Content Warning:

While there is no actual explicit material within this chapter, the material does allude to some adult situations. If you find material such as this offensive, I would suggest skipping this particular chapter. You should be able to go straight to Chapter 29 with no consequences. Thanks.

-Aderyn


Alexis slid out of the shower and pulled on a pair of tights and a tunic as quickly as she could. She left the bathroom and threw herself onto her bed with a moan. Why was she still resisting? If Dustil hadn't interrupted them the night before, would she really have gone through with it? Why was she afraid of the one person in the universe who would probably die before causing her any harm?

Alexis grabbed the towel that she'd brought with her and dried vigorously at her hair. No matter how many times she told herself that making love to Carth was perfectly natural and safe, the thought alone made her tremble. He wasn't going to hurt her! What was there to be afraid of?

She wasn't a coward. She wasn't. And fear was far more dangerous for her than Carth ever could be. So why wouldn't she just give in? He probably thought she was crazy. Maybe she was, too. She was in love with the man, and she was terrified of him.

Alexis tossed the towel across the room in an uncommon display of anger. Instantly, she regretted it. She stared hard at the towel, a frown on her face. Fear was a dangerous thing. Fear led to anger and even though her anger was directed internally, it was not an emotion that she was comfortable experiencing.

So, what was the root of the fear? It wasn't Carth, not really. She knew that. What could it be? It wasn't the actual act that had her shaking in her boots, either. Then again, maybe it was. Maybe it was just like the fear of admitting her feelings; maybe she was afraid of being vulnerable; and maybe she was afraid of betraying the Jedi.

Alexis bit her lip and grabbed the pillow that was next to her and hugged it to her chest. There was no shame in letting someone else be responsible for you, especially if you loved them. She loved Carth. He wouldn't hurt her. She wouldn't be in any danger. Making love to Carth wouldn't be any riskier than being in love with him in the first place.

Alexis got off of the bed and started towards the door. She absently dropped the pillow. It was still daytime. There would be people in the common room and they'd automatically know where she was going. What if he were still out there himself? Alexis wavered indecisively for a moment, her hand on the door. She squared her shoulders. What did she care what they thought? She forced herself into the common room with more courage than she had known she possessed and glanced around. There was no sign of Carth. He had to be in his room.

Alexis walked to his door and entered without knocking. Carth sat up and looked at her. He'd been laying on the bed, most likely trying to sleep. She wanted to run away, but she stood her ground. "Can we talk?" she asked softly.

Carth gave her a bemused smile. "This sounds serious," he said, motioning towards the bed. "Sit down. This is getting to be a habit of yours, you know: talking to me. You should be careful about doing it so often. I might start to like it."

Alexis forced herself to sit calmly on the edge of the bed. She clasped her hands in her lap and stared at the floor, scraping up her nerve.

"What's up?" he asked, sliding a bit closer so that he could see her face.

"I lied to you," Alexis said, turning to look at him. She didn't lower her gaze this time. She wouldn't be afraid anymore. It was time to stop running.

He frowned slightly. "Okay. What did you lie to me about?"

"I am afraid," she whispered.

He didn't react immediately. "What are you afraid of?" he asked just as softly.

Alexis didn't want to say it, but she could think of no other way to put it. "You." Carth recoiled as if she'd struck him. The hurt she saw in his eyes shot straight to her heart. "Not like that," she said quickly, reaching for his hand.

"Why?" he asked, glancing down at their joined hands and then back into her eyes.

Alexis wanted to touch his face, but she held back. She waited a moment before answering. It was hard to tell him why. He probably wouldn't understand. He was just as vulnerable to her as she was to him, but he wasn't afraid. Not the way that she was. "Because you are the only person that could ever really hurt me," she said.

Carth looked amazed. "Alexis, I would never hurt you," he vowed in a strong voice.

Alexis sighed. "Don't think I don't know that," she said, shaking her head. "I can't really explain it. I'm completely exposed to you in a way that I never have been to anyone else. I- It's got me absolutely terrified."

Carth grabbed her hand and tugged until she slipped up onto the bed the rest of the way. She curled against his chest without further urging and Carth folded her in his arms. "It's all right to need other people," he said into her hair.

"I know. But I've never really needed anyone before."

"It doesn't make you weak, beautiful. Relying on others makes you stronger. The support of those you love gives you courage and strength. Just give me a chance to prove it to you. I'm not going anywhere."

Alexis knew she was shaking again. She could feel it. "I'm sorry," she said sincerely.

"What do you have to be sorry for?" Carth asked in a puzzled tone.

Alexis smiled faintly and looked up into his eyes. "That I'm not half the woman that you deserve."

"You're the woman I want," Carth said gently, kissing her forehead. "You're trembling," he added, rubbing his hand along her back.

Alexis nodded and dropped her head back onto his chest. "I'm still scared out of my wits."

Alexis felt his hand slide into her still-damp hair, ruffling it lightly. "No matter how many times I tell you I won't hurt you, you're still going to be scared of me," he told her matter-of-factly. She started to reply, but he cut her off. "Will you let me show you that there isn't a reason to be afraid?" he asked. Alexis turned her head back and he pressed his lips to hers briefly. She looked into his brown eyes, lost in their warm depths. Unable to speak, she nodded slowly.

Carth pressed her head back to his chest. Alexis waited in silence while he played with her hair. She shut her eyes after a moment, giving in to the sensation. "Put your back to me," he muttered.

Alexis turned uncertainly. His hands drifted to her shoulders and he started to rub them much as he had done her hands a short while earlier. That had been an experience. She'd never had anyone touch her hands that way. Who could have known that it would feel so wonderful?

Alexis relaxed slowly under the pressure of his hands. "You're good at that," Alexis told him, tilting her neck back.

He kissed the back of her neck once, but he pulled away very quickly. "Are your muscles still sore?" he asked.

"No," she replied slightly dreamily. He was very good with his hands.

"Kalen landed some fairly hard blows earlier," Carth observed.

"It wasn't too bad. They sounded a lot worse than they were. I don't even think I'll have any bruises."

"I hope not," Carth replied. His hands moved down slowly, where his fingers worked magic on the small of her back. She nearly groaned. It was with some surprise that she noted that she was no longer nervous.

"Carth?" she said quietly, glancing over her shoulder at him.

"Hhmm?" he responded, meeting her eyes.

She turned her body until she was facing him. He pulled his hands away and waited, watching her. She touched his face hesitantly. He smiled and kissed her palm. "May I touch you?" she asked, cautiously placing her hand on the hem of his shirt.

He grinned. "You can do whatever you like. I won't move," he replied.

Alexis tugged at his shirt and he sat up enough so that she could tug it off. She moved until she was sitting beside him and facing him so that she could reach him easily. She stared at him nervously, her audacity gone now that they were eye to eye. He waited, an amused expression on his handsome face. When she still wouldn't touch him, he took her hand and settled it on his chest.

"I thought you weren't going to move," Alexis said reproachfully.

He laughed softly. "I thought you were."

Alexis moved her hand gingerly across his chest, feeling the warm muscle beneath her palm. She touched his throat and he swallowed convulsively, his eyes darkening. Alexis started to pull away. "It's okay," he said, catching her hand and holding it there. He released her after a moment and she resumed her explorations.

The hair that peppered his chest was coarse and springy, yet soft at the same time. Fascinated, she slid her fingers back and forth over it. Carth laughed at the expression on her face. She bit her lip. She'd touched him before, but never like this. Not with him watching.

She traced the muscles of his stomach, which twitched beneath her fingers. She grinned and glanced up at him. He looked slightly strained. Alexis knew what kind of control it was taking for him not to touch her. Clearly he was doing his damnedest not frighten her away. "Thank you," she said quietly, her other hand brushing his lips. He bit her finger and Alexis yelped and pulled her hand away. He gave her a wicked grin. "Animal," she muttered darkly.

He just smiled and Alexis slipped her hands back to his abdomen. She circled his belly button with the tip of her index finger. Afterwards, it trailed to the waistband of his pants, and he deftly caught her hands and pulled them away. "Not yet," he said, reaching for her.

Alexis didn't resist. He caught her in his arms and slipped his hand into her hair to bring her lips to his. His kiss was hungry and for a moment, Alexis almost felt her fear return. The instant passed, however, and when he pulled away, she rested her cheek against his, smiling.

Carth's hands slipped underneath her tunic and Alexis nearly panicked. He froze, waiting for her to relax. She took a deep breath and leaned away from him enough to throw the shirt away. She couldn't look at him.

Did the light really have to be on? What if he found her repulsive? She still wasn't very healthy. Her muscles were stretched over nothing but bone. She didn't have very many of the curves that most men found attractive. She was too pale and much of her body was heavily scarred. He probably thought she was-

"You are the most beautiful creature I've ever seen," he told her, turning her chin so that she had to meet his eyes. She was still almost fully clothed, but she didn't feel like it. She wanted to cover herself, but Carth distracted her with another kiss. This one left her breathless. He pulled away to nibble at her neck and Alexis, forgetting her worries, slipped her fingers into his hair and tugged his head back to kiss him again.

His fingers trailed over her ribs cage and Alexis shivered with delight. Her heart was racing, whether with fear or anticipation she was no longer sure. He turned her in his arms until her back was to the headboard and slowly lowered her to the pillows. He leaned over her from the side, one arm by each of her shoulder, and trailed kisses down to her bellybutton, leaving her gasping for air.

Carth pulled himself back up until his face was even with hers. He was no longer touching her. He looked at her quietly for a moment. "Are you still afraid?" he asked, his breathing harsh. Alexis knew that if she said yes, he would stop immediately, no matter what it might cost him.

That was not what she wanted at all. She smiled at him fiercely. "Yes. I'm afraid that if you don't come back down here, I'll be forced to strangle you."

He chuckled and lowered his body gently onto hers. His weight was pleasant rather than stifling, as she had expected. "We can't have that," he muttered against her mouth, his eyes dancing.

An hour later, Alexis found herself curled against a sleeping Carth's chest, listening to the regular pattern of his breathing. She couldn't stop smiling. It was embarrassing, really, to think that she had ever been afraid. Carth had been so gentle with her. There had been some discomfort, of course, if only for a moment, but that was usual for a woman's first time, or so she understood. Afterwards, he'd held her and told her how much he loved her. He was an amazing man: she was still warm all over. Her body would be tender for a day or so, but that didn't matter. At the moment, nothing mattered.

Alexis had her back to Carth with his arm draped over her waist. With some interest, she reached for his hand, which was resting on the bed before her. His broad fingers were roughened with calluses. She traced her fingers up his forearm, rubbing her thumb across a wide scar that was white with age. She wondered idly how he had gotten it.

She couldn't stop touching him. Everything about him was utterly enthralling. Many of the things that she was noticing now were things that she'd seen every day since they'd met, but never paid that much attention to. For some reason they now had a great deal more appeal for her.

Apparently her wandering hands had caused him to stir, because behind her, Carth lifted himself onto one elbow to look down at her. She rolled over enough to meet his gaze. "I love you," he said softly, bringing his other hand up to touch her face.

Alexis knew that she had to be wearing the sappiest expression known to mankind. She couldn't have changed it if she'd tried. "I love you too," she replied, a soft smile spreading over her face. His fingers traced their way up to her hairline, where they twined in the loose curls that trailed down her forehead.

"I take it that you're not afraid of me anymore?" Carth said, raising an eyebrow at her.

Alexis laughed softly, a blush staining her cheeks. "I never want to get out of bed again," she replied after a moment.

"Not that I don't appreciate the compliment, but you have to remember that I'm an old man. I don't have the energy I used to," he said, grinning at her.

"Seemed pretty vigorous to me," Alexis told him.

"You're going to kill me yet."

"I doubt that. You're of no use dead."

"Am I your sex toy now?"

"No. Love slave. There's a difference, you know."

"I had no idea," he replied, lowering his head to kiss her.

"I'm glad to have let you in on my little secret, then," Alexis said teasingly.

Carth's gaze sharpened for a moment and he met her eyes. "I'm glad that you did, too," he said seriously. Those were their last words for a very long time.

Much later, Carth was standing by the edge of the bed, staring down at Alexis's inert form with a warm smile on his face. It would have been night on Telos and everyone else was probably in bed asleep. He watched Alexis's eyes flutter open slowly when she realized that he was no longer laying at her side.

Her gaze focused on him after a moment and she frowned at his clothes. "What are you doing?" she asked curiously, sitting up with the sheet clasped to her chest.

"I don't know about you, but I'm starving," he told her. She was so lovely, sitting on his bed, her hair tousled and her eyes tired. Carth was proud to note that she looked like she had spent a very pleasant day. Apparently he had been quite thorough.

"You're hungry?" she said in a puzzled voice.

"I did miss two meals, thanks to you, and if I don't eat soon, I won't have the energy left to make it to the cafeteria," he said.

"I wouldn't want you to waste away before my very eyes," Alexis said with a shrug. "Would you toss me my clothes? I'd be happy to go with you."

Carth gave her a wicked grin. "Why don't you get up and get them yourself?"

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" Alexis said, pulling the sheet more tightly about her body.

"It's nothing I haven't seen before," he said with a straight face. He wasn't even surprised when the pillow slammed into his head. She was quick, that was for sure. He was surprised, however, when he went to get her clothes and met her there. She hadn't even taken the sheet with her. "Maybe I'm not hungry after all," Carth said quickly, eyeing her body.

She blushed, but held her ground. She was getting bolder, which pleased him immensely. He hadn't expected it so quickly, but with her, it wasn't anything unusual. She could adapt relatively quickly to almost anything. "I don't think so. This was your idea," she said, tugging on her tunic.

Carth sighed mournfully at her. "Fine," he muttered, pulling her against him for a quick kiss and thrusting her away again before she could protest.

"Go get my boots from my room, please," she said, pointing at the door.

"Is that part of my duties as 'love slave'?" he asked, grinning at her.

She didn't seem to know what he was talking about. After a moment, recognition dawned on her face, and she laughed. "Yes. Go fetch the mistress's boots, boy."

He bowed obsequiously. "All shall be as you desire, my queen," he said, lifting her hand and kissing her fingertips.

"Get out, you," she said, jerking her hand away.

Carth rose and turned to leave. "Have I been a bad boy? I am getting sent to your room, after all. Perhaps there's going to be some punishment involved?" he said, trying to make her blush again.

It worked. He cheeks colored, but she gave him a gentle shove to send him on his way. "Boots. Now," she said, shutting the door behind him.

Carth wandered over to her room through the common room's silence. Everyone else was definitely in their own room. Well, theirs or someone else's. He wasn't going to pursue that train of thought. It didn't take him very long to fetch her boots and return to his own room. Sadly, once he arrived, she was already dressed. "Your boots, madam," he said, holding out her tall black boots and bowing once again. She sat down in the middle of the floor to tug them on. When she was ready, he held out his hand and helped her up.

She didn't let go of his hand. When he looked at her face, she smiled a bit shyly and squeezed his hand. "Ready?" he asked. She nodded and they headed off in search of something to eat.