Alexis had been in the apartment for less than thirty seconds by herself when Atton slipped tentatively into her mind. He was rather clumsy about it and seemed very unsure of himself, but he was there, nonetheless.
'Atton?'
'I- can we talk?'
'You seem nervous. Is something the matter?'
'May I come over?'
'Yes, no one's here. Come on over.'
'Thanks.'
And with that, he was gone. Alexis frowned and walked towards Carth's bedroom, where all of her spare clothing was stored. What had Atton all tied up in knots? Alexis sighed and slid into Carth's closet. Her clothing was stored on the far side.
Alexis pulled out a pair of soft white leggings. They'd once belonged to an older child that had lived at Atris's academy in the Polar Region, but Alexis had confiscated them during her stay. They had been a bit too short, but they'd fit her slender frame well, so she had cut them off just below the knee.
Alexis pulled off her boots and changed into the short pants, along with a slim fitting white tank top she'd stolen from the same place. She'd chosen her new attire for utter comfort. She didn't feel like doing anything. Maybe she'd even be able to get some sleep after Atton left. She left her feet bare. She wasn't planning on leaving the apartment.
Alexis made her way back into the living room, letting her hair down as she went. It had been braided and wound up on top of her head for the meeting with Senator Seraph. Just as she pulled the final pin from her hair, Atton reached the door.
He'd made the trip from the Ebon Hawk in record time. Alexis opened the door with a flick of her wrist and Atton slipped in, panting. Apparently he'd run the entire way.
"Is there anyone behind me?" Atton hissed.
"No… Atton, is everything all right?" Alexis said, suddenly anxious. Who would be following him?
"She's trying to kill me," Atton whispered, throwing himself onto the couch with a theatrical sigh.
"Ah… Who's trying to kill you?" Alexis asked, settling herself onto the floor a few feet in front of him. She crossed her legs comfortably and ruffled her hair. At least she could be calm, even if he wasn't.
"Kalen," Atton said quite seriously.
Alexis erupted into an uncontrollable fit of giggles. "Kalen's trying to kill you?" She managed to gasp, clutching her stomach and grinning.
"You're making fun of me again!" Atton said.
"You make it too easy, Atton."
"She's… She's…"
"Don't hurt yourself. Just what is it that she's doing that it seems like she'd trying to kill you?"
"She's wearing her hair down." Atton looked as if he'd seen a ghost.
"Is that all?" Alexis managed with a straight face. Kalen must have really done a number on him for him to be coming apart like this.
"She keeps… handing me things. Things that I was about to ask for. I hadn't even asked for the hydrospanner. She just knew. She knew I wanted it, and she handed it to me."
Now he was babbling. "Anything else?"
"She kisses me. On the cheek. That's all. But if I reach out to grab her, to kiss her for real, she just squirms out of my reach. And the little touches. She can't keep her hands off of me. They're always very innocent. The hand. The shoulder. The knee. She's driving me mad. And she won't talk to me, won't let me catch her. She's playing with my head. Every time I try to get something more serious out of her, she laughs at me and disappears."
"Is that it?"
"Normal women don't behave that way. I just want to grab her and shake her. Or kiss her silly. I haven't decided which."
"Sure they do. I thought you were supposed to be good at this game."
"This isn't a game. This is very serious," Atton said, turning an icy stare on her. Alexis bit her lip in an attempt to remain in control.
"Atton… She's flirting with you."
"She's trying to kill me."
"Look, Atton, Kalen's not some dancer in a cantina. Her definition of flirting isn't sticking her hand down your pants."
"I wish she would. That would make things so much easier."
"She doesn't want it to be easy," Alexis said. Oh, poor Atton. He was so wrapped around Kalen's finger that he was he no longer knew which way was up.
"Why not?" He asked desperately.
"I don't think Kalen's in it just for kicks. I think she's playing for keeps. Her goal isn't to get you into bed. She could've had that a long time ago."
"Damned right she could have."
"Atton. Look at me."
Atton turned his eyes to her slowly. They were still a little wild and he hadn't stopped breathing heavily. He couldn't still be tired from the run there. "It's going to be okay. She's just trying to get your attention."
"She already had it. Why is she doing this to me?"
"Atton. Look at me. Over here. In the eyes. Stop glancing at the door, Atton… Good. That's better. How do you feel about Kalen?"
"You know the answer to that."
"Just say it. You'll feel better."
"I can't."
"It's not like you're telling her. You're telling me. Now say it."
"I-"
"Atton…"
"All right! All right! I love her!"
"Thank you. Now, don't you feel better?"
"Not really."
"Well, good. So, what are you going to do about it?"
"I've made a decision," He was smiling and looked remarkably sane compared to the mess he had been a few seconds before.
"Oh?"
"I'm going to shake her, and then I'm going to kiss her silly."
"I'm sure she'll appreciate it."
Atton laughed. "She's really got me, hasn't she?"
"I'd say so," Alexis said, returning his smile.
Atton rolled off of the couch and lounged on the floor beside her. He stretched out on his back and put his arms behind his head. His grin had gone slightly silly.
"Atton, I think you're about to start drooling," Alexis said half seriously. He looked rather pleased with himself.
"That's because I am finally sure it's me she's after, not Disciple."
"Oh, poor Mical," Alexis said seriously. She saw the boy so rarely that she'd almost forgotten that he existed.
"Poor Mical my boot. He was vicious about all of this. All of that flattery and meditation. I thought for sure she'd fallen for that crap."
"He does love her, you know."
"Well, so do I."
"It's a bit different. He'll get over her. His is only a bad case of hero worship. You wouldn't have. If she had run off with Disciple, you would have drowned your sorrows in pazaak and juma. You wouldn't have lived another five years. You would have turned you liver to mush."
"Hey- that's not fair."
"It's true though."
"You can't know that."
"But I do. And so do you. Anyway, Mical will always love her, but I think that he'll come to realize that his love is the love of an apprentice for his Master. I don't think that Mical will ever love someone in the usual way. I think Mical will be the first true Jedi to return to the Republic."
"Ah, innocent and virginal all of his life. He looks the part."
"At least he has some self control."
"Yeah, and no sex drive to speak of. He probably dreamed of holding Kalen's hand for all eternity."
"Don't tell me what you dreamed of."
"Have you ever seen that girl in underwear? I can't wait to see her wearing less. That was what she was wearing the first time I saw her, you know: a red tank top and underwear. I'm not even sure that she had on a bra."
"That's more than I ever wanted to know. Thank you."
"You're welcome," Atton replied, turning his head to grin at her.
Atton stayed around for a while to play pazaak and chat. It was well into the afternoon before he left. When he went back to the Ebon Hawk, he was whistling contentedly and smiling.
He hadn't been gone for five minutes when Kalen waltzed into the apartment. "Can't you people leave me alone?" Alexis moaned, dropping onto the ground with the bowl of white rice she'd just retrieved from the kitchen.
"Got any more of that? I haven't had time for lunch." Kalen said in lieu of reply.
"Yep. There's some in the kitchen. Help yourself," Alexis responded.
"You didn't cook it, did you?"
"Ha, Ha."
"I'll take that as a no," Kalen said as she made her way to the kitchen. She returned shortly thereafter, clutching a bowl of rice as well. She was already eating before she even sat down on the couch.
"Hungry?"
"Mmmhmm."
Alexis set her bowl aside and leaned her back up against the couch beside Kalen's legs. "So, what do you want to talk to me about?"
Kalen finished the last of her rice and tossed her bowl over beside Alexis's. "I know that Atton was here. I want to know how I'm doing."
Alexis smirked. "He says you're killing him."
"Mira suggested that I tie him up, use a bothan stunner, and starve him for a few days. I thought that this would be better."
"Undoubtedly so."
"So, what did he say?"
"Well, he mentioned that you were wearing your hair down." Alexis glanced up at Kalen's long blonde hair. "You really do have pretty hair."
"Thanks. I knew that that would get him."
"He also said something about you touching him incessantly and kissing his cheek. He even mentioned you handing him things before he asked for them. There for a while, he was completely out of control. I thought he might faint," Alexis said with a laugh.
"The battle is nearly won," Kalen said triumphantly.
"He mentioned something about what you were wearing the first time he saw you," Alexis said slyly.
"Ah, yes. My underwear. I think I had on a t-shirt as well."
"Atton even remembers what color is was. He seems to think that you might not have been wearing a bra."
"Wishful thinking on his part."
"No, the wishful thinking was the part where he saw you without it," Alexis replied.
Kalen, despite all of her bravado, was still a bit of an innocent, much as Alexis was. She blushed a delicate rose color. "Well then. That would explain why he's been trying his hardest to keep me out of his head."
"That's not the only reason," Alexis muttered. Kalen appeared not to have heard her. "I fell I should warn you that he plans to capture you, shake you a few times, and then kiss you into submission."
"I look forward to it," Kalen said with a giggle.
"So, what are your plans for my boy?" Alexis asked in a mock serious tone.
"Your boy?"
"Oh, yes. He's called me mummy once or twice."
"Well, I plan to have my wicked way with him."
"If I were you, I'd make it legal first. He might run away if you don't."
"I doubt it. I'm not sure he'll ever leave me again."
"Congratulations."
"Now all I have to do is get him to admit that he loves me."
"It isn't very hard. You do love him back, don't you?"
"Well of course," Kalen said. Alexis could actually see when the rest of her words sank it. "What isn't very hard?"
"Getting him to admit that he loves you."
"He loves me?" Kalen said, sporting the same silly grin Atton had been wearing only hours before.
"I thought you already knew that."
"Well, I did, but it's always nice to hear it."
Alexis chuckled. "He was even whistling when he left."
Kalen's smile faded. "What's wrong between you and Carth?"
Alexis stiffly held her smile in place. "What do you mean?"
"Jedi can't lie, Alexis. Wipe that fake smile off of your face and tell me what's going on."
"Nothing."
"Lexi, please. Tell me."
"I-"
"Alexis, if you can't tell me, who can you tell?"
"I don't want to talk about it."
"Fine. How did your meeting with the senator go?"
"She's agreed to sponsor me in the Senate," Alexis said, surprised how quickly Kalen had dropped the previous subject.
"That's good news. Now, why are you and Carth behaving so oddly around one another?"
Alexis sighed. She should have known. "I give up."
"Great. Tell me everything."
"Kalen, how is it that you can just cast aside the Jedi Code? How can you allow yourself to love?"
"Alexis, it isn't about allowing myself to love," Kalen said, frowning at her. "I didn't let myself do anything. I fell in love with Atton despite the Jedi Code. I knew it was wrong, but there wasn't anything I could do about it. Now that I do love him, what difference does it make if I tell him? The love's already there. I've already broken the Code. You love Carth. You've broken the Code too. Lexi, we're not Jedi. We're just Force-wielders. The Jedi Code only applies to us in the loosest sense."
"I just can't let it go," Alexis said sadly, staring at her hands.
"Alexis…"
"No, I'm not ready for this yet. Nevermind. We aren't getting along because we had a bit of a fight. That's it."
"Okay. We'll pick back up on the love issue later. For now, what was the fight about?"
"Well… I don't really know what was wrong. Carth just came home angry. I confronted him and we argued… I started to leave… and Carth asked me if I was running away again."
"And you're so upset because…?"
"Because he was right. I was running away. Again. If anything comes close to touching my heart, I run away."
"So now you're running away from Carth."
"I am not! I'm still here, aren't I?"
"Physically, maybe, and even mentally. But emotionally? Are you really here, Lexi?"
"Just, drop it, please! I'm not ready for this!"
"Let me know when you are, Alexis. I'll be here."
When Carth finally came home, Alexis was already emotionally spent. She was lying on her back in the middle of the floor, unconsciously echoing Atton's position earlier in the day. Her eyes were closed and her breathing was deep. She was trying to calm herself. She didn't even look at him when Carth came in.
"Revan?" He said quietly, flipping on the light and tossing his jacket onto the sofa.
"I'm here," Alexis replied softly.
"You wanted to talk."
Alexis opened her eyes and stared at him for a few seconds. "I did."
"Do you want to do it now, or would you like to do it over dinner? Maybe even after that?"
Alexis gave a weak laugh. "Well, we do have to do it sometime today. Preferably before midnight. I'm not hungry, though. Are you?"
"A little."
"Can I fix you anything? I'm pretty good at reheating rice."
"On second thought…"
"Oh, you. I'm sure we can find you something. Let's go to the kitchen and look."
"Revan, listen…"
Alexis stood up quickly. "No, let's wait until you have food. We can talk after." She started to walk towards the kitchen.
"I just wanted to say that I'm sorry."
"Carth…"
"Fine. We'll get me some dinner. Are you sure you aren't hungry too?"
Alexis shook her head and slid into the kitchen, dreading the conversation to come.
Carth walked along behind Revan, frowning at her back. She was losing weight again. Maybe he could coax her into eating some of his meal. She had dark circles under her eyes, too.
When Revan stopped in the kitchen and turned around, Carth was unable to stop himself from stopping only a few inches from her and gently running his thumb across the bags under her eyes. She flinched slightly but didn't pull away.
Carth slowly pressed his entire palm against her cheek. Her breath caught and she shut her eyes. Carth stilled his hand, waiting for her to jerk back. She didn't move. Carth leaned forward slowly and pressed his lips to her forehead.
Revan was trembling. She lifted her hand and pressed it against his chest. He felt her fingers curl into his jacket for a second. She flattened her palm and pushed gently. Carth took a step back and lowered his hand. Revan's eyes popped open. "Not now," she whispered, turning away.
Carth stared at the back of her head, wishing everything could be right between them. He'd seen the pain in her eyes. He didn't want to hurt her, but he didn't know what he could do to help.
"Go ahead and reheat that rice. I've got some stuff I can throw into to make it to give it a little flavor," Carth said quietly.
Revan nodded and went to get the rice. She didn't say a word. Carth watched her out of the corner of his eye as she heated it. She was moving warily, as if afraid he'd lunge across the kitchen at her. Was she actually frightened of him? He'd never thought so, but maybe she was after all. He knew she wasn't afraid he would hurt her. It was more likely that she was afraid that she would have to fend off any kind of romantic advance he might make. She'd had to do it once only a few moments before.
Revan passed him the warmed-over rice and Carth tossed a few things into it. He wasn't really hungry anymore, but he hoped that he could get Revan to eat some of the food if he did.
They both sat down at the table. Carth glanced at Revan's outfit. It was completely white, like snow. She looked like an innocent little girl with her hair trailing down her back and her calves and feet bared that way.
"Carth, I wanted to apologize again for the other night. I should have learned by now to keep my emotions in check. Reacting in that manner isn't the Jedi way."
"It wasn't your fault. If I hadn't said that to you…"
"That shouldn't matter. I should be able to control myself," Revan said. "Oh, and Dustil said he'd be here in a week so… five days from today, I'd wager."
Carth took a bite of his food and chewed thoughtfully. "I wish I had an excuse for the way I acted but, I don't."
"It doesn't matter," Revan said.
Carth held out a bit of rice to Revan from his fork and she took it without thinking. He wanted to smile at her, but he figured that might be inappropriate. "It does to me."
"I guess the original issue was the night out in the cantina…" Revan said softly.
"I'm sorry about that."
"Carth, if you keep apologizing, we're never going to get through this."
"Sorry. Er- I mean- Right. Well, um- go ahead."
"I went to a cantina with Kalen. She and Mira got drunk and I took them back to the Hawk. Someone had to take care of them, after all. No one recognized me, and nothing happened. I realize I took a risk, but it was late and I didn't look like myself at all."
"You have every right to do what you want. I knew deep down that no one would recognize you. I just wanted to protect you. I hate it when I can't be there to take care of you. I felt like I'd failed you somehow."
Revan looked up into his eyes. "You can't protect me all the time."
"And I know that. But I'd like to."
"I know," Revan whispered.
Carth looked down at the table. He forced himself to take another bite of his dinner. After a long silence, he looked back up. "I'd like to explain why Seré was in my lap, if I may."
"You don't have to. I understand."
"I don't think you do."
"Fine. Go ahead."
"Seré called me in the middle of the night to let me know that someone had tried to break into her apartment. I went over there to check things out, per her request. When I got there, I didn't see any kind of problem, but she was hysterical. She came back to my apartment because she was scared. I sat with her for a bit while she cried and she fell asleep against my chest. I eventually went to sleep, too."
"I see."
"Nothing happened," Carth added, seeing that she wasn't reacting at all to his story.
"Carth, it wouldn't be any of my business if something had."
Carth glanced over at her. She might be saying it didn't matter, but her eyes told another story. She looked hurt, even a little worried. "I think it would be."
"Carth, do we have to do this now?"
Carth shut his eyes for a second. He was pushing and she wasn't ready. "No. We can talk about it another time." Carth offered up his fork again. Revan took it without comment.
"I was gone for almost five years. Things are bound to be a little strained between us. We're still friends though, Carth. At least, I like to think so. I want you to know that you'll always be important to me," Revan said, looking back up into his eyes.
"Is that all we are, Revan? Friends?" Carth asked her softly. He knew he should have kept his mouth shut. He never should have asked. But he had to know the answer.
"Carth…"
"Tell me, Revan. Please, answer me." Revan looked deeply into his eyes. He could see her thinking, trying to decide what to say. Carth shook his head suddenly. "Forget it. I shouldn't have asked."
Revan smiled suddenly. "Carth, call me Alexis."
