Ch 28 - Us and Them
The following night, the Order gathered again in the Dark Forest to resume patronus lessons. The white phoenix from Dumbledore had asked that they meet despite the rigors of the battle the day before. Benjy's absence was felt heavily, especially by Dorcas, and everyone was far less eager for lessons than they had been before.
A copy of that morning's Daily Prophet was making its way around the group in the clearing. On the front page, the headline read: "Too Close for Comfort: You-Know-Who Brings the War to Minister Minchum" in big black lettering. A subtitle below supplemented it with "Fourteen Death Eaters Taken Into Custody, Twelve Of Them Koldovstoretz Students." Underneath all of that was another column containing obituaries for Benjy and a few other Ministry aurors, complete with pictures.
Albus entered the clearing a few minutes early, and Alastor came in a short while later with an eyepatch.
"Alastor, aren't you supposed to be convalescing?"
"No rest for the wicked, Podmore."
"Before you all commence your practicing," said Albus, "we would like to have a moment of silence for Benjy Fenwick. May he rest in peace, and may he not die in vain."
Everyone took a few seconds to honor their lost friend and colleague. Dorcas' soft cries permeated the stillness.
"Now, I will turn your attention over to Alastor."
"An update from the Ministry: As you know, Bartemius Crouch over at the Department of Magical Law Enforcement officially authorized the use of unforgivable curses on death eaters, and has now also extended that special permission to the Order of the Phoenix."
Nearly everyone furrowed their brows in a mix of shock and confusion. Use of those curses normally meant an Azkaban sentence.
"How does that make us any better than them?" Lily questioned him courageously.
Alastor frowned at her, but spoke gently. "Because it might help to even the score, especially since they've set their sights on killing our friends as well as muggles."
Lily had no rebuttal.
"That being said," he continued, "If I see any of you taking advantage of this by going on some sick revenge-killing spree, you'll be sorry!" He looked around at the apprehensive faces of the group. "...Where's Pettigrew?"
"He wasn't feeling up to coming after yesterday," James said on Peter's behalf.
Alastor responded with a humph. "Moving on. I trust that we're all familiar with the three unforgivable curses and their incantations, yes?"
Everyone nodded.
"Good. I'm not going to ask you to practice them. Now, the Imperius curse could be quite useful to us in terms of access to intel from the other side. The Cruciatus curse is, to be quite honest, absolutely brutal. Don't grow fond of this one. I would advise against it in all situations, except in extreme cases when it is perhaps your only way of gaining critical information from someone. Long exposure to the curse can drive a person mad, so like I said, don't grow fond of it. Finally, the killing curse…"
He trailed off, thinking of the right thing to say. "...There are times in a conflict when it's tempting to kill your opponent and be done with it. To take the easy way out. Or to kill them for revenge." Then, Alastor spoke in a heartfelt manner which was rare for him. "I implore you not to use this curse unless absolutely necessary. Use it as a last resort in self defense, or in the defense of someone else." With his one good eye, he looked at Lily. "This will be the difference between us and them. We don't kill out of hate."
The corner of Lily's mouth turned up in the hint of a smile. What Alastor lacked in tact, he made up for in impecable honor.
"Got it? Good. Next order of business," he barked, quickly leaving the realm of sentimentality. "Back to the patronus charm. Albus is going to give us all a lesson on how to use the patronus as a messenger. Can I have a volunteer?"
Several people raised their hands.
"Vance!"
Startled by having her name called, Emmeline froze. "...I didn't raise my hand."
"Hm. Could have sworn you did...no matter, step right up."
Emmeline shot a distressed look at Remus, who nudged her forward. "You'll be fantastic," he whispered.
"Easier said than done," she thought.
She drew in a shaky breath and began walking towards Albus. On her way, Alastor stopped her and pulled her aside. "Remember, you've already done this. If you've done it once, you can do it again."
She nodded and continued up to Dumbledore.
"Professor." It would never feel right for her tongue to call him by his first name to his face.
Albus smiled warmly at her, and felt the same tender pride he often felt when he saw one of his students all grown up. "Ms. Vance. Alastor tells me you discovered your patronus only yesterday."
"Yes, sir."
"May I see it?"
Emmeline's heart started pounding as she turned back around to face the group. She raised her wand, but felt her eyes begin to lose focus as she gazed out at all the faces before her. All of their safety was dependent on her adequacy. Snapping out of it, she focused on a face in the crowd that would calm her down.
Remus was smiling at her proudly.
Her heart rate slowly began to lower back to normal. She took in a deep breath and closed her eyes.
The books.
The dust.
The blood on the bed sheets…
"No, I'm in charge of my own mind. Focus."
Remus.
The yarn stitched into his jumpers.
The manner in which he stuck his hands in his pockets.
The smell of tea leaves.
"Expecto Patronum."
When she heard murmurs from the group, she opened her eyes to see the silvery light coming from her wand. Cordially, she greeted the white wolf once again.
Marlene and Lily cheered. "Bravo, Em!"
"Excellent work Emmeline," Dumbledore commended her, coming closer to examine the wolf as it faded away. "Now, if you will please demonstrate the charm nonverbally."
"...I erm, haven't actually ever done that," she confessed.
"Then it seems there is no better time to try than right now, wouldn't you say?"
"...Right. Okay."
Emmeline adjusted her stance and closed her eyes again, concentrating intently.
The books.
The dust.
The scar below his eyebrow…
Her brain migrated to a different memory, almost without her realizing it.
The scars.
The steamy bathroom mirror.
The smell of rosemary soap.
The feel of his hair.
The sound of the shears.
She opened her eyes as the silvery light was emerging from her wand once again.
"Excellent. Now, speak aloud a message as the patronus is taking shape. Concentrate on the face of the person you would like it to go to, the face of someone in the group so we can see it."
"...We're out of milk?"
The wolf took form and leapt towards Remus, relaying the message back to him in Emmeline's uncertain voice before fading. He beamed and laughed a bit, as everyone gave her a round of applause. Emmeline glanced at Alastor, who nodded approvingly.
She thanked Albus before stopping next to Alastor on her way back to the group. "Thank you," she said, feeling acutely penitent for the way she had acted last class. "Alastor, I'm sorry for-"
"Water under the bridge. Nicely done." He forgave her before the rest of the apology could even leave her lips. "Now, off you all go! I want to hear everyone else's grocery list before midnight."
