'Atton.' Alexis called, slipping into Atton's mind.

'Never had a Sith Lord in my head.' Atton muttered back sleepily.

'You still haven't. Is Kalen up?'

'Dunno. I'm not up.'

Alexis pressed her hand to her forehead. 'Do you mind dropping by Carth's apartment? I need someone to meditate with.'

'Unh uh. I don't meditate.'

'Then it's time someone taught you.' Alexis told him with a sigh.

' Why don't you meditate with Kalen? Why didn't you crawl into her head in the first place?'

'That isn't somewhere I want to be. She's going to have a hangover when she wakes up.'

'You got her drunk without me?'

'You're most likely the reason she got drunk. Get yourself over here before I come and get you.'

'Oooh. Is that a promise?'

'Atton!' Alexis's mind shouted in exasperation. She needed a friend at the moment, but if Atton was going to act this way…

'Sheesh. I'm coming, I'm coming. Can I at least take a shower first?'

'Please do.' Alexis pulled out of Atton's mind with a sigh. It was so difficult to hear him over all of the counting he did in his head. Could he even count cards in his sleep? All of those numbers had given her a slight headache.

Alexis really wanted to talk to Kalen, but Atton would have to do. Kalen would not be pleasant company this morning. Atton was a good guy, though, and he would at least listen to her. He could usually lift her spirits, too, even when she felt the worst. They probably wouldn't do much meditating, but she would teach him the basics. He'd probably enjoy it if he'd at least try it. That was, of course, if he could stop counting long enough to meditate.

Alexis slowly let her thoughts drift back to her conversation with Dustil. How could he ask her to marry Carth? Alexis chuckled suddenly, caught unaware by her own ludicrous thought. He couldn't. Carth had to ask.

Alexis shook her head slightly at herself. That wasn't what was important. It was important for her to consider the consequences of her attachment to Carth. Dustil knew the Jedi Code as well as she did. So did Carth, for that matter. Both of them knew why she couldn't give in to her feelings.

And yet… Hadn't she given Atton advice that contradicted the Jedi Code? Hadn't she encouraged his relationship with Kalen? But, that was different. Wasn't it? They deserved a little bit of happiness. But then, didn't she?

No. Kalen hadn't slaughtered hundreds of innocent people. Kalen hadn't fallen to the dark side. Kalen had never been a Sith Lord. Kalen wasn't a monster. But Atton was. Alexis bit her lip.

Had Atton's actions been any different than her own? Did she really deserve happiness any less than he did? Yes, Atton was only following orders. Atton turned away from the Sith on his own. Atton hadn't been a Sith Lord.

Alexis lowered her head into her hands. She was tearing Carth apart. Didn't he deserve happiness? He was a Republic hero and a good man. Why did someone like Carth even want her? Did he really want her? Or was the love in his eyes a result of wishful thinking on her part?

He'd loved her once; he'd told her so. Back in the Star Forge System on that Rakatan planet so many years ago… Maybe his love had faded with time. Maybe he was only helping her out of a sense of duty.

So why had he told her that nothing had happened with Seré? Why did her hold her at night? Was it compassion? Did Carth know that she still loved him? Of course not, you fool. You've only told him once.

Alexis sat bolt upright. She'd only told the man that she loved how she felt once. Maybe Carth was just as confused as she was. Sadly, she couldn't help him when she could barely help herself.

Atton ambled into the apartment, opening the door with a wave of his hand and closing it in a similar manner. Alexis was sitting in the middle of the living room floor once again, looking up at him. Atton dropped into a sitting position across from her and gave her a rakish grin. "We're all alone. Are you sure you can't think of a better way to spend our time?"

"I just- wanted someone to talk to," Alexis said slowly.

"I'm all ears," Atton responded, resting his chin on his hand and his elbow on his knee so that he could stare at her.

"I'm not so sure it's going to work that way. Oh, I'm so bad at this." Alexis sighed.

"I know it's hard sometimes to confess you're undying love for someone. Just try it. I- Say it with me now. I – Love – You – Atton. See? That's not so bad. Now you try."

Alexis collapsed into helpless laughter. He was such a scoundrel. "I'd – love – to – kill – you – Atton." Alexis said.

"Woah. I thought you'd given all of that up," Atton held up his hands as if to fend off an attack.

"I might make an exception. You know, one more murder for the road. It's not like you're innocent, so I wouldn't really be guilty of anything, right?" Alexis smiled.

"Hey- I'm as innocent as that choirboy Mical," Atton said.

"Somehow, I doubt that."

Atton was silent for a second. "I've been meaning to ask you something," he said hesitantly. "It's been bothering me for a while now."

"Shoot."

"I'm not sure that's the best word to use."

"Oh, fine," Alexis said, exasperated. "Atton, please, go ahead and ask me your most noble question."

"I don't think I have any noble questions."

With a snarl of mock fury, Alexis lunged at him. She slammed into his chest and knocked him back onto the floor. "If you don't ask me your silly question, I'm going to shake it out of you."

"Temper, temper." Atton said, sitting back up and pretending to dust off his jacket. "Now I won't ask until you say please."

"I have to ask you to ask me your question?"

"Yes," Atton replied pompously.

Alexis glared at him for a second. She'd completely forgotten what she had asked him to come over and talk to her about in the first place. "Please ask me you're damned question before I die from anticipation." Her tone was sarcastic.

"I think you can do better than that."

"Atton," Alexis said in a waning tone.

"Oh, all right," he said, sitting up and looking her in the eyes with a very serious expression on his face. "Here we go. Why does Kalen call you Alexis?"

Alexis was dumbfounded. That was the all-important question? She waited for a few seconds, waiting for him to elaborate, but he didn't. "That's all you want to know?"

"I think it's a good question."

"Well, I think I have a good answer. But let me ask you a question first. What person in their right mind would name a child Revan?"

"Well, it is a stupid name," Atton conceded.

"Thanks," Alexis said dryly. "Anyway, my point is, Revan is a surname. My real name is Alexis Revan. Jedi generally are referred to by only their last names so no one knew that my name was Alexis. Kalen always called me Lexi because she thought calling people by their surname was silly."

"So your real name is Alexis?"

"I just said that, didn't I?"

"So why did the Jedi Council rename you Alexis Starling? Why didn't they change your first name, too?"

"I don't know. Sentimentality? Cruelty? Hope? I just can't answer that," Alexis said. She'd often wondered that very thing.

"That's weird," Atton muttered, looking slightly perplexed for a moment.

"It could be because the person who named me Alexis Revan was on the Council that renamed be Alexis Starling."

"What do you mean?"

Alexis sighed. She hated revealing this, but she had asked Atton here to talk and she really had no reason to refuse. "Kavar named me."

"Why would Kavar name you? He was never your master, right?" Atton asked.

"No, Kavar was never my master. Besides, that has nothing to do with it. Kavar named me because Kavar was the one who found me."

"Found you?"

"Yes, found me. Are you going to let me finish or are you going to keep interrupting?"

"Right, sorry. Go ahead."

"Kavar was out on a mission with his Master, Vrook, on the very edge of the Outer Rim. Kavar probably wasn't any more than eighteen or nineteen years old. Now, the name of the world was Deralia."

"Isn't that where you're from?"

"I'm getting there," Alexis said, her voice rising slightly. "Anyway, Kavar ran into a Mandalorian soldier. Now, even then the Mandalorians and the Jedi didn't get along, but Kavar sensed that the soldier meant him no harm. In fact, he was carrying a child."

"You?"

"May I finish?"

"Sorry," Atton mumbled.

"Now, the Mandalorian told Kavar that the little girl he had with him, who was only about a month old at the time, was a Force sensitive child. The Mandalorians had no desire to raise a child like that, so he asked Kavar to take her. Kavar was only a padawan, so he didn't ask any questions. In fact, he didn't even ask Vrook if taking her was the right thing to do. He just accepted the little girl without question."

"You still haven't said whether or not the baby was you."

"Yes, it was me, are you happy?" Alexis asked. "Sheesh. Anyway, Kavar asked the soldier what my name was before the man took off. All the Mandalorian said was that they'd been calling me Revan. Kavar thought that Revan sounded like a last name, so when he took me to Vrook, he told him that my name was Alexis Revan. And the rest's history."

"So were you raised in a Jedi Temple?"

"Yeah. The one on Dantooine."

"And you don't know who your parents are at all?" Atton asked. He looked a bit sorry for her.

"Nope," Alexis replied. "It's never bothered me. You can't miss what you've never had."

"Are you a Mandalorian then?"

"Well, Deralia's not a Mandalorian world, so it's had to say. I might be, I guess. If I am, they probably threw me out because I was the runt of the litter. I have a holo. I was hardly bigger than Kavar's hand."

"That would be ironic, wouldn't it?"

"What?"

"You know, if you were a Mandalorian. You and Malak are basically responsible for eradicating their kind."

"Don't say that around Canderous," Alexis muttered.

"So what about Kalen?" Atton asked curiously. He hadn't moved in several minutes, which was unusual for him. She certainly had his attention.

"You mean her parents?"

"Yeah. Did she have any parents?"

"Of course she did. Her parents were both Jedi."

"How does that work?"

"Well…" Alexis began slowly, "Kalen's parents were two Jedi Knights who fell in love. They left the Order so that they could marry and have children."

"So how did Kalen get to be a Jedi, then?" Atton asked, frowning slightly.

"From what I understand, her parents wanted her to have the same opportunities that they had. Just because the Jedi Order wasn't for them didn't mean it wouldn't make their daughter happy."

"Does Kalen have any brothers and sisters? Does she even know?" Atton asked.

"No, she doesn't have any siblings, at least not as far as I know. Her mother died shortly after she was taken for training. I don't think her father remarried."

"Was Kalen trained on Dantooine, too?"

Alexis nodded. "Kalen was trained on Dantooine. Technically my training began on Coruscant. I was raised on Dantooine, but when I turned four I was taken to Coruscant to begin my training in earnest. I didn't get back to Dantooine until I was thirteen or so."

"Is that when you met Malak?" Atton asked her, his voice suddenly soft.

"Yes. He arrived on Dantooine while I was away. He was six years old when he was taken, almost too old to train."

"Was Malak older than you?"

"Yep. By two years."

"I always thought you were older."

"That's a common misconception. Everyone thought I was older because I was the dominant one. I think it was really because I'd been in training for so much longer. The Masters had been teaching me since they found me," Alexis said. It was strange to talk about these things. She barely remembered them.

"Huh. Screwing with you head from the cradle. No wonder you fell to the dark side," Atton said, looking back up at her. "Did the three of you know one another?"

"Well, I was thirteen, Malak was fifteen, and Kalen eleven. We weren't ever really together but we did see each other a lot. Kalen and I were distant friends but I got really close to Malak when we became sparring partners. I was the only padawan in the Temple who could beat him. Even the older kids couldn't take him down," Alexis said. Her voice trailed off.

"You could beat him? You're so small now I can't imagine what you looked like then," Atton said incredulously.

"Oh, I was tiny. And Malak was huge. Malak was bigger than just about everyone in the Temple, adults included," Alexis said. Memories of Malak when he was a boy almost made her smile until she remembered what he'd become… what they'd both become.

"So how'd you beat him?"

"Speed. Speed and agility, really. Malak was gigantic, and he was powerful, but I was too quick for him. I guess flexibility was a major factor, too. I can still contort my body into just about any position I fancy. It drove Malak up the wall."

"Any position you fancy?" Atton asked, smiling widely.

"You know, this isn't what I brought you here to talk about."

"You don't want to talk about what position you fancy?" Atton asked innocently.

"Atton…" Alexis said in warning.

"All right, all right. What did you want to talk about?"

"I don't remember, exactly. I mean, I have a general idea, but…"

"Then why did you bring it up?"

"One day, I'm going to start backsliding and stick my lightsaber through your kidney…"

Carth thought about going home to see Revan on his lunch break, but he decided against it. She'd probably think he was crazy. He'd missed her so much while she'd been gone and to be estranged from her again, if only for a day, was actually physically painful. He had a headache to prove it.

Seré had been annoying him all day, asking about whether or not he'd called to have the locks on her apartment door changed and trying to convince him that she needed to stay in his apartment one more night. Carth was absolutely sick of her. His polite façade was going to wear off if she kept testing him.

He was tired of doing paperwork, too. One of the downsides to his promotion to Admiral had been the dramatic increase in the amount of paperwork he was responsible for. The good far outweighed the bad, however. He was practically his own boss now. He could do whatever he wanted most of the time.

He really felt like heading back to his apartment but taking the day off when he knew he'd have to take so many in the future was irresponsible. He needed to make sure he kept his nose clean these next few weeks so that the Senate would have nothing to throw at him when he finally took Revan before them.

Carth absently fingered the pendant in his palm. It was tiny and silver and hung from a thin piece of black cord. The Onasi crest was emblazoned upon the front. The word "Alexis" was written in a delicate script on the back. He'd had it for four years.

Jedi couldn't wear rings. That had been his first thought when he'd gone looking for some kind of gift to give Revan when he asked her to marry him. He'd chosen a pendant on a chain instead, knowing that that would pose her no danger. Next he'd taken off the chain and replaced it with a short bit of cord, knowing that the cord would give way more easily if someone tried to grab it. He'd had the Onasi crest placed upon the front and her name on the back.

Alexis. He missed calling her that. He'd been afraid to call her anything but Revan when she'd appeared on his doorstep two weeks previous. He hadn't known how she felt about him. He'd known that calling her Revan had been the right choice when she hadn't asked him to call her Alexis.

"…if you're more comfortable calling me Revan, I won't stop you."

Carth sighed and slid the pendant back into the breast pocket of his jacket. He'd never gotten the chance to ask her to marry him before she'd left for the Unknown Regions. He wished he had. Maybe she would have agreed then. Now, he wasn't so sure. Of course, she might have said no. Maybe that would have lessened the misery he'd felt for the last four years. He doubted it, though. It probably would have increased it tenfold.

Why do you even bother, old man? She doesn't need you. She probably doesn't even want you. You're too old, too weak, too damaged. Leave her alone. Let her go about her business in peace.