M&M's: Malfoys and Mudbloods
Chapter Eight: Breakdown
Lyrics/Thoughts
Draco groaned as he opened his eyes, the sun blazing in causing him to pull the covers over his head and reach out to hold his little bookworm. He sat up with a start when he realized she wasn't there. Then it all sunk in, the realization of what he had done the day before. He fell back into the bed and wondered if he had done the right thing…
Flashback
"Hello?" Hermione answered the phone.
"Hermione?" Draco's voice sounded strained.
"Draco, what's wrong?" instantly feeling uneasy at the sound of his voice.
"Hermione, I don't know how to tell you this but, this isn't working out anymore. I care for you a lot but, I just don't, I just don't-" he struggled to make the words come out.
You called yesterday to basically say
That you care for me but that you're just not in love
"You don't love me." She finished the sentence that he couldn't bring himself to say.
He sighed in frustration, "It's just that- I don't know Hermione, I mean I know that Pansy picked Harry over me, and I know she hasn't been mine for a while and that you and I have been together for a while, but I can't let her go."
Immediately I pretended to be feeling similarly
And led you to believe I was ok
To just walk away from the one thing
That's unyielding and sacred to me
The words hit her like an Avada Kedavra, but she didn't let it show, "That's a relief," she sighed, "I care for you too, but I don't think I'm over Viktor." She lied, "I just want you to be happy." It took all the strength she possessed to blink back her tears as she thankedMerlin that Draco wasn't there to see her cry.
"So you're ok?" he questioned.
"Of course. Why wouldn't I be?" she smiled again, "Draco, we started out as friends, well not really but you get the point," she babbled,"I would like us to continue to be friends."
"Oh, of course," He had expected a different reaction from her, "I guess I'll see you around then."
"Uh-huh." She nodded and smiled, "Bye." he hung up, as she just stared at the phone, wondering if she was having a nightmare. In all her 26 years, she never felt more alone than she did at that very moment.
End Flashback
Draco rolled over and looked at the spot in his bed where his bookworm would be sleeping if he could figure out how he really felt, who he really loved. He couldn't deny that there were some seriously strong feelings in his heart for Hermione, but he also didn't know if he was ready to let go of his Slytherin Princess, whom he had been betrotherd to since before he was born.
When they were in school the thought of marrying Pansy was laughable, but after the war she blossomed into quite a charming young woman. They had both originally been relieved that their betrothal had been called off since their parents were dead, but after a while they realized that they had feelings for one another that ran deeper than friendship. And thus a tentative romance started, and lasted until Pansy realized that she loved Draco more like a brother rather than a lover. She had ended things, much to Draco's protest and had begun dating Potter. At first Draco had thought it was just a phase, but after the couple had remained together for a year, he began to wonder where his heart truely belonged.
Was he really in love with Pansy? Or did he love her because he was brought up to? Did he love Hermione or was je just trying to get his mind off of Pansy... did he think he loved Pansy because he was afraid of loving Hermione? All this thinking about love and destiny was beginning to give Draco a headache.
Realizing that sleep wasn't going to come to him he got up and decided he needed to talk to a friend to help him sort out his troubles.
"Hey Draco, how's it going?" Blaise asked as the ebony haired man sat at the counter.
"I broke up with Hermione." he whispered.
"WHAT!" Blaise's head whipped around to face his best friend.
Draco looked up, "I broke up with Hermione."
"Why?" Blaise sat next to him.
"I don't know, I think I'm still in love with Pansy."
Blaise glared at him, "How? Why? I thought you were over her, you and Hermione were doing so well."
"I know that, things with Hermione were going well, but it's just that, I... I don't know." He sighed in frustration as he ran a hand through his hair before resting his head in his hands on the counter.
"Did you just break up with Hermione cause you claim to be in love with Pansy?" Blaise didn't wait for a reply, "Or do you claim to still be in love with Pansy because you're afraid to fall in love with Hermione?"
Draco looked up at Blaise, "Who knows... Either way it doesn't matter, when I told her it was over she said that she was relieved and that she wasn't over Viktor."
Blaise just stared at him, "And you don't think that she could have been lying? Telling you what you wanted to hear? Trying to protect her pride by saying she was ok with it?"
Draco shook his head, "No, she's never had a reason to lie to me before, why would she start now?"
The Italian shrugged, "As long as you think you're following your heart..." he went to go answer the ringing phone. "Hey Ginny... yea I know, he's here now... alright I'll let him know, ok hon, I love you and I'll see you later." He hung up and walked back over to Draco, "That was Ginny, she says you're an idiot for breaking up with Hermione, even if Hermione says she's fine with it."
Draco sighed in defeat, "I'm never going to win with these girls, Pansy and I broke up and I got yelled at even if I wasn't the one to end it, and now me and Hermione break up... at least I'll deserve the yelling this time."
Hermione sniffled as she picked up the phone and dialed, "Hey Hermione-Mione!" a cheerful baritone answered the phone. Hermione could only sniffle before breaking down again. "Hermione what's wrong?" Concern evident in his voice.
"Dra-Dra-co." she sobbed.
"Hold on Hermione, I'll be right there." Jason hung up and headed over to his best friends house.
Fifteen Minutes later he walked in her door, not evening bothering to knock. He found her on the couch, balling her eyes out. "Hermione what happened." he took her into his arms, rocking herback and forth.
"Draco broke up with me."
"What?"
Hermione looked up at him with a sadness he had never seen before in her eyes, "Jason, I was in love with him. How could I have not known he didn't feel the same way?" she crumpled into his embrace once more. Missing the look of shock on Jason's face.
For Hermione to admit that she was in love with Draco was a big deal. She felt that people used love to loosely. She always said that if and when she fell in love, she was going to make sure it was completely and forever.
"Did you tell him how you felt?" He felt her shake her head against his chest.
"No, I want him to be with me cause he loves me, not because he's afraid to hurt me."
Jason continued to hold her as she cried, his eyes watered as he knew there was nothing he could do to soothe her broken heart, and shattered dreams.
Two weeks later, Hermione was once again faced with her former love at an anniversary party for Ginny and Blaise. As soon as Hermione walked in the house the atmosphere changed, They all know she thought to herself as she raised an eyebrow, then cracked a grin, "What are you all that happy to see me?" she joked.
"Hermione, I'm so sorry are you ok?" Ginny came up to her.
"What are you talking about? Me and Draco? It was a mutual thing, we're still friends."
Well I guess I'm trying to be nonchalant about it
And I'm going to extremes to prove I'm fine without you
"Right?" she nudged theblond haired man in question playfully.
He let out a forced smile, "Right."
But in reality I'm slowly losing my mind
Underneath the guise of a smile gradually I'm dying inside
"Alright Hermione, cut the crap." Millicent pulled her aside, "How do you really feel?" she stared intently at the brunette.
"Mill, I'm fine really, it was time for the two of us to move on. What we had was fun but we knew it couldn't last forever."
Millie studied her as if trying to read her true feelings, "Alright, I'm just glad you're not hurting, I would hate to have to go kick the Prince of Slytherin's ass." She smiled as Hermione laughed, heading back to the rest of the party.
Friends ask me how I feel and I lie convincingly
Cause I don't want to reveal the fact that I'm suffering
Later that night she returned home alone and thought back to when Draco would come home with her. When they were dating, they were inseparable, they never spent the night alone, the fact that they had been orphaned during the war brought them together, neither of them liked being alone. Either she went with him or he came to her, don't even get her started on the mind blowing sex. She thought that they would be together forever, but once again the relationship gods felt the need to smite her. She curled into a little ball and cried.
So I wear my disguise 'til I go home at night
And I turn down the lights and then I break down and cry
The next day she saw Draco at the park, where they would share romantic walks underneath the stars. She couldn't help but flashback to their first "official date" Draco and her had come to the point where she had wished upon a shooting star for this to last forever. But like many times in the past, her hopes and dreams were squashed, you would think that by now she would realize that maybe she wasn't meant to have a happily ever after. She smiled cheerfully at him as he smiled back and walked on, never looking back to see the tears fall from proud whiskey gold eyes.
So what do you do when somebody you're so devoted to
Suddenly just stops loving you and it seems they haven't got a clue
Of the pain that rejection is putting you through
It took everything he had to walk away from her false smile. He could see the pain in the depths of her golden eyes. But he didn't know how he felt about her, and until he did it was unfair to string her along.
Later that week Hermione was over at Ginny's house helping her cook Blaise's favorite dish. "Thanks a lot Hermione for helping me; I know I couldn't have done this without you."
The brunette smiled at her best friend, "It's no problem."
Once they placed the dish in the oven, Ginny led her to the kitchen table for coffee, "Come on Hermione, tell me the truth how are you doing?"
"I'm fine Ginny, I really am, I just wish that you would all believe me and stop asking me about it."
"You can't lie to me Hermione, I can see it in your eyes, you're hurting inside."
Hermione sighed and looked away, "So what if I am, what can I do? I can either yell and make a big scene every time I see him, I could try to hold on to something that no longer exists, or I can be gracious and let him go." She turned to Ginny with tears in her eyes, "Ginny I love him so much, I'd rather have him as a friend than not have him in my life at all." She quickly regained her composure, "Ginny don't tell anyone how I feel alright? I don't want their sympathy, or yours."
Do you cling to your pride and sing "I will survive"
Do you lash out and say "how dare you leave this way"
Do you hold on in vain as they as they just slip away
Ginny nodded, knowing very well how theproud lioness of Gryffindorworked out her emotions.
"Ginny honey I'm home!" Blaise's voice rang through the house, "And a lost ferret followed me home!"
"Shut up Blaise." An all too familiar voice playfully bit back.
Ginny turned back to Hermione who had turned a few shades whiter than usual.
She quickly got up and grabbed her purse, "Take the dish out in 15 minutes, I'm heading out the back."
"Hermione wait." She grabbed for her hand, the heartache that radiated from Hermione's eyes was enough for Ginny to let her go. Hermione mouthed a silent thank you as she left through the kitchen door just as the guys were entering.
"Hey Ginny, how's it going?" Draco greeted her with a hug.
Blaise kissed his wife softly, "Wow something smells great!" He sniffed the air, "Who'd you order from?" Blaise questioned cautiously.
Ginny slapped him playfully, "I'll have you know that I cooked." She put her hands on her hips, "Hermione helped me..." she replied quietly as she noticed Draco's expression falter.
"Where is she? Don't tell me she didn't stay?" Blaise asked.
"She-uh, had something to take care of, so she left about ten minutes ago, you guys just missed her." Ginny lied, good enough for Blaise, but Draco took a whiff of the air, Hermione's scent still lingered. That sweet scent of rain and roses.
"How is the Gryffindor Know It All doing these days?" Blaise asked then winced, "Oh, sorry Draco."
He shook his head, "No, I'd like to know how she's doing, she seems to be fine though."
Ginny nodded, "Yea, she's doing well, she really glad that you guys are still friends."
Draco clapped his hands together, "Well I should get going, I have an early day tomorrow, I'll leave you two love birds alone." He waved goodbye and headed home. On his way he couldn't help but think of Hermione and wonder if he had made the right decision.
Well I guess I'm trying to be nonchalant about it
And I'm going to extremes to prove I'm fine without you
When Hermione got home she flung open the door and as soon as she stepped into her apartment she shut the door and sank to the floor. She held herself as she cried. What went wrong? She pulled her knees up to her chest and let the tears flow.
But in reality I'm slowly losing my mind
Underneath the guise of a smile gradually I'm dying inside
Friends ask me how I feel and I lie convincingly
Her phone rang, against her better judgment she picked it up, "Hello?"
"Hey Hermione, I was just wondering how you were doing?" the bubbly voice of the woman who owned Draco's heart questioned.
"I'm fine Pansy, thanks for asking though."
"You sure? Cause you know if you ever need to talk, I'm here."
"I know you are, Pansy, I know you are."
"Alright, well me and Harry are going to go to the movies, do you want to come with?"
"No, I have some work to do. Maybe another time?" Hermione was surprised her voice sounded a lot more chipper than she felt.
"Alright, just don't work to hard!"
"I won't, bye Pansy, say Hi to Harry for me."
"Will do, bye."
Hermione hung up and pulled herself off of the floor only to find a picture of her and Draco on their six month anniversary dinner.
Flashback
"What!" Hermione angrily answered the phone. She was having a bad day at work and couldn't wait to go home, crawl into bed and cry away her frustrations.
"Bookworm, did I catch you at a bad time?" Draco's voice calmed her soul.
"Draco!" she smiled brightly, "You know I always have time for you."
"Can you get off work early today?"
"I wish I could hon, but I have a major deadline." She pouted, just then her boss walked in, "Hold on luv."
Draco smiled on the other line as Hermione's boss, (as they had planned) told her she could leave early.
"Draco, you're never believe it, my boss just came in and told me I could leave now!"
Draco laughed at her happiness, "Alright, I'll be there in 10 minutes to pick you up.
That night had been beyond Hermione's most passionate dreams. Never in her life could she have ever imagined having someone like Draco in her life. He had taken out all the stops taking her to the most expensive restaurant in town, a horse drawn carriage ride through the park, dropping them off at The Point, where a blanket, a bottle of champagne and a telescope were set up. It was the night they had first made love, sure they had had sex before, but this was different. Being under the stars, made the evening perfect, it was then she realized that she was in love with him.
End Flashback
She placed the picture back on the table and broke down again.
Cause I don't want to reveal the fact that I'm suffering
So I wear my disguise 'til I go home at night
And I turn down the lights and then I break down and cry
Her phone rang again, this time she didn't answer it instead she grabbed her coat and headed to The Point. Upon reaching her destination she wrapped her arms around herself for warmth, tearing up as she remembered when Draco's arms would do the same.
There's nothing holding me here anymore. The girls are all married, except Pansy who's with Harry, and me, well I don't have anyone to stay for...She fingered the acceptance letter in her pocket, a letter that would change her life.
Flashback
Draco handed Hermione a quill, "Come on luv, it can't hurt to apply. You're an amazing chef with or without your wand. Any culinary school will be lucky to have you." he handed her an application from the pile.
"International Culinary Institute of California," Hermione read the applicaion, "That's awefully far Draco."
The blond Dragon shook his head, "Where ever you go in the world, you're simply an apparation or floo away." He kissed her temple, "Besides if you go there we can go to Disneyland! And ride those crazy muggle contraptions... what are they called again? Rollie Toasters?"
Hermione laughed, "They're called Rollercoasters luv." she looked back at the application, "I suppose California isn't that far away, but can I really abandon my job at the ministry?"
"Stop making up excuses as to why you can't persue your dreams. I know you weren't planning on working at the ministry for the rest of your life. You have too great a passion for cooking to spend your life in a stuffy office." he took her hands in his and stared into her eyes, "Besides, now that the war is over, the need for a department of Magical/Muggle relations is waining, and you know it. One of the only reasons the department is still running is because you're the head of it." he cupped her cheek, "You're always doing things for other people, it's time to do something for you." he kissed her softly, "Now fill out the application so you can become the next Coyotegang Duck."
"I love how adorable you are when you try to impress me with your knowledge of the muggle world," she smiled when Draco beamed, "But his name luv, is Wolfgang Puck."
End Flashback
Hermione sighed as another tear fell, International Culinary Institute, California, here I come.
Please don't kill me! Yes Draco broke up with her, and yes he's a moron for doing it, but this is a Draco/Hermione fic and they will end up together in the end... whenever that may be... but if everything was kittens and butterflies then the reunion wouldn't be as satisfying... don't you think?
Well that update took a while... and I'm afraid that the next one might take even longer... I'm heading home for a month and won't have access to internet muchless a computer that's less than a decade old :( I'll try to get to my aunts house to use hers though so never fear!
The song is Breakdown by Mariah Carey featuring Bone Thugs and Harmony. I don'town anything Harry Potter! Wish I owned Draco though... the things I could do to that boy... sigh...
Thank you's:
Watch out for Yellow Moon: Thanks! I'm glad the names entertained you, I thought it would be funny to throw them in :)
Aria DeLoncray: Glad you went to read Abduction, it's bloody brilliant isn't it? Glad you enjoyed the chapter!
WannaBArtist: Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Thanks for your continued support!
Atlanta: Thanks for the words of encouragement!
Derecho87: Thanks for the compliment on the names, I like adding little quirks like then when I have OC's in the fic... there's another OC coming, I'm sure you'll pick up on the name when he's introduced!
Lovelylady90: I'm glad you enjoyed the names! Thanks for the review!
Viktor Krum's lazyllama101: Yes they are meant to be together aren't they? To bad Draco's a moron and doesn't realize it yet! But don't worry he'll come around eventually!
Mysticpammy: I always love hearing from new reviewers! Thanks for taking the time to let me know you're enjoying my work!
Chea: I thought I'd use the actors names just for fun, cause I couldn't think of anything else to name his nurses.
I'll try to update again before I go back home and become a beach bum! Muse willing I'll have another chapter up in a few days!
One Love,
NelStar
June 26, 2006
