Hi everyone! Thought I'd thank everyone for their concerns and sympathy by catching up with an extra chapter. Not a typical Dukes chapter (but most of mine aren't), so I hope that you approve and it isn't going too far overboard. Also, there's a few words in here that might not be suitable for young readers. You may possibly need the tissues for this one.

Thanks again for the reviews and the support.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Dukes, and no infringements intended (forgot that last chapter. See what a few days away does? Those of you that I've spoken with know it's just my Alzheimer's kicking in:)


BLOOD BROTHERS

CHAPTER 16

OVERDUE ANGER

Three gasps filled the quiet corridors. Daisy leaned on Luke, who was having trouble keeping himself upright. Jesse Duke looked shock.

"Did we give him this?" Daisy cried.

"What happens now?" Luke asked.

"Is he going to be ok, doc?" Jesse joined in.

"You know, we talked about the possibility of this happening. Miss Duke, there's no way to know. I've had patients who have never been exposed to their families who have contracted an infection, and ones who have that never got one. If we knew, we could always prevent it, but there isn't any sense or even enough evidence to indicate that was a cause."

"So what now?" Luke asked again, not wanting to think about who the culprit was, but wanting to concentrate on what they could do about it.

"We'll give him everything that we can, but we're limited on that because of the new marrow. I know this isn't what you want to hear, but in a lot of ways, this really is up to Bo, and it's his fight. If his body combats this and he recovers, it's a good sign. Patients who get through an infection like this often have the least problems in the future."

"Doc, what's his chances?" Jesse asked.

"You know, it's almost impossible to say," the doctor told him, hating when people asked that question like they were setting odds on a ballgame.

"I understand that, but you deal with this all the time. You gotta know approximately what his chances are."

"The longer it takes for a person to contract an infection, the better their chances are since it's given them time to produce some minimal amount of antibodies, and it shows that their body was accepting the marrow. Since Bo got one so early, it's not the best sign. It's not a craps shoot, but if you want a number, I'd say maybe 30-70. If he should respond quickly, those numbers would improve."

"So what do we do now?" Luke asked.

"Wait," the doctor replied.

"And pray," Jesse added.

The doctor sadly nodded his head in agreement. "I'm sorry," he said, leaving them to sort out what they'd just been told.

"Oh Uncle Jesse!" Daisy cried, leaving Luke's side for the comfort of her uncle's arms.

"I know girl, I know. It's in God's hands now."

"God's hands?" Luke repeated. "God's hands! How can you say that! Hasn't God done enough to Bo already? This just ain't fair. He was doing so much better. This can't be happening!" Luke said, sprinting for the stairwell, leaving the rest of his family behind.

"Uncle Jesse?" Daisy cried, feeling as if she was watching her family fall apart.

"Let him be," the old man told her.

"Do you think that's a good idea?" she asked timidly, hating the fact that she was questioning her uncle's wisdom, but worried about what her oldest cousin might do in a moment of weakness.

"He'll be ok," Jesse said, patting her shoulder. "Some things a person's gotta work out on his own, and he ain't really worked on any of them, yet." Daisy looked up at him, not quite sure of what he was talking about. "Luke ain't really dealt with some of this. Now, you don't need to worry, cause as long as Bo might need him, he ain't going far. If something happens, well, that's when we'd need to really keep an eye on him."

Daisy nodded as Jesse dragged her to the window. Touching the piece of glass was as close as they could get to Bo, but they wanted him to know that they were there, even if they weren't sure that he did.


Luke didn't know where he was going, in more ways than one. He'd started running in the hallway outside Bo's room and just kept going, down the stairs, through the lobby, out the door, and on to where, he didn't know. He was in a strange town; he literally didn't know the streets, so he didn't know which way to go. The park had seemed nice when they walked through it earlier. It was familiar, but it wasn't far enough away, so he ran through it and beyond. Even if he'd had a roadmap of the little community, it wouldn't have helped. Where he wanted to be was back in Hazzard with Bo, a healthy Bo, but that just didn't seem possible anymore. For the first time, Luke had to admit to himself that Bo might not be going home, not the way he came, anyway. He might never see the Bo he loved again, a fear he'd ignored since the day he returned from the war. For Luke, there'd always been hope, a chance, time; those things seemed to be dwindling with each passing second, and Luke could feel Bo slipping away from him as if he were right there beside him.

Running out of air, he finally had to stop. He sat down on the steps he was standing next to, and put his face in his hands. Oblivious to anything or anyone else, Luke cried openly in public. He didn't care who saw him.

He didn't know how long he'd been there, only that it was dark when he finally raised his head from his hands. He looked around to see where he'd gotten to, only to discover that he was sitting on the steps of a church. He didn't know what denomination it was, nor did he care.

"You bastard!" he screamed, looking up at the large cross on the top of the building. He knew that his uncle, as well as any other good townfolk, would be appalled to hear him cursing at a holy place, but Luke just didn't care.

"How could you do this to him?" he asked, his eyes still fixed on the cross. "He's already been through so much, and he was getting better? Why?"

As if the trees were trying to provide him with an answer, they started rustling. "Ah tell it to someone who cares," Luke mumbled, not interested in explanations only solutions. "I just don't care!" he screamed back at the howling winds. Almost as if in response, a bolt of lightening struck close enough to feel the vibration. "Yeah, yeah! You want to strike me down, go ahead. At least I'd be with Bo."

A cold rain started to fall, mirroring Luke's mood. The wind started blowing again, but this time is was a more gentle wind. Through the rustling of the leaves, Luke could have swore that he heard his name being called. "Luke?" He stopped, not knowing what it meant, but thinking that it sounded very much like his cousin calling him. He didn't know how to take it, wondering if Bo had really left them, and this was his way of trying to reach him. It haunted the brunette, and it scared him. His tantrum wasn't important anymore. If Bo were gone, it wouldn't make any difference, but if Bo needed him, he had to be there. Glancing up at the cross one last time, Luke wanted to say something nasty to it again, but something stopped him. "Please," was all he whispered, as he took off running once again. He ran in the direction that he'd come, not sure where that had been, but reminding himself that he'd maneuvered the jungles of Viet Nam. He didn't think it could be that difficult to find a large medical center in a small town. He had a good sense of direction and let his instincts guide him, not knowing what he'd find when he got to his intended destination.

Luke walked through the lobby he had whizzed through earlier. A few people were still there. He got a few strange looks, not realizing that he was dripping wet. Stepping off the elevator, he saw that Jesse and Daisy were still standing outside Bo's room looking in his direction. He couldn't read their expressions, and didn't know if they were still there for Bo or waiting for him. He thought his eardrums might explode from the pounding of his own heartas he walked those last few feet, praying that his cousin was still in that bed and not covered with a sheet.

His uncle pulled him into his arms, and Luke wasn't sure if he was trying to brace him for the worst or just comfort him. "Glad you're back. Bo would know if you weren't here." Confirming that Bo was alive, Luke sagged against his uncle, getting him wet in the process.

"You need to change clothes, Luke, before you get sick, too," Jesse told him.

"I...I don't want to leave," he mumbled.

"I'll go get you a change of clothes," Daisy offered, glad that he was back and unscathed.

Jesse nodded and Luke thanked her as she went back to their room to get Luke another set of jeans and plaid shirt that wasn't soaking wet.


All night, they sat outside the window watching Bo struggle for his life. It wasn't a visible struggle, this time. He didn't seem to be in pain, he wasn't sick; he was just still. For his sake, they were glad, but it was more eerie to them than watching him retch or shiver.

The doctor arrived early in the morning, informing them that there'd been no change. Then he surprised them even more by telling them that if they wanted to wear the protective clothing, he'd allow them to stay with Bo; all of them, for as long as they wanted.

"Do you think that's safe?" Jesse asked, not wanting to endanger Bo even more.

"I doubt it will hurt anything," came the reply. "He's already battling an infection, and he's already been exposed to each of you. I understand that you'd want to be with him."

He didn't need to translate anymore. The doctor was telling them that he didn't expect Bo to make it, and he knew they'd want to be with him when he died.

One by one they emerged in the garb, and by mid-morning, they were all gathered around Bo inside his room. He seemed to be at peace, and they were thankful that he wasn't suffering. He looked more at ease as the minutes ticked away, as if he really did know they were there, which they were sure he did.


By late evening, Bo was about the same: not better, not worse. It was easy to see that the staff wasn't holding out much hope, but the Dukes decided that they wouldn't give up on theirs. As long as their youngest was still with them, there was always a chance. They also made the decision that while at least one would always be with Bo, they would let go of the schedule they'd been following. They wanted to be there, regardless of what happened, and resting didn't seem too important under the circumstances.

The Dukes wished that Bo would open his eyes and say something. The doctor explained it as just his body's way of coping. He was in a fevered state because of the infection, and in his already weakened condition, he'd fallen into a slight coma, which he was likely to remain in. Luke shot him a warning look before he could finish the thought that went 'until he passed.'

Each of them took turns talking to Bo and holding his hand, but Luke was never far from his side. His youngest wasn't the only one that Jesse was watching carefully. He was worried about Luke, too, more so than since he'd come back home to them. Luke had remained so focused and so unwilling to entertain any other possibility except a happy ending. It had kept him going, and in some ways, it had kept all of them going. Had it not been for his unwavering beliefs and determination, they wouldn't be sitting in Minnesota at that very moment. Even if they lost Bo, it wouldn't have been any different of an outcome had they stayed home. Yet, Luke's adamant refusal to give up had given Bo a chance that he otherwise wouldn't have had. However, since Luke returned from that storm looking like a drowned rat, his fight seemed to be gone. He told Bo to keep fighting, but it didn't really sound like he believed his own advice anymore. He could only imagine what his oldest was feeling as he watched a parade of emotions flash across his features. Since he and Daisy had dealt with theirs over the course of several months, they'd had time to work on each one. Luke had waited until they hit him all at once, and Jesse was sure that now he didn't know what to do with all of them. Dragging Daisy out of the room, he hoped that by giving Luke some time alone, both of his kids might find some peace.

Luke didn't take advantage of their privacy right away. He just sat there staring at his cousin, holding his hand, looking more like a zombie than a living being.

Luke thought back to the letter he'd read in the barn that night; the one that Bo had written for him, only intending on him reading it after he was gone. He'd never told Bo that he found it. The events that took place following it hadn't left enough time, and after finding out he and Bo were a match, there didn't seem a reason to. He had just put it back in its place, and since Bo had never said anything, he figured he was none the wiser. He thought about all the things that Bo had told him, his ability to express his feelings being so easy for him. Luke, on the other hand, didn't find it easy at all. The only person that really knew him was Bo, and this hadn't been something he'd even been able to discuss with him. He had believed that saying it would make it come true, so he refused to talk about. Even though Jesse and Daisy had told him that Bo wanted to talk to him, he just couldn't. He never believed he come to regret that decision, but he did.

"Oh God Bo! Don't do this, cuz. Please," he said, looking at his cousin's face, hoping for some kind of smart allec reply. "I've got a confession to make. I read the letter you wrote me, Bo. It was beautiful. I've always envied the way you could tell someone exactly how you felt and never worry about it. I'd always wished I could do that, but never more so than right this minute. Funny thing is, you didn't have to write those things to me. I knew. I've always known. I know you love me, Bo." Luke stopped, choking over the words he found so difficult to say.

"I'm sorry, Bo! I really am. I've always been stubborn, and so afraid to let people see how I feel. You're the only one I even let get close. I've been such a fool, cuz. I know you wanted to talk to me. I know you wanted to tell me all those things in person, but I just stopped ya. See, I couldn't handle it. It wasn't you, it was me. I kept thinking that as long as we didn't talk about it, it wouldn't happen. I'm sorry I was more worried about me. See, even though I knew, your openness allowed you to write out what you felt, but my stubborness didn't let me tell ya how I feel about you. You can't read a letter right now, so that wouldn't do me any good. I wasted the chance to go over all those good times we had, and to tell ya how much you mean to me. You always told me, but I didn't tell you, and now I'm wondering if you...really...know...how much I love ya Bo, cause I do."

Luke wanted to say more, but he couldn't. His eyes couldn't see through the tears, and his voice was completely gone, overpowered by his sobs. He was supposed to be smart, but not telling Bo how much he loved him had been the dumbest thing he ever did. He knew he'd regret it for the rest of his life, how ever long that may be. Keeping Bo's hand in his, he laid his head down and fell asleep.

Jesse and Daisy came into the room a few minutes later. They'd been back for a while, but saw Luke talking to the boy, and waited outside until he was finished. By the time they walked back in, both boys were asleep.


Two more days went by with relatively no change in Bo's condition. The doctor didn't know what to tell the family. On one hand, it was a good sign that there was no further deterioration in his condition; it meant that he was fighting. Yet, on the other hand, he wasn't showing signs of improving. It was the catch 22 that could still go either way, and he said that he'd seen patients do both. Sometimes, they just couldn't bring themselves to leave their loved ones, so they lingered in a place until they just couldn't anymore. His words left the entire family thinking, and Jesse knew that if Bo was just hanging on as long as he could, it was for no other reason than Luke. Yet, he knew that he couldn't push Luke on the issue. He'd been forced to play catch up on several months' worth of emotions that he'd tucked away. Forcing him to face this one before he was ready might have been the final straw for a back that was starting to break.

The doctor's words didn't go unheeded by the oldest Duke boy. He understood too well what he was being told. He also understood what was the right thing to do. He just didn't know if he'd be able to do it or not. Another day went by before he could even address the issue. In a move that shocked Jesse and Daisy, he excused himself for something other than a meal or bathroom break, and left them wondering where he was going. Worried, Jesse decided to follow him. He smiled when he found Luke opening the door to the interdenominational chapel located in the hospital. He hoped that Luke was starting to find some of his own peace, and that he would help Bo find his.

Luke wandered into the chapel, glad that he was the only one in there. He stood in the middle of the aisle, looking up at a symbol similar to the one he had cursed only a few nights ago. He'd been taught to revere it and all it stood for, but dealing with Bo's possible death had led him further from God rather than closer. Someone had to be blamed, and after Jesse, God was the easiest target. Unlike his uncle, this target could do something about it, if he wanted.

"Suppose I should apologize for the other night," Luke said. "Uncle Jesse would have tanned my hide if he'd heard me. I know he'd tell me that it ain't right, but I don't know what is anymore. What's happening to Bo ain't right, either. He's just a kid. He ain't even begun to live, yet, and it ain't like he hasn't suffered enough. If ya wanted to take someone, you should have taken me. I spent all that time dodging bullets, it wouldn't have been that hard. Was it the promise that I made to Bo, to come home? Did I overrule some greater plan you had for me? Is that it? A power trip? You wanted me, but you'll settle for Bo? Or was it just some joke that you played, sending me home just in time to watch Bo die? You can't possibly need him up there more than we need him down here, more than I need him," he croaked.

Luke sat down in one of the pews, looking down rather than up as he continued.

"I could say that it's because I don't understand. I don't, but quite frankly, I don't care. I've been mad, but I been praying, too, and so has Jesse and Daisy, so if ya mad at me, why won't you at least listen to them?"

Luke sat there in silence, waiting for some kind of an answer, like the mailman would be bringing one soon. He didn't really expect to get it, and he didn't.

"Well, I could say I'm sorry that I'm mad, but I guess you'd know that part wouldn't be true. I am mad, and it's not like I can stop it. I know that you can, and you can save Bo, but what you'll decide, well that's up to you. Me and Bo will be together, where ever that may be cause if you take him, you'll be getting me, too, whether you want me or not. Yeah, I know, threats probably ain't helping, but it's not a threat, it's a promise, and you know we Dukes always keep our word. Anyway, if you can't find it in your heart to send him back to us, at least don't make him suffer. You don't need to worry about me. I'll take care of my own end of things here. Just don't take it out on Bo. Please?"

Luke went back up to Bo's room, unable to describe what he was feeling. It wasn't necessarily peace, but some of the anger was gone. He'd said what he needed to say to God, knowing he was way out of line. He couldn't help it, though, and he wasn't lying. He'd spoken the truth, and Jesse always said that was the best thing to do. God would do what he wanted, and Luke would too, depending on what God's decision was. There was one other thing that left for him to do, but he didn't know whether he'd be able to do it or not. By far, it would be the hardest thing he'd ever had to do in his life.

Luke said very little for the rest of the afternoon. He didn't seem any more at ease after visiting the chapel than before, and Jesse had expected him, too. Once again, he took Daisy down to the cafeteria so the boys could be alone. They'd been in limbo for days, grateful that Bo was still hanging on. He just prayed that Luke did what he needed to do before their time really did run out.

Getting up out of his chair, Luke stood next to Bo's bed. Taking up his hand, he smiled down at him, wishing that he could brush away his blonde curls. Without the famous locks, he settled for laying his gloved hand on his cousin's cheek.

"Hey Bo! How ya doing, kiddo?" He paused, but hadn't expected a response. "Ya look like...well, ya look good, like ya always have," Luke said, grinning as he remembered his cousin always kidding him that he was the better looking of the two. "Guess, you were right about that one," he admitted.

"Ya know I love you, kiddo. Oh God Bo, this is the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life," Luke cried. "God knows I don't want you to go. I talked to him about it this afternoon, told him what I thought, and he knows. I want you to know that I don't want to let you go, Bo, and I am sorry that I didn't talk to you when you wanted me to. If I could change that, I would. I just really thought that I could hang on to you forever if I tried hard enough...but, Bo, I don't know if you're in pain or suffering. It doesn't look like it, and I'm grateful for that. I hope you're not. I know you're tired, otherwise you wouldn't have been sleeping so long...so even though I don't want you to go...well, Bo, I love ya so much...that if you have to...," Luke had to stop and take a breath, still not certain as to whether he could say the words or not. "Well, if you have to go Bo...just know that I love ya and I'll be with you soon..., but it's okay, little cousin...you can go now. If you need to let go...you can."

Luke leaned over and kissed Bo's forehead through the mask that still covered his face. "I love ya, Bo," he said, dropping to the chair and laying his head on his arms as he cried. His feelings had always been the hardest thing he could find to talk about, but this had been the worst. Giving Bo permission to leave felt like he was personally signing his death certificate. Luke shut his eyes, waiting to hear the tone that he was expecting. Through his sobs, it didn't take long to register a change.