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Chapter Six
Sara's Apartment…
"These were taken right after their fourth birthday. I took them to the San Diego Zoo. Look, here's Gillian next to the Hissing Cockroaches…those are her favorite…"
Grissom looked on in amazement. Sara was so calm as she narrated Gil and Gillian's young lives through photographs. Like it wasn't a big deal that he missed it all…as if everything was perfectly okay. And they called him a robot? Who the hell was this woman?
"This was Gillian's first year as a Girl Scout. She earned every badge available…"
The majority of the pictures where only of the children, very few with Sara included. As much as Grissom was enjoying the journey, he still had to taper down his moments of anger. He was angry because his own image was glaringly, purposefully, permanently and obviously absent from the first seven years of their existence. More than once he felt the urge to shout that he would have been there if he had known. Precious time gone.
"Gil won second place at this Science fair...made electricity flow through…"
Both children favored the sciences. It was a comforting thought, but did nothing to fill the substantial pit of despair threatening to overwhelm him.
He should be happy. The children were perfect, but the loss of time and trust of the woman that held his heart was weighing him down.
He had so many dreams back in Boston of what his life with Sara would be like. Their wedding. First home. Sara's belly swollen with their children. Unfortunately, there would never be any family photos for their first Christmas. He'd missed it all. No. He was never given the opportunity to participate.
And now the children were seven, (seven and a half, Gillian had corrected him), soon to be eight years old and Grissom didn't know them. A stranger to his own children. Nothing but a glossy eight by ten snapshot on their nightstands. The reality made him want to cry.
"Mom took this one last summer…"
Finally, unable to stand the carnival of emotions circling the perimeters of his brain, Grissom abruptly stood sending loose photographs flying. "I can't so this!"
"Grissom? What's wrong?"
"I uh, I need to go." He stammered and began to pace wildly.
"You can't."
"I know, I can't do this."
"You can't leave yet, Gil. The children, you told them you'd be here when they returned." Sara reminded him.
Damn! Grissom realized Sara was right. He had given his word. As much as he wanted to bolt and leave this alternative universe behind, he would not break his promise.
Sara held her breath as Grissom took several unsteady steps towards the front door, then turned and walked into the kitchen. "Grissom? What's going on? Are you feeling okay?"
No. Grissom screamed in his head, keeping his back to Sara as he frantically searched the cupboards for a glass. I am not feeling okay. I feel like I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown while I sit here looking at pictures of my children's lives, like they are vacation snapshots. How could I possibly be okay when the only woman I have ever loved dumped me without a word eight years ago, came back unexpectedly and ruthlessly seduces me, while never bothering to mention that I fathered two children with her?
I feel like my fucking head is going to explode.
Finally he turned around and answered. "I assure you Sara; the last thing I am right now is okay."
Any further conversation was interrupted as Sara's mother and the children arrived.
Grissom's home later…
Exhausted mentally, Grissom plopped down onto the couch feeling every one of his years of life.
His mini-breakdown at Sara's ended beautifully as he spent time with Gil and Gillian. He wrestled, played with cars and actions figures as well as attended a lecture on the reproduction process of fire ants seated along with Barbie and several stuffed animals.
As the sun settled in Las Vegas and Sara bathed the children, Grissom managed to assemble two twin sized beds and arrange the bedroom furniture. Though the apartment allowed for individual rooms, neither child was interested in separating. Once settled for the night, Grissom read chapters from The Secret Lives of Caterpillars, until they fell asleep.
He left the apartment without much communication with Sara. The focus had to be on the children, their personal issues had to wait.
Relieved to be home, no sooner than his head touched the back of the couch, the doorbell rang. Grissom swung the front door open to reveal Jim Brass bearing gifts.
"I hear you had a busy day."
