"We are so lost!" Rogue groaned as the heroes continued their trek through the woods.

"Try Hare Krishna!" Cover Girl suggested.

"I know exactly where I'm going!" Todd snapped half a moment before he walked into a tree. "Oww…"

"Maybe I should lead." Althea suggested as she went out in front. "The Great River should be up ahead…found it!" She called. "But there's a little problem."

"Isn't there always?" Jean rolled her eyes.

"Dare I ask…" Scott groaned as the others followed Althea out of the woods and stopped at the bank of the river. "Well…" Scott said. "This sucks." After their meeting with Father Christmas, the Pevensies and Beavers made their way to The Great River. Unfortunately as Father Christmas' arrival had shown, the Witch's power—and winter—was weakening. The river ice was starting to melt.

"I guess you could say that they were on thin ice." B.A. quipped.

"After a pun like that, so are you!" Beach Head snapped.

"I'll try it first." Todd said as he stepped out onto the ice. He took a cautious step away from the bank. Then two. Nothing. "I think it'll hold."

"Good." Althea said as she cautiously stepped onto the ice. A loud sudden "CRACK!" resounded throughout the theater.

Sniggers broke out in the audience and Todd thoughtlessly blurted out "Geeze Al, have you been putting on weight or something?"

The theater grew so silent you could hear a pin drop. And everyone waited to see a pinhead getting dropped.

WHAT DID YOU SAY?" Althea raged at Todd as she turned red.

"Of all the stupid things Toad has ever said, this takes the cake!" Kurt gasped.

"I can't look." Kitty said as she covered her eyes. "Oh yes I can." She remembered as she uncovered them.

Todd gulped and realized that the awful danger that he was in. "Al…smoopsy poo! Darling! Honey! I'm so, so, so sorr—eek!" He gagged as Althea started strangling him.

"Let's just go." Scott sighed. Rogue and Brittany looked at each other, shrugged and started walking. The ice started cracking underneath them.

"This is bad." Brittany gulped. "I know how this could get worse!" Scott looked at her strangely.

"Don't you mean; you don't know how things could get worse?" He asked. A chorus of howls startled them as Rahne and her wolves emerged on the scene. Some were sitting on the side of the river they had just come from and others were in front of them, cutting them off. Althea dropped Todd in sheer shock.

"No…" Brittany said flatly. "I said I knew how things could get worse, because every time someone says that they don't know how things can get worse, it does!"

"You think Scooter would've learned that by now." Tabitha noted.

Rahne and Aiden burst onto the river. Aiden pounced on Todd and bared his teeth an inch away from his throat.

"Hey!" Althea started to say as she stepped towards them. "No one throttles Todd but me!" Scott grabbed his sword hilt.

"Stop!" He shouted as he pointed his sword—still in its scabbard—at Rahne. She snorted. Scott swore and started shaking his sword in the hope of getting it out of its sheath. "Come on, come on!"

"Cut that out!" Rahne barked. "I'd say put that away before you hurt someone, but in this case…" Rahne snickered. "Anyway, leave now and your brother leaves with you."

"Maybe we should listen to her." Rogue suggested.

"Clever lass." Rahne grinned.

"You should let them keep Bobby!" Tim called out.

"Don't listen!" Todd shouted from his place on the ground. "Just kill her!"

"This isn't your war." Rahne urged Scott. "All my Queen wants is for you to take your family and go."

"You know just because some creepy Canadian in a red coat lobbed a sword at you doesn't mean that you're a hero, much less a king!" Rogue screamed at Scott. "Strange Canadian men in sleds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government! Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not some farcical Christmas ceremony!"

"Vlad might've thought that up." Amira mused from the audience.

"Be quiet!" Scott snapped, but Rogue continued ranting.

"…if I went around saying I was an Empress because some old guy in a cart lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!" Rogue yelled.

"I thought I told you to shut up!" Scott asked her. "Stop being so sarcastic!"

"I'm trying to be logical!" Rogue protested.

"No, you're just trying to be smart!" Scott snapped.

"Isn't that the same thing?" Remy wondered.

"He saying that like it's a bad thing!" Doug remarked.

"No I'm trying to be not doomed!" Rogue snapped back.

"Um hello?" Rahne asked reminding them she was still there. "I can't wait forever—we don't get paid overtime—and neither will the river!"

"Just kill her!" Todd urged again. "Narnia needs you!"

"Rahne or Toad…wow, that's a tough choice." Dani said sarcastically. "Another Sophie's Choice for Dummies!"

"The ideal situation would be for Scott to run Toad through." Ray said.

"How would that help Narnia?" Lina asked. Ray shrugged.

"Narnia, Shmarnia, it'd help us!" Lina just shook her head and turned away from him.

"I'm getting sick of this." Scott said. "Hold on everyone!" He shouted as he used his optic blasts to shatter the quickly melting ice. Scott, Brittany, and Rogue clung together on one ice floe. Todd jumped in the water and started swimming away with Althea.

Rahne and Aiden fell in the river.

"Oooh, wet dog smell." Roberto winced. "That's not pleasant."

"Shut up!" Rahne gurgled as she and Aiden made their way to the side of the river…unfortunately for them it was the wrong side.

Downstream, Scott and Rogue climbed out of the river. "That was stupid!" Rogue screamed at Scott.

"It worked didn't it?" He asked. "Wait, where's Lucy?"

"I take it back." Rogue said. "It worked better than I thought it would." She drawled.

"We got her!" Todd said as he and Althea helped Brittany out.

"The fact that Todd's an amphibian and the girls breath underwater might've helped them out there you know." Paige observed.

"Come on!" Todd hoped up and down. "We've made it across the river! Now it's just a little further to Aslan's camp!"

Meanwhile on the other side of the river, Emma Frost scowled at the unfrozen river.

"Wow, it's hot out here, isn't it?" Fitzroy wondered. Frost rolled her eyes and smacked him with her wand. Then for good measure she smacked Bobby too.

"Oww…what did I do?" Bobby asked, rubbing his head.

"Lately or in general?" Jamie asked.

"Your majesty!" Rahne called as she and her wolves marched out of the woods, carrying the Coyote with them. "We found the traitor! He was attempting to rally your enemies in the woods by singing uncomplimentary limericks about you and the realness of your brea—"

"I get the idea." Emma growled. "What do you have to say for yourself?" She demanded.

"Your Majesty…" He began. "Your Grace, your worshipfullness…"

"I don't answer to flattery!" Frost snapped.

"I don't want to think of what she does answer to." Hank grimaced. The Coyote looked at Frost cock-eyed.

"Not to be rude—"

"HA!" Everyone in the audience laughed at that.

"But I wasn't speaking to you." The Coyote finished as he turned his head to grin at Rahne. "Hi honey!"

"Oh God…" Rahne moaned as the insides of her ears went hot and turned red. "This is so embarrassing." The other wolves snickered. Rahne whirled on them. "Did anyone just volunteer to be neutered?" She barked at them. The wolves shut up. "I thought not."

Frost slapped her forehead with annoyance. "I didn't come here to see a remake of 'The Lady and the Tramp!' " Frost snapped.

"She could play both parts herself!" Storm remarked. Emma took out her wand.

"Prepare to die!" She hissed. Bobby gulped.

"Wait! Can't you—" He started to say, but it was too late. The Witch had already started turning the Coyote into diamond.

"I'm crystallizing! Crystallizing!" The Coyote wailed as he started to change. "Oh what a world, what a world…"

Then there on the grass stood a diamond statue of the Coyote. Emma whirled on Bobby and struck him with the back of her hand…and since she was in her diamond form it really hurt.

"Never question me again!" She demanded. "Think well upon what I do to traitors before you try to challenge me again." Then she stopped to dwell on her wolves information. "If Aslan is attempting to raise an army, then I shall as well. Go summon my forces!"

"Cue the flying monkeys!" Low Light yelled. Emma glared at him.

"If it's a war Aslan wants…" She swore. "It's a war Aslan will get."

&&&

The Pevensies followed Todd and Althea to Aslan's camp. "This is…incredible." Scott gaped. Bright red and yellow pavilions dotted the field where Aslan's army made camp. They soon found themselves surrounded by various magical creatures and beings. They included LINA, THORRN, PENNY, WARREN, HANK, the ELOI, as well as STORM, THE NEW MUTANTS, AMIRA, several JOES, and even STARFIRE and RAVEN of the TEEN TITANS (in her white robes), JAKE LONG in dragon form, HOLLY SHORT, and LOCKHEED THE DRAGON.

"Why are we here?" Holly Short, pixie officer of the L.E.P. asked Jake Long as she flew over Jake's shoulder.

"Because NEBULABELT needed more magical creatures and he thought of us." Jake answered.

"Lucky, lucky us." Raven said, deadpan.

"Note to self." Holly groaned. "Kill NEBULABELT and then have my own memory of this wiped!" Lockheed snorted in agreement.

As Althea and Todd led Scott, Rogue, and Brittany through the camp, everyone stopped to stare at them. As if in a trance, they followed them towards the largest pavilion of all.

The soldiers accompanying them started to kneel in unison. Taking the hint, the Beavers and Pevensies followed suit.

The flap of the tent billowed open as Aslan stepped out to meet the three suddenly nervous Pevensies.

"Oh brother." Scott groaned as he looked up and saw a lion standing on the rock before him…a purple lion.

"Catseye got lead." Catseye purred proudly in her lion form.

"Should've known." Rogue sighed.

"You've got to be kidding me." Roulette groaned. Tarot looked at her.

"With this author? What did you expect?" She asked.

"Catseye?" Kurt gasped from his seat. "But Aslan's a male character!"

"I don't feel the need to be constrained by 'conventional' gender casting." NEBULABELT sniffed disdainfully.

"You don't feel constrained by anything!" Kitty shouted.

"He should BE restrained." Remy agreed.

"What's your problem?" NEBULABELT demanded. "Catseye's brave, she's noble, honorable, kind…plus she turnsinto a lion!"

"So?" Peter snorted. "So is Superman! Well, except fort the lion part."

"Superman?" NEBULABELT asked incredulously. "Please, him coming back from the dead isn't miraculous, he does it all the time! He's the Jean Grey of the DC Universe!"

"HEY!" Jean and Superman protested in unison, both offended by the comparison. NEBULABELT ignored them and continued.

"It's not a miracle when Superman come back to life…it's just a Tuesday." He snorted.

"Aren't you forgetting that Catseye is a bad guy?" Duke reminded him.

"No, Catseye just works for bad guys. There's a difference." NEBULABELT sniffed. "Besides, Rahne's in this story on the side of the Witch. It only balances out that Catseye is on the side of good."

"Yeah, leading the fight against her own mother!" Jean drawled.

"Hey I wonder if this could be construed as foreshad—" Kurt started to comment before NEBULABELT snapped,

"CONTINUE WITH THE STORY! NOW!"

Catseye cleared her throat.

"Welcome Peter, son of Adam. Welcome Susan and Lucy, daughters of Eve." Catseye said warmly. "And welcome Mr. and Mrs. Beaver. But where is fourth?" She asked.

"He kinda went and stabbed us in the back." Todd shrugged. "But three outta four ain't bad, right?"

"It's my fault…" Scott began. "No wait, it was actually his fault. Never mind."

"I will do everything I can for your brother." Catseye promised.

"Pysche-Out said the same thing." Rogue drawled.

As the Pevensies settled in, Scott took a walk up on a hill and stared out at the Narnian landscape. In the distance was a large castle.

"That's Cair Paravel, the castle of the four thrones." Catseye said as she walked up to him. "That is where you four will rule Narnia from, with you above the others as High King."

"Sounds good to me." Scott agreed amiably.

"Not to the rest of us it doesn't!" Althea, Todd, and the other 'Narnians' shouted.

Meanwhile, Rogue and Brittany made their way down to a stream to wash up.

"What I wouldn't give for a sink." Rogue grumbled as she washed her face.

"Are you going to ever stop complaining about Narnia?" Brittany asked. "It's really killing the magical awe about this place."

"Well, excuuuse me!" Rogue said. "This place isn't all that magical to me. All we've done since we got here is run away from a pack of wolves howling for our blood!"

"And you can't even do that, well." Rahne quipped as she and Aiden appeared behind them. "Now—like you've said—we've been chasing you all night. We're tired and just want to kill you quickly."

"Ah crap." Brittany groaned. Rahne leapt at them.

"Wait, aren't you going to gloat first?" Aiden asked Rahne as she hounded Brittany and Rogue up a tree. "Explain the Queen's entire plan in agonizing detail? Put them in an easily escapable trap and then leave, assuming that they die?" Rahne looked at him as if he were an idiot.

"No…because then they would get away." She explained slowly. "Moron!"

'Fine, but you're really breaking with tradition here!" Aiden said.

"Why can't I handle them myself?" Rogue groaned.

"Because the story goes that you call for Peter's help! Now do it!" NEBULABELT said.

"Fine," Rogue grumbled as she took her white horn and blew it. Everyone winced and covered their ears.

"Yeesh! That things sounds like a dying, flatulent moose!" Beef grunted.

Scott and Catseye heard the horn from their place on the hill and ran off, accompanied by several of Catseye's soldiers.

"Hurry!" Scott said as he pulled his sword out of his scabbard and charged at Rahne and Aiden.

"Not this again." Rahne grumbled as she dodged. That was when Catseye pounced on her. "Yipes! Watch it Catseye!" Rahne hissed quietly.

Catseye flattened her ears against her head. "Sorry."

Scott rushed at Aiden and swung his sword at him. When the soldiers with him moved to help, Catseye waved them back. "This is Peter's fight." She said.

"Get him!" Rogue called.

"Put the doggy down!" Brittany cheered.

"Rip his miserable black heart out of his chest and stomp on it!" Rahne bellowed. Everyone looked at her. "What?"

"You don't have the stomach for this!" Aiden growled as leapt at Scott when he saw he was distracted. Scott got his sword up just in time for Aiden to impale himself on it. Aiden looked down at the sword embedded to the hilt in his chest. "I might," he coughed weakly. "Have been wrong…" Aiden dropped dead.

"Wait, I thought Peter was supposed to kill Maugrim, the chief wolf." Kurt said. "The one Rahne plays."

"Like NebulaBelt is going to let Rahne get killed off." Jean snorted. NEBULABELT shrugged, not bothering to deny it.

"Well, I must be going now, ciao!" Rahne said as she slipped out form under Catseye's paws and ran off.

"Follow her! She will lead you to the other human!" Catseye ordered her troops. As they did what she said, Catseye turned to Scott. "Nice job. You want take first bite?"

"Thank you, no." Scott said quickly, looking green. Catseye shrugged.

"Suit yourself."

MEANWHILE…

"Comfy?" Trevor Fitzroy taunted Bobby as he was tied to a tree.

"It's okay." Bobby shrugged. "Though it is a little small for me." He stressed the word to annoy the dwarf.

"Why you…" Fitzroy seethed as he grabbed a knife. Rahne ran passed him. "Watch where you're going!" He snapped at her, not paying attention. "Stupid, mangy…uh oh." He gulped as he saw Catseye's troops appear not long after Rahne. "Mommy…" He gulped again as they glared at him.

Emma Frost appeared not long later to find Bobby gone and Fitzroy tied in his place to the tree.

"Funny story…" Fitzroy started to explain.

&&&

"What's all the commotion?" Scott asked as he walked up to Rogue and Brittany.

"Edmund's back! Aslan saved Edmund!" Brittany squealed. Up on the hill, Catseye was speaking to Bobby, though no one could hear just what they were saying.

"Wish we could read lips." Jean commented.

"It's probably something like: 'Do something that stupid again and you become my personal cat toy.' " Remy guessed.

Catseye brought Bobby back to the others. "It's done. There's no point beating him up for what he did now…unless you really want to." She added.

"Thanks a lot." Bobby grumbled.

Not long after Catseye led Bobby back to the others, even more unwelcome company showed up.

"All hail Jadis!" Fitzroy shouted as the Narnians in Catseye's camp pelted him with stones and rotten fruit. "Queen of Narnia! Empress of the Lone Islands!" Behind him was Emma Frost, carried on a throne by four guards. They were the DREADNOKS, BUZZER, TORCH, MONKEYWRENCH, AND ROADPIG.

"Better them than us." Zartan said. Zanya, Zandar, and Zarana nodded.

"The witch is back…" Remy started to sing.

Emma's pallbearers lowered her to the ground. She stood up and walked up to Catseye. "You have a traitor in your camp." She pronounced.

"Me?" Catseye asked worriedly.

"Not you, Sharon." Emma assured her. "I meant for the play."

"Oh, right." Catseye said. "Well…his betrayal wasn't against you."

"Do you forget the laws upon which Narnia were founded?" Emma asked.

"Yeah! Our forefathers didn't write the Constitution for nothing you know!" Kitty called.

"Don't quote Deep Magic to me!" Catseye snapped. "I was there when it was written." Emma smiled.

"Then you know what it says about all traitors." She said. "That traitor's blood—" She pointed at Bobby, "is my property."

"This is what copywriting DNA leads to." Jean observed.

"If I don't get what is mine then all of Narnia and perish in fire and water!" Emma Frost pronounced.

"Wouldn't that cancel each other out?" Peter asked.

"Sounds kinda like global warming." Kitty noted.

"Oh my god, Al Gore was right!" Kurt realized in horror.

"Enough!" Catseye said. "I would speak to you alone." She said to Frost. The two of them walked into Catseye's tent.

"Who wants to bet they just go in there so Catseye can ask Emma about Mother's Day gifts?" Kitty snorted. NEBULABELT looked annoyed and pushed a button on his console. "YEEOOWWCH!" Kitty yelped as an electrical current passed through her chair, shocking her.

"Does anyone else want to make a crack against Catseye?" He asked. The audience nervously shook their heads.

After a moment, Catseye and Emma emerged. Catseye addressed her forces. "She has renounced her claim against the son of Adam." Wild cheering broke out.

"Yay." Everyone said sedately. Jean snickered.

"Yeah, they're really happy to hear that." She said. As the Pevensies hugged their saved brother, Rogue and Brittany noted the sad look on Catseye's face.

&&&