Chapter 3: Failure

Cornelia flipped her hair over her shoulder and tried to feel more mature about her date. "You've had lots of dates." She whispered aloud. "This date is no different from other dates, except you're going to your own house afterwards and the guy may hate kids. Okay." She gave up on fixing her hair in an upsweep and put on her shoes. "Ivy? You ready to go?" She called.

The 3 year old appeared in a green shirt and brown skirt. "Yes." She lisped reluctantly. "I ready."

Cornelia hurried to buckle the toddler into a seat and then drove hastily to Caleb and Will's house. They had, luckily, agreed to watch Ivy that night, but Cornelia wanted to see if Caleb knew who her date was, and if he did, if the guy was actually kind and considerate.

Cornelia banged on the door, but didn't get a response. No laughter from the back yard indicated the small family was outside, but no one answered her knock either. Finally she found a key that Will had given her and unlocked the door.

Inside, the house was cool and quiet. All the window shades had been drawn; the curtains were all closed.

Cornelia picked up Ivy and carried her through the small house until she came into Ian's room. His bed was crowded with himself and his parents. Will lay curled around her son, face peaceful in slumber, and Ian himself was cuddled closely to her belly. Caleb lay on the other side of Ian, but his arms were around his family. A storybook lay beside the bed on the floor. Cornelia reluctantly smiled. They act more like a family than Ivy and I do. She thought. Then she gently touched Will's shoulder.

Will opened her eyes and smiled up at Cornelia, put a finger to her lips, and sat up. As Ian stirred, she took the drowsy Ivy and laid her beside Ian.

"Sorry we didn't hear you." Will said as she lead Cornelia to the kitchen. "Ian is at the 'There's a monster under my bed' stage."

Cornelia sat down at the table. "Ivy's at that 'I don't want mommy dating' stage." She replied quietly. "Really, you have no idea how hard it can be with her some days!"

"You're right." Will agreed quietly. "I don't." For a moment she was quiet, but finally she blurted, "Cornelia, why don't you marry someone? Even your mother married someone! Ivy needs a father!"

"Will, I don't want to marry someone just because I'm a mother. I want to marry someone because I can't picture my life without them!" Cornelia countered. "Ivy has a father. She doesn't need a new one!" For a moment, both women were quiet. Then Cornelia stood to leave. "I have to go." She said quietly. "I'll be back around 11 or so. Ivy's bed time is 8:30 and she can't sleep unless you read Cinderella to her. If you want to, give her a bath and use the coconut soap. The book and soap are in her baby bag. She needs to have her stuffed flower on her left side and her puppy on the right side. And no matter how much she begs, don't let her sleep in her housecoat or she'll get too hot and start throwing up."

"Cornelia, I know all this." Will pointed out. "I have a baby of my own."

"Yeah, but do you or his father put him to bed?" Cornelia replied. "I just can't stand to not be in control."

"I know." Will followed Cornelia to the door. "Be careful, okay?"

"Yeah." Cornelia said absently. "Send my love to Ivy."

3 hours later...

Cornelia walked up the stairs to Will's house, but didn't knock at the door. Instead she sat down on the porch and put her head in her hands.

The date had been awful. At a glance, the man had been perfect for Cornelia: stylish, intellegent, with a good paying job. But within 3 minutes of talking, Cornelia had wanted to leave. Now she wished she had. She closed her eyes and let her mind linger on the worst parts of the date.

"So, do you like children?" Cornelia had ventured, frantic to find some excuse to like her date.

The man shook his head. "Not really. I'd rather not have any at all." He had said lazily. Then his eyebrows had went up. "Oh, wait. Will said you and her husband had a child when you were younger."

"Yes. I named her Ivy." Cornelia replied.

"Oh. That's...nice." The man said in the tone of voice most people reserve for discussing manure. "But if she was Caleb's daughter, why didn't you just give him custody of her from the very beginning?"

"Because I love her." Cornelia said, her voice growing sharp.

"Oh." Her date had paused. "I don't believe in love. I believe in physical attachment."

Cornelia opened her eyes and let her mind continue through the date, from his ordering food Cornelia was allergic to and then refusing to order something else, to his critical analyzing of her life, to the bill which he had made her pay. Finally, he had tried to kiss her goodnight and began to hint that he would enjoy spending the night with her. Cornelia had left him in a cloud of exhaust.

Cornelia dried her tears and tried to put on a brave face as she knocked at the door. But as Will opened the door, Cornelia said the only thing that her mind was screaming: "I will never date again."