Chapter 1: Everything starts with a can of rotten tomatoes
It was an average day. If, a bit overcast with gray clouds. A perfectly normal day for many, but for the great treasure hunter known as Wario. It would be the start of his most pointless journey yet.
It started when Wario's alarm clock rang.
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!
The shrill tones engrained themselves into Wario's ears. Providing him a decent amount of anger and frustration. Still feeling drowsy enough to get back to sleep, he attempted to ignore the noise for all of two minutes before his patience ran out.
Wario was now fully awake, and this realization angered him even more, for he had been dreaming of swimming in a great big pool of money…with lots of food!
"NYAAAH!" Wario growled loudly, reaching over to his bedside desk, where the alarm continued to ring.
He clutched it with angry meaty hands, glaring daggers into its soul. Though it had no soul to speak of.
"Who do you think you are, anyway?!" He bellowed, as if the thing could talk back.
The clock ringed incessantly, demanding attention. What a rotten, infernal machine! Wario chucked it to the ground without a second thought. It exploded into tiny pieces with a great crash before falling silent. Observing the damage, Wario realized the very real consequences of his reckless actions.
Now he had to buy a new alarm.
"Eh, Whatever!" He sighed, "Stupid alarm! I'll wake up whenever I want to!"
But now he was awake, angry, and hungry. His stomach growled.
Grinning at the thought of food, Wario jumped out of bed. He quickly changed into his typical yellow shirt and purple overalls, before heading to the kitchen.
Waluigi was in the kitchen, enjoying a simple sandwich. His lanky frame had to bend over considerably to accommodate for his great height. And while the sight looked absolutely hilarious, Wario was in no position to laugh. All of his thoughts were on food. What delicious morsel could he find in the refrigerator today?
Opening the fridge door, Wario was shocked to find it completely and totally devoid of all food.
"Hey! What's goin on here?" Wario shouted to Waluigi, who had stopped mid-bite to glance up at his roomate.
Waluigi was silent, for he knew full well the endless bounds of his partner's rage. Waluigi considered giving over his half-eaten sandwich, but he was hungry too.
"Where'd all the food go?!"
"Maybe there's some in the pantry," Waluigi offered in between bites.
"There better be," Wario growled.
He stormed over to the pantry, which was right beside Waluigi. He threw open the doors, causing a gust of wind to come rushing across the lanky man. Inside were random supplies, medicine, utensils, tape, and even a couple tissue boxes. But there was no food inside except for a can of expired tomatoes.
"Wah! Is this all we have?!" He beheld the tomatoes with disgusted disbelief.
Waluigi gulped, swallowing the last of his sandwich.
Wario bellowed with rage, "I knew it! We shouldn't have held that stupid party with the guys last night! Of course Yoshi would hog all the food like that!"
Waluigi sneered at the memory, "Yoshi! That cheating dinosaur beat me in Mario Tennis last night! I swear he was using hacks. Nobody ever beats me in tennis! Nobody!"
"That's not important! What's important is that we need to get food!"
"But Wario! We're not employed! And you spent all of our paycheck money on video games! What are we to do?"
Wario scratched his double chin, "We'll have to make-a some money! And fast!"
"Yeah! But how?" Waluigi asked,
Wario grinned. Eyes gleaming. His brain was already thinking up a new scheme.
"Eh, don't you worry. I've got something in the works…"
Waluigi grinned, for he knew that meant mischief was afoot. And wherever there was mischief, Waluigi was there too. So that was what he thought in his mind anyway...
"Come, Waluigi! Let's a go!" Wario said, already reaching over to take his hand.
The two left in a mad dash to the Wario Car.
Driving down the highways, the road seemed become a blur of grey, with white lines blipping and dancing all around.
Wario was angrily honking at the big truck in front of him, which was moving at a respectable speed of about 40 miles an hour. But Waluigi could tell by a quick glance at the speedometer that they had been moving much faster than that.
This was the same car the two of them had used in the Mario Kart Double Dash tournament many years ago. Dubbed the "Wario Car" by the man himself, it was truly a testament to speed. Boasting a purple paint-job and a convertible roof, the V8 engine was still loud and fresh after years of usage.
Needless to say, it wasn't the average grocery getter. In fact, to call it that would be an insult. Which was exactly why Waluigi wondered why Wario kept insisting on using the obnoxiously purple sports-car for everyday driving.
The man in question tightened his grip on the steering wheel. "Nobody stops a hungry Wario!"
Looking at the rear view mirrors, and seeing he was clear, Wario pulled out onto the lane besides him without using his lights. His foot slammed the gas pedal, and they rocketed by the truck. Without slowing down, he continued to swerve in and out of other lanes. Passing cars as though they were no more than obstacles.
"Wario…" Waluigi pleaded, "this doesn't look safe.."
"Eh, shut up! I know what I'm doin'!" Wario snapped, and planted his foot farther onto the gas pedal.
The car had been going about 50, but now it felt more like 80 or 90. Waluigi put a hand on his hat to stop it from flying off in the wind. It was fortunate they had the foresight to wear seatbelts. Wario's eyes were constantly on the move. Darting to the mirrors, and back to the road. He used open spots to get a burst of speed, only to dip back into traffic just as quickly.
"Waluigi!" he barked, "Look for exit 57! We'll be going there!"
"Why? What's at exit 57?"
"The bank!"
The bank? Oh no… Waluigi instantly knew what Wario was planning, and he didn't like it one bit.
"You can't be serious! A robbery?!" Waluigi nearly screamed.
Mischief? Sure, he could handle a little mischief. Waluigi did little pranks all the time. Especially when he was around that big nosed freak, Luigi. But breaking the law? That was where he crossed the line...where he and Wario usually went on their separate ways.
"Ey! Pipe down, will ya?" Wario grit his teeth in concentration, "And yeah! That's the plan!"
Waluigi sighed, when Wario had a plan, there was no arguing against it.
And well, it was a bit too late to back out now, seeing how fast they were going.
The two sped onwards. Their fates were sealed.
