Inu's "Dragon"
Chapter 2: The Arrival of Inu's "Dragon" and Sesshoumaru the Demon Exterminator
The following morning Kagome awakened only to find herself snuggled warm inside a soft comfy clean bed inside a small white circular room. The room aptly reminded her of something she thought she'd only see in movies.
Thinking that she was in jail she leaped out of her sleeping compartment, throwing her sheets onto the ground, before she realized that she had nothing on!
Kagome: ACK! LilbunUWiz, you sly fox!
Huh? Don't look at ME! I'm not part of this story!
Kagome: Well you're the one who stuck in the hentai!
Awell, that's your loss.
Kagome: Wait, what are you…
She was about to hurriedly put back on her rags when suddenly two things took place at the same time…
-The awareness that her former clothes were nowhere to be seen and…
-The comprehension that Miroku was entering the room that very moment!
Everything happened all too fast for Kagome and therefore wasn't able to escape in time from Miroku's perverted eyesight. As soon as the hentai of a monk had opened the door he knew he saved her for partly his own pleasure.
Especially since this was practically his reason.
Kagome: LilbunUWiz, you bitch!
And, obviously, I'M writing this story for partly MY own pleasure!
Kagome came to the conclusion that this was the person she was supposed to be bitching at, NOT the author! See, Kagome?
Kagome: Thank you, LilbunUWiz! turns to Miroku IT WAS YOU, WASN'T IT? YOU'RE THE HENTAI!
Miroku, sarcastically: Why, I don't know what on earth you're talking about! smiles innocently It was a pleasure taking off her rags… Well, I didn't want to dirty the bed, you know!
Kagome: Fetch me my stuff at once or else I'll have to clobber you until there is nothing left!
Miroku: Okay, okay, enough already!
As soon as the lecherous monk had gotten her a nightgown to wear that had once belonged to Sango, bringing him back to memories that shot a pain through his heart, Kagome abruptly began to ask random questions.
Kagome: Where am I? What are you planning on doing with me? Am I being experimented for scientific purposes or something? You better not be sending me to the mental institution!
Miroku: First of all, you are in the house of light.
Automatically, as if by magic, right after he said so, a mysterious light shone down on him and the flabbergasted Kagome amongst the sound of a religious choir.
Kagome: The WHAT?
At the sound of her voice, the abstract light and voices stopped.
Miroku: Don't you get it? This is a LIGHTHOUSE! Can't you take a joke?
Kagome: Well I wouldn't really call someone coming in while I'm naked a joke, first of all!
Miroku: chuckles I do.
Kagome: slaps him Hentai!
Their quarrel pursued when, before long, Inuyasha came downstairs, still slightly drunk. He did not notice Kagome at first.
Inuyasha: Hi Miroku-Honey.
Miroku: giggles nervously
Kagome: You two should come on the show, "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy".
Miroku: I'm not gay, haven't you noticed?
Kagome: Well, you could've been bi.
(Note: Those last two quotes from Miroku and Kagome are not meant to offend homosexuals. Thank you for your understanding of this matter.)
That was when Inuyasha noticed Kagome.
Inuyasha: AHHH! DRAGON!
And Kagome closely noticed Inuyasha.
Kagome: ACK! DOGGY-EARS!
Arguing changed to screaming and running to the other side of the room. It lasted for so long that not only did Miroku wish he had some Canadian duct tape but also a chance to think of how to explain about "the girl in his wife's nightgown" and "the hung-over hanyou with bad drugged eyesight when it came to young women".
Miroku: Calm down, you two, there's nothing to worry about!
Inuyasha: But Miroku, it's the dragon! Can't you see it?
Kagome: First a hentai strips me of my only clothing and leaves me to be seen naked by him and now a demon that the hentai says is nothing to worry about! What is WRONG with the world of today, honestly?
Inuyasha: Miroku, don't let it get away alive! chases after Kagome
Kagome: DEMON! HELP ME, KAMI!
Inuyasha: Look out! She's going to breathe fire!
Miroku: SIT, INUYASHA!
Inuyasha: slams into ground Ow!
Miroku: smiles triumphantly I bought that necklace off of an old woman who was going to use it on her husband points to purple-beaded necklace around Inu's neck
It took a while before Miroku succeeded in getting the whole story out on both sides: How he found Inuyasha being chased by Naraku and his three henchmen and how he found Kagome inside the cave where Inuyasha said there was a dragon.
Miroku: The next time I hear you call a beautiful girl like Kagome here a dragon I'll… never mind…
Inuyasha: Well, I was kinda drunk… hic
Miroku: gasp AND YOU STILL ARE! SIT!
Inuyasha: slams into ground Ow! Stop doing that!
Kagome: Wait a minute… weren't you a friend of Kikyou's?
Inuyasha: looks up from floor You know… Kikyou…?
Kagome: I did. She's gone now. Naraku killed her.
Inuyasha took some time to gather all this up in his mind. He used to be a good friend of Kikyou's… a really good friend… before suddenly Naraku came along and he had too much on his hands to hang out with the wise and wonderful priestess. Kikyou never told Kagome about Inuyasha… she thought it a little too personal to talk about… the thought that Kikyou was murdered nearly broke his heart… he was starting to know how Miroku felt whenever he thought of Sango…
Miroku: So can you two actually get along now, PLEASE?
Inuyasha was silent before saying something.
Inuyasha: How do you know Kikyou?
Kagome: I was her best friend. She was a marvellous girl.
Inuyasha: nods You look like her.
This remark made Kagome's cheeks redden. She herself was always jealous of Kikyou, thinking that she was always prettier than her. It surprised her to have someone think that she and a person who she envied in beauty resembled each other in looks.
Kagome: blushes It must've been from spending so much time with her.
Miroku looked from Inuyasha to Kagome in question. Inuyasha was talking to Kagome as if she was the daughter of someone he was in love with long ago. Who knows? Maybe he was in love with this Kikyou girl. If so, then it might be possible for Miroku to be able to pair up this unloved hanyou and this poor and homeless teenager.
Town Watcher: HERE HE COMES!
Meanwhile, in the center of Shimonoseki, the town was in an uproar at an unwanted guest, one that had apparently caused havoc before, who was heading straight to them.
The townsfolk stood at the gate into their hometown, ready to prevent the guest from returning. He can't come back, they thought, not after what he did last time. He's a phoney demon exterminator. He must be!
Town Watcher: He's coming soon now! I'm sure of it!
Man: Don't worry, we won't let him in! Not if our lives depends on it!
When suddenly…
They heard something falling from the sky!
Hurriedly getting out of the way, the townsfolk saw hit the ground before their very eyes…
A THREE-EYED COW?
And on it was…
Town Watcher: We told you never to return, Sesshoumaru! Not you or your mischievous partners in crime!
Sesshoumaru: gets down from cow Jakin, which town is this?
Jakin: Shimonoseki, me lord.
Sesshoumaru: Dammit. They always hate me.
Rin: dances around with pom-poms Go Sesshi, go Sesshi, you show 'em, you show 'em…
Sesshoumaru, the famous sly and nifty demon exterminator, sighed and looked at the citizens of Shimonoseki, glaring at him, Jakin, and Rin. Just go with the flow, he thought, easy does it. He slowly stepped forward, smiling.
Sesshoumaru: How wonderful to see your smiling faces again!
Townsfolk: continue to glare at him
Sesshoumaru: I've never seen such… welcome… such… kindness… such… loving hospitality…
Man 1: Get out of here, you quack!
Man 2: You don't deserve to be here!
Woman: Go back where you belong… jail!
Sesshoumaru: stares back in amazement before… Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I sense enthusiasm! I sense eagerness! I sense loving response! Okay, now how to get them convinced…?
Jakin: cocks head … Me Lord…?
Rin: Go Sesshi! Go Sesshi! continues to dance around with pom-poms
Sesshoumaru: sigh May as well.
Introducing Sesshoumaru's brand new theme song (with accompaniment of Rin and Jakin)…
Shimonochleki
Music and Original Lyrics by Al Kasha and Joel Hirschhorn
Performed by Sesshoumaru, Jakin, Rin, and the Townsfolk
Reprinted Title by LilbunUWiz for Fanfic Purposes
Reprinted Lyrics by LilbunUWiz for Sesshoumaru's Theme Song
(Note: LilbunUWiz: The names of the places in this song are actual places in Japan, including Shimonoseki. Oh the joys of Atlases!)
Sesshoumaru: I've been killing demons from Gifu to Tokyo
Treated massive Cyclops down in Sasebo
Gruesome Spider Heads, things that are now dead
Large attacks and bad invasions, got a weapon for all occasions
Ube and Sapporo, they just loved me so
And Sakata is lovely to recall
Town Watcher: Why didn't ya stay there?
Rin: pokes tongue at Town Watcher
Sesshoumaru: But through all my trips, Good Lord, there's one place
One corner, one town on my lips, why it's…
The townsfolk just stood there, not convinced, remembering what had happened in the past when Sesshoumaru was introducing himself. Jakin waited intently as Rin cheered the demon exterminator on.
Sesshoumaru: … Shekonosimi, Shisonomeki, no-no,
Shimononimi, uh, Sokinosheki
Um, Shimonokiki, oh, Sokinoshimi
Shimonoreki? Oh, I know! It's Shimonochleki!
Townsfolk: No! It's Shimonoseki!
Jakin: shakes head in shame
Rin: Yay Sesshi!
Sesshoumaru: Of course, that's what I meant to say.
Widowed Woman: You've destroyed the monsters at my old home and now it's all gone!
Sesshoumaru: …But just look at the NEW place you've just won!
Widowed Woman: thinks for a moment and then smiles
Sesshoumaru: I wiped out all the fiends in Northern Kyushu
Things are under firm control in Namorru
Wounded centipedes, I am in the lead
Major news in modern changes
Step up now and I shall arrange
Spent a day in Mizu Bay
They couldn't keep me there Jakin shakes head at the thought of going back there
Even turned away from Churippu!
Townsfolk: They probably threw you out!
Jakin: Well I never…
Sesshoumaru: bangs Jakin over head with staff But since I was young, Good Lord, there's one spot
One little bit of Heaven on my tongue…
Jakin: That's funny, I didn't know me Lord was so religious…
Rin: Go Sesshi, go Sesshi, go to heaven, go to heaven…
Sesshoumaru: ignores Jakin and Rin IT'S…
The townsfolk, as before, expected the exact same response as last time. Jakin hoped for an improvement while Rin resumed rooting for her "Lord".
Sesshoumaru: …Shekonosimi, no-no, Shisonomeki, no
Shimononimi, oh, Sokinosheki
Uh-um, Shimonokiki, er, Sokinoshimi
Shimonoreki? Oh, I know! It's Shimonochleki!
Townsfolk: NO! IT'S SHIMONOSEKI!
Jakin: gulps
Rin: You go, Sesshi! Whoo-hoo! dances around with pom-poms
Sesshoumaru: reddens of embarrassment Of course! chuckles nervously I knew it all the time!
(Note: LilbunUWiz: Wouldn't it be cute to be able to see Sesshi blushing? )
Older Man: I was unhurt by the demons and, thanks to you, they cut off my arm! shows armless side
Sesshoumaru: …But that look… it's so becoming!
Townsfolk: WE'RE GONNA DESTROY YOUR CAREER THAT GAVE US GREAT HARM! crowd around Sesshoumaru and co.
Sesshoumaru: Wait! Listen!
My specialties are… slicing, stabbing, scratching, poisoning, chopping, biting… and any other kind of killing you can THINK of! whispers to Jakin This calls for drastic measures.
He pulled out his father's sword, Tenseiga, and cut it through Jakin at the speed of light. As his ugly green-toad assistant fell to the ground he gave him a "Don't you dare get up!" look before displaying his supposedly-dead body to the viewers.
Woman: …I don't believe it…
Man: He murdered his own sidekick!
Rin: pretends to be surprised and scared
Jakin: Sometimes I really wish I AM dead!
There was a long pause among the people of Shimonoseki, the town whose name Sesshoumaru had trouble pronouncing, until they had made a final decision.
Woman 1: I believe in the guy!
Woman 2: I trust him!
Man: I'd put my life in his hands!
Sesshoumaru: smirks of self-pleasure My friends, you've seen a light of hope and you'll see many more
People will come pouring in from land and sea
We'll have a demon-free country, we'll be courageous and bounty
Keep those dimes and dollars mounting… I'll do the counting thinks of all the money earned
Everyone who lives here will be gay and happy
You'll be getting richer by the day!
Townsfolk: YEA!
Sesshoumaru: Hear them acclaim us, this town will be famous
The whole wide world will look at us and say…
Townsfolk, Sesshoumaru, and Rin: IT'S…
This time Jakin was positive that his Lord would achieve in saying the name of the town properly (even though he had to play dead while thinking this at the same time). The citizens, now satisfied, believed in him as well. Rin, of course, already did.
However…
Sesshoumaru: … Shekonosimi, no, Shisonomeki, no-no
Shimononimi, uh, Sokinosheki
Um, Shimonokiki, er, Sokinoshimi
Sokoneki Kifokiki
Kifenemi Sokoshemi
Shimobemo Shimosomo… AH!
Townsfolk: SHI-MO-NO-SE-KIIII!
Sesshoumaru: sigh I know.
Townsfolk: raises hands in the air while Rin dances with pom-poms
I'll hopefully get around to writin' Chapter 3 soon! For now, peace!
