elf.
Legolas shrugged. "Yes you are. I don't know who you are, therefore you are a stranger."
"Hey, something's wrong with Legolas." Remarked Gimli, wonderfully quick on the uptake as usual. *Cough cough*
Aragorn glared at the dwarf. "You don't say." He spat. He turned back to Legolas. "I'm Aragorn." He explained slowly. "Remember me? King of Gondor? Your bestest friend?"
A blank expression remained plastered on the elf's face. "My best friend's name is Gertrude." He remarked casually. "But it's nice to meet you Angela."
"Aragorn, the name is Aragorn." The ranger huffed. The elf did not respond so Aragorn tried something easier. "Try Estel, call me Estel ok?"
"Ok Eric." Replied Legolas.
The ranger suddenly had the impulse to bang his head on the coffee table but decided against it. "Close enough." He told Polly who was formerly known as Legolas. "I need to talk to you in the kitchen."
"In a second." Replied Legolas. "First I would so much like to get to know these charming chums here in front of me." he said, gesturing to the rest of the fellowship who were all wearing bemused expressions.
Aragorn smacked his forehead but agreed. "This is Frodo." He said, motioning to the hobbit who was looking very unsure of the situation.
Legolas waved. "Hullo Fred." He said to Frodo.
Aragorn moved on. "This is Merry." He continued. Merry smiled faintly. "And Pippin." Pippin grinned widely, still clutching Percy the Parsnip.
"Good day to you both. Mary and Pertpetua. I'm charmed." Legolas said graciously.
"Sam." Added Aragorn, poking the chubby hobbit in the belly. Sam squirmed and glared up at Aragorn.
"Sally." Remarked Legolas, shaking Sam's hand. "I had a cousin called Sally once, she was eaten my her pet pony you know." He added in a matter of fact tone.
Sam jerked his hand away and the ranger introduced Gimli and Gandalf. Legolas responded by called Gimli 'Greta' and Gandalf 'Geraldine'. Neither dwarf nor wizard seemed to mind very much and smiled cheerfully at the elf.
"Ok." Legolas declared. "You wanted to have that little talk?" he said, putting on a poncy English accent that made his regular one sound very uncouth and crude. He leapt up from the couch and waited for 'Eric' to lead him into the kitchen.
Aragorn did and the elf skipped along beside him. Once they were alone in the kitchen, or rather, once Aragorn had forced the hobbits to stay away, he spoke to Legolas.
"Lego, what the hell is going on." He asked plainly.
The elf knitted his brows. "I'm afraid I don't know who Lego is. And I assure you that nothing is wrong." He said. "All though I am left wondering whose house this is for I know that I do not live here."
"Ok, enough pretending Legolas, be serious." Aragorn remarked, moving to make himself a cup of tea.
The elf sniffed indignantly. "For the third time, I am not Legolas, I am Polly Van Schnoogenhoover. And I personally think that when it comes to being serious, I am the civil one, rather than yourself."
"You have either gone mad, I have gone mad, or you forgot everything when bloody Haldir hit you last night," the ranger said, more to himself than anyone else in particular.
There was a ring on the doorbell and Aragorn used it as an excuse to get away from Legolas who was now examining some of the photos that were stuck to the fridge with a large tacky magnet. Many of the photos were of him with the other fellowship members and he was rather unnerved to find that he couldn't remember any of it.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~
Delivery for Mr Legolas Greenleaf." Said the courier at the door. He was holding a clipboard and was standing beside a trolley, which was laden with several large crates of something.
"He's not here right now." Aragorn lied. "But I can sign for the packages." He said. The delivery boy shrugged and handed the ranger the clipboard. Aragorn scribbled down his signature and found himself loaded with about ten large wooden crates.
He called Gimli outside and the two of them helped each other lug the boxes into the living room from where they had been dumped on the porch.
Legolas fluttered into the living room and 'oohed' at the parcels.
"I like the new Legolas better." Pippin said to Merry, who nodded vigorously. "The old one was always cranky."
"But the new Lego is weird, too weird." Merry replied.
"Weirder than normal you mean?" Sam interjected.
"We're all used to him by now, and then he goes and looses his memory." Frodo said. It was this simple statement that caused reality to dawn on the fellowship.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Merry and Pippin went to work that day, musing over possible ways that Legolas could have lost him memory. Aragorn went off to his job, wondering if Legolas would get fired for not turning up to work that day.
Aragorn arrived home that day and there was a strange car parked in the driveway. The ranger thought at first that it could have been Elladan's because his foster brother was quite prone to buying new cars every third week. Or perhaps on the other hand Boromir had finally gotten around to buying a car. The vehicle was a big dark coloured four-wheel drive.
Aragorn's heart stopped when he saw the number plate. It read, 'Fab5.' The ranger screamed to the heavens and turned to make a run for his car, hoping that he could drive to Elrond's and camp there until the fab five left. But he didn't make it in time; Legolas opened the door and called out to 'Eric' better known as Estel.
Five blokes appeared at the door behind Legolas and waved, wearing the same expressions of delight and excitement as the elf was. Aragorn put on a polite smile and waved back before casually backing up to his car.
"Where are you goooing?" crooned Legolas, coming out onto the porch.
"Back to work," began Aragorn, looking for an excuse to make a quick exit. "I left my, uh, rainbow socks on my desk." He improvised.
Legolas didn't look very convinced but a shortish blonde dude wearing a pink shirt shook his head violently. "Ah! Rainbow sock! Not good!" he yelled. "Almost as bad a wire hangers and pleats!"
"Guys," spoke up one of the five blokes. This dude was wearing a purple paisley shirt, which actually looked surprisingly good. "I think the fab five need to rescue this poor dude."
"WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?!" screeched Aragorn.
The blonde one rolled his eyes. "You don't watch much TV do you?" he asked in a mater of fact tone of voice. "We're the fab five!"
"I was afraid you were going to say that." Aragorn muttered. He put on his polite smile again. "Are you Legolas's friends?" he asked, actually thinking that they probably were.
The blonde one nodded. "Sure are sweetie." He said. Aragorn was a little disturbed by the 'sweetie' comment but reassured himself that just because they were in the house didn't mean they had to have anything to do with him. "But we're actually here for you."
Aragorn seriously contemplated knocking himself out with one of his shoes, hoping to make it look like an accident and the shoe attacked him, but he decided better of it and told himself that he was ready for whatever these men wearing clothes that were of good taste could dish up for him.
Suddenly they all leapt down off the porch and ran over to him, hustling him inside, introducing themselves as they went. "I'm Carson." Said the blonde dude wearing the pink shirt. Aragorn felt the name ring a bell and dimly remembered watching an episode of the show 'Queer eye for the straight guy' on telly a week or two ago. Merry and Pippin were thoroughly engrossed in the show and wouldn't miss it for the world so there were signs all over the house telling people not to watch anything else at 8.30 on Monday nights.
"Right, Carson." Repeated Aragorn, trying to remember the name.
"I'm Kyan." Said the dude with the purple paisley shirt. "And if it's not to bold of me to say, your hair sucks."
Aragorn was used to these comments coming from Legolas and Lamoo, but when a complete stranger, and a gay stranger at that, told him that his hair sucked, it almost made him break down in tears. kind of.
"I'm Jai." Said another of the fab five guys.
"Ted." Said Ted, the food and wine boffin of the fab five.
"And I'm the best one of all." Said the final guy. All the others giggled. "I'm Thom."
"Can we make it a fab six?" asked Legolas from the side.
Carson shook his head. "You have to be gay, sorry dude."
"I can be gay!" argued Legolas, his pride flaring. He looked determined to be gay, and in his best attempt at it ever, gave Aragorn a snog before he smiled triumphantly.
Aragorn felt like he was about to be sick and furiously bitch slapped the elf. "Thank god that you're not yourself today!" he yelled, escaping the fab 'six' for long enough to grab one of the pointy ended cricket stumps that was set up on the lawn from previous games. He sung the stick mightily and the fab five squealed. The wood clouted Legolas over the head and he was out cold again. Aragorn tossed the stump over his shoulder, just wondering how much more beating Legolas could take before what remained of his brain began to leak out of his ears.
"I like your style." Commented Carson with a nod of approval to the unconscious elf. "You're welcome to kiss me any time you want."
"I think I'll make my exit now." Aragorn said softly, backing away.
"Oh no you don't." said Ted, grabbing the back of Aragorn's shirt. He cringed and pulled his hand away. "Ew!" he exclaimed as he looked down at the grime that had transferred from Aragorn's shirt to his hand.
Legolas began coming round and his eyelids fluttered open. The first thing he saw was the fab five gathered around him, Carson suggesting to the others that perhaps a sleeping beauty style kiss might wake the elf up. The elf raised his eyebrows and wondered what the hell happened. The last thing he could remember was trying to clobber Aragorn with the wok at dinner the night before.
"Where am I?" he asked, realising he was lying on the grass outside.
"On your lawn." Replied Jai. "Not particularly elegant."
"Who are you?" Legolas asked, sitting up and rubbing his head. Aragorn almost shouted in joy from the front seat of his car, which he had managed to make a break to. Legolas was back to his old self and as soon as Jai told him where he was, the elf started telling Carson that pink was not his colour.
Carson scoffed and tossed his hair. "Someone's pissy." He said. "I'm glad we're not rescuing you. You would have to be the worst gay I have ever seen."
Legolas raised his eyebrows so high it looked for a moment that they might disappear into his hair. He seemed unable to find the words at first and his ears began to turn red. Eventually, he found what he wanted to say. He rose to his feet and put his hands on his hips, looking very tall from Carson's point of view. "If I lose my temper, Valar help me." he said in a calm, but dangerous voice. He rounded on the fab five. "I have a few things to say to you." He said. "Firstly, I am not gay, I never have been, and I never will be." Kyan rolled his eyes and muttered to Jai that it was a real pity that Legolas wasn't gay after all.
The elf heard the comment and narrowed his eyes. He continued, "Secondly, why the heck are you five in my front yard?"
"Because we rescuing your friend Eric there, from straight guy hell." Replied Thom. "And your house really needs some help as well."
"Who's Eric?" asked Legolas, a little perplexed.
"That's me." piped up Aragorn. "The name is actually Estel, or Aragorn if you prefer but Polly was calling me Eric today."
"Who's Polly?" Legolas wanted to know, revealing that he had no recollection whatsoever of the morning's activities.
"I thought you were." Replied the Ranger, getting out of his car and coming back to stand beside the elf.
"I have a cousin called Polly." Remarked Haldir, who had appeared and was hanging over the side fence, watching the proceedings.
Carson almost burst with joy when he saw Haldir. "Guys!" he called out. "We have a new victim!"
There were cheers all round, for the fab five had suddenly realised that making over Aragorn was probably not going to be a particularly 'fun' endeavour. Aragorn also cheered because, in truth, he wasn't looking forward to being the fab five's victim anymore than the next guy. Legolas was happy because now no one had a chance to re decorate the house, which he thought he'd so skilfully decorated himself.
Haldir though, looked confused, but not worried. Aragorn sighed, pitying the elf for what would have been the first, nay, perhaps the second, time in his life. From what Aragorn had seen on the TV, the Queer eye capers were not quite as much fun for the poor victim as they looked from an outsider's point of view.
Haldir beamed as Kyan commented on his hair.
"Lovely colour." The groomer commented. "Could do with a bit of a cut though, but it suits you."
"He really doesn't know what he's in for does he?" Aragorn asked Legolas.
The elf shook his head. "I don't know." He replied. "But could someone please tell me what's going on?"
"Long story."
TBC
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AN/ mwa haa haa. I trust we all liked these two chapters? Well, even if you didn't particularly, you still managed to kill a little bit of time in which you could have been doing homework or something equally as tedious.
Anyway, thanks for the reviews guys. Don't forget to send me one on this chapter.
Love Lamoo
