Author's note: I was absolutely not going to write another chapter to Talking Cure as, goodness knows, the first chapter was depressing enough. However, a couple of people made some comments after the first part and they sparked off a plot bunny so here we are.
Thanks to Quiller and Lynn for helping me shape and mould a rather indulgent bit of writing into something I hope others will be able to stand reading.
Talking Cure - Chapter 2: Jeff
Jeff Tracy felt he was invincible. He thought of himself as superhuman. He hadn't got to where he was today by not coming up with bright ideas and then following them through to their conclusion. He was not only a completer-finisher he was an instigator. Where most people could only manage one role in life, he could manage many. He was a pioneering astronaut, he was a billionaire business man, he was head of the most powerful rescue operation in the world and he was both father and mother to 5 very fine, high-achieving sons. He was a philanthropist but he could be ruthless in business. He had very high standards
Life was often a disappointment to Jeff Tracy. He felt like an island alone in a huge ocean. Other people just didn't have his drive to succeed and he didn't understand it. He saw people not giving something their best shot, settling for, and being content with, second best. It didn't make sense to him. He saw contemporaries squandering money on nights at the casino or on high-class hookers. He saw fathers content to have their sons be store managers or bank clerks. He saw his friends not reaching for the stars but only reaching the end of their backyards.
He was attracted to people like himself. To Brains, who didn't rest until he had concluded an experiment. To Kyrano whose strength lay not externally but internally where it was less overt and more important. To Lucille, to his wonderful wife. Her perfect beauty had been matched only by her determination. Her determination to marry him, her determination to turn their home into a haven, her determination to have children and to devote her life to them. Of course she had tried to distract him from work, or get him to take holidays or to come to bed early or any number of other things. But she knew as well as he did that you only got out of life what you put into it. Jeff's one, glaring failure was not to have saved her. Not to have stopped her dying young. But no money or tenacity on his behalf could have made the difference to the outcome. He was on his own now but that was fine. He could handle that just fine. He would not marry again. It would be an insult to Lucille. Besides, the boys had turned out okay, hadn't they?
Okay, so Scott was going through a tricky time right now. Jeff didn't really comprehend why, but Scott seemed to have got a little overwhelmed with life and had stopped functioning to his best ability. That had shocked Jeff. As far as he was concerned, Scott was the sensible one. He had excelled at his studies. He had been a hero in the US Air Force. He looked out for his brothers and was courteous to the other members of the household. He had taken on the responsibility of Field Commander of International Rescue with relish. Of all his sons, Scott was the one you could rely on. John was extremely clever but was sometimes distant and hard to talk to. Virgil could be very focused but he would also sit at the piano for hours just playing and playing, like his mother used to…. Gordon, a fine aquanaut and determined young man but sometimes he wanted to joke around and have fun at the most inappropriate moments. Alan? Once he had been the world's very best racing driver. No doubting his will to succeed. But now and again, dammit, that boy seemed to think the world owed him something.
No, Scott was the one he relied on to be on-message 100 percent of the time. Which was why this recent, wholly unpleasant lack of dependability from Scott had been such a surprise. He just hadn't been able to get over the rescue in Nebraska where Virgil had narrowly escaped being hit by some falling steelwork. Eventually, and with much reluctance, Jeff had grounded Scott and called on the help of Dr. Powell. The trouble was, grounding Scott had much more serious implications for the family these days than it had when he was a teenager. Scott not being able to drive his brothers around when he was being punished for some misdemeanour had been irritating to Jeff but that was all. Scott not flying Thunderbird 1 was a huge disadvantage and had kept Jeff on his toes logistically speaking. Also, Scott had always been around for Jeff to share his thoughts with. Jeff didn't like discussing problems with him now or at least not until Scott had finished his sessions with Dr. Powell. He felt a bit like one of his supporting piers had been yanked out from under him.
Now where was this negative thinking going to get him? Jeff was perfectly able to cope with things on his own. He was made of stern stuff. What was it Penny said he had? Oh yes, a stiff upper-lip. Apparently that was a compliment in England. Penny, bless her, was always so concerned about him. But she was a woman and, like women were apt to do, fussed and asked if he was alright and expected him to tell her all his problems. Not that he had any problems, of course.
"I know you're just pretending to sleep, Jefferson Tracy. Open your eyes and talk to me."
Jeff reluctantly opened his eyes. He squinted into the bright day. Penny and he were sitting on sun loungers on the balcony just outside the lounge. He had insisted that he had work to do but Penny was equally insistent that he should come and sit outside. She had wanted to talk so he had shut his eyes but Penny could read him almost as well as Lucille used to.
"You look so worried and tired. Is there anything wrong?" she asked with concern.
Jeff paused for a second too long and then sat up straighter. "Of course not, Penny, why would there be?"
"Well, I am sure you're concerned about Scott but, you know, he seems a lot brighter. I think he just needed a break from the pressure. He'll be back on top in no time."
"What pressure?" asked Jeff.
Penny sighed delicately. "Well, Jeff darling, being the Field Commander of International Rescue to start with. Not to mention the eldest brother and his father's second-in-command to boot. I'm not saying he's not capable, just that even the most perfect people need a break sometimes and Scott was well overdue for some time off."
"I had been trying to persuade him to take a vacation," replied Jeff, somewhat testily.
"But not very hard, I expect. After all, you don't take holidays so why should anyone else have to?"
"Penny, that's not…"
"Jeff, I am going to be completely honest with you. You think you're indestructible and you're not. You need relaxation and fun like the next man. That is not a criticism, just an observation that every human needs both physical and mental downtime. You should set a good example for your sons and show them it's okay to take a holiday now and again."
"You know very well how busy I am."
"Yes, I do. I'm pretty busy myself but I still find time for an hour of shopping or a week at the farm. Scott needs the occasional break too and you should show him that it's okay to do so."
"I'm not going to your sheep farm again, not after what happened last time."
"How about a cruise on FAB 2? We could sail slowly around the Pacific. If the boys really need you, Gordon can just pop along in that funny little submarine of his and whisk you away."
"Funny little submarine? Penny, Thunderbird 4 is a high-specification, multi-million dollar…"
"Do be quiet, Jeff."
"I beg your pardon?"
"I asked you to be quiet. I'm not arguing with you. I suspect that Scott will be ready to take the reins in a couple of weeks. He's already moving from stressed to bored. In three weeks you and I will be cruising the Pacific. I'll go and tell Kyrano to consider what clothes you'll need to take. We may need a shopping trip before we go."
With that, Penny stood up and walked smartly into the house.
"Well, I'll be…" said Jeff, stunned.
He followed Penny into the house, intent to give her a piece of his mind for being so brusque with him. Following the scent of her perfume he tracked her down to the laundry room where she had failed to find Kyrano. He closed the door behind them.
"Penny! I don't expect you to talk to me like that."
"Of course you do. I've been talking bluntly to you ever since we first met. It's one of the things you respect me for."
"And sometimes you over-step the mark."
Penny was about to retaliate angrily when she took in Jeff's body language. His shoulders were tense, his hands were curled into tight fists and he looked like he was about to take on an angry lion rather than have an argument with an old friend. Penny decided to switch tack, knowing she wouldn't get through to Jeff in his present state.
"Jeff, my dear," she began more softly, "you have always told me that you don't abhor failure as long as a person learns from their mistakes. Am I right?"
There was a pause as Jeff took himself in check and then he replied, trying to match Penny's calmness.
"That's correct. I've always told the boys that you need to have failed before you can succeed. I've made some bad mistakes in my past but I've learned from them and they've made me stronger."
"And yet here you are, repeating your mistakes and encouraging the boys to do the same."
"I don't understand."
"Do you remember about a year after Lucille died when Virgil went missing for the day?"
Jeff's face went white under his tan and he suddenly found the side of a box of detergent chemicals to be fascinating reading. "I do, yes."
"Then you recall how the little chap disappeared after breakfast and none of you could find him? How you called me over from my hotel in Chicago to help with the search? And how Scott eventually found his little brother under a bush not 100 yards from the house and discovered that he had sat there crying all day? And do you remember why he was crying?"
"He missed his mother, Penny, I don't see what relevance…."
"He not only missed his mother, he missed you. He talked about losing his mother and then losing you all in the same year. Of course, you weren't dead, you were just dealing with Lucille's death by spending 18 out of 24 hours working and leaving your mother to look after the children."
Jeff pushed the detergent box away and picked up one of Virgil's T-shirts that had been thrown, no doubt by the owner, in the general direction of the clothes washer.
"I know that. I will admit that I didn't attend to the boys as much as I should have done during that first year but I was made to understand my mistake and I learned from it and spent much more time with them after that."
"Indeed you did and look at the boys now. Not boys at all but grown men. But, Jeff, inside we never really grow up. We feel like children even though we have adult responsibilities. Your sons still need you, as much as they ever did. They need your approval, your love, your time and your counsel."
"And now that we all live on the Island they get it."
"Do they? Your attitude is 'Do what I say, not as I do'. You may give them solid advice but your actions speak differently. I don't know what truly sent Scott to his recent breakdown but stress must have been a factor. Scott sees that his father's reaction to stress, both 20 years ago and now, is to work harder. It must have made it difficult for him to admit he needed a break."
"He didn't have a breakdown he just….he faltered…he…" Jeff thrust the T-shirt back down next to the detergent and looked at Penny. The tension in his eyes told a different story to his words.
"He failed, Jeff," replied Penny firmly. "In your eyes and his eyes he failed. But did he accept the failure, take a break and then move on a stronger and better person? No. You let him hit rock bottom and then you took away the one thing that gave him any purpose in life: flying Thunderbird 1. You punished him for failing. And now I see you stressed in a way I haven't seen you for a long time and do you admit you need a break to step back from things, see the bigger picture and then move on with renewed purpose? No, you tell me everything is fine and you don't need a holiday. You are not leading by example. How can you expect Scott to do the right thing for himself if you won't do the right thing for yourself?"
Penny had run out of words. She faced her oldest and dearest friend, Jeff Tracy, and watched him think over what she said. There was a long silence and then they both started as the clothes washer next to them moved onto a different cycle and started to rumble. Jeff returned from his thoughts to the present world.
"Do you think Scott is getting better?"
"Very much. I am not saying you were wrong to make him see Dr. Powell, I'm just suggesting that if he'd felt able to admit he was…faltering…earlier you may not have had to ground him. And I'm also suggesting that putting Scott in charge of International Rescue and taking yourself away for a week will not only show him your confidence in him but will also show all of the boys that it's okay to take a break when you need it."
"Thank you for your opinion, Penny," replied Jeff, sounding more like himself again. "I will consider what you've said, as I always do." Jeff turned away and opened the door. Then he turned briefly back to Lady Penelope.
"You're not just a pretty face," he said, smiling a little at last.
"No, Jeff," she replied as if that was a fact that hadn't needed articulating.
Jeff walked back through the house, deep in thought. Coming out onto the patio again he was stopped by a sound. Drifting up from the pool was the sound of Scott laughing. Gordon was taking his mission to cheer Scott up very earnestly. It had been a long time since Jeff had heard Scott laugh and he hadn't realised it until now. He thought back over Penny's words. She was a wise soul. Occasionally, over the last couple of decades, Jeff had admitted to himself that the only way he had coped with Lucille's passing was to be as much in control of everything in his life as possible. He tried to manage his life and those around him in a way he had failed to do with Lucille. He wasn't going to let anyone else down and he would succeed whatever the cost. It was the least he could do. He suspected that Dr. Powell would have something to say about that but it was all Jeff knew how to do. Did he thrust impossible standards on his sons?
Jeff sat down on the lounger again. He felt an aching tiredness. A holiday with Penny would be good and she may well be right that it would set Scott a good example. His sons had been the only thing worth living for during his darkest moments after Lucille's death. If she were here now what would she say? Scott laughed again and, in his mind, he saw his wife and eldest son laughing together as they splashed on the shore of some beach. Scott has just started school. On the sand next to him, Virgil and John had been making a sandcastle. At the sound of Scott's laugh they had looked up and laughed too, not even knowing what the joke was. They just knew that, if Scott was happy, everything was okay. It had always been the same. To get the family to do something you got Scott enthusiastic about it first. He and Lucille had called it the 'domino effect'. What if the domino effect started with Jeff and not Scott?
Penny was right; not that he was going to tell her that straight out. But he would go on that damned vacation and see what happened. He closed his eyes and, this time, fell asleep.
The End
