DISCLAIMER: Unless my name is James Cameron or Charles Eglee, I don't own Dark Angel. And well, it's not. Therefore, I don't own it. Darn.

A/N: Written quite late at night/early in the morning. Bear with me. Thanks for all the reviews. It's helped push me to write and finish this chapter tonight.


Alec looked helplessly at a sobbing Max. In all the years that he had known her, she had always remained so strong and in control. There were moments when she cried, but she never, ever broke down as completely as she was now. He wished now more than ever that she would remember him so that he could at least claim his right as her confidant and friend. But he knew she was completely lost to him at the moment. He swallowed painfully at the possibility that she may yet be completely lost to him forever.

That he would forever remain Ben in her eyes.

He didn't think he could live with that.

Max lifted her tear-streaked face to his. She looked so distraught. Like someone who had just lost her faith in something she had so desperately believed in. He wanted to reach out and engulf her in a hug—if only for comfort and nothing else. He was about to make a move to touch her, when her eyes begin to clear, her tears drying up.

"I know you," she whispered. He saw her full lips, slightly chapped and dry, form an uncertain smile.

He didn't know how to react to that. How could he, when she had claimed to know him all along? He cocked his eyebrow at her, willing her to continue with her train of thought.

"I know what your smile looks like," she continued hesitantly, "And how you look at me with those eyes when you're angry at me."

Alec couldn't breathe for a second, his heart was aching that much. He was torn between elation and agony. Who was she seeing? Alec or Ben? "Max," he said, his voice cautious.

But she raised her hand at him, in that way that she always did when she wanted him to shut-up. He couldn't help but smile at that. She would always be bossy. It was just who she was, and at this very moment, when he was afraid he had lost her, it was a relief to find something that he recognized about this woman that he loved.

"You're special to me. I can feel it." She said this, her eyes peering intently at him. They were studying him, as if she were trying to see how he fit into the jigsaw puzzle of her broken memories.

Alec smiled wider at her. He couldn't help it. There was still sadness lingering in his heart, but he accepted that. He was just glad to see a semblance of the old Max in her gaze and actions. "Yeah? What makes you say that?" he asked in a light drawl, trying hard to conceal his trepidation over what her answer may be.

It seemed Max noticed his unease because she smiled wryly at him and said, "I don't know. I just…know you. And because I have this funny urge to hit you upside the head and call you names."

Alec couldn't help but toss a look heavenward and chuckle softly. It was both a release of his anxiety and a real appreciation for the small smile that had touched her lips. It was comfort and he took it, even in small doses.

Suddenly, her face lit up in recognition. "Alec?"

His heart skipped a beat. What did she say? He dropped his gaze back to her, searching his eyes. "Max, what did you say?" he asked softly, his eyes scanning her face and eyes.

"Alec." she whispered again. Her voice was stronger and more certain; her eyes were clear as they stared straight at him.

Relief crashed into him. He tried to smile but the expression kept breaking. He laughed instead. He was just happy. It was that simple. "Yeah, Max. It's me."

"What's the matter with you?" she asked, her face twisting into that little frown that he was always at the receiving end of. It was one of her concerned-annoyed frowns. He had missed it so much. To see her lying lifelessly for months, then to witness her breakdown over Ben…it was wonderful to just see that endearing little frown again.

"It's just that it's you, Max. It's you. And it's me," he said, still smiling inanely at her. He couldn't help the grin. He was still standing by her bedside, but he had taken a step closer, and his hip was leaning on her bed.

She narrowed her eyes suspiciously at him. "Are you all right, Alec? Did you hit your head or something?"

"Yeah. Or something." He replied. "I'm just glad that you're okay now, Max."

At that statement, a dark shadow seemed to pass over her features. "Alec, how long have you been here?" she asked, her voice small and strained. She self-consciously raised her hand to wipe away the tears from her face.

He suddenly noticed that she had gotten very pale. All throughout their banter, he realized her voice had been tired. He had ignored it, simply relieved that she had finally recognized him and that she was finally acting like herself again.

"A while, Max." he replied cautiously, understanding her concern. "And yeah, I saw you crying." He wasn't going to tell her about being Ben. She didn't seem to know.

"It's just that, I was…remembering…"

Alec saw her struggled with her explanation. He laid a hand on her arm and shook his head gently. "You don't have to explain. You're all right now."

But suddenly, she slumped back down heavily onto her pillows. "I don't know if I'll ever be all right again," she whispered. Her eyes, that only moments ago had shone with clarity and recognition, immediately clouded over again. Dulled and almost lifeless.

He leaned over her, his heart racing in panic. He was losing her again! "Max," he whispered urgently, leaning over her. She raised tired eyes at him and smiled sadly. He smiled reassuringly at her.

"Maxie, it's gonna be okay," he promised. Not caring what she thought of it, he grabbed her hand and held it.


Max looked at the man, no Alec, standing by her bedside. He had gone completely still, even his breathing had stopped.

"Max, what did you say?" he asked. She could hear a trace of disbelief in his voice.

"Alec." she said clearly. She stared at his golden-green eyes, wondering how she could ever have forgotten him.

He was wearing a strange expression on his face. His smile kept breaking. There was a look of wonder in his eyes as he tried to figure out his emotions. He was like a guy who had been looking desperately for someone for so long, only to stumble into that person accidentally one day.

Then he laughed. "Yeah, Max. It's me."

Max thought it was the most beautiful sound she'd ever heard. It was just happy. It was crazy and unpredictable. But when had Alec ever been predictable?

She frowned slightly at him. Somehow, even with her shattered memories, she knew the answer instinctively. Alec was never boring. Unpredictable, but never boring. She also knew that every time he was being unpredictable, she would frown this way at him. An instinctive reaction.

"What's the matter with you?" she asked automatically.

"It's just that it's you, Max. It's you. And it's me." he replied, as he leaned his hip on her bed, still grinning widely at her. He was far more relaxed now. It lightened her heart to see him like that. She saw the smirk on his face. It was familiar and reminded her of baseballs and anvils, of bikes and motorcycles, of beer and loud music, of taverns and…gills?

At the thought she looked suspiciously at him. Her instincts knew him. Her heart said he was important to her. But who was he to her? "Are you all right, Alec?" she asked. "Did you hit your head or something?"

"Yeah. Or something." He replied. "I'm just glad that you're okay now, Max."

Okay now…

And suddenly, all the warmth that had sustained her seeped away. His words brought a sudden chill as a memory flashed across her mind. A man with a beautiful face and hazel-green eyes. Ben. She glanced up at Alec.

"Alec, how long have you been here?" she asked, at the same time realizing there were still tears on her face. She wiped them away with shaking fingers. Had he seen her cry over his twin? Had he known how she had felt about Ben?

"A while, Max." he replied. "And yeah, I saw you crying."

Because I killed Ben. She looked at him, uncertain. Darkness was filling her heart again. "It's just that…I was remembering…" she couldn't find the words to express her memory.

Of what it was like to feel Ben's bones snap under the pressure of her hand. Of how that snap had reverberated through her and had broken her heart as well. She saw Ben's terrified, pleading eyes staring up at her.

Don't leave me here. Don't let them take me.

Snap!

The light had died in those eyes. The darkness had taken him. She had let him down.

The memory crept up on her, breathing became difficult as that familiar darkness of fear closed in on her. A warm hand enclosed her wrist, and it held the darkness at bay. She looked up at Alec, his face so like Ben's. But his eyes were different. "You don't have to explain. You're all right now."

Will I? Will I ever get be free of the darkness inside of me?

"I don't know if I'll ever be all right again," she whispered. She was exhausted, she realized, her body was cold and heavy. She fell back against her pillows. Alec leaned over her, his eyes worried.

"Max," he whispered urgently. "Maxie, it's gonna be okay," he promised. He took her hand in his and squeezed it gently. His hand was warm and but it wasn't enough.

She squeezed his hand gently. "I don't know, Alec," she said. Then she turned her head to face away from him. She stared dully at the far wall of her hospital room. "I don't remember so many things," she admitted.

"Max, you'll get there. It's all right."

"No. Because…" her voice broke, caught in a sob. "Because, the worst part is, I don't want to remember anymore."

Alec grabbed a hold of her face with both hands. He was holding her very gently, forcing her to look him in the eyes. There was a stricken look in the green depths of his eyes. "Max, you don't mean that!" he cried.

But she did. "I don't want to remember who I am anymore, Alec. Everything I remember about me…" she paused, unable to explain to him. She shook her head and the tears fell. "What kind of person am I?"

Don't you see, 452? You're poison.

Fight them, Maxie. Promise me you'll fight them.

X5-599 I've got a heart for you.

Bang!

Don't leave me. Don't let them take me.

Snap!

Max, I don't mind if no one else ever saw me. I just wanted to be seen by you.

Brain?

You're poison. You destroy everyone that you love.

You'll have nothing left.

The memories pressed in and crowded into her mind. They suffocated her. They tightened like a vice around her heart. And she knew. She knew without a doubt.

Ben was gone. Zack had given his heart for her. Brain had died for her. She would never see Tinga again. She had sent Jace away.

Logan had died in the war.

O.C. had finally left her side.

Sketchy had been caught in the crossfire.

Bullet. Bugler. Mack. Jace. Zahn. David. Em. Fixit…hundreds of others.

Gone.

Because of her.

You'll have nothing left.

Fight them, Maxie. Promise me you'll fight them.

"I can't anymore…I'm just so tired…"

"Maxie, it's gonna be okay," he promised. Not caring what she thought of it, he grabbed her hand and held it. He felt her squeeze his hand gently. Alec could feel her weariness. He tried to will some of his own strength into her, even though he knew it was futile.

"I don't know, Alec," she said. Then she turned her head to face away from him, hiding away from him. "I don't remember so many things," she admitted, her voice hesitant.

"Max, you'll get there. It's all right." Alec tried to reassure her. She still wouldn't look at him. She was already trying to pull away from him.

"No. Because…" her voice broke, caught in a sob. "Because, the worst part is, I don't want to remember anymore."

Alec stared at her incredulously, stunned at her admission. He shook his head and cupping her face in his warm hands he forced her to look him in the eyes. "Max, you don't mean that!"

Her eyes, brimming with tears, stared helplessly back at him. "I don't want to remember who I am anymore, Alec. Everything I remember about me…" she paused, struggling with her words. Finally, she just shook her head and let the tears fell. "What kind of person am I?"

Her tears were hot, falling over his thumbs as they caressed her cheeks. Alec just shook his head, unable and unwilling to understand why she was being so stubborn. He stared in horror at the look in her eyes. Her face froze into a mask of hopelessness. Of desolation. And of utter darkness.

"I can't anymore…I'm just so tired…" she murmured as if in a trance.

Alec shook her slightly, as if waking her from a nightmare. Her eyes focused on his again, even bleaker than before. She pulled his hands away from her face. She stared at him, her dark brown eyes tiredly begging him to understand.

"I'm just so tired, Alec." she whispered brokenly. "Tired of running, and fighting. Tired of trying so hard…"

Alec clutched her hands. They were so cold. Her voice was getting smaller, too.

"…tired of losing. I'm just so tired…I'm so sorry." she finished in the barest of whispers. Before her eyes fell close.

Suddenly, all the monitors beeped as she flatlined. Alec glanced frantically at the machine then back down at Max. Her head had turned to the side, her eyes closed, her lips slightly parted. Her tears were still warm on her face.

"NOOOO!" he screamed. "MAX! No! You come back to me, NOW! Dammit! Max! You can't do this to me!"

The beep continued. Sharp. Incessant.

He grabbed the front of her hospital gown as he leaned closer to her. "No, Max! Please…" he begged. "Please…wake up."

Beeeep.

"Don't leave me," he sobbed. "Max, don't leave me…"

Beeeep.


TBC