AN/ Hello all, sorry this took so long, not only has the fountain of ideas been a pathetic little trickle lately, but I have just returned from my holiday in Vietnam,

I have a favour to ask of you wonderful people out there in fanfiction land. Those of you who I have said can have cameos at Haldir's dinner party, or a bit later on, please tell me in your review, (I am assuming you will review of course) where you would like to appear, and a little about your character/personality. We lost everything on our hard drive a month or two ago, and that included all the stuff I had written about people's cameos. Also, with a little bit more information under my belt hopefully I don't end up offending anyone by making people too silly. Thanks heaps guys.

Wait wait wait, one more thing. I have to thank all you lovely people who voted for my version of 'the Truckinator.' For those of you who have no idea what I am going on about, go read my story... 'The revenge of the Truckinator'.

Thank you Nellie for betaing this story... I think shall have to write you a new letter as the one I send you a while ago seems to have been eaten by the monster at the post office... hope you're feeling better, and thanks again. Grins

Disclaimer: sigh why do I bother writing these disclaimers when it is as plain as mud that I don't own a single bloody thing in the fic... actually, wait, perhaps I do... I won Legolas's car in a raffle and Percy the Parsnip is lying mouldy in the bottom of my grandmother's pantry. However, anyone who wants to is more than welcome to borrow aspects from this fic. However, if Legolas finds out they are being misused, he will set the dogs (aka Merry and Pippin) loose.

Previously in TF&TEND: the adventures continue...

Gollum appeared again, Legolas added another $400 to his credit card bill, Gandalf painted his dress, his beard, and the elf blue, and it was revealed to the world that the fellowship can indeed get ready to go out in twenty three and a half seconds.

Chapter 12

Legolas tapped his foot impatiently and rang the doorbell again. He and the rest of the fellowship could hear noises coming from inside but no one came to answer the door.

Another car pulled in and three people hopped out. Judging by their voices, they appeared to be female, Legolas couldn't tell otherwise, as the light on Haldir's front porch had been broken for the past seven years.

Anelith, Banx and Yoshi all looked very swish in their outfits, Banx in particular hoping that Haldir would notice her bright purple number which was very trendy indeed. Pippin liked it as well, as the outfit Banx wore matched his own pants. Banx wasn't too sure whether this was a good thing or not.

Anelith sidled up to Frodo, who was staring blankly at wall. The hobbit didn't pay any attention to his surroundings until Anelith gave him a little nudge and a kiss. He jumped in surprise and backed up against the wall, totally unprepared for fangirl kisses.

More people began to pile out of cars. Evidently Haldir had invited a considerable number of people to his little dinner party. Aragorn squinted around in the darkness. Actually, come to think of it, it wasn't really that dark. The ranger still had his sunglasses on. He rang the doorbell again before a thought crossed his mind.

Last time he had been in Haldir's house he has seen there was barely room enough for the essential furniture inside, let alone enough room to accommodate lots of people. And there will be lots of people, Aragorn mused, as the crowd waiting for Haldir to answer the door had grown.

Eomer had arrived, his mustang parked on the front lawn, happily grazing, despite the fact that cars do not eat grass. Unfortunately Eomer was still stuck in the dark ages, and hadn't worked this out yet. He also hadn't realised that tying the car to the fence with a length of rope was a waste of time.

Eoywn and Faramir had also arrived, looking very smitten with each other. Just the look of them staring into each other's eyes, love struck, was enough to make Aragorn puke. Suddenly the ranger heard a voice and his worst fears were confirmed.

"ARWEN!" hissed Legolas. "Quick, in the bushes," he said hurriedly, in a panicked sort of voice, as he pushed Aragorn off the edge of the porch and into the garden bed bellow. There was a series of muffled grunts from behind the azalea bush, but other than that, Aragorn stayed silent as his 'wife' sauntered over and greeted everyone with a kiss on each cheek.

Legolas let the charming, calm mask slide into place, and greeted Arwen. But as soon as he back was turned, made retching and vomiting sounds, accompanied by graphic gestures.

"Do you think Haldir's locked himself in?" wondered Yoshi, beginning to wonder why they had been standing on the front porch for 5 minutes now.

"He must have," replied Glorfindel, who had just arrived, still in the tree costume he had worn to the fellowship's fancy dress party, a week before. He noticed the odd glances he was receiving from various people who had been at the party. The elf sighed. "I'm stuck, all right?" Glorfindel said, unable to move his arms while still dressed in the ridiculous tree costume.

Legolas smacked his forehead against the wall, wondering briefly why he had only just discovered how pleasurable bashing ones head against a brick wall was.

Suddenly everyone heard a strange noise coming from down the road. A large, ghastly coloured Double Decker bus came into view, Lamoo at the wheel, waving at everyone who met her eyes. Little blonde Aimoo sat beside the evil one, bouncing up and down in her seat. With a hiss the door to the bus opened and about a dozen people poured out.

"Oh Valar," remarked Legolas. "The fangirl express has arrived,"

Aragorn replied with a grunt of agreement from behind the azalea bush.

Frodo suddenly looked horrified as girls poured out of the bus and up Haldir's driveway. "Any more room down there?" he asked the azalea bush. Aragorn's head popped out from behind it and he shook it madly. Frodo looked around anxiously for a hiding place, but just as he thought all hope was lost, and the first fangirl climbed up the front steps, the door opened.

Legolas gasped, and gawked open mouthed at Haldir's new look, as did a few other people. Several females chattered excitedly and even Aragorn popped his head back up to have a look.

Nellie raised her eyebrows, wondering why everyone was looking at her like that. All she had done was open the door, after Haldir had refused point blank to face everyone.

"Wow, Haldir looks so pretty!" exclaimed Sam, thinking that Nellie was Haldir.

Nellie smacked her forehead and sighed, thinking to herself 'stupid hobbit'. However, she smiled politely and ushered all the guests inside.

The inside of Haldir's house was transformed from pigsty, to a very chic, very trendy home. The remanent of Haldir's old lounge now sat out on the lawn next to Eomer's mustang, and were replaced with a very new, very modern lounge suite. The walls had gone from pink, various shades of brown to crisp white and blue making he whole house looked a lot bigger.

"Where's Haldir?!" Aimoo wanted to know. Banx and several other Haldir fanciers were wondering the same thing.

"He had better hurry up," Sam whispered to Merry, "there is a documentary about swimming pool chemicals on tonight, I don't want to miss it,"

Merry could not help but roll his eyes, wondering why anyone in their right mind would want to watch an hour long documentary about the gloop that Legolas dumped into the swimming pool once a fortnight. "You wont miss it," Merry replied, "The VCR is all set up to tape it,"

Neither Merry nor Sam saw Pippin tense at the mention of the VCR. Of course, neither of them knew about the peanut butter sandwich that had jammed the machine. Legolas was the only who ever actually used the VCR, to tape his gardening programs that were on during the day, while he was at work. As for the sandwich, Pippin had heard from someone who said that their cousin's, mother's, aunt's friend's, brother in law, had watched a peanut butter sandwich on the television. All you had to do was to insert it into the VCR, like you would a tape, and it would play. Pippin had eagerly jammed his sandwich into the slot and pressed play, only to discover that he had once and for all, buggered the thing. In hindsight, perhaps it had not been such a good idea to jam his sandwich into the VCR, but there wasn't much that could be done about it now.

'Hmm,' thought Pippin to himself, 'perhaps I can persuade one of the fangirls to buy me a new one,' this actually seemed like a reasonable idea. Merry and Sam, and more importantly Legolas, who was so much larger and stronger than Pip was, would never find out about the little mishap. All that the hobbit would need to do would be to suck up to one of the fan girls, who looked like she had a random VCR floating around in the bottom of her handbag, and he would be home free.

Pippin's thoughts were cut short when he saw Nellie standing at the top of the stairs, which Pippin was sure hadn't been there before. She cleared her throat and everyone fell quiet, knowing that she had something to say.

"Thank you all for coming," she said with a smile. "Haldir thanks you all for your patience..."

Aragorn, who yelled out loudly, and somewhat rudely, suddenly cut her off. "Hurry up!"

'So much for patience,' Nellie mused. However, she continued on. "Haldir thanks MOST of you for your patience, so without further ado, here he is!"

She stepped down off the stairs, sidling over to Legolas. The elf would have wondered why she was clinging to his elbow, but he was so shocked when he saw Haldir, that he completely forgot about the little blonde All Blacks supporter hanging off his arm.

In a flurry of blonde hair and snappy suits Haldir appeared at the top of the stairs, making every girl in the room drool. Merry and Pippin sighed and decided that it was their civic duty to hand out drool buckets, so they did, managing to sidestep melting females. Of course for the privilege of the special drool buckets, fangirls would be charged accordingly. Merry and Pippin made $100 in about five minutes simply by distributing drool buckets. All eyes were still turned on Haldir however, as the hobbits scurried to and fro.

Haldir flashed a perfect white-toothed smile.

Meanwhile in the Queer Eye HQ, the fab five had gathered around the telly, in spiffy clothes with martinis in their hands.

"A little difficult this one," remarked Kyan, "He was VERY reluctant to cut his hair."

Jai snickered. "But relented when we told him how much the ladies would love him with his hair styled a bit."

The other nodded in agreement, Carson speaking up and offering his own opinion. "Cute little peanut," he commented, taking a sip of his martini- with-the-little-olive-on-the toothpick-floating-in-it. "Rather odd, but hot." Again, the other four nodded in agreement and raised their glasses, turning their attention back towards the TV screen.

"What did you do with Haldir!?" Aragorn yelled loudly, waving his arms threateningly at the suave blonde figure at the top of the stairs. It obviously had not occurred to the trench coat clad ranger that this was Haldir, certainly dressed up, but Haldir none the less.

Legolas could not help but roll his eyes. Haldir however, loved the attention, and seemed to be basking in it. Nellie still clung to one of Legolas's elbows, Laura, who had appeared a few moments ago, clinging to the other. But neither of them seemed particularly interested in Legolas, staring like lovesick puppies at Haldir.

"When can we eat?" asked a loud voice from the back of the room.

Legolas flinched at the sound of it, knowing exactly who it would be. Why did he always have to appear time and time again to ruin their evenings? Frodo had managed to sidle away from his sticky fangirls and made his way through the crowd over to Legolas. The hobbit asked Legolas the exact question that the elf had been mulling over in his head.

"Why is he here?" Frodo wanted to know.

Legolas sighed. "Follows Lamoo around." He muttered. "Probably stalking her," the elf remarked with an evil grin.

Frodo shook his head. "I doubt it, who would want to stalk her?" he commented. "Reminds me of a little lost puppy really,"

Legolas nodded, seeing that Frodo had a point. He opened his mouth to reply to the hobbit's comment, but was cut off as Mr Bean came pushing his way through the crowd of slobbering fangirls, who were STILL gazing at Haldir, and made his way towards everyone's favourite elf prince. Haldir meanwhile was flashing a perfect smile, lapping up the attention, and preening himself. By preening, I mean tossing his hair too and fro, straightening his jacket and buffing his fingernails on his coat. Haldir's hair was still long, but was layered and swished too and fro as his moved his head. A blue pinstripe suit, pale shirt and bright, loud tie and very trendy shoes made Haldir look considerably better than he usually did, as he favoured grey pillowcases and pink nighties.

Mr Bean threw Legolas a dirty, hateful look, reserved especially for the elf and other people of the male variety that Lamoo liked to chase, namely a couple of imaginary role play characters who are single, and very good looking. Legolas merely rolled his eyes, managed to pry Nellie and Laura off his arms and attach them to the banister railing before he stalked off in the direction of Eomer and Aragorn, not liking the company of Mr Bean one little bit.

Eomer and Aragorn were not usually regarded as the smartest individuals. Eomer still had a fetish for horses, yellow crayons and silly hats, and for being a king in his own right, could be really rather dim at times. Aragorn was not much better, but occasionally had random bursts of ingenuity and surprised everyone with his logic. But this did not happen much and by now Legolas was used to his friend's general stupidity.

"Look at him up there," remarked Eomer, his head turned towards Haldir, who was STILL basking in his own glory. "Just cos he has fangirls and we don't, doesn't mean he can stand up there and toss his hair like that." At that comment Eomer looked rather sour, but sad. "All because he has fangirls."

Legolas and Aragorn raised their eyebrows. Aragorn spoke: "well I know for sure that I have fangirls," he remarked.

Legolas smirked, saying that he did as well, talking in a voice that was in every way as arrogant as the elf could possibly be.

Eomer's bottom lip trembled when he realised that he was the only one out of the trio who had no fangirls. He had no wild teenage girls throwing themselves at his feet, no stalkers, no crazed fanfiction junkies who wrote stories about him and certainly no admirers who send him bag fulls of fan mail every day. He felt the urge to go off somewhere to have a little cry, but didn't get a chance, for Haldir called out to everyone to file outside into the garden for dinner.

Legolas and Aragorn exchanged looks and between them, decided that it would be their mission to find Eomer some fangirls. They might not be terribly pretty fangirls, or terribly intelligent, but a fangirl is a fangirl. Actually, now that they came to think about it, Eomer wasn't the world's most pretty person, nor was he the sharpest crayon in the box, so he probably wouldn't be too concerned that his future fangirls could wind up being about forty seven, with a hairy back and the IQ of a potato.

As the crowd made their way out into the garden for dinner, Legolas and Aragorn explained to Eomer very slowly, in case he got confused, that they were going to help him find some fangirls. Legolas managed to forget to mention that fangirls were really a curse, not something to be desired. But he was determined to help the dim Rohirrim, and if female admirers and stalkers were what Eomer wanted, then the elf would do anything he could, within reason of course, to find Eomer his very own fangirl.

Everyone gasped as they came outside into the garden. A huge pavilion had been set up, and a very very long table was beneath the pavilion, which was draped with plenty of colourful, gauzy fabric. At each place at the table sat perfect white china and crystal glassware. There were plenty of candles and lanterns that hung from the roof to cast light on what everyone was planning on eating.

Back at the Fab Five HQ, Thom, the interior decorator, who had in this case, decorated exteriorly, was having a little rant about the lovely outdoor setting which had been set up in Haldir's garden.

"It does look lovely peanut," commented Carson, wondering to himself whether or not it would be better to call people Almond, or perhaps Cashew.

"Wow," commented Gimli, who had been forgotten for a little while. Gandalf was beside the dwarf, grinning, looking like he longed to reach out and touch the pretty lights.

Everyone took their seats, and with a bit of juggling, Legolas and Aragorn managed to sit Eomer between two random females. Legolas and Frodo managed to stay away from Mr Bean, and Sam broke his chair when he sat on it.

The first course was brought out, and yet again, everyone was in awe. Who could have known that Haldir could be such a great host, look so snappy, AND be capable in the kitchen?

TBC...

AN/ yay. I liked that chapter. I have ideas now, so perhaps the next one wont take as long as I thought it would...

Thank you all for reviews on the previous chapter. I don't have time to reply to them right this instant, but will get in touch next chapter.

Another big round of applause and hugs for Nellie, who rocks my socks, while at the same time betas this story.

Toodles all, hope you had a bit of a laugh. If not, next one will be better.

Reviews would be lovely...

Love Lamoo