Karen made it to her parking space behind the café as fast as she could, it was still rainy, so there were only a few hesitant drivers on the road. So was ready to rush out of her car and basically teleport herself to Tric, but something stopped her. She saw a car parked a couple of spaces down, the rest of the lot had been cleared, the show had been over an hour ago, so she could clearly see. Karen saw a girl in a car, her head on the steering wheel, hands attached to it as well, and the girl was crying. Karen could recognize that curly blonde hair any day of the week. It was Peyton. Karen was just so grateful that she was there and not upstairs.
She went over to her car and she knocked on the window, of course startling Peyton. She looked up and saw Karen and motioned for her to come in, "What are you doing here?"
"Well I have come to see you," she looked at her, and knew she was not exactly buying it, "I did not want you to be alone," again she got a stare from Peyton, this time she told her the truth, "Lucas told me about your encounter and threat from Gavin. I was just scared that he was going to hurt you."
"I did not have enough courage to go up there."
"But you have a lot of courage to stay in the car."
"Or a lot of fear."
"Why him, Peyton? Why Gavin?"
"He showed interest in me at a time that I thought no one else cared. I was vulnerable. My dad had just told me about Ellie, I was confused, I was lost. Gavin seemed to know a path that I could take on. It did not matter if I had never been on it before; at least I had some direction."
"But what about the cocaine, Peyton? I do not care if he took you on a new path, what about your common sense? Was that not allowed on the way? Cocaine? You tried it once before, and you promised me that it was a one time thing."
"I already told you, it takes the pain away. Sometimes if I was lucky it would make me numb."
"That is not a good thing. I hope you know that."
"I know, as much as you may have thought that I lost all my common sense, I really haven't. I know the affects of it. I just did not know any other way. The reason I did it the first time was because I was scared. I wanted to get the support from Ric, and this was the way to seal the deal. I was afraid if I said no, then he would not help us out. And look at Tric now; it is doing well because of the business I made with Ric."
"Yeah, but we could have been doing equally as well if you had chosen not to. And what was making you do it this time?"
"I was scared again. Scared that if I did not do it with Gavin, he would not want me. I did not want to be alone anymore. Then I realized how good I felt, and I just did not stop. I could not stop."
"What happened last night?"
"I took too much."
"And how did that make you feel?"
"I lost complete control. I honestly do not even know all the events of last night. But I trusted Gavin to limit me, and he must have just been engulfed in his own. It happens. Mistakes take place. Regrets are made."
"What kind of regret?" Karen was concerned.
"The normal kind."
"Did something happen last night that you remember?"
"That is where I could not tell you the truth. I do not remember it happening, but when I woke up this morning, I knew that it did."
"Peyton, what are you trying to say?"
Could she tell Karen? Was she supposed to tell Karen? What would she do? "I don't know what I am trying to say."
"Did Gavin do something?"
"Gavin did not do anything, he never does anything."
"Peyton, I do not think that Gavin is a good enough guy for you. I think that you need to distance yourself from him. Step away, and find some one that would treat you better, someone that gives you his heart when you give him yours."
"I am pretty sure there is no one out there like that for me."
"You must have not looked far enough."
"Gavin really is not that bad. He loves me."
"He also hurts you."
"With his words here and there, so what?"
"Not just his words Peyton, do I have to remind you that you were in the hospital earlier tonight, umm…let me recall, Gavin shoved you across the floor. You have a broken arm and a concussion as a result of it. I think it is more then his words that hurt you. Physical pain."
"It was a one time deal; he is not normally like this."
"Are you trying to lie to me or yourself?"
"What are you trying to say?"
"I talked to the doctor earlier, after he told me your diagnosis. He said that there were bruises that were not recent; he suspected more then one occurrence of such abuse."
"There is no abuse to talk about."
"You are in denial. What Gavin does to you, that is abuse. He abuses you mentally. He abuses you physically. And he abuses you emotionally. Yet, you cannot seem to walk away. He scares you. He scares you into believing that he is the only one for you, and that without him, you would just be alone. But that is not true. You can just walk away from him, he is not the one."
"I cannot just walk away from him."
"Why not?"
"I…he…I…he has been the only one there for me, I cannot just walk away after all that he has done for me."
"All he has done is caused you pain."
"Pain is all that I feel, with or without Gavin."
"Not an excuse to stay with him. I think you fear him. I think that you are afraid that he is going to continue to hurt you or hurt your worst if you try and walk away from him. He does not care who is in his path, he will hurt whoever is on it. That is what he did to Haley, and she had not caused him any harm. I mean you are supposed to be in a relationship with him, he should not ever hurt you or cause fear in his presence. You are going to be okay, even if you have to be alone."
"I don't want to be alone."
"You will never really be alone; you always have me, Peyton. You just do not always have to be under the reliance of a guy. You can live stably without being in a relationship with someone. And I am not saying that you have to do this forever, I am just saying that being with Gavin is unhealthy, and you need to be healthy. You are a growing girl; you do not need hindrances that block your growth."
"I think that I have done enough growing already though."
"You can never do enough growing. I am 36 years old and I do not see myself stop growing anytime soon."
"We are different."
"How so?"
"You live in stability."
"I haven't always done so; I had to search for it, just like you can do."
"It is hard to not know who you are, or where you are supposed to be going."
"That is adolescence for you."
"How long until I am on the same level as you?"
"It is all up to you. You are right we are different. We all are different though. Sometimes we are lucky and we know who we are early on, sometimes we have to travel far and long to find her. I hope for you that you are able to find her soon."
"Me too. Because this searching thing is getting tiring."
"I bet it is."
"Karen, it is really hard for me to believe that you lived in uncertainty. You always seem to know the right decisions to make, the right path to take. You always seem to know what you are doing. And every path you choose, it always seems to be the right one. How come you were so lucky?"
"I do not know if I want to call it luck, or that I was lucky. Do I have to remind you that I was pregnant at 18, with hopes of a future with a guy I thought loved me? I envisioned us ten years in the future and I envisioned happiness. I was. But there was no marriage. There was no husband. There was no happy ending. Ten years later, I was 28 with a 10 year son. I was supporting myself, and I was supporting my son. But there is no way that I could have done that if I sulked around after Dan left me. The only thing I knew was that I had to provide Lucas with so much love from me that he would never know that his own father was missing in action. I was basically alone. My parents never supported me. They never had. I was a high school graduate, which was all that I had. That is all that I had to work with. But I managed and 18 years later, I am an owner of a café, and a night club. I went back to school last year, and that was the best decision that I have made in a long time. But I was too young to have a kid, let alone raise him all alone. So Peyton, I hope that you pursue what makes you happy. Never do anything that you do not want to do."
"I do not think that I could have been as strong."
"You never know until you are in that situation, which I hope you are never in."
"No. I do not intend on motherhood anytime in my near future," then it hit her, she did not know if she had protected sex or not. What happens if it was just her luck that she was going to be the mother of Larry's kid?
"It was never my intention to be a mother at 18 either. But it happened. And there is not one day that I do not thank my lucky stars for bringing Lucas to me. He has made me happier then any person in this world. Looking back do I really think that I was ready to be a mother at 18? No. Not at all. But I am not living my life in regret."
"I wish that it could just be that easy for me. But it is not. My whole life is regret. Why did I do this? Why didn't I do this? Why did this happen to me? That is all that fills my head. That is all I know."
"It doesn't always have to be."
"Karen, can I tell you something? Can I tell you something and have you promise that you will not flip out or lecture me, or…anything."
"Who do you think you are talking to? But Peyton, you are scaring me."
"I am sorry; I am not trying to scare you. I just need to say it out loud."
"Anything, Peyton, you can tell me."
"This morning when I woke up, I was in an unfamiliar place. I had no idea where I was or how I got there. I woke up and the world was spinning. And when I woke up I had no pants on. I asked Gavin later if we had sex unknowingly, and he told me we hadn't," Peyton could see the look creep over Karen's face. The look. The look that any parent would have on their face when their child had just told them their implications. But Peyton was not a child, and Karen was not her mother. Yet the look did not go away.
"Peyton, what are you trying to tell me?"
"I think that I was raped last night," just to say it out loud, it made it so real. Who was she now? Peyton Sawyer, rape victim. I mean that is the only way she knew how to describe herself right now. It gave her some identity. But there was no way in hell that that was the way she wanted to be known as.
"Oh, Peyton. I am so sorry that this happened to you. You should have never had to go through this. I am here for you now. But last night you were in no place to be anywhere then in your own bed. I am sorry that I did not do more last night. He was basically dragging you out of the club, he was barely any better then you. I should have not trusted that he would make the right decision for you. I am sorry that this happened to you, Peyton. You did not deserve this pain."
"But didn't I? I mean maybe it was a wake up call that I was doing something wrong. It was like look at what you are doing with your life, you need to stop. Then I don't of course, because I am so wrapped up in this sense of stability. When in reality it is just vulnerability, and I loose control of who I am. And then this is why it happened. It was a wake up call to me that I need to find another outlet for my pain. I lost complete control, and not just over my emotions, but over my body, and my soul. Wake up, Peyton, welcome to the real world."
"Rape is never a wake up call. No matter how destructive of a path you are on, it doesn't matter, rape does not need to take place for you to finally realize that you need to change your ways. Never."
"I do not even know what happened, Karen."
"I know that and it is scary as hell. I just pray to God that he did not impregnate you or give you any STDs."
She did not even think about things like this. It was not something that came directly to mind. It scared her. "What am I going to do?"
"Well right now it is up to you. We need to get you checked out so we know for sure that you are clean. I can take you to a clinic or back to the emergency room. It is up to you. But we need to do it soon."
"I am scared."
"I know you are, sweetheart. I am scared too. But we are going to get through this together; I am not going to leave your side. I hope that you know that, I hope that you know I will never leave your side."
"You are the only one always there."
"Well then I am doing something right. But Peyton I have got to tell you something. You have got to change your ways. This path that you are on is not a safe one, and it is not a good one. Cocaine is not the answer; it may take away the pain, but only temporarily. After you come down from the high, all you are left with is pain. And you should never have to feel it. That should not be all that you feel. You are a girl of potential. And you need to take advantage of it. You always need to figure out what you love and what you want in your life. If you continue on the path you are on, they will all be gone. If you leave the path, you can pursue it, and do the things that make you happy. And it can take you far. I never had a college education, and no I do not regret Lucas, because he makes me happy, but you do not need to be a mother at 18. You can take your college education and it will take you so far. But you need to get off of that path, Peyton. You are nothing with him, everything by yourself."
Peyton did not respond right then, she really couldn't. Karen knew more about her then she even wanted to admit to herself. The two just sat in silence for a while. A long while. And that was okay. There was no place that they needed to be. The only place they needed to be was right there, right now.
Brooke and Lucas had been sitting in silence for nearly an hour, both afraid to speak, nor sure what was acceptable to say at the current time. Well they did not have to wait much longer, a doctor walked towards them. Both of them got to their feet, and Lucas put a protective arm around Brooke. It did not matter what they had just talked about, it did not matter that Lucas had broke her heart. Nothing mattered, except the doctor in front of them, the holder of Haley's fate.
"How is Haley?" Lucas asked, he knew that Brooke was afraid to ask, because she feared the worst, and she did not want to be the person to ask for that bad news.
"Mrs. Scott."
"Can you please just call her Haley," Brooke asked as nice as possibly, yes, she was Haley Scott now, but at the rate that Nathan had been treating her, he did not deserve for her to take his name.
"It was a good thing that you brought Haley in when you did."
"She is okay, isn't she?"
"Haley had a severe anxiety attack, and it was brought on by starvation. I do not know what is going on in your friend's life right now, but if someone had not intervened this anxiety attack could have a more fatal result."
"Are you saying that she could have died tonight?"
"I am saying that if you did not bring your friend in when you did, she could have never woken up from the comatose state that she was in. She is a lucky girl to have you as her friends and you got her here before it was too late."
"Did you say that her anxiety attack was brought on by starvation?"
"That is what I am saying, but it is not the same prevalency that I normally see. Normally when this occurs the patient is anorexic, and I really do not think that your friend was intentionally starving herself. I think it was something deeper."
"She had a broken heart."
"A pain from a heart break could very much so correlate to the symptoms that we have found. I am guessing that the person who said you can't die from a broken heart never had his heart broken."
"Or had met Haley."
"She is a very strong girl; if she wasn't then I can honestly say that I would not be the one talking to you right now. I am sorry to say that to you and scare you, but I just wanted to let you know the severity of her condition."
"Thank you for telling us as it is. We need to hear it as much as it hurts. I mean I cannot even imagine how hard it is going to be for Haley to hear this. Is she up? Has someone told her what happened?"
"I never got to tell you her entire condition."
"Is she not okay?"
"She is not out of the woods yet."
