Chapter 12: Take me Home


The world was his oyster now.

Waluigi the God had all the power he could ever want. But now that he had succeeded in his revenge. He had quickly found himself becoming bored.

Waluigi wasn't used to the all-powerful nature of being a deity yet. So he chose to remain within his human form, the vessel that he lived in before his ascension.

He had spent the time relaxing by himself in his special bucket dimension, savoring many a meal of Chicken Nuggets. Now that he no longer lived by any biological or societal rules, he could do this for however long he wanted.

It wasn't long before Waluigi realized that such an existence was lonely.

This chicken was so good, he had to share it with his friends.

…wait…

"WHO ARE MY FRIENDS?" Waluigi pondered to himself, in-between bites of a chicken tender, "AM I REALLY ALONE?"

The thought, now spoken aloud, seemed to create ripples into his own little haven. Tears began to form in the sky. They soon widened.

Waluigi, in his infinite wisdom and judgement, had decided then and there to terminate his Chicken World. He could rebuild it easily in any case.

What he needed more were some honest-to-goodness friends.

Floating in a dark void, the God pondered friendship options.

He could go about creating new friends for himself, but he knew that it wouldn't really provide him with the genuine vibes that one received upon communicating with another living soul.

Souls...hm...yes...He needed to be with more living souls.

He needed to talk to more people.

But, Waluigi…You have me….the narrator… I am your friend.

"YOU? I FORGOT YOU WERE STILL HERE…."

"WHY HAVEN'T YOU LEFT ALREADY? YOU ARE LIKE AN ANNOYING NAGGING THOUGHT…"

Waluigi, Waluigi…. I am just a simple storyteller.

You have a story, too. Just as Wario did. But now Wario's story is over. And yours has begun.

With that in mind, I will let you ponder. Where do you wish to go?

"…I WANT….."

Waluigi thought about it…

"SHUT UP. YOU DON'T NEED TO NARRATE ME AND MY THOUGHTS!"

Oh…Ok.

This is getting boring, you are losing the reader's attention.

"THERE ARE READERS?"

Yes….(sigh)…I really hope you don't draw these fourth wall breaking revelations out. It makes the narrative quite annoying, and frankly I don't know if there is still anyone who cares so much as to continue reading up to this point.

"WHATEVER, I KNOW WHAT I WANT. YOU CAN NARRATE IT OR WHATEVER, I DON'T CARE. JUST KEEP YOUR BUSINESS TO YOURSELF…!"

Fine by me. Glad we can agree to work together…

"HMPH…"

—!_—!—!~_~—~

In any case, Waluigi decided to go back to the mortal realm. He was bored and wanted a vacation or something.

So he popped back into existence. And because he was feeling generous, he provided an oncoming group of cops on Yoshi's Island with thirteen plates of freshly baked chicken nuggets.

Waluigi dispensed the food out from within the gullets of his Godly Mouth.

And then he flew through the skies. Away from the island, over the sea. He was heading to his old apartment. Because even when you're a God, there's nothing quite like the feeling of returning home.


Waluigi walked in the apartment, looking quite weary and not at all like he had been through the process of becoming a god.

The Toad woman at the register desk did a double take. Her name was Toadiko, and her face was now pale, like she had seen a ghost.

"What?" Waluigi asked, unsure if it were obvious that he was now no longer of this natural world.

"You…. I thought….we thought…." Her brain was racing.

Waluigi did a quick scan of her thoughts. His eyes flashing purple.

"Isn't he supposed to be in jail?"
"Didn't Wario go missing?"
"Why did Waluigi escape?"
"Why is he here?"
"Am I in danger?"

Even for an immortal being, reading these anxious thoughts proved to be overwhelming. The man in purple staggered slightly, struggling to regain his composure.

Toadiko angrily pointed at him, "You! Criminal! Get back!"

Waluigi waved his arms in panic, "Wait! It's not…what it looks like…"

But Waluigi realized that he still had yet to serve his full sentence in the mortal world.

He wondered how much time had passed in between the time he disappeared and came back. The police must've been looking for him for awhile.

Toadiko reached over to the phone.

NO!—

Waluigi suddenly pointed, sending a purple laser flying into the phone, which exploded in comedic fashion.

"Agh!" Toadiko screeched, ducking onto the ground.

Waluigi sighed, "Please...I've been through too much today for this,"

Toadiko didn't dare move, lest Waluigi come over and shoot her. "DON'T KILL ME!" She screeched.

Waluigi, with every passing second became more angry, and felt as though he might as well kill her.

No….That would be…..WRONG….

But…Wario….He was wrong…..

The voice in his mind spoke for him, "Toadiko is just being greedy, you don't even know this woman, and she is being so greedy and rude. She doesn't give you the respect a God deserves."

"She deserves to die for her sins against the Chicken God"

Waluigi was too angry to fight back. Too angry to care.

"WAAAAHHHH!" He screamed, morphing into his God form.

With that, the apartment around him began twisting and turning. The metal screeching with protest, as the entire building curled violently inward...until it quietly popped out of existence.

In its place was a black hole, spewing piles and piles of chicken nuggets. Because of course.

But Waluigi's anger was not yet sated. And he in turn began to scream to the entire world. Sending exploding Chicken Nuggets flying all over

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAA! I HATE ALL OF YOU!" He screamed.

And then, Waluigi undid his mistakes, reversing the hands of time.

The Chicken vanished, and the apartment was back to normal, looking quite spotless.

Waluigi re-entered the building, emerging from his human body, now appearing in his final form. Toadiko was in the presence of a god, and she suddenly was aware of this.

Her jaw dropped. She tried to form words, but found she could not move her lips. Her eyes rolled backwards, and she passed out right then and there.

Waluigi snickered to himself, "Is that seriously what the ladies think of me, now that I'm a God? This is gonna take some getting used to,"

With that, he reverted back to his human form. He walked over to the elevator and pressed the button.

It wasn't long before he grew impatient and teleported up to his apartment with a quick snap of his fingers.