Carth awoke the following morning to find a fully awake Revan still resting against his chest. She appeared to be thinking about something and was unaware that he had awoken as well. Her eyes occasionally scanned the room, constantly surveying her surroundings.
"Revan?" He said quietly, and she jerked back slightly. It was still dark in the room, as it was before sunrise.
Revan turned her eyes up to his face. "I didn't know you were awake." She replied, turning over the hand on his chest so that his palm rested on top of hers.
Carth squeezed her hand. "I just woke up." He answered.
Revan shut her eyes for a moment and Carth curled his arm around her back. Revan sighed contentedly.
"Have you gotten up to check the apartment?" Carth asked.
"Mmmm… Nope, but you did." Revan said quietly.
Carth had gotten up around an hour earlier and done a quick search of the apartment. He had become almost as obsessive as Revan about the task. "I'm sorry I woke you, then."
"It's okay. I'd been drifting in and out of sleep for some time." Revan answered.
Carth smiled and shut his eyes, gently rubbing his hand across the small of Revan's back.
Half an hour later, Alexis finally forced herself to get out of bed. Despite all the time they had wasted, it was still dark out. Carth had risen with her, declaring that he would cook her the best breakfast that she would ever have.
He was standing in the kitchen, bare-chested, cooking something that smelled absolutely wonderful, even to Alexis's weak stomach. His feet were bare and his hair was mussed. He looked so domestic, so utterly adorable, that Alexis found herself standing in the doorway, simply staring at him. He hadn't seen her, and she was enjoying the moment.
Alexis's fingers itched with the urge to run her fingers through Carth's hair. She was truly having a hard time keeping her impulses in check. She held on to the doorframe, twisting one of her bare feet around on the hard floor. Carth was humming quietly and muttering to himself every so often about what he needed to do next. He seemed absorbed in his task.
Alexis walked across the kitchen to his side. He didn't see her immediately, and when he finally did notice her, he set down the dish he was holding and folded her in his arms. "Hello," he said. He pulled back and looked down at the large t-shirt she was still wearing and chuckled slightly. "I thought you were going to brush your teeth and change a few minutes ago."
Alexis shrugged slightly. "Well, I did brush my teeth, but I didn't manage to change clothes. I guess I'm still feeling a little lazy."
"A Jedi feeling lazy?" He exclaimed as he returned to the task at hand. "Unheard of!"
Alexis laughed and stepped away. She leapt up onto his countertop and crossed her legs, grinning the whole time. She watched as Carth finished cooking the meal. When he was done, he walked over and stood beside her, resting one hand on her knee.
In the other hand, Carth held a plate with some strange concoction upon its surface. He settled it down on his other side and scooped up a mouthful onto a fork.
Carth held out the fork to Alexis, who carefully took a bite. She hadn't even asked what it was and was surprised when she recognized the food. "It's some sort of egg omelet, isn't it?" She asked after she swallowed.
"Yes. Do you like it?" He asked in return. He watched her face as he took a bite of the omelet for himself.
"It's excellent." She replied. Together, they finished breakfast and went and sat in the living area together to play pazaak.
An hour or so later, the sun had risen and Carth watched as Revan sat cross-legged in the middle of his floor, dubiously eyeing the three sets of Jedi robes Kalen had presented her with the previous evening. All of them would be far too large for her. Carth could see that, but Revan kept absently turning them in her hands, weighing the material and carefully studying the stitching.
Carth was smiling slightly at her, feeling foolishly happy for some reason. It felt so right having Revan in his home, even though they had been apart for so long. She fit into his life so neatly… more so than his first family ever had. He always felt a pang of guilt when thoughts like this surfaced, and yet it was true.
Carth's first wife, Morgana, whom he had loved dearly, had been a sweet girl, stubborn to a fault, and very lovely. She had been tall, Carth remembered, and curvy, with bright, shining eyes and a sharp mind. He had always felt that something was missing when they were together. It was as if one or both of them lacked some essential component of compatibility that would have solidified their marriage.
Morgana had immediately wanted to settle down and start a family, Carth had not. She had wanted to stay home and care for the baby; Carth had wanted to see the galaxy. They had grown apart as Dustil grew up, and when she had died, Carth had felt that he barely knew her any longer.
She had begged Carth more than once to stay home with her, give her another son and let the Republic take care of itself. Carth regretted not at least giving it a shot. Perhaps if he had stayed home on Telos where he had belonged, he might have been able to save her life. But then he would never have met Revan.
He always felt so conflicted when he compared the two, as if his wife was still alive and he was cheating on her. He had to concede though that Revan completed him in a way his wife never had, and he didn't even know if she loved him. It was as if she were a missing part of his soul…
Carth almost wished that he had met Revan first, before he had met his wife. If they had married… but Revan had been very young when he had first married Morgana. Merely a Padawan under the tutelage of Jedi Master Kae, she had been far beyond his reach. Perhaps it was better that they had not. Perhaps things were this way for a reason. Perhaps because of the Force. Carth's heart ached for a moment with an acute sort of pain, pain for the past and for the present, and he looked away from Revan, his expression troubled.
Carth shut his eyes and listened to Revan's soft breathing and the quiet rustle of material. He let his mind wander away from the dark subjects he had been pondering and into the future. He thought of Revan, he thought of her restoring the Republic, he thought of him at her side. He thought of the rebuilding of the Jedi Order, of Kalen Valirra, and of her companions. He even thought of Telos, once again teeming with life…
Alexis lowered the very large robes she had been handling and turned to watch Carth. His eyes were closed and his breathing was even. When she closed her eyes, she could hear the steady rhythm of his heart. He had been silent for some time and Alexis had no desire to disturb him.
She rose as quietly as her weak body would allow and took two steps towards the door. She felt Carth's eyes open and he smiled at her. "Tired of playing with your new clothes?" He asked.
"Actually, someone's at the door. I'm fairly certain it's Seré, but there's something about that door… I can't sense much of anything through it." Alexis said.
"I'll answer it." Carth replied, standing up. He followed her over to the door and opened it before the girl could knock.
"Early again, Seré?" Alexis said quietly. The tall girl stepped inside and shut the door behind her without responding.
"Carth, I've taken a vacation from work for a few days as well. I told them that it was much easier for me to be gone when you weren't there to need my help. They agreed." Seré said, ignoring Alexis's presence completely.
Carth nodded once. "Fine." He said nothing more but instead made his way back to his seat, picking up one of Revan's new robes as he passed. He flopped back onto the couch and held the thing up, frowning. "I'll bet I could fit three of you in here." He said softly.
Alexis shrugged and leaned up against the wall. He was behaving a bit strangely. She pretended not to notice, however, and watched as Seré lowered herself carefully onto a nearby chair. Alexis was growing tired of the girl. Despite all of the control she had over her emotions, Seré was beginning to irk her a bit. First, the girl's well-aimed barbs had startled her. Then, the pain had set in. Now, they only served to make her fed up with the entire situation. "I only need them for patterns, really. All I need is someone we can trust to make Jedi robes discreetly."
Carth did not answer. He settled the robes on the arm of the couch and leaned back, placing his hands behind his head. He simply stared at her, his posture and expression relaxed but his eyes intense. He appeared to be thinking very hard about something while idly staring at her.
Alexis looked down, uncomfortable. Why was he being so odd? Had she done something wrong this morning without knowing it? She glanced down at her body, eyeing her clothes and the way she was standing. Nothing appeared to be out of the ordinary, at least that she could see.
He continued to stare and Alexis shut her eyes to block him out. She sank slowly to the floor, still leaning against the wall, and drew her knees up to her chest. This brought a brief spasm of pain, causing her to draw in her breath sharply. Her body still hurt so much. She was much too thin and weak and food made her feel ill. She was, however, no longer dehydrated, and that had eased some of the soreness in her muscles. The pains of her body were not the pains bothering her the most. It was the emotional hurts that she was afraid would never heal.
Ever since she had rediscovered her identity as Revan, Alexis had harbored deep-seated feelings of guilt and shame. She was usually easily able to force them away because of her training as a Jedi, but lately it had not been quite so simple. More and more often she found herself dwelling on the terrible things she remembered doing in her past.
It was strange the way she remembered things she had done when she was Darth Revan. It was as if she had only been a witness, not actually involved. She always watched herself as a third party, never from the Sith Lord's eyes. The memories were vague, too, as if she had been in some sort of pain-filled fog. She could quite clearly remember her childhood now, and everything leading up to the Mandalorian Wars, but anything after that was only an impression.
Alexis looked back up at the door. Someone else was there. She shut her eyes for a moment and tried to force her perceptions through the door. It was resistant, but she was easily able to pick up on the familiar person on the other side. It was Kalen.
Instead of telling Carth, Alexis rose and opened the door. Carth and Seré watched curiously as Kalen entered the room without a word. Her expression was pained and she looked rather melancholy. She was dressed in a tunic and leggings, not her Jedi robes.
"Lexi… can we talk?" She said without pause. She turned her soft blue eyes on Alexis and stared.
Alexis was perplexed. Something was obviously wrong. "Sure. Carth, is there somewhere Kalen and I can talk?" She took Kalen's hand gently.
"Of course. Use the bedroom. It's quiet back there." Carth replied, perplexed.
Without a word, Alexis led Kalen out of the room and into Carth's bedroom. They each took a seat on the bed, facing one another. Kalen was fidgeting nervously and did not speak immediately.
Finally, after a pregnant pause, Alexis broke the silence. "You're worried about the Order, aren't you?"
"You always were able to read me like a book." Kalen said with a wry smile. The smile faded as quickly as it came. She was quiet for some time before she spoke again. "What do you know about the True Sith?"
"Traya told you, didn't she?" Alexis asked in return.
"She mentioned something to that effect, yes." Kalen said uneasily.
"The True Sith have always been, and will always be. No matter what Traya told you, the Sith can't be destroyed. The True Sith are those that lurk in the shadows, preserving the Sith traditions and training new Dark Lords. They are the Sith archivists… historians of destruction. Traya was well on her way to joining them." Alexis said. She was unsure why Kalen found all of this important.
"So, the Sith will never fade from existence. There will always be Sith." Kalen said with certainty.
"Yes…" Alexis said. Where was the girl going with this?
"Then the Jedi shouldn't either." Kalen told her with conviction. Kalen had been looking down but suddenly, her eyes jerked up and met Alexis's. They bored into her and Alexis had to fight the urge to look away.
"I- I don't see where you're going with this…" Alexis said. She was lying; she certainly did. Kalen was asking her not only to save the Republic, but to save the Jedi as well.
"Don't lie to me, Alexis. I've never met a Jedi who could lie with a straight face." Kalen said.
Alexis felt Kalen's hand on her shoulder. "Isn't the Republic enough? I'm only one woman! How can you ask me to save the Republic and the Jedi? How can I rebuild both? I'm not strong enough to shoulder it all. I barely have enough strength to keep myself alive."
"Then let me help you. And Carth. And Atton. And Disciple. And Mira. And all the rest. Let us help you, Lexi." Her words tumbled out, mixing together in her excitement.
"Why do you need me? Can't you do it alone?" Alexis whispered softly. She was nothing. Not a Jedi, not a Sith, not a woman, not a girl, not a hero, not a villain, not Alexis, not Revan. She was nothing, but she was everything in between. "Why me?" She said brokenly.
"Because you've been through it all. You were once everything that was right and good in this galaxy. You fell, a distortion of what you once were, corrupted by fear and circumstances beyond your control. You stepped back into the light, bruised and beaten, but wiser than before. You're what the Republic needs because you ARE the Republic. Once a great institution, corrupted by the fear and greed of man. The Republic needs YOU to lead it back into the light. As does the Jedi Order. Fix what you've broken, Revan. Drag us all back into the light." Fire shimmered in Kalen's eyes. Righteous fire.
Alexis was trembling as she brushed a lock of her hair out of her face. Within the space of five minutes, everything had changed. How could Kalen expect her to lead the galaxy back into the light when half of the time she felt as if she trod in the gray area between light and dark?
How could Kalen believe she was what the galaxy needed when she had been its destroyer in the first place? How could she, a fallen Jedi Knight and former Sith Lord, tell the Republic it was corrupt without sounding like the ultimate hypocrite? Why did the full weight of the Republic's fate rest upon her slender shoulders?
Alexis's mind raced as Kalen's words danced around in her mind. She needed to settle down, to find her center, to think rationally, but she couldn't. Her thoughts were chaos.
Alexis looked into Kalen's eyes, her own stinging with unshed tears. "I can't." She said hoarsely.
Kalen gave her a small, tight smile. Her expression was encouraging. "As long as you're not alone, you can."
"What if I fall again?" Alexis whispered. The darkness was now her greatest fear. The irony was that fear was a part of the darkness…
"You won't. There is nothing left for you in the dark. Everything worth living for is in the light, Alexis. You won't fall again."
Alexis stifled a sob. "Kalen, are you sure? What if you're wrong? What if I'm wrong?"
"I'm not wrong. You are hope. You're purpose. You're everything the Republic needs… everything the Jedi need… and more."
With a soft gasp, Alexis buried her face in her hands and cried for the first time in her life.
Carth was getting tired of answering the door. Kalen's companions had trickled in slowly, one by one, arriving all in their own good time. They were all silent, as if they already knew something important were happening in Carth's apartment.
Atton was seated alone, shuffling a deck of pazaak cards. Visas and Mira sat together on the couch, holding hands. The Disciple, or Mical, or whatever the blonde boy's name was, was pacing along the front of the apartment in front of Bao-Dur. Canderous was sitting next to Seré, who looked as if she were frightened out of her wits. Carth himself stood in the doorway between the living area and kitchen, leaning against the wall.
The air felt heavy with emotion, even though he certainly didn't know why. Weren't most of these people Jedi? Shouldn't emotion have been the last thing clouding the room? And yet… these weren't the type of Jedi he was used to.
These Jedi were all more like Revan, except perhaps the Disciple. They all seemed to be more self-aware than any other Jedi he had ever met. They were more in touch with their own feelings and acutely aware of the feelings of those around them. They weren't indifferent. They were warmer somehow, more vulnerable.
It almost frightened Carth to see Jedi such as these. These Jedi weren't trained warriors who ran like machines. They were people as well as Jedi, not droids like the Jedi of the past. These Jedi were human. These Jedi were real.
Carth was surprised when Kalen walked out alone, a weary grin on her face. She stopped in the center of the room, her eyes dancing merrily. "It's done," she told them all frankly.
It appeared that he and Seré were the only ones who did not understand. The faces of everyone else in the room lit up spectacularly. Atton put away his pazaak deck and Mical stopped pacing. Visas and Mira rose in unison, wearing identical grins. Mandalore chuckled and muttered something about knowing it from the start.
"You think I can go talk to her now?" Atton asked Kalen, shoving his deck of cards into one of the pockets of the jacket he now wore instead of Jedi robes.
Kalen nodded at him. "Be gentle. She's still in shock."
Atton gave her a slightly lecherous grin. "Aww, come one. I'd never hurt a lady."
Carth frowned but said nothing as Atton disappeared. "Would someone please tell me what's going on?"
Kalen turned on him, her hands on her hips. "I've just single-handedly saved the Jedi and the Republic," she said, buffing her nails on he front of her tunic and smiling.
"Yeah? How'd you manage that?" Carth asked her skeptically. Had everyone else in the room gone mad?
"I convinced Alexis that they needed her to save them."
