Chapter 5: For the birds
Somewhat minor trigger warning: Murder, mentions of blood.
This is where the T rating comes in, outside of the use of swear words.
Meanwhile, on Yoshi's Island. The blue dinosaur known as Boshi chilled in a shaded jungle grove, munching on a juicy pineapple.
It was delicious.
Beside him was an abandoned green warp pipe, covered with foliage. It sat angled diagonally on a hill. The pipe was useless. People were unable to go inside it. As such, the pipe sat alone and neglected, part of the scenery.
In fact, Boshi picked this spot to eat specifically because of how remote it was. The pipe was particularly ugly, and Boshi wasn't popular either. They were a match made in haven…. or at least in the haven that was this jungle grove.
But the people of Yoshi's Island were wrong about the ugly pipe. By design, the thing was a one way exit. The only traffic that could go through the pipe would be emerging outwards from wherever its connected twin was. But no one knew where the other pipe resided… at least not ye—
—Wario leaped out of the pipe. His yellow and purple clothes slightly covered with black soot stains.
"Yeah, baby!" Wario flexed his muscles, "Food, here I come!"
Boshi noticed Wario, and felt a chill run down his spine.
"Who was this stranger?" the dinosaur thought, "How did he get here?
And why was he after food?"
Boshi stood to leave, clutching the rest of his pineapple. He no longer felt safe in this spot.
Before he could go, Wario smelled the pineapple with his powerful olfactory abilities.
"Wah-ha!" he laughed, and turned to face the surprised blue dinosaur, "Is that food I smell?!"
Boshi nearly screamed from how creepy Wario's toothy grin looked. He had never seen a man so creepy before.
"Hey, I take offense to that!" Wario shouted, having read the narration of Boshi's thoughts.
Boshi, realizing this, attempted to bribe the narrator with the pineapple to make Wario go away somehow.
Boshi, I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but I don't like pineapples.
"AH, but I do!" Wario shouted hungrily, "Gimme gimme gimme!"
Boshi, contrary to popular belief, did not give Wario the pineapple, and instead ran away very fast. This was a tactical move on the blue dinosaur's part because he was the 2nd fastest person on the island.
(The only one faster was T. Yoshisaur Munchakoopas, Otherwise known as Yoshi)
"Hey! Get back here!" Wario yelled, and gave chase. But it was futile. Within seconds, Boshi had vanished in the thick of the jungle foliage.
Still, you had to hand it to him, he gave it his best shot.
An exhausted, angry, and famished Wario collapsed after several pointless minutes of running through the island jungle.
"I can't take this!" Wario cried, "I'm going to starve!"
He lay there like a stupid thing for about two minutes before a large black shadow fell over his form.
Standing before him was Raphael the giant raven.
"Oi, a fresh face," The big bird spoke thoughtfully. His accent was strange and foreign to Wario
Wario screamed, "Ahh! I'm seeing things! Hallucinations! Oh no!"
The bird chuckled good naturedly, "Ho ho! I can assure you, I am quite real."
"If you were real, I could punch you away!"
"Now, now," Raphael chided, "No need to get in a scuffle so fast. Come with me, I think you're lost,"
"You'll never take me alive!"
"Hm, no…" Raphael pondered this to himself, "No…That won't do at all. You see—"
But he was interrupted, for Wario suddenly had the strength to leap upon the large foul.
The fat man grabbed at the massive thing, trying furiously to lift it up (presumably so he could then chuck Raphael off a cliff, but who knew for sure?)
The bird sighed, and kicked him off with one of his sharp talons.
"Agh. There really is no need for any of this. You aren't in the right state of mind yet. Please. I can help you."
Wario growled ravenously, "Not buying it,"
"Please. I implore you,"
"I don't care! Just go away!"
Raphael pondered this development.
"I see…" he said, before bursting into a strange hiccuping laughter,
"Hihihihihihihih…"
Now Wario was even more pissed, "What the hell is so funny, you stupid bird?"
Raphael's face was suddenly stone cold, "Alright, I think the fun and games are over,"
Wario would've left right then and there, but twenty small pudgy ravens appeared in a circle. In moments, the yellow clad man found himself to be surrounded on all sides.
"Yes, hm. The jig is up," Raphael declared, "Little man, it's time for you to meet your fate….as our dinner!"
The bird made a great cawing noise, and the other ravens rushed towards Wario at once.
So it seemed Wario would have to fight. A sick thought entered his mind, "they will make a great meal!"
While Raphael towered over Wario, his small bird goons were much smaller, and therefore easier to dispatch. Despite the fact that Wario was hungry, and not at his peak strength. He was still able to fight his way through the mob of birds, killing just about all of them.
Raphael looked mostly unshaken by the display of death, but Wario could see him sweating bullets underneath that stoic glare.
At last, with a shrill cry, the other birds ran off. It was just Wario and Raphael now. The bodies of fourteen ravens littered the jungle floor.
Raphael's calm veneer was slipping as he turned to face the killer.
Both of Wario's hands were blood red. Black feathers stuck to his overalls, and his eyes were glazed with mania.
Raphael stood still as a statue muttering all the while,
"Preposterous….you couldn't….Not my ravens….no..no..!"
Wario grinned, observing his handiwork. He approached the first raven body.
What happened next was unfortunately quite grim, bloody, and delicious.
To put it bluntly, Wario ate the birds. Raw. The only reason he could do this and get away with it was because he was superhuman.
{this narration has resorted to using plot armor as an excuse. Pathetic}
After the deed was done, Raphael had left, trying not to cry. And Wario felt much better.
Now that Wario had the rationale to think again, he could go back to solving the important matters.
He was stranded in a jungle on an island. His home miles away on another continent. Waluigi was gone and he was broke…..And his alarm clock was still destroyed.
"I need to replace that alarm clock!" Wario declared at once.
Well, some things never changed. Wario's recklessness was one of those things.
—
CLANG!
The jail bars noisily slammed shut, dooming Waluigi to a life behind bars.
The man in purple sighed. His long skinny arms bent at an awkward angle to make up for the fact that his hands were in cuffs.
All around him were four dull grey metal walls. His new bed was a long metal box, slightly caved in at one end. When he sat on it, the cold steel plate sagged, as if it were about to give out.
It wasn't much, but it was all he had.
The prison staff had swiped him of his hat, shaved his mustache, and forced him into an orange jumpsuit three sizes too big. The ugly clothes drooped around him like a towel.
Not looking to ruin his only bed on the first day, Waluigi instead opted to sit on the floor. He leaned against the wall, curling up in a pathetic little ball.
Wario couldn't save him. Not here, not now. Waluigi was beyond saving.
The man sobbed, knowing he deserved this fate.
What could he do now? What could he possibly do now besides give up...give in...
...
...
...
A light appeared.
Author's Note: When I first uploaded this, there was something messed up with the formatting, so I did it again. Now it should be fine.
