"Alexis, what's that on your neck?" Kalen asked early the following morning from her position on the floor. The two girls were stretching in the common room, alone except for the senator's guards. Carth had gone to the Bridge to speak to the ship's commander and everyone else was still in bed.
Alexis pressed a hand to her neck, not quite sure what Kalen was talking about. The skin there was tender. She frowned and glanced over at Kalen. "I'm sure it's nothing…" she said, trailing off and looking back down at the ground. Actually, she was fairly certain she could guess what it was, and she wished fervently that it wasn't there at all.
"Right…" Kalen said, sounding unconvinced. "Looks a bit like a rash to me."
"It's probably from my clothes or something…" Alexis said quickly. She tried to hide her embarrassment by shifting positions so that Kalen wouldn't be able to see her expression.
"I've seen a rash like that once before," Kalen said slyly.
Alexis couldn't help but look at her. She was grinning widely. Alexis blushed immediately. "Ah…"
"It was a sort of- beard burn… if I remember correctly."
"Beard burn?" Alexis said, more surprised at the terminology that anything else.
"Is that the only place that you've got it?"
Alexis knew that she had to be blushing down to the tips of her toes. "Yes," she said sharply.
"So… things are going well between you and Carth, I take it?" Kalen said. Alexis cleared her throat. "That's all the answer I need," Kalen added, laughing softly at her.
"You… It's not…" Alexis found that she couldn't quite put her thoughts into words. She sighed darkly and glared at Kalen. "You couldn't make this easy for me, could you?"
"Why should I? It took you long enough to get to this point in the first place. It was something like five years, wasn't it? I'd say the man was entitled to leave a few marks."
Alexis frowned and touched her neck again. After a moment of thought, a grin spread across her face and a soft green glow emanated from her fingertips. The skin healed instantly, although it was still dry and sort of itchy. Alexis didn't mind that. At least it was probably not so obvious anymore.
"Cheat," Kalen said, shaking her head.
"I'll bet that you've done the same at least once," Alexis countered. She wondered idly if she'd ever stop blushing again. At this rate, it was unlikely.
"Atton doesn't have a beard," Kalen pointed out.
"Right. Neither does Carth. It's a perpetual five o'clock shadow. I think that he probably believes that it makes him look tough."
"Well that's Carth," Kalen said. She doubled over, her legs straight, and pressed her palms flat on the floor. Alexis did the same.
"You can't tell me that Atton doesn't ever need to shave," Alexis said.
"Of course he does. But he actually does it. Carth doesn't."
"Yeah well, that's because Carth looks good that way and Atton just looks scruffy."
"Who's scruffy looking?" Atton asked from behind.
"What are you doing back there?" Alexis asked, shifting slightly to one side so that she could see him.
"The view's nice," Atton responded, grinning impudently at her.
"I thought you were going to sleep in," Kalen said, straightening and turning to face Atton.
He shrugged. "I couldn't sleep after you left."
"That's sweet," Kalen exclaimed, smiling at him.
Atton grunted sourly and Alexis covered her mouth to stifle a giggle. "I meant that you woke me up," Atton said. Kalen's expression fell and Alexis raised her eyebrows at Atton. "Hey- I was only kidding babe," he said, reaching for Kalen. She danced out of his reach, her eyes wide and her lower lip hanging slightly in an exaggerated pout.
Alexis stood up slowly, arching her back when she reached her full height. Her spine cracked loudly and Atton cringed. "That was rather disgusting, wasn't it?" she said with a wry laugh.
Atton held out both of his hands, one to each of them. "How would you ladies like to go with me to breakfast?" he offered.
Alexis shook her head. "I'm not hungry. I ate a few hours ago."
"What were you doing up that late?" Atton asked curiously.
"Nothing," Alexis said innocently. "I couldn't sleep."
Atton cocked his head to the side. "You missed dinner yesterday."
"That's when I was sleeping," Alexis said lamely, glancing away so that he couldn't see her face.
Kalen snorted and covered her mouth, her eyes shimmering with laughter. Atton turned to look at her. "Is that how it is?" he asked. Kalen nodded without speaking and Atton turned to Alexis and took her hand and shook it vigorously. "I'm proud of you. I'll have to find Carth and congratulate him, of course. Five years… Huh. He might have died if he'd waited much longer."
Alexis jerked her hand away from him and pressed it to her forehead to hide her eyes. She stared resolutely at the carpet. Atton's laughter echoed through the entire room. Alexis lowered her hand and squared her shoulders. "You wouldn't have lasted for five days," she replied with all the dignity she could muster. Atton erupted into fresh gales of laughter and Alexis threw herself onto the couch nearby to glare at him sullenly.
Kalen walked over and sat down beside her. She took Alexis's hand and began to pat it gently in exactly the same condescending manner that Alexis had patted hers in Carth's kitchen not too long before. Alexis turned her glare on Kalen and the girl pressed her lips together while her shoulders shook with suppressed laughter.
When Atton recovered, he walked over to the couch and smiled at them. "I'm sorry," he said, still chuckling.
"You are not!" Alexis burst out, frowning.
He shrugged. "You're right. I'm not, really." After a pause, he offered Kalen his hand for the second time. "To breakfast?"
"Is that all you think about?" Kalen asked.
"It's not all I think about," Atton said, winking at her lewdly.
Alexis laughed in spite of herself. Kalen rolled her eyes. "Why don't you go over to the kitchen and cook yourself something. You wouldn't have to walk as far," she said.
"Sounds like wasted effort to me," Atton responded.
"So- let me get this straight- You'll walk halfway across the ship to the cafeteria to get food, but you won't walk twenty yards to the kitchen and throw together something yourself?" Kalen said.
"That's about the straight of it," Atton said.
"I'll never understand men," Kalen muttered. "Fine. You go ahead. I'll get myself a piece of fruit or something later."
"Don't stick around on my account," Alexis told her, her expression gloomy.
"Someone has to cheer you up," Kalen told her, patting her cheek insultingly.
"That's Carth's job, not yours," Atton reminded her. "Unless I can watch," he amended. Alexis shut her eyes and took a deep breath. When she opened them again, she turned to look at Atton. With one look at her face, he turned and started towards the exit to their apartment complex. "All right, all right. I'm gone," he said.
When he was finally out of sight, Kalen turned to Alexis. "Do you think that Atton would make a good father?"
"Atton?" Alexis said skeptically. She paused for an instant. "Why do you ask?" she asked suspiciously.
Kalen sighed in response. "Because I'm fairly certain that he's going to be one," she said seriously.
"You're planning it?"
"Actually, I think it's already happened."
"I thought that women weren't supposed to be able to tell that they're pregnant for two weeks or so," Alexis said, frowning slightly.
"I would say that that was a bit different for Jedi, wouldn't you?" Kalen said dryly.
Alexis shrugged. "I don't know. I've never met a pregnant Jedi. It doesn't come up very often, you know."
"How soon do you think that a doctor can confirm it?" Kalen asked.
"Kalen, I don't know anything about babies. Maybe you should ask… um… You could try Carth I guess, since he's a father… or maybe the senator. She'd probably know more than Carth would."
"I don't want anyone else to know," Kalen wailed.
"Sweetie, I don't think that you could hide it for too long," Alexis said with a chuckle.
"But what if I'm wrong?"
"We Jedi are fairly perceptive. You're probably spot on. But if it's proof you want, you'll have to wait a few days, I'd wager. Talk to the senator. If you're wrong, she won't laugh at you. I think that she takes things like that very seriously."
"This isn't a very good time for me to be pregnant," Kalen said quietly.
"If you are, there's nothing we can do about it. You'll be almost normal for the first couple of months anyway, won't you?"
"I just don't know," Kalen replied.
"Force, this is pathetic: two grown women who don't know a thing about childbirth or pregnancy. Maybe when we've rebuilt the Jedi Order, we should make sure that Padawans are informed about these things."
"Don't you think that that might give them the wrong idea?"
"I didn't think of that," Alexis said. "Who would teach it, anyway? Obviously neither one of us would be very good at it."
Kalen's pained expression was so comical that Alexis couldn't contain her laughter. "It's not that funny," Kalen said dismally.
"I thought that you wanted children."
"I did. I just didn't want them quite this soon. How can help you rebuild the Jedi Order when I'm pregnant? We don't even know if a pregnant woman can use the Force."
"I sincerely doubt that a baby would interfere. If I were you, I'd be a little more worried about my lightsaber technique. It won't take you long to become very unbalanced."
"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" Kalen asked.
"Only a little," Alexis replied, smiling.
"I'll laugh when the same thing happens to you," Kalen told her rather spitefully.
Alexis's smile faded. "I thought we'd talked about this. I really doubt that I can have children in the first place."
"It would serve you right if you were wrong."
"It's not like Atton's going to leave you, Kalen," Alexis told her calmly.
"How could you possibly know that?" Kalen asked quickly.
"How can you doubt him? He's head-over-heels in love with you."
"We don't know each other well enough for this," Kalen said quietly. "We should have been together for at least two years before we even considered children."
"It doesn't seem like you've considered them yet. You could still consider them later, if you'd like."
"Ha, ha."
"You know," Alexis began in a deceptively off-hand manner, "even I know that there are ways to prevent this sort of thing."
Kalen's answer was an indelicate snort. "Thank you. I had no idea."
"So… if you did know about said preventative methods, how did you come to be in this condition?"
"I'm sure it was magic," Kalen said dully.
At the downcast look on Kalen's face, Alexis sobered immediately. "Kalen… everything will turn out okay, I promise."
"You can't make that promise," Kalen responded.
"I can and I am. Pregnant or not, Atton's going to stick around. I'll make him, if I have to. And we'll bring back the Jedi and we'll help the Republic, no matter what. It doesn't matter if you can't swing a lightsaber. We don't keep you around just for your muscles, dear heart. Your mind is just as important."
"You use nicknames when you're being placating, you know," Kalen said, a smile returning to her face.
"Yes. It's a nasty habit. It always gives me away."
"It's been very hard to hide my suspicions from Atton," Kalen confided. "Our minds are so closely linked now that sometimes I have a hard time telling where he ends and I begin."
"It must be nice," Alexis said wistfully.
"Actually, it makes things a little harder. I think that sometimes we find out things about one another that we'd rather not have known. There are things that people just shouldn't tell each other. We really don't have much of a choice."
"You'll probably be closer for it in the end."
"So long as he sticks around."
"You ought to know him well enough to know that he won't leave you."
"You aren't the one that he flat-out told that he was a deserter."
"No. I'm the one that he deserted. I don't think he'll leave you, Kalen. You have to give him a chance."
"Do you think that I should tell him?" Kalen asked apprehensively.
Alexis shook her head. "Not yet. I'd wait until I knew for sure, if I were you."
Kalen nodded. "It's going to take a lot of work to keep it from him."
"Keep him distracted. I'll help you. We'll start having lightsaber practice sessions and teaching new Force techniques. He'll be too busy to try to find out just what you're hiding."
"You don't think all of the work will hurt the baby, do you?" Kalen asked nervously.
"I'm fairly sure that a certain amount of exercise is good for pregnant women, and if you are carrying a baby, you're not very far along. You'll be fine," Alexis assured her.
Kalen pressed her palm to her flat stomach and stared at it sadly. "I wonder if it will ever look like this again…"
"If I were you, I'd take a good, hard look at my toes. You may not see them for a while," Alexis said with undisguised mirth.
Kalen obediently raised her feet, clad only in short white socks, and sighed. "I'll miss you guys," she said, reaching forward to pat them fondly.
"Hmm. Talking to our toes now, are we? Have you named them yet?" Carth asked as he approached them from across the room. Alexis was surprised that she hadn't noticed him coming.
"I was just-," Kalen began, lowering her feet sheepishly.
Carth cut her off, forestalling her with a raised palm. "It's fine. No one needs a reason to have conversations with their own feet. They are yours, after all. If you want to talk to them, by all means, go for it. I would suggest doing in private next time, though. It does look a little crazy."
Alexis turned her head to smile at Carth. He smiled back at her and they stared at one another for several seconds. Kalen coughed loudly to distract them. Alexis turned to her guiltily. "Sorry," she muttered, flushing.
"You two are so cute that it makes me sick," Kalen said, feigning disgust. The smile on her face told Alexis that she heartily approved, however.
"I've always dreamed of being disgustingly cute," Carth murmured, grinning.
Alexis laughed lightly. "You've always been disgustingly cute. You just didn't know it."
"Can't I be handsome or dashing?" Carth asked, turning his head this way and that, posing. "Cute isn't a very masculine word."
"Nope. I think that cute suits you," Kalen told him.
Alexis nodded her agreement. "Adorable would work as well. You remind me of a stuffed toy or a doll. I just want to cuddle you: maybe even tie a bow in your hair."
"I'll go for the cuddling, but the bow's taking it a little far," Carth said.
"A pink one, I think," Kalen said, ignoring Carth.
"Orange is better. It would match his jacket."
"I'd forgotten about that jacket," Kalen said, glancing over at him. He wasn't wearing it. In fact, he was wearing a very large dark blue sweatshirt and black pants.
"With that outfit, maybe a white one would look best," Alexis said.
"Would you two stop talking about bows? You'll never manage to get one on me," Carth said.
"Have you ever heard of Force stasis?" Alexis asked him.
"You wouldn't," Carth said. Kalen laughed.
"No, but it is fun to consider…" Alexis replied.
"You could always tie him up with the ribbon," Kalen said, grinning.
"I would have thought that someone in your predicament would be leery of such things," Alexis suggested with a sardonic smile.
"Don't you dare," Kalen said quickly.
"No, I wouldn't do that,
either."
"What are you two hiding?" Carth asked, glancing
back and forth between them.
"Nothing," they responded at the same time.
"How innocent you sound," Carth remarked.
"I'm perfectly innocent," Alexis murmured.
"Not so much anymore," Carth said, grinning.
Alexis blushed again. She pressed her hands to her cheeks. "I'm going to have to learn how to control this blushing thing before I turn permanently red. Obviously the reasons to blush aren't going to go away, so the reaction itself has to go."
"It's kind of cute," Kalen pointed out.
"No, it would only be cute if I were still four years old."
"You're hardly taller than a four-year-old," Carth observed in a clinical tone of voice.
"I could still take you out," Alexis said, standing up beside him and putting her hands on her hips.
Carth spread his hands wide as if inviting her to tackle him. "I think that I told you that you could do whatever you wanted with me."
"Kinky," Kalen muttered in the background.
Alexis turned to glare at her. "If I were you, I'd be a little nicer to me."
Kalen's eyes widened and she immediately folded her arms over her chest and rose to stand beside Alexis. "Watch what you say to her," Kalen ordered him, narrowing her eyes and trying to look intimidating.
"So… what sort of secret is Alexis keeping for you?" Carth asked, chuckling.
Kalen's stare faltered and she looked away. "What secret?" Alexis asked brightly.
Kalen groaned. "Don't try to help me, Lexi. You're a terrible liar."
"I thought you said that all Jedi were bad liars," Alexis said indignantly.
"Mostly you," Kalen said with a laugh.
"Remember when we talked about you being nicer to me?"
Carth laughed. "You two are happy this morning."
"You're one to talk," Kalen said.
"It's a stress relief technique," Alexis told him, with false solemnity. "If everything's funny, you don't have to take anything seriously."
"That's the truth," Carth replied.
Kalen glanced back at the door that led out of the common room. "I think I'm going to wander over to the cafeteria and find Atton. I'm kind of hungry after all."
Alexis shrugged. "Suit yourself."
Carth and Alexis watched as Kalen left the common room. It didn't take Carth long to catch her gaze. "What was that all about?" he asked.
"It's not really mine to tell…" Alexis said.
Carth's eyebrows raised and he waited, crossing his arms. Alexis sat back on the couch. She could wait, too. When she still hadn't said anything else after two or three minutes, Carth sighed and sat down beside her. "You're really not going to tell me?"
"I told you, I can't. It's not my secret." Carth frowned at her. "Don't look at me like that," Alexis warned, feeling her resolve fading.
"I understand. The secrets between friends are a sacred thing. I wouldn't want to upset that. You don't have to tell me anything," Carth said with mock sincerity.
Alexis knew he was manipulating her. It was obvious. What was also obvious was that it was working. She struggled to contain herself, glaring at him from beneath furrowed eyebrows. "I certainly don't," she said, more to herself than to him. He put on a hurt expression. "Would you stop that?" Alexis said irritably.
Carth pulled her against him and she pretended to fight for a moment before relaxing against his shoulder. He grinned down at her. "Stop what?" he asked.
"Trying to play games with my head."
"I would never-," Carth began.
Alexis gave up all at once. "Kalen thinks she's pregnant," she said rapidly before she changed her mind.
Carth jerked slightly in surprise. "What?"
"Kalen might be pregnant."
After a moment, Carth shrugged. "It shouldn't surprise you, not after the way she and Atton chase each other around the bedroom."
"But- do you really think that they're ready? They aren't married and they haven't even known each other for more than a few months. And… we've got a lot to do… the Jedi and the Republic and all of those Sith that keep popping up… Where's the baby going to fit in?"
"They aren't alone, you know."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"I mean that if Kalen is pregnant, she doesn't have to raise her baby alone. First of all, she has Atton, and when they're tired, the rest of us can help out. Since Kalen doesn't have a family, we'll just have to give her one."
Alexis stared at Carth. That hadn't even occurred to her. They were a lot like a family, even now. Love, laughter, fighting, and friendship… those were all things that made up a family. They might not all be blood related, but they did have the qualifications. Families took care of each other, through thick and thin. "You're right," Alexis said softly.
"What's so bad about children, anyway?" Carth asked her.
"The timing's off," Alexis replied.
"How does Kalen feel about it?"
"Kalen's always been the motherly sort. I think she'll love having a baby."
"So what's she worried about?"
"She's worried about how Atton will feel about it."
Carth smiled at her. "Atton's excited about it."
"How do you know?"
"He told me."
"He knows that she pregnant?" Alexis exclaimed.
"No. He doesn't know," Carth assured her. "Do you remember that time when we were in that Restoration Zone on Telos and you and Kalen talked about having children? Atton was awake. He came and talked to me about it. He mentioned that Kalen sounded like she wanted to have his kids. He seemed pretty happy."
"Really?" Alexis said. "Do you mind if I tell her that?"
"Go for it."
Alexis bit her lip, remembering the rest of that particular conversation. How much had Atton told Carth? And what exactly had Atton heard, anyway? "Is that all Atton told you?"
"Yeah. Why?" Carth said.
"I just thought that he might have mentioned- Well… never mind."
Carth watched her quietly, his dark brown eyes searching her face. He touched her cheek gently, almost reverently. "You can tell me, beautiful. I won't be upset."
"I don't want to disappoint you," Alexis told him softly.
"Lexi, you won't disappoint me."
"I think that it might."
"You don't want children, do you?" he asked.
"This is all so new, Carth. Are you sure you really want to talk about children?" Alexis asked him. Everything was coming at her so quickly. If she weren't careful, she'd be overwhelmed. Emotions were a hard thing to cope with when one was used to ignoring them.
"Would you rather if we talked about whether or not you were willing to marry me first?"
Alexis's eyes widened. "I don't think that this is the right time for that," she said, a bit too harshly.
Carth nodded. "Sorry. We can- uh- talk about something else, then."
Alexis felt badly about the tone she'd used. She just wasn't ready for this. It took her a while to adjust to all of these new feelings. "I'll at least answer your question. Do I want children? Well, I've never honestly thought about it."
"That's fine," Carth assured her.
"You didn't let me finish. I haven't even gotten to the disappointing part," Alexis informed him.
"Alexis…" Carth said uneasily.
"No, listen. I don't think that I'll ever be able to have children, Carth. It's got nothing to do with whether or not I want them. No one who's turned to the dark side has ever conceived a child after their fall. I'm-," she paused for a moment before rushing on, "I'm probably barren."
Alexis couldn't have missed the flicker of pain in Carth's eyes if she'd tried. He masked it well, but he was clearly disheartened by the news. "I have a son, Alexis. I don't need anymore," he said staunchly.
Alexis took a deep breath and plastered a smile on her face. "Let's… let's go find him, then. I think that he and Mira are still having problems and he'll need some cheering up. Besides, it's time that we got started on his Jedi training. A bit of lightsaber work wouldn't hurt him. In fact, it would probably be good for everyone." Alexis stood up.
"Are you all right?" Carth asked her, his voice mirroring the concern on his face.
Alexis nodded. "I'm fine. I- have to go and change clothes. I can't work out in these. I'll be back." Alexis turned her back to him and fled. She knew that she was running away, but she couldn't stop herself. It was impossible for her to get real pain she'd seen in Carth's eyes out of her head.
