It wasn't quite a week later when Wanda came to find me. I'd just been sparring with Nat; her fight style was much harder to predict than I was used to as she seemed to only make up her mind on her next move in the moment. It was as much a game as it was training as the two of us fought for bragging rights.
She was wringing her hands a little as she approached me while I walked down the hall to toss my towel in the laundry room. "Hiya!" I said with a smile.
Her smile back was weak. "Do you want to go to the boulder?"
So we did. The two of us went and sat in silence, letting the sound of the stream fill our thoughts. She spoke when she was ready, explaining that she'd been having a bad day, that she kept seeing flashes of her past. Our hands met between each other and I gripped hers tight, listening and squeezing affirmations.
It was wonderful.
I didn't want her to be upset, of course, and it was painful to know that she was in pain. But to have someone come to me in that moment of pain, to know that the two of us would actually be going through this together, was almost enough to make me cry—and it did later when you I Loki about it. I didn't speak of her past or what she'd confided in me, merely that she'd come to me and the two of us sat together. I cried in his arms, blubbering about my emotions and how I hadn't fully believed her about healing together until that moment. It wasn't that I didn't trust her, I was simply wary, unwilling to risk disappointment.
A couple days later I went to find Wanda myself, locating her in the hammock in the courtyard, reading with Vision. She looked at me as I approached and arched her eyebrow, immediately handing the book to her boyfriend and standing to meet me. The two of us walked into the forest in silence and settled on the boulder in our usual spots.
"Loki won't touch me," I growled after a moment. The harshness of my voice contrasted with the peace of the wood, making it stand out against the other sounds.
Wanda looked at me and blinked. "I just saw the two of you kissing earlier. You aren't exactly afraid of PDA." I snorted—she was right, Loki was a fan of proving to everyone that I was his, and I couldn't help but egg him on when I wanted it.
"Yeah, we kiss," I said, some of my anger starting to wane. "But that's all we do."
"Ah." Wanda nodded and looked back to the stream. "Have you talked to him about it?"
I knew she was going to ask that and sighed, throwing myself back onto the boulder and looking up at the sunlight peeking through the canopy of leaves. "No," I mumbled grumpily. "I'm not really… I've never done this relationship thing before. I've been in training since I was fifteen. If I wanted sex, I found it, and then I would be gone. There were no emotions involved. And, um…" I took a deep breath. "Before this we were all over each other, and all that's changed is that now he… he knows what happened in Ukraine. And the only reason I can come up with for him not wanting me anymore is that I'm not good enough now."
Wanda's arms were around mw before I finished speaking. I laid my forehead on her shoulder and took a deep breath. "You know that isn't true," she whispered almost harshly. "Áine, he doesn't want to hurt you. He was terrified that day when you couldn't breathe and he had to put you under. We all were."
"But I'm not fragile! I want him. I want him so bad. I miss being with him so bad," I whined.
"Then I think you already know what you have to do."
I pouted at her. "What happened to the support? You wound me," I joked weakly, putting a hand over my heart. Wanda rolled her eyes and bumped my shoulder with hers.
"Can I ask you something?" She asked nervously a few moments later. I looked at her, but she was looking down at the stone, tracing patterns with her fingertips.
"Of course."
"What's it like?"
I blinked. "What's what like?"
"You know." She looked up at you pleadingly. "Sex."
"Oh." I looked away and furrowed my brow, trying to figure out what words to use. "Have you and Vision never…?" Although, now that I thought about it, how would that work with a synthezoid man? "How… I mean, like, I don't wanna be insensitive, but in order to answer my question, I gotta know—"
"Vision is a fully synthesized man," Wanda confirmed with a nervous laugh. "He just has… I mean, he has perfect control. He's fully a man, but also fully… not, and I think it'll be up to me to—" She was babbling, twisting her hands in her lap, and I reached out and patted her knee.
"Have you talked to him about it?" I asked teasingly, repeating her words to me and laughing as she rolled her eyes and bumped my shoulder again. "It's… I mean, I think I have kind of a warped idea of it." I stared into the shimmering creek and knit my eyebrows. "I've had experiences on all parts of the spectrum—even bad parts, and that's sort of… sort of colored my perception of it since then."
I paused again, looking over to see that she was watching me with her head cocked and her knees pulled up to her chest. "Okay, so I'm just gonna pretend… Like, everything I'm saying is excluding…" My nose wrinkled as I fought for words and she nodded encouragingly.
"I know what you mean. It's okay."
I nodded gratefully. "Yeah, so, it's fun. I mean, when done right it's fun. Sometimes a dude just thinks he's the hottest shit and puts no effort in." My eyes rolled as I remembered the agent from SHIELD that spent months wooing me only to roll off me when he got his—three minutes in. "I didn't really know that it could be anything else until Loki though. He's the first guy I've been with that I had real feelings for, which apparently makes it way more intense." A smile broke over my face as I thought about the last time I'd been with Loki, the night before everything went to shit. He'd grabbed my neck as he was fucking me from behind, pulling me flush with his chest and biting down on my neck as he came. The way he marked me and claimed my body for himself made me shiver. "Way more intense," I sighed again. Gods damn it, I missed him.
"Down, girl," Wanda said with a laugh. "I was saying?"
"Right, well, when done properly, it can be completely mind-blowing. When done decently, it's still pretty nice. I can't imagine Vision will be anything less than amazing—I mean, he has the whole Kama Sutra in his brain." I winked as she blushed bright red and buried her face into her knees. "I guess, honestly, if you're not used to it, that level of intimacy can be overwhelming at times. But if it's good, you just embrace it. It can just make you feel…" I cocked my head. "I don't want to say complete, because I don't think you need a man to be complete, but yeah. That's what it's like."
She groaned and bumped her head against her knees, then looked over at me without lifting it. "I have no idea how to start it."
"You're probably going to have to be pretty up front," I said apologetically with a pat to her shoulder. "For probably the smartest being on the planet, Vision can be… well, he can be a dumbass."
The light teasing worked and Wanda devolved into giggles. "You're right, he can be!" she gasped through her laughter as I joined her. When the laughter faded we was both laying back on the boulder, watching the leaves blow in the breeze. "Okay, we should make a promise."
I looked over at her suspiciously. "What promise?"
"I'll talk to Vision if you talk to Loki," she proposed.
It was a fair compromise, and I agreed readily. "What are the parameters?"
"Hmmm." Wanda bit her lip while squinting up at the sky. "What day is it? Thursday? Okay, we have until sunset on Sunday."
"Sounds reasonable to me." The two of us sat up and shook hands before snorting at the ridiculousness of it all.
As usual, Loki and Vision were waiting on the patio, though they'd stopped feeling the need to meet us halfway. It was always weird seeing Loki in an Adirondack chair. A wide smile broke out on my face when he patted his knee and I perched easily in his lap. The angle of the chair made my body fall against his with his arms going around my waist and his chin resting on my shoulder. My head fell back against his own shoulder and I looked up at the fluffy white clouds spotting the sky.
"How are you, my love?" Loki murmured softly. I heard the large glass doors leading to the living room slide open for Wanda and Vision as they disappeared inside, leaving me alone with Loki on the porch.
"I'm fine," I said, turning my head to place a kiss on his jawline. His arms tightened slightly around me and I smiled. "How was training?'
His grimace against my neck made me giggle. He hated that he had to "train" with Thor, but both of us were insistent that he practice his skills just like the rest of us. I wasn't going to let his massive ego get him hurt. "My oaf of a brother continues to infuriate me."
I snorted. Thor had a tendency to nag everyone about training; turns out he was something of a gym rat. "He only does it because he loves you."
"Darling, you must stop saying that aloud. He's caught on and knows now he can use it against me." I laughed again, remembering the day before when Loki had been snipping at Thor about bending one of his daggers with Mjölnir, which Thor had put an end to by picking Loki up in a bear hug and yelling "Aha! I love you, brother!". Loki'd spent the rest of the evening slinking around behind me in a huff, keeping a sharp eye on Thor.
"Hey, um, can I talk to you about something?" I hadn't intended to bring this up until I'd figured out a game plan, but it spilled out before I knew it.
Loki spun me to the side in his lap so he could take my cheek in one of his hands and stroke it gently with his thumb. "Anything, always," he said firmly, his dark eyebrows knit in concern.
I let out a slow breath before continuing. "Why don't you want me anymore?" I hadn't meant for it to come out sounding so pathetic, the whimper just barely concealed behind my words, but the seed of anxiety in the pit of my stomach was growing.
But Loki only crushed me to his chest, holding my head to his shoulder and stroking my hair. "Oh, my sweet girl," he murmured, kissing my ear. "If you believe that, then I have been truly remiss in my duty to assure you of my affection. Every moment of the day I want you. Each night when sleep takes me, I dream of holding you in my arms. In the silence I hear the melody of your screams as I pleasure you. I want you always, pet. Why do you believe otherwise? How can I prove my feelings for you?"
His words brought with them an overwhelming wave of emotion. I was glad he was holding me so tightly to his shoulder, because I didn't think I could look into those green eyes without crying again. "You won't touch me. You did all the time, and then you found out, and now you don't and… Does it ruin me for you?" This was supposed to be a much, much lighter conversation, and here I was, on the verge of tears again. Gods. No wonder he wouldn't touch me. I was a mess. What happened to that agent that the Black Widow considered strong enough to join the Avengers?
His emerald eyes were flashing in the sunlight as he took my shoulders in his hands, gripping me with those gorgeous long fingers—the ones I longed to feel inside me again, to bring me over the edge over and over. His lips laid on my forehead in a long kiss before pulling back to press his own forehead to mine. "Not a thing could make me stop wanting you, but this moreso than anything. My feelings could never for something so outside of your control. I am so sorry for causing you to feel unwanted. My only fear was hurting you—of pushing you to something you were unprepared for."
"Until you, I'd never had sex and felt anything more than fear or indifference," I whispered, aware of how pathetic I sounded but too caught up to bother strengthening my voice. "I guess I knew that it could be more, but I'd never felt it before. You changed everything for me."
His only response was to crash his lips to mine. "Tell me truthfully," he murmured when he pulled back, pausing to lay another quick kiss on my lips before continuing. "May I prove to you my feelings, pet? Do not attempt to lie to me. I know a lie the moment it falls from one's lips. Are you comfortable with me making you mine?"
I nodded against him, but he took my chin in his hand and forced my gaze to his. His eyes were calm, but something was flashing behind the surface—something I wanted desperately to let out. "Use your words, love," he muttered as he kissed my nose gently. Each place his touched landed was on fire. Despite Loki running a few degrees lower than me, he was igniting a warmth that flowed straight through my bloodstream and into my thighs.
"Yes," I breathed, wide-eyed. "I need you."
And then he was standing, cradling me in his arms like his bride, carrying me through the doors and speed-walking to the stairs. It felt like I was floating. His scent surrounded me, his strength keeping my mind grounded. Yes, I was an Avenger, but I was also his—and was no weaker for it.
His huge bed was waiting for us as he moved into his room and flicked the fingers of the hand under my legs, making the door slam shut. I couldn't look away from his face, the angles that softened as he looked at me and the green eyes that danced with anticipation. He laid me down carefully on some kind of silky blankets and sheets that he'd told me came from Asgardian weavers. I reached for the buttons of his fitted dress shirt, but he swatted my hands away.
"I told you," he purred mischievously. "I will be making you mine."
With a simple snap of his fingers and a spark of green light my clothes were gone, leaving me only in my simple white cotton bra and panties. A wicked grin fell over his face as he took me in. "So innocent," he murmured, fingering the material at my hip. "I should pepper your skin with my marks so that when you see yourself in the mirror, you are reminded of exactly how much I want you."
True to his word, Loki's mouth fell to my neck immediately, attaching to a place right at the edge of my collarbone. I was still reeling at the sudden change in him, from scarcely touching me to suddenly seeming unable to control himself. My hands flew to his hair and tangled in the raven locks to hold him to me.
He was far stronger than me when he wanted to be thanks to his seiðr and divine blood and raised his head easily. Complete delight danced in his eyes as he smirked widely at me. "So desperate for me, are you? What is that Midgardian saying again? Ah, yes, 'patience is a virtue', pet."
I pouted, but it made no difference; Loki once again attacked my neck with his mouth, running his fingers lightly up and down my sides as he focused on each place he chose to leave his mark. Another soft moan escaped me as he nipped and sucked, soothing each twinge of pain with his gentle tongue. When he rocked his pelvis into mine I felt the bulge there and squealed from anticipation. "You're a tease," I groaned, tugging on his hair.
Loki's laughter tickled against my skin. "And you will learn to appreciate it." His fingers trailed finally towards my already dripping cunt, remaining on top of the fabric of my panties as he lightly rubbed the length of my slit. "Oh, darling," he gasped in mock horror. "What in the Nine Realms has you so wet already? You're seeping through your undergarments and yet I've hardly touched you."
"You," I whispered, collecting my wits for long enough to respond. "It's you. It's always been and always will be you." I didn't get how my proclamation could possibly be true—I'd only met this man a little over half a year ago, and yet it felt like I'd been waiting for his touch my whole life. It was the healing caress I needed to cast aside the thoughts that came when I remembered that file being placed in front me, that photograph exposing ill-concealed memories.
The sparkle of pride in Loki's eyes when he looked up make a satisfied shiver run up my spine. "So good for me," he murmured, finally slipping one long finger under the cotton fabric and along my already soaking folds. A weak cry fell from my lips at the sensation. "You are mine, my love, just as I am yours. I want you always, and I will spend the rest of time making sure you believe that."
It was sweet torture. He stroked me with his fingers just enough to keep me whimpering and begging as he marked my body with his mouth. "There," he finally said, pulling back to admire the art of his bruises on my skin. "See for yourself."
When I looked up again my eyes widened. A mirror had appeared above the bed, hovering several feet above me, giving me no room to imagine what he'd done. A half dozen red patches, the first of which was just beginning to purple around the edges, flared brightly over my pale skin—evidence of his desire. My eyes were rimmed red from crying, my mascara running down my cheeks. The curls of my hair were splayed around me wildly. He hadn't ceased the movement of his finger and I was grinding into him, desperate for stimulation.
"Look how sweet you are when you weep for me. So desperate, my darling pet. Tell me, what do you need from me?" He was smirking at me through the reflection, keeping my gaze locked in his. I could see him add a finger into my panties as he waited. He knew exactly what I wanted—he just wanted me to beg for it.
"I need you to fuck me," I breathed.
Loki cocked his head to the side and raised his dark eyebrows at me. "What was that, love? I don't think I heard you correctly."
"I need you to please fuck me," I whimpered, trying to maneuver his fingers into me. He chuckled and pulled back. When my thighs instinctively tried to close he waved his hand, conjuring green strands of silk that pulled my legs apart and rendered them immobile at the same time that my bra and panties disappeared. "Please, Loki, please," I sobbed as he stripped slowly, keeping his eyes on me the whole time.
His cock sprung free and I sighed in contentment. I was so ready for it, so determined to feel him inside of me. It was beautiful, long and thick, leaking precum and twitching despite his calm demeanor. For a moment he stood between my legs, tapping the tip of his cock on my clit until another involuntary, desperate sob from me made his gaze soften.
A long, keening cry came from my throat at he finally entered me. "Oh, pet, you needed me badly," he crooned as I began to clench around him. "I cannot apologize enough for keeping you waiting, my love. Never again will I let you forget how wanted you are."
My hips were moving on their own, my pussy fluttering all around his cock as it stretched me almost to my limit, so thick it was nearly painful. The god's hands were on my hips, guiding my thrusts to meet his while he pounded forward. The green silk bonds kept my feet up, nearly suspending me off the bed. To keep my balance, I stretched my arms over my head and twisted my wrists so I could grip the bedcoverings. The little gasps escaping my lungs with each of his powerful thrusts turned into whimpers, which turned into whines, which turned into cries of ecstasy. Two of his long fingers trailed down my body to circle my clit, gathering the wetness from our joining and pressing firmly on the bud of nerves.
That was the final straw; I crashed over the edge with a feral scream, arching into him, crying his name. The bindings were gone, but I didn't realize it until he turned me over so I was bent over the mattress and pounded into me from behind, chasing his own high. The intensity drew out my orgasm, making me tremble wildly around him. My pussy begged him to cum inside of me as much as my babbling pleas.
With a groan, Loki collapsed onto me, grinding his hips into my core as his cum filled me. I shivered with each pulsation. His lips landing on my shoulders brought me all the way back to reality.
I whimpered when he pulled out of me. He helped me onto the bed with him and cradled my head to his chest so I could refocus myself slowly, letting the room fade back into focus on its own time.
"Do you understand now, my love?" Loki finally whispered, kissing my hair. "Do you understand that I want you always?"
His chest rose and fell under my cheek when I smiled. "I think I'm starting to."
