Elizabeth couldn't remember the last summer she had really enjoyed. Courting with Nathan was wonderful. Every day she was learning new things about him. One night, they babysat Baby Nate and Sophie. Nathan was such a natural with children. She often wondered what it would have been like to raise children with Nathan. Probably lots of laughter. That night, Elizabeth discovered that Nathan could play the guitar and sing. They had a sing-a-long and it felt like they were a family.
Elizabeth decided to write a book for Sophie. The book would be stories about Elizabeth and Jack Sr. It would be stories from the day they first met, when Grandpa saved Grandma, their wedding and more. Jack Jr. agreed to do the illustrations for the book. It was going to be a Christmas present for Sophie. Elizabeth realized the book helped with grieving Jack.
Elizabeth and Nathan spent a lot of alone time together. They would go on dinner dates or just walk with no destination. One night, Nathan put on the radio and they danced into the early morning. That was one instance where Nathan wanted to kiss her. But every time she felt that he would lean in for a kiss, she woud make an excuse. She didn't know why she was so hesitant to give all of herself to Nathan. She was falling in love with him. But there was always something holding back Elizabeth and she didn't know what it was. Or maybe she knew and didn't want to admit it to herself.
It was the middle of August. It was cloudy out but it was hot and sticky. Elizabeth and Nathan were sitting on a blanket next to the pond at Nathan's house. They had a nice picnic. Nathan had made them a delicious salad with small sandwiches. All of a sudden it started raining. They both stood up and laughed.
"I have never danced in the rain" Elizabeth said laughing
"Neither have I" Nathan responded. Nathan bowed and put out his hand. Elizabeth took his hand and they were dacing. Even though there was no music, they moved perfect together. They both laughed as they danced. Elizabeth couldn't remember the last time she laughed this hard. The rain was pouring on them, soaking their clothes, but neither Elizabeth nor Nathan cared. The rain poured for a good 10 minutes. After the rain had died down, they stopped dancing. She knew Nathan wanted to kiss her.
Elizabeth gave a chuckle "Looks like the rain has stopped"
"Yeah" Nathan said with a disappointment tone. Elizabeth walked over to the blanket.
"Why didn't you choose me?" Nathan asked Elizabeth
"What?" Elizabeth said confusingly
"Why did you choose Lucas over me?" Nathan asked
"Nathan, it was so long ago" Elizabeth said
Nathan stood there. "I know. But I've racked my brain all these years of why you didn't pick me. It isn't because I was in the Mountie's. I would have quit the Mountie's. I would have done anything for you Elizabeth. Elizabeth, I have always loved you. I never stopped loving you. I loved my wife with the part that wasn't given to you, but I think Sarah knew my heart wasn't all hers. She knew I wrote letters to you but knew they were innocent. Lucas even knew. He just never told you. He wrote me before he died to apologize how everything went down between us. And that he knew your heart wasn't all there. Now, you are still keeping your distance from me. Why won't you give yourself to me?" Nathan said
Elizabeth didn't know what to say. She didn't know that Lucas knew about the letters. Elizabeth started getting flashbacks to the time Nathan told her he loved her the first time. He bore his soul then and he is doing it once again.
"All I can think of why you didn't pick me is because you blamed me for Jack's death. But at the wedding, you said you didn't blame me" Nathan said
Nathan saw Elizabeth's eyes. He knew that was why he wasn't chosen. Not because she saw Jack in him or Lucas was the better suitor, but because of Fort Clay.
"You said you didn't blame me" Nathan said
"I didn't. But when I would see you every day, all I could think about how Jack wasn't there. Why didn't you follow orders, Nathan? Why did you have to go after those outlaws? If you had just followed orders, Jack would still be here with his son. And what would I have told my son. Your father isn't alive but here is your Stepfather who your father replaced." Elizabeth said
Nathan stepped forward "I did what I thought was best. More Mountie's would have been killed if I didn't go after them. I have spent most of my life feeling guilty about Jack's death but I realized one day, I can't feel that way anymore. If I had been in his spot, then I would have been killed and Allie would have ended up in the system. As for Jack Jr., we could have figured out how to tell him together. Once he was mature to understand that accidents happen." Nathan said
Nathan stepped toward Elizabeth. At that moment, she saw Nathan. She didn't see Jack. She saw Nathan. He was bearing his soul. He was showing her his vulnerability. Elizabeth knew that Nathan loved her.
"I guess my only question is this. Is there any part of you, even the tiniest part that still blames me for Jack's death?" Nathan asked
Elizabeth didn't answer. But she knew in her heart, the answer was yes. There was still a small part of her that blamed Nathan for what happened at Fort Clay.
Nathan didn't need to hear the answer. He knew just by looking at her.
"I see. Elizabeth, I love you, but I can't be with you, if you still feel this way." Nathan said. He walked away from Elizabeth. Elizabeth stood there crying.
