Disclaimer: I do NOT own Hakuouki or anything related to it.
"It was her religion to make the best of everything."
— Lyndon Gordon
Chizuru sat at her windowsill, her cheek lightly touching the glass and face calm as she admired the view.
Her night and morning had been peaceful as she readied herself for this afternoon. She was well-rested and refreshed, content and confident. No nightmares or breakdowns.
Perhaps she should keep her hair at this medium length, she mused as she touched the tresses she'd tied into a bun. Her attire was an outfit she'd made for herself during her travels. A long, short-sleeved white dress, combined with a light blue cloak. She'd spent hours picking it, colors to reference the haori of both the Fury Corp. and the proper Shinsengumi.
A silly concept, maybe, to use something, be it this or another method, as an imaginary way of summoning strength from her comrades and mentors. But she slept and ate well last night and this morning as a result of it.
On the desk lay the letter Shiranui had received yesterday, having been passed onto her in preparation for this day.
Implications that she was a delusional brat with no understanding of these topics. They wanted to take advantage of her for breeding purposes. No specific mentions of marriage, at least not yet. They would want to coax her into their preferences.
Chizuru was not delusional; she saw too much in her young life to be. It was merely a matter of accepting and creating strength wherever and whenever possible. She required that most now, for these lovely politics, she thoughts whilst rolling her eyes.
Pulling her knees to her chest, she let out a soft sigh.
It was her bonds with Hijikata and Sanan that influenced Chizuru's mind in regards to politics and plans.
They had frightened her in the beginning; mayhap that was what sparked her interest in their lessons, both direct and indirect.
She learned much from the Commander and the Colonel, serving as a page for the former and acting as primary head of making sure the latter's group had all they required to stay safe and hopeful in the shadows.
Their impatience for nonsense, ability to inspire fear when they needed to, perform what they felt was necessary for themselves and those under their care/command.
Hijikata's fierce and blunt manners of putting betrayers and hypocrites and those considering themselves high and mighty in their place.
Sanan's careful and subtle but no less intense manners of scheming and lulling those arrogant ingrates into his web before yanking the curtain down and unleashing chaos upon them.
They were like two sides of a mirror, and not uncommon was it for them to clash, but they never lost sight of who they were or what they sought, doing their best to give their Chief the guidance he needed. And they made sure to protect and guide those beside them with equal strength.
Sometimes Chizuru agreed with their actions, sometimes not. Inevitable, of course. This would never break her gratitude and respect for them.
Their orders and assurances replayed in her mind.
If you believe something, then don't ever bow or yield. Hold your head high and walk tall. You won't win if you don't keep your eyes on the prize.
You may not think you're strong, but it could be because you've yet to realize it for yourself.
She could, would do this.
And she wasn't alone. She had the memories of her friends and true family for support and comfort.
Chizuru nodded in self-affirmation before rising and marching to the door.
Chizuru arrived at a meeting hall conjoined with the throne room.
It was simple, though clearly westernized.
The throne seemed to always be there, though the dais wasn't a very high one. There were three stairs serving as a minimum indication of authority. Regular chairs replaced cushions, surrounding a long table located a few feet from the throne. Colors of grey and blue and black graced the area.
Chizuru noticed that Shiranui took better to western things than his cohorts, his firearms a prime example that came to mind. He cared little for tradition, appearing and acting in a strange mixture of flexibility and stubbornness. Not unlike herself, she realized.
Maybe it served as part of a coping mechanism too.
Footsteps pulled her from her musings when its focus arrived.
Shiranui came to stand beside her. His arms were folded over his chest and his eyes were closed whilst he mentally prepared himself for what was about to happen.
Truth be told, Shiranui appeared more nervous than Chizuru was.
"It's been awhile," he muttered, referring to the times he'd spent back-and-forth fulfilling debts as well as personal matters."Long enough for them to think I can't handle whatever they throw at me." He peered at her and told her they would be here in a few minutes.
She nodded in acknowledgement. No sooner had she completed the movement, than a door from the other side of the room opened and a quintet of footsteps were heard.
"Make that a few seconds," he wryly said under his breath and unfolded his arms. In the blink of an eye, his poise shifted to a professional and practiced manner reminiscent of Sen or Amagiri, though he could not mask the smallest hint of unease.
On one hand, Chizuru felt guilty for coercing him yesterday. On the other hand, she reminded herself that it was better this way.
Nonetheless, she appreciated his concern and protectiveness.
Shiranui started making his way to his designated place with Chizuru following. On the second stair, he extended his hand to her and she accepted it with a nod. She understood that he was guiding her to the place beside his, where she was to stand. It indicated a stance and spot of authority. To be next to this clan leader while reminding them that she too was a rightful head to her clan, broken though it might be.
His hand lightly squeezed hers before letting her fingers slip from his grasp. That done, he eased himself into his throne, as if resisting the urge to flinch, although from physical or mental discomfort she could not tell, perhaps both. She considered reaching for his hand in return, deciding it should be saved for later.
Chizuru curiously took note of Shiranui, whose poise whilst he sat was an interesting mix of serious, dull and the tiniest hint of chaotic, all traits she'd come to associate with him over these last five years. She noticed this more now, given the situation. One leg was crossed over the other, left elbow balanced on the armrests and his cheek resting on its palm, right hand (the one at to her side) firmly holding the other armrest, and back close to straight as could be. He glanced at her, an undecipherable emotion glinting in his eyes and vanishing before she could be sure it was ever there. She liked to think it'd been concern.
By now, the five elders had entered and were selecting their seats at the table.
Chizuru narrowed her eyes as she focused on their appearances and body language, the latter making her think of the condescending superiors the Shinsengumi had been forced to deal with. It helped, or hindered, her impressions from what little she gathered based on Shiranui's own tone, expressions, and body language when he mentioned them the previous day.
They dressed in western fashion mixed with traditional elements. Kimonos of various lengths and material under equally unique coats and pants. Somewhat flashy, but that concept applied to Shiranui and every resident here.
She'd heard their names in passing from the villagers during the first month of her stay here, though she was not informed on which name belonged to whom.
"I am glad everyone is here," Shiranui spoke. He shifted in his throne, moving his cheek from his hand and gesturing with it amongst the elders. He turned his head to her."Best for us to begin by introducing our guest."
Chizuru bowed her head, and stepped forward to curtsy, a gesture she'd learned during her travels. Whether or not they recognized it was unclear to her, but they did seem to understand its purpose.
Lifting her head and standing straight, she recalled the lessons Sen taught her about the ways a high-ranking Demon like herself should act when dealing with these kinds of circumstances. And she also recalled the behaviors and tactics she'd seen Hijikata and Sanan show when handling their situations. She withheld a smile at this knowledge passed onto her by her past and present loved ones.
She spoke,"Good afternoon, I am Lady Yukimura Chizuru, sole survivor of the clan by that name. It is an honor to be here, thanks to the kindness and respect of my fellow Demons."
Rising, the person at the head of the table placed a hand to his chest and bowed his head."The honor is ours, Lady Yukimura. You may call me Utamara. We've eagerly awaited this."
Then, the rest of them rose. The ones at the right side introduced themselves as Konyo and Yoshitsune. Those at the left side introduced themselves as Takamuku and Hoshiko.
"Yes," Konyo added after he'd risen."It has been delayed long enough." He glanced so quickly and briefly at Shiranui that she almost didn't notice. If Shiranui did notice, he probably didn't care.
Yoshitsune hummed in agreement and narrowed his eyes. "We would've preferred this was arranged before Lord Kazama decided to pay us a 'visit'. Granted, knowing him, I do not doubt something like that could have happened regardless, but that does not make the delay any less frustrating." He looked to address Shiranui."But we've always strived to respect our own Lord's decisions."
Shiranui was narrowing his eyes in return. When he responded, his voice was calm as could be."I felt the need to let her settle in properly rather than be thrust into these things."
"Yes, our Lord has always been considerate that way," Takamuku stated with a faint smile."You are not the first, nor the last it is safe to assume, stray he has picked up."
"Stray?" Chizuru echoed, sensing Shiranui tense behind her. A pair of names from the day before jumped to her thoughts."Are you referring to Naomi and Umeko-chan?"
"Ah, you've met them," Takamuku said while inclining his head."Naomi's affair with a human conceived Umeko."
"Yes, I've met them," Chizuru said with a nod."Naomi told me as much. I was unaware of her being from another village." She shook her head."You shouldn't call her, or her daughter, strays. This is their home, like anyone else's."
"That is how they started their lives in this home," Takamuku retorted with apparent sympathy.
"As we said, they are not alone in that category," Hoshiko interjected, and motioned to her."You are the latest, Lady Yukimura."
Utamara retook control of the conversation."Of course, you are entirely innocent for having become a stray. Your clan was betrayed and slaughtered, and another traitor claimed you as his pawn. Your brother, may he rest well, suffered to a similar degree." He gave a sigh."And one cannot begin to imagine the hardship you were forced to endure under those arrogant and selfish humans and fakes."
There they were. Insults she had gotten used to hearing about her comrades for five years. It stung as usual despite her having expected this to happen. She hadn't tolerated Kazama's behavior, nor would she let them get away with this.
Unwilling for them to see her clenching fists, she brought her hands behind her and made eye contact with Utamara and then Hoshiko.
"No," she bit out."It did not begin necessarily pleasant." An understatement. They grew past that and accepted her into their fold.
She held her chin up proudly."However, they upheld their vow to protect me and they accepted me as one of their own. I was neither Demon, human, or Fury to them. I was simply one of them."
You're one of us now, so don't hold back on ceremony.
Saito told her that as they were entering Shimabara to celebrate Harada's latest mission (well, specifically to spend the reward money). Blunt and expressionless as most of the things he said, a reminder she needed to be assured of. It was at that point that she felt she'd established her comfort zone within the Shinsengumi.
Oddly, the mentions of Kaoru during that celebration didn't bother her, nor did Saito being the one to suggest Kimigiku dressing her in feminine clothing. It certainly caught her off guard, as it did the comments from an inebriated Heisuke and Shinpachi, but she'd enjoyed the chance to dress as a girl, an opportunity she and the Shinsengumi had to deny due to her male disguise as the Commander's page.
There are rumors that Nagakura Shinpachi and Saito Hajime are alive as well, and I do not doubt that they are true.
Amagiri's news, or suggestions, brought mixed emotions to her heart. If that was true, she had to half-hope, half-dread it, and wonder how they would react to that about her.
Shinpachi had been her brother long before she discovered her relation to Kaoru. Saito had been a constant presence, to lecture and comfort. Chizuru missed Shinpachi's boisterous laughs and grins, in addition to Saito's calming and soothing demeanor.
Chizuru was most intimate with Harada and Heisuke, and she looked up to Hijikata and Sanan, while Shinpachi and Saito brought the strongest sense of safety to her.
She prayed, no real outcome intended, for their sakes, whatever may be going on.
She was unpleasantly brought out of her musings by Konyo sticking his nose in.
"That is a disgrace." Konyo scoffed, shaking his head and gesturing dismissively with his hand."Whether you served them or served another master alongside them, you do not exist to serve anyone in that capacity." He gave her a faux polite, demeaning smile that reminded her of Itou, the image making her wish to retch."You are a Demon and a Lady, pureblooded and wise and kind. You deserve a stronger destiny and worthier duty than that."
Chizuru raised an eyebrow."By destiny and duty, are you referring to surrendering my body as a tool to produce heirs?" Bitterness laced her tone.
She was beginning to drop her politeness and openly show her disdain, the latter having been festering since they entered the room. They wished to make her squirm, to hide behind Shiranui (doubtless to then try demeaning him). Shiranui had broken free from their manipulations a long time ago; they planned to use her to regain control over him. He would step in to defend her if needed, but he was trusting her to handle herself as much as she'd grown to trust him. Not to the level of the Shinsengumi and Ryouma. Would that level be possible? That was a question for later and elsewhere.
Wordlessly dismissing Konyo, Chizuru relocked her gaze with Utamara's; his attempts at appearing to be the reasonable and diplomatic were starting to waver. It was clear he was accustomed to doing most of the talking. As he was opening his mouth, Yoshitsune chimed in.
Yoshitsune motioned to Chizuru and shook his head, believing he was scolding a small, helpless girl. Was he intending to put her in a corner? He said, "You word it far too harshly, Lady Yukimura, but that is indeed what you are expected to do as a member of your race and ranks."
With those words, he reminded Chizuru of Kodo, additionally making her feel ill.
"Is that so?" She drawled with a combination of bitterness, vexation and sarcasm."You sound an awful lot like the man who raised me."
He blinked, more caught off guard than offended. Well, she would fix that.
She continued:"The man that planned to use my body as a tool for his experiments." She brought one hand from her back to place on her abdomen."He wanted my blood, and he wanted my womb too." She shuddered."I cannot begin to imagine what else he had in store for me."
Chizuru glared at Yoshitsune, and was pleased to see that she'd made him shudder with her reply.
"The Shinsengumi were as much Kodo's victims as I was," she declared
He held up his chin to copy her glare."They made a choice to work with him," he stated coldly.
"They were backed into a corner," she stated in return with equal coldness.
Hoshiko butted in,"They left most of their men out of that secret." He swung an arm like he was smacking the concept.
"That is..." Chizuru paused and nodded."Yes, they did." Painful as it was, she had grown accustomed to dark realities.
Both Hoshiko and Yoshitsune could not, and probably did not try, to stop smug smirks.
Chizuru swept her gaze over the table."Let me ask you this: how many secrets do you keep from your people?" She folded her arms over her chest."All of you, can you tell me? From what I've witnessed, you, and every other leaders or elders in a clan, keep plenty of information from your people." She tilted her head."How much do they know about the debts their leaders and protectors have been fulfilling for years? What do you say if/when something goes wrong, especially when that trouble occurs in higher levels?" She scoffed."Do you blame humans? Furies? Those like the Shinsengumi?"
Shuffling noises behind her indicated that Shiranui tensed at those questions. He wasn't shocked, far from it, since it was a logical argument. He wasn't delusional either. His flaws were bound to be brought up as much as the elders' and the Shinsengumi's. Regardless, they could discuss it later.
If looks could kill, each glare from the five men would have downed her on the spot.
In this instance, any and all attempts of niceness were gone.
Once again, and desperately, seeking to reclaim control of the conversation, Utamara cut in,"I believe boundaries are being crossed at this rate, best that we keep cool heads-"
She scoffed, her lips forming a thin smile."Is that your response when things do not go your way? Are you afraid of arguments?"
He shook his head."I think, Lady Yukimura, that you are now overstepping your bounds."
"How so?"
"You presume to know about us-"
She let out a humorless laugh."Like you are presuming to know about myself and my friends?"
Konyo burst from his chair. "Both they and Kodo clearly, and unsurprisingly, taught you nothing of respect for those above and wiser-"
"How?" She demanded, cold as ice."How exactly are you my superiors?" She put a hand to her heart."Did we not remind everyone moments ago of who I am, what my title is?"
Konyo hesitated."Well-"
She took a step down from the platform."Lady Yukimura Chizuru." She took a second step."The sole survivor of my clan." She took the third, final step."Its rightful head." She walked to the front of the table.
She had twisted things upon them, made them squirm and whine. She was proud of her victories, of course, and there was a kind of pleasure in putting hypocrites in their place. She wouldn't call it sadism, but it was a pleasure nonetheless. Perhaps Sanan had experienced this.
Yet that was mixed with a type of tiredness, perhaps experienced by Hijikata after these back-and-forth altercations.
No doubt they both had dreaded the next battle, be it physical or verbal or emotional. Yet they appeared to be ready, they were used to these problems, there was support toward them, some of which she provided. She was honored to be at their sides, and grateful for their own support toward her.
She believed they would be proud of her.
Chizuru schooled her features in a calm mask. She would not break down."Am I a child in your eyes?" She stood as straight as possible."Well, allow me to enlighten you on this child you appear to view me as."
Abruptly, Konyo rose and pointed at her with a furious expression. He stopped when she suddenly took a seat in the chair by his and crossed her legs. She looked him up and down, and motioned to his chair, waiting for him so that they could continue this 'properly'. Confused and undoubtedly somewhat amused by her apparent surrender, he sat back down.
She didn't give him a second to speak. All she'd sought by these actions was to get him closer so she could grant him a complete experience. Konyo had established himself as the most contemptible one in this group in her eyes, thus he was the one she mainly desired to put in his place and by doing this provide a lesson to his four cohorts.
She began,"I am no weapon master, but if and when it calls for it, I have never and will never hesitate to draw my sword. I am, however, a doctor."
A bit of pain entered her voice, and she wiped at her eyes, inevitable effects for these topics. And reminders that she was a person with natural emotions. Nothing aside from this would they see or hear from her; none of the breakdowns Shiranui witnessed.
She took a deep breath, and straightened while sternly looking amongst them. Her voice became steely."Throughout my childhood as well as my time with the Shinsengumi, I've witnessed the worst kinds of deaths and illnesses. I've seen innocent children and brave warriors suffer, some of whom I held in my arms and comforted as they neared death. And as a member of the Shinsegumi, I experienced that tenfold, because those men were my family. We fought and endured for years in order to protect each other, with no idea what a day or even an hourcould bring us. There were several I saved and several I could not save." She swallowed."Not a day or night passes when I don't remember them, sometimes my sleep is battered by it."
She stood up and folded her hands behind her back to hide their shaking and clenching."Do you understand? I've participated in war, and bore witness to the tensions that grew into those battles. Surely those of your stature has no issue understanding that type of plight, or have been through it yourselves?"
Konyo stiffened."I, we-"
"Shall I share stories with you?" Chizuru said quietly."Entertain you with stories of death, pain, and madness?" She inclined her head."I wouldn't mind unleashing that stress, if means to teach, protect, and defend others from that." That was a lie; she wouldn't be able to endure telling them any of that, but she had to take risks to maintain control of this conversation.
She scowled."Perhaps then we will know who speaks out of turn or place."
Silence occurred for a few moments, during which she regained her composure.
Leaning forward, she rested her palms on the table."Now," she started."If none of this has made anything clear to you, let me ensure each and every one of your minds perfectly understands this." She moved closer."I am not your toy, I am not your slave, I am not your property, and if you misunderstand or doubt this, then you are more delusive and barbaric than the monster who raised me and the man who spent five years stalking me." She leaned backward until she was standing and turned her back to them afore marching back to the dais.
At last, she was done.
She came to a stop at the bottom near the first stair and bowed her head."Thank you," she said to him, an inch of calmness remaining.
Shiranui smoothly rose and marched down the dais. Chizuru kept her back to the elders whilst he addressed them."We're finished," he declared."This issue has been discussed and decided." She did not need to look at him to know he was glaring daggers at them, or that they were doing this toward her.
"Yes, Lord Shiranui, Lady Yukimura," the group chorused. To say they were displeased with this was the understatement of the century, but neither of the two cared.
"Go, until the next meeting," he commanded. Without a sound, they obeyed.
For now, it was over.
Five minutes passed as the doors were shut and the elders' footsteps faded, and they were leaving the building to grieve their defeat somewhere else.
Shiranui turned to Chizuru, and widened his eyes when he saw the state she was in.
Her shoulders were quivering and she'd wrapped her arms around herself as if she were freezing. He tentatively reached to put a hand on her shoulder. No sooner had he touched her, than her legs gave out and she crumbled to sit on the floor.
"Chizuru!" Shiranui exclaimed in alarm, kneeling by her. Her head hung so that she was staring downward."Hey, kid," he said softly, pressing a palm between her shoulder blades and rubbing gentle circles onto it. He added,"You did good."
Chizuru raised her head, a tiny smile gracing her features."I know," she responded."I'm just..." She trailed off.
"Processing?" He offered, and she murmured a 'yes'. He patted her back."I went through that after I told them off for the first time. Took me a year. You got it sooner."
She shook her head."I watched and learned, I had practice, around others, for quite a few years."
Rather than speak, he nodded. There was no need to elaborate.
"Will they keep this up?" She wondered, though she suspected and hated the answer.
Sighing, he formed his mouth into a thin line and looked to the doors. That was answer enough.
Letting out her own sigh, Chizuru observed her fidgeting hands that rested on her lap."I'll be ready for them." Her voice was firm.
Shiranui gave a mix of a snort and a hum. With a ghost of a smile, he patted her back and retorted:
"You already are."
It's nice to be back with this. Like I said, updates for this aren't as frequent as for others, though I take just as much enjoyment from writing it. I originally planned for this chapter to be longer, but this felt like a perfect end point. On that note, I have started with the next one so we'll see how that goes.
