Chapter 7: To Tell, Or Not, To Tell
Or
Debates Of The Heart
Hello everyone. I am sooooooooooooo sorry this took sooooooooooo long to get posted. I'm sooooooooo very sorry. Please forgive me. I know it took a long time. But there are reasons, I just can't explain them right now.
This chapter takes place, well half of it anyway, in Heero's mind. This is his thoughts about the conversation he had with Quatre and Trowa. I hope you enjoy it. I also hope that you've enjoyed the story thus far.
AND NOW.......... THE MOMENT YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR.......... CHAPTER 7............(crowd screams)
Debates Of The Heart
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((that night)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
What am I going to do. I thought I had it figured out already. But after that talk with Quatre and Trowa, I'm not to sure. They brought up alot of interesting points that I had overlooked. Like the fact that I would never know and that might drive me crazy. I would ask "what if" for the rest of my life. However, Duo might not even like me that way, and if he does he might not say anything to me thinking I don't like him. That's not true, I do like him. No, I don't like him,.............. I love him, but there's no way for him to know that, he's not a mind reader. I do love him however, I know it's love. He always makes me feel better. Just seeing his face, hearing his voice, can lift me up and make me happy. If I tell him, he might actually feel the same way. Then again, he might not. But then, what was that in the hall this morning. If Wufei hadn't interupted..... I might actually know if Duo likes me or not. We were getting very close, we might of actually kissed. But was it Duo that was moving closer, or was it me acting on instincts and subconsciously moving in closer. Then again wouldn't Duo say something, or was it that he didn't even notice. No, Duo is smarter then that. He's alot more observant then he looks or acts.
He did worry about me this morning. I know I probably shouldn't be happy about that but I just can't help it. He was worried about me. Then again, any friend would be worried about another friend if they where sick. I know Duo see's me as a friend. Hell, he might even see me as his best friend, but probably no more then that. No. No Heero. No. No. No. Negative thoughts lead to a negative attitude and you can't say what has to be said because those thoughts are running through your brain. I can't think those evil thoughts. Who knows what those thoughts might do to my adolescent psyche or what kind of dreams I'll have. Very, very bad dreams.
Of course, with my luck, Duo would probably turn me away, if I told him. He usually dosn't let people in. He may seem very open, but in reality, he's closed off. We all notice it, but we never say anything. We know he has his reasons. All of us do, for all of our attitudes and habits.
Quatre was sheltered as a child. Born and raised into a rich family and taught how to run the family business so he could take over. He was the only one who grew up with a family and I can imagine that the only time he ever disobeyed his father was when he became a gundam pilot.(gg: Of course we all now that's not true.)
Trowa was raised to be a mercenarie with no name. That's about all I know about him. Other then the fact that he seems to really like animals and the circus. He's also in love with Quatre, and Quatre loves him. I saw that one coming a mile away. Those two were closer then anyone else in the war.
Then there's Wufei. I don't know much about him either. He's got a strong sense of justice, I know. All I really know is that he was married by betrothal young. I know this from when I was looking up on him on the web. I didn't find much, but I did find a marriage license. I also know that she died in a battle with OZ. That's probably why he hates them so much. They killed his wife.
Then there's Duo...... Duo, what do I know about him. I know he was raised on the street as a war orphan. One of the worst to. I did, somehow, manage to find a criminal record on him from when he was little. It amazed me on how much he did, just as a little kid. But, other then that, that's about all I know. I've wanted to ask him about it. But when the chance comes, the words won't come out. I'm not even sure he'd talk about it with me anyway. He probably prefers to keep his secrets to himself. Some people like their privacy. He's one of them, I'm sure. He may seem open, loud, and obnoxious. In reality though, he's really very mysterious and I think that is one of the things that attracted me to him in the first place. That and his ability to be so happy all the time. But I know he probably is very sad inside. He dosn't want us to worry, so he hides behind a smiling mask. I really do admire him, and his willingness to protect the people around him. Yet, at the same time, I love him. I really don't know why. I just do. What do I like about him anyway? Let's see. Well, there's his beautiful and long chestnut brown hair for one. Then there's his gorgeous and youthful violet eyes. He has a tall and very slim form and then there's that low sexy voice. He has gotten alot more sexier over the past two years. He has also gotten alot taller too. While I just grew an inch or two. Damn this asian blood, I'm never going to get very tall. I'm so used to being just as tall as him, if not taller. I'm not used to him being a foot taller then me. But, in a way, that makes him even more sexy.
Wait a second, I'm getting off track. Will I, or will I not, tell Duo. I've been thinking negatively about this the entire time. I've got to focus on the positive side. He might not turn me away. In fact, he might understand how I feel. Hell, he might even feel the same way about me. In fact, he might accept me and we can enjoy a happy, lovy-dovy life together. Uhhhh..., now that I think about it. I can't see either of us acting like that. Quatre and Trowa, maybe, but me and Duo... I just can't see it. Yeah, Duo can be a little weird, but half the time, he's just joking around, he's not serious. He likes to do that. It helps to relieve the tension..... Half the time, at least.
I would really like to know though. I would like to know how he feels about me, if he loves me or not. Even if I have to tell him first but I don't want to loose him. Not to my own feelings. However if he did love me, and I told him, wouldn't he think, "Why now?" I wish I had known during the war. Then maybe, I could have told him and I wouldn't be agonizing over this right now. But at that time, I probably wouldn't have really cared and pushed my feelings out of my head. I would have probably focused completely on the war. I probably would have tried to kill him to get those thoughts out of my head, as well. Come to think of it, I have tried to kill him. More then once too. Why did I do that. Oh yeah, he was captured and I thought he would cause a problem. I went to silence him. God, am I glad I didn't go through with my plan. I would hate myself now. I wouln't be feeling this way, and I would never be able to see his beautiful face again. He really does have a gorgeous face. He looks like a doll, or a girl... Which ever ones prettier.
But the question still stands. As to quote Shakespere. "To be, or Not to be." Of course, for me, it's "To tell, or Not to tell." I would go in favor of telling him. But, then those questions rum through my mind. "What if he says no?" "What if I get rejected?" "What if he starts to hate me?" "What if he runs away?" I don't think I could ever deal with that. Not knowing, now I could deal with that. But if he left and never came back, I couldn't deal with that. But for some reason, I feel, I have to tell him. Some thing in my mind is telling me that I have to tell him as soon as possible. Other wise I will never get the chance. I can understand that we're all leaving soon, and who knows the next time I'll see him. Then there's always the very slight chance that something bad could happen and I'll never see him again. Then I would definatly never know.
I don't know what to do. I would like to tell him but I don't think I can. I've tried to say it a couple of times already. However when the words reach my mouth, I fall silent. I freeze, I can't do it. If I can't say it and I speak anyway, I end up saying something stupid and he looks at me weird, like I'm crazy or something. Ohhhh, what am I going to do?
I probably wouldn't even be thinking about this if I hadn't talked to Quatre and Trowa this afternoon. In a way, I don't think I could have ever escaped from this. It would have come up eventually anyway. Those two just helped to push it along faster. Because of that, I just might end up saying something soon. But, will it come out? Will I be able to say it? The sooner I get it over with, the better. Urrrrrrgggggggggggg....... That's it... I'm telling Duo........Tonight.
(gg: Okay!!! That's it for the parts in Heero's mind. Now, it's back to reality. Shall we?))))))
To Tell, Or Not, To Tell
With that last thought, Heero abruptly stood up out of his bed.
"HEERO, WUFEI, DINNERS READY!." Duo called as he walked down the stairs.
'Damnit' Heero thought to himself. 'Did it have to be now... When I was just about to tell him.'
"Heeo, are you coming? Or are you not hungry?" Heero could hear Wufei ask through the door.
"Yeah, go on ahead, I'll catch up." Heero answered, after a minute or two.
He heard steps walk off and sighed. He knew he was going to tell Duo, and he knew it would be soon. Though if any other interferences came his way he WAS going to strangle someone.
After taking a few deep breathes, he walked out of his room and begun down the hall. As he walked down the stairs, he could already hear Duo's voice. He was talking about something or other. He didn't really care. Just to hear the sound of his voice is enough to lift his spirits up and make him forget the nervousness he's going to feel later. He was still a little nervous about it. But since it wasn't happening right now, he was doing alright, for now at least.
Dinner was as usual as ever. (Well, as usual as five teenage, ex-terrorist sitting down and eating can be.) There's always something keeping it from being quiet or boring, and today it was Duo's and Wufei's snide remarks to each other. Heero had no idea why they were arguing today. But he desided to keep his mouth shut and not say a word.
Dinner ended with Wufei and Duo apologizing to eachother. (By Quatre's request, most likely.) Then parting to go and do what ever they do after dinner in their everyday lives. Wufei went to read a book. Duo went to take a shower. Heero went to go and practice what he was going to say so that he'd have it down. Then for some "unknown" reason, Quatre and Trowa decided to "turn in early" and went to their room.
Duo had finished his shower within thirty minutes and was just finishing getting dressed when Heero knocked on the door.
"Who is it?" Duo asked, wondering why they even bothered to knock.
"Oh, uhhh, I..It's me, Heero. Can I... Can I come in?" Heero asked, his voice cracking from how nervous he was.
"Yeah, sure, come in." Duo said. Wondering if he was Ok.
Heero opened the door and walked in. Once in, he found Duo standing there in a pair of black shorts and no shirt, revealing a lean, muscled, yet small form.(gg:drools)
"Hey Heero. Is something wrong?" Duo asked, concern evident in his face.
"Oh...Uh...N...No....Not really." Heero said, starting to shake.
"Heero, you don't sound like your self. Are you sure your alright?" Heero was starting to get nervous and Duo seemed really worried.
"Oh, I'm fine... I just came here to talk, that's all." Heero said, letting out the breathe he's been holding.
"To talk, any piticular topic in mind, or no?" Duo was starting to get confused. Heero Yuy never came by to just talk.
"Duo I...." Heero started to say, but it wouldn't come out.
"What Heero?" Duo asked, genuinely concerned.
"I.....I......I....."
END CHAPTER SEVEN
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sooooo Sorry about this. But, I just coldn't help it. You should have seen me when I was writing this. I completely lost it.
I don't think that there's anything to sum up in this chapter, and if there is ask in your reveiw please?
Usa: Hey that laugh is copyrighted you know.
gg: It is an evil laugh and there isn't that many ways to spell it ya' know.
Usa: Excuses ,excuses, excuses.
gg:Yeah sure. Well ja'ne.
Or
Debates Of The Heart
Hello everyone. I am sooooooooooooo sorry this took sooooooooooo long to get posted. I'm sooooooooo very sorry. Please forgive me. I know it took a long time. But there are reasons, I just can't explain them right now.
This chapter takes place, well half of it anyway, in Heero's mind. This is his thoughts about the conversation he had with Quatre and Trowa. I hope you enjoy it. I also hope that you've enjoyed the story thus far.
AND NOW.......... THE MOMENT YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR.......... CHAPTER 7............(crowd screams)
Debates Of The Heart
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((that night)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
What am I going to do. I thought I had it figured out already. But after that talk with Quatre and Trowa, I'm not to sure. They brought up alot of interesting points that I had overlooked. Like the fact that I would never know and that might drive me crazy. I would ask "what if" for the rest of my life. However, Duo might not even like me that way, and if he does he might not say anything to me thinking I don't like him. That's not true, I do like him. No, I don't like him,.............. I love him, but there's no way for him to know that, he's not a mind reader. I do love him however, I know it's love. He always makes me feel better. Just seeing his face, hearing his voice, can lift me up and make me happy. If I tell him, he might actually feel the same way. Then again, he might not. But then, what was that in the hall this morning. If Wufei hadn't interupted..... I might actually know if Duo likes me or not. We were getting very close, we might of actually kissed. But was it Duo that was moving closer, or was it me acting on instincts and subconsciously moving in closer. Then again wouldn't Duo say something, or was it that he didn't even notice. No, Duo is smarter then that. He's alot more observant then he looks or acts.
He did worry about me this morning. I know I probably shouldn't be happy about that but I just can't help it. He was worried about me. Then again, any friend would be worried about another friend if they where sick. I know Duo see's me as a friend. Hell, he might even see me as his best friend, but probably no more then that. No. No Heero. No. No. No. Negative thoughts lead to a negative attitude and you can't say what has to be said because those thoughts are running through your brain. I can't think those evil thoughts. Who knows what those thoughts might do to my adolescent psyche or what kind of dreams I'll have. Very, very bad dreams.
Of course, with my luck, Duo would probably turn me away, if I told him. He usually dosn't let people in. He may seem very open, but in reality, he's closed off. We all notice it, but we never say anything. We know he has his reasons. All of us do, for all of our attitudes and habits.
Quatre was sheltered as a child. Born and raised into a rich family and taught how to run the family business so he could take over. He was the only one who grew up with a family and I can imagine that the only time he ever disobeyed his father was when he became a gundam pilot.(gg: Of course we all now that's not true.)
Trowa was raised to be a mercenarie with no name. That's about all I know about him. Other then the fact that he seems to really like animals and the circus. He's also in love with Quatre, and Quatre loves him. I saw that one coming a mile away. Those two were closer then anyone else in the war.
Then there's Wufei. I don't know much about him either. He's got a strong sense of justice, I know. All I really know is that he was married by betrothal young. I know this from when I was looking up on him on the web. I didn't find much, but I did find a marriage license. I also know that she died in a battle with OZ. That's probably why he hates them so much. They killed his wife.
Then there's Duo...... Duo, what do I know about him. I know he was raised on the street as a war orphan. One of the worst to. I did, somehow, manage to find a criminal record on him from when he was little. It amazed me on how much he did, just as a little kid. But, other then that, that's about all I know. I've wanted to ask him about it. But when the chance comes, the words won't come out. I'm not even sure he'd talk about it with me anyway. He probably prefers to keep his secrets to himself. Some people like their privacy. He's one of them, I'm sure. He may seem open, loud, and obnoxious. In reality though, he's really very mysterious and I think that is one of the things that attracted me to him in the first place. That and his ability to be so happy all the time. But I know he probably is very sad inside. He dosn't want us to worry, so he hides behind a smiling mask. I really do admire him, and his willingness to protect the people around him. Yet, at the same time, I love him. I really don't know why. I just do. What do I like about him anyway? Let's see. Well, there's his beautiful and long chestnut brown hair for one. Then there's his gorgeous and youthful violet eyes. He has a tall and very slim form and then there's that low sexy voice. He has gotten alot more sexier over the past two years. He has also gotten alot taller too. While I just grew an inch or two. Damn this asian blood, I'm never going to get very tall. I'm so used to being just as tall as him, if not taller. I'm not used to him being a foot taller then me. But, in a way, that makes him even more sexy.
Wait a second, I'm getting off track. Will I, or will I not, tell Duo. I've been thinking negatively about this the entire time. I've got to focus on the positive side. He might not turn me away. In fact, he might understand how I feel. Hell, he might even feel the same way about me. In fact, he might accept me and we can enjoy a happy, lovy-dovy life together. Uhhhh..., now that I think about it. I can't see either of us acting like that. Quatre and Trowa, maybe, but me and Duo... I just can't see it. Yeah, Duo can be a little weird, but half the time, he's just joking around, he's not serious. He likes to do that. It helps to relieve the tension..... Half the time, at least.
I would really like to know though. I would like to know how he feels about me, if he loves me or not. Even if I have to tell him first but I don't want to loose him. Not to my own feelings. However if he did love me, and I told him, wouldn't he think, "Why now?" I wish I had known during the war. Then maybe, I could have told him and I wouldn't be agonizing over this right now. But at that time, I probably wouldn't have really cared and pushed my feelings out of my head. I would have probably focused completely on the war. I probably would have tried to kill him to get those thoughts out of my head, as well. Come to think of it, I have tried to kill him. More then once too. Why did I do that. Oh yeah, he was captured and I thought he would cause a problem. I went to silence him. God, am I glad I didn't go through with my plan. I would hate myself now. I wouln't be feeling this way, and I would never be able to see his beautiful face again. He really does have a gorgeous face. He looks like a doll, or a girl... Which ever ones prettier.
But the question still stands. As to quote Shakespere. "To be, or Not to be." Of course, for me, it's "To tell, or Not to tell." I would go in favor of telling him. But, then those questions rum through my mind. "What if he says no?" "What if I get rejected?" "What if he starts to hate me?" "What if he runs away?" I don't think I could ever deal with that. Not knowing, now I could deal with that. But if he left and never came back, I couldn't deal with that. But for some reason, I feel, I have to tell him. Some thing in my mind is telling me that I have to tell him as soon as possible. Other wise I will never get the chance. I can understand that we're all leaving soon, and who knows the next time I'll see him. Then there's always the very slight chance that something bad could happen and I'll never see him again. Then I would definatly never know.
I don't know what to do. I would like to tell him but I don't think I can. I've tried to say it a couple of times already. However when the words reach my mouth, I fall silent. I freeze, I can't do it. If I can't say it and I speak anyway, I end up saying something stupid and he looks at me weird, like I'm crazy or something. Ohhhh, what am I going to do?
I probably wouldn't even be thinking about this if I hadn't talked to Quatre and Trowa this afternoon. In a way, I don't think I could have ever escaped from this. It would have come up eventually anyway. Those two just helped to push it along faster. Because of that, I just might end up saying something soon. But, will it come out? Will I be able to say it? The sooner I get it over with, the better. Urrrrrrgggggggggggg....... That's it... I'm telling Duo........Tonight.
(gg: Okay!!! That's it for the parts in Heero's mind. Now, it's back to reality. Shall we?))))))
To Tell, Or Not, To Tell
With that last thought, Heero abruptly stood up out of his bed.
"HEERO, WUFEI, DINNERS READY!." Duo called as he walked down the stairs.
'Damnit' Heero thought to himself. 'Did it have to be now... When I was just about to tell him.'
"Heeo, are you coming? Or are you not hungry?" Heero could hear Wufei ask through the door.
"Yeah, go on ahead, I'll catch up." Heero answered, after a minute or two.
He heard steps walk off and sighed. He knew he was going to tell Duo, and he knew it would be soon. Though if any other interferences came his way he WAS going to strangle someone.
After taking a few deep breathes, he walked out of his room and begun down the hall. As he walked down the stairs, he could already hear Duo's voice. He was talking about something or other. He didn't really care. Just to hear the sound of his voice is enough to lift his spirits up and make him forget the nervousness he's going to feel later. He was still a little nervous about it. But since it wasn't happening right now, he was doing alright, for now at least.
Dinner was as usual as ever. (Well, as usual as five teenage, ex-terrorist sitting down and eating can be.) There's always something keeping it from being quiet or boring, and today it was Duo's and Wufei's snide remarks to each other. Heero had no idea why they were arguing today. But he desided to keep his mouth shut and not say a word.
Dinner ended with Wufei and Duo apologizing to eachother. (By Quatre's request, most likely.) Then parting to go and do what ever they do after dinner in their everyday lives. Wufei went to read a book. Duo went to take a shower. Heero went to go and practice what he was going to say so that he'd have it down. Then for some "unknown" reason, Quatre and Trowa decided to "turn in early" and went to their room.
Duo had finished his shower within thirty minutes and was just finishing getting dressed when Heero knocked on the door.
"Who is it?" Duo asked, wondering why they even bothered to knock.
"Oh, uhhh, I..It's me, Heero. Can I... Can I come in?" Heero asked, his voice cracking from how nervous he was.
"Yeah, sure, come in." Duo said. Wondering if he was Ok.
Heero opened the door and walked in. Once in, he found Duo standing there in a pair of black shorts and no shirt, revealing a lean, muscled, yet small form.(gg:drools)
"Hey Heero. Is something wrong?" Duo asked, concern evident in his face.
"Oh...Uh...N...No....Not really." Heero said, starting to shake.
"Heero, you don't sound like your self. Are you sure your alright?" Heero was starting to get nervous and Duo seemed really worried.
"Oh, I'm fine... I just came here to talk, that's all." Heero said, letting out the breathe he's been holding.
"To talk, any piticular topic in mind, or no?" Duo was starting to get confused. Heero Yuy never came by to just talk.
"Duo I...." Heero started to say, but it wouldn't come out.
"What Heero?" Duo asked, genuinely concerned.
"I.....I......I....."
END CHAPTER SEVEN
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sooooo Sorry about this. But, I just coldn't help it. You should have seen me when I was writing this. I completely lost it.
I don't think that there's anything to sum up in this chapter, and if there is ask in your reveiw please?
Usa: Hey that laugh is copyrighted you know.
gg: It is an evil laugh and there isn't that many ways to spell it ya' know.
Usa: Excuses ,excuses, excuses.
gg:Yeah sure. Well ja'ne.
