Chapter Thirteen
The Holy Knight and the Divine Knight sat, gasping and sweaty, at the edge of a small clearing they had found for their evening sparring.
"I think…" Agrias panted nearby, "You and I… are actually well-matched now. Do you even wish to continue these lessons, at this point?"
Meliadoul shrugged. "Might as well. We can keep each other in top shape."
"I was already in top shape, without your assistance," Agrias remarked.
Meliadoul snorted. "Whether you like to admit it or not, you have improved, as well, from practicing with me!"
"Well, let us at least take a break for the next few days. I do not wish to enter Igros with sore muscles."
Meliadoul shrugged in agreement. "Have you ever been there before?" she asked.
"Igros castle? No. Have you?"
"Not inside the castle, no… I traveled through Igros a couple times, though, hunting heretics. It seemed a nice enough place."
"It is where Ramza grew up," Agrias said.
Meliadoul struggled not to roll her eyes. As if she didn't already know that! She and Ramza did plenty of talking to each other, when they weren't kissing. Yet Agrias still sometimes acted like Meliadoul was entirely new to the group, and knew nothing.
The Divine Knight decided to change the subject. "So… I noticed that you stopped sharing a tent with Balthier?"
"Oh… Um, yes. I did." Agrias looked awkward.
"Oh, come now, Agrias. Am I not your friend by now? Tell me everything."
"You are so nosy!" Agrias exclaimed. "You might be worse than Lavian!"
"So what? We have nothing else to do, other than gossip, on these long treks through the woods. So why did you stop sleeping in Balthier's tent? You two seemed to really like each other?"
"I… I mean… I do like him… But it was never serious, never meant to be a true relationship."
Meliadoul had seen Balthier looking a bit depressed during the marches over the past couple days. "Did he know that?" she asked.
"Yes!" Agrias said defensively, "The very first night I went to his tent, I told him I was only looking for… something physical, you know. I did not want him for a husband, or anything like that," she scowled. "I thought he understood, at first, but then it seemed like he was getting attached to me… Too attached. So, I decided to end the arrangement before it became too entangling."
Meliadoul chewed on that information for a moment. "Was he very upset?"
Agrias sighed. "Well, he was not pleased."
Despite her common sense telling her she shouldn't ask, Meliadoul found herself blurting out, "Did you want something more… serious, with Ramza? When you were with him?"
Agrias looked at the ground. "I do not know, really… mayhap not… but I had no intention of using him, I can promise that! I really do care for Ramza! I just…"
Meliadoul was very confused. She hadn't been expecting Agrias to act so defensive. Frankly, she had no idea where Agrias was coming from, right now. The Holy Knight looked like she was struggling with something, even though Meliadoul did not think the subject should have required much struggle.
"I believe you. That you care for Ramza," Meliadoul laughed. "You did threaten to kill me, after all, if I hurt him. But, are you trying to say that you did not feel Ramza was the perfect man for you, either?"
"Something like that," Agrias muttered.
"Is there someone else, then?" Meliadoul asked.
Agrias' scowl deepened. "Are we truly friends, now, Meliadoul?" she suddenly demanded.
"I… think so? Yes."
Agrias wrung her hands together. "Well… You once told me that two of the women in your previous squad were… ahh… together? With each other?"
"Yes, Bess and Gillian… Oh! Um… Are you saying…?" Meliadoul trailed off. Agrias looked so uncomfortable. She wouldn't meet Meliadoul's eye, or speak anymore. "Are you saying that you have those feelings for women?" Meliadoul finally prompted her.
Still not looking up, Agrias eventually managed to reply, "I… have never talked about this with anyone else, before... If you truly are my friend, then do not say a word to the others."
"You never even told Alicia or Lavian?" Meliadoul asked.
"No!" Agrias exclaimed. "I do not want to—to change the way they think of me! I am not sure if they would even remain my friends, if they knew! I only feel comfortable telling you, because—because I know you had friends who felt that way… you know, in the past."
Meliadoul raised her eyebrows. "I will not share your secrets with anyone else. But, mayhap you should give your other friends more credit. Would they truly abandon you because of that?"
Agrias shook her head. "I do not know. Not everyone is as… accepting as you are."
Meliadoul's face froze for a moment. "Wait. You are not saying it is me you like?! I am flattered, really, but I do like Ramza—"
"Oh, good gods, Meliadoul! I would sooner flirt with a chocobo than with you!"
Meliadoul chuckled. "Ah. All right."
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Though Agrias did not go so far as to tell Meliadoul, there was, indeed, one person who seemed to have earned the sole permanent placement in her heart. But that person was now terribly out of her reach.
The Holy Knight's desire for other women had always, somewhat, been a part of her. Growing up, it was other girls she admired, never boys. When she read romantic tales, she did not personally sit around fantasizing about some knight in shining armor coming to rescue her from a tower. She fantasized about being the knight. And she fantasized about what she would do with her fair maiden after rescuing her from said tower.
Ivalice was not exactly a supportive place for such feelings. Agrias never told anyone about those thoughts. She tried to come across as "normal", as no different from the other girls she knew. She thought she mostly pulled it off, although she was perhaps a bit gruffer than most ladies, in her day-to-day interactions. It simply was not a part of her personality to giggle and twirl her hair when there were men around.
It was during her squiring days, around age sixteen, that a so-called friend had casually accused her of lusting after women. The subject had come up because Agrias failed to provide any name, when the girls were all talking about who their crushes were. The friend was only jesting, apparently, but the casual accusation spurred a full-on panic in Agrias. Were her secret thoughts and feelings about women really so obvious to others? She could not bear the ridicule that would follow, if all of the other squires found out.
Within a few days, Agrias picked a male squire to jump into bed with. It was the best plan she could think of, to ensure that no one would guess her real feelings.
As it turned out, though a man might not be her true preference, she did not really mind the intimacy. Physically, it even felt good. Agrias had always been an extremely physical person; she liked actively using her body, whether it be for swordplay or, now, for sex. And her male partner seemed to honestly enjoy her dominant attitude, happy to let her do whatever she felt like doing with him.
It did give her pleasure. She just never told him that she kept her eyes closed the whole time because she was imagining someone else.
By the time Agrias was put in charge of Princess Ovelia's protection, she had all but managed to convince even herself that she 'liked' men.
Ovelia, however, seemed determined to break down every mental barrier Agrias had built against that subject in the past several years. The princess was so very emotionally needy, not to mention physically clingy. She had no family or close friends to love her, so she relied primarily on her guards and Elder Simon for affection. It would not be unfair to say that, in private, Ovelia basically acted like an orphaned puppy in need of a cuddle.
Alicia and Lavian seemed to think it was cute. They would let Ovelia curl up against their sides, even pet the girl's hair affectionately as they chatted with her. But Agrias could not be so casual. Whenever Ovelia tried to snuggle up with her, the Holy Knight's body practically went rigid. She could not do this. After all her years of pretending she felt no attraction for women, she could not cuddle and caress the princess as if it meant nothing more to her.
As if the mere sight of Ovelia did not do strange things to her blood pressure.
The princess was… stunning. Just absolutely the most beautiful girl Agrias had ever seen, without question. That, combined with her affectionate personality, left Agrias in nearly-mute admiration whenever she was near her. Ovelia's warm brown eyes were round and luminous in her lovely cat-like face. She was soft where Agrias was muscular. She was utterly vulnerable, and it brought out every heroic, protective impulse Agrias had ever felt.
However, the Holy Knight also felt she had to protect Ovelia from her own deeper feelings, which were quickly blooming the more she got to know the princess. She was the captain of the girl's guard; she had to remain professional, always. Which meant she had to do her best to avoid the cuddling that Ovelia constantly wanted.
Yet, for some reason, the more aloof and reserved Agrias acted, the more Ovelia seemed to want only her. After a while, it seemed that Ovelia always sidled up to Agrias when she needed affection. Didn't matter what Agrias said or did to discourage her. Agrias wouldn't put her arm around Ovelia's shoulders? No problem, Ovelia would simply lift Agrias' arm and snuggle herself under it, as she chatted away to her bodyguards.
One evening (one of many endless, boring evenings spent with very little to do at the secluded Orbonne Monastery), the princess even climbed onto Agrias' lap. She wrapped her arms around the Holy Knight and nestled her head into Agrias' neck, as if she planned to take a nap there.
This was bold, even by Ovelia's overly-cuddly standards. And it was passing strange, that she wore a woman's body and yet acted as if she could climb into another person's lap like an innocent child.
Agrias was disgusted with herself. While the princess apparently sought simple comfort from her, Agrias was shamefully reveling in the feeling of Ovelia's delicate ribs beneath her hands, and the soft skin of those slender arms around her neck. The flowery scent of Ovelia's perfumed hair wash, mixed with warm flesh, filled her head and nearly made her dizzy with longing. Agrias' calloused hands slid slowly over the princess' back, her fingers twining into the silk of the honey-colored braid of hair that fell down to below her waist.
She tensed when she felt Ovelia's hot breath on her own neck. The princess' lips touched her skin, stayed there. Was Ovelia kissing her? Agrias was not even sure. But she had to stop this, she knew that much. Even if kissing Ovelia would be the greatest delight she herself could imagine, it was entirely inappropriate. She was the princess' paid guardian, and she would not cross that kind of boundary.
"Let us get ourselves to bed," Agrias said briskly, beginning to prop Ovelia up on to her feet. "I cannot sit still while you sleep the whole night on my lap."
A couple months later, when Sir Delita managed to kidnap Ovelia from the monastery, Agrias had been overcome with horror. And not only because of her own failure to do her job well. She cared for Ovelia, loved her, even. Thank the gods that Ramza had recognized Delita. If she had not had Ramza's constant reassurances that Delita was a good man at heart, she might have died from terror, knowing that Ovelia was alone in the wilderness with her abductor.
The princess who was eventually returned to them at Zirekile Falls was changed, somehow. The timidity they had come to associate with Ovelia was mostly gone, as if the danger to her life had melted it away. It seemed the few days she had spent on the run with Ramza's childhood friend had made her bolder and brighter. Quicker to laugh, more confident in her speech.
Also, more confident in touching Agrias. At Lionel Castle, where they thought they were safe for a few days, Ovelia had kissed her! This time there was no question as to whether it had happened, as with the sly kiss on her neck, back at Orbonne. One evening, as Ovelia gave her a tight goodnight hug, the princess followed it up with a peck on her cheek.
And next she turned her head and placed her lips at the corner of Agrias' mouth.
Agrias meant to pull away… but she just… did not. It was a simple thing to relax into Ovelia's kiss, and then their lips were squarely on each other's, and her whole body sparked with life.
Ovelia had been imprisoned by Cardinal Draclau the very next day. The princess she kissed, her princess, was scheduled for execution. Agrias well remembered her panicked flight from the pursuing Gryphon Knights, before she was rescued by Ramza. And what drove her into Ramza's tent that night? Oh, only about a million different emotions. Dependable Ramza. She really did love him, even if not in the same way she loved Ovelia.
Part of her thought that she could have found a way to be happy with Ramza, if she really tried. She could have made more of an effort to tune out his pranks and goofiness, and she could have probably even buried her feelings for Ovelia, with time. However, she did not want to do those things. Ramza was a fine man, and a fine lover, but would it have been fair to pretend with him forever? To let him fall deeply in love with her, while she fantasized about a woman she could never have?
It had seemed better to end it with Ramza. She could get physical comfort from someone she cared less about, like Balthier. Or maybe even another woman, some day. If she ever found the courage to be honest with Alicia and Lavian, and the rest of their crew.
For now, she simply dreamed of stealing Ovelia back, one day. When she had the means to truly keep her princess safe.
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"I'm going to do it, tonight!" Mustadio said. He was pacing nervously near the cart full of machinery.
"I really do not think you ought to," Meliadoul said.
"I've already bought it!" Mustadio snapped. "I'm doing it!"
"I still cannot believe you spent that much. You could have simply given her flowers," Meliadoul replied.
"No, it had to be a nice gift!" Mustadio insisted. "Agrias appears to be single again, and I want her to know that I'm seriously interested in her."
Ramza rolled his eyes. More like, seriously interested in all those stories Balthier told you about how great she is in bed. Ramza knew Balthier thought he had been quiet, so that Ramza would not hear the dirty tales. But Ramza had exceptionally good hearing.
Mustadio gazed at the Tynar Rouge in his hand, examining the expensive item as he continued to pace around in circles.
They were going to a tavern tonight, since they would have a rest day tomorrow. Mustadio planned to give the Tynar Rouge lipstick to Agrias as a birthday present. He seemed to think the gift would convince Agrias to give him a second look, as a potential new lover. Ramza doubted that Mustadio had a snowball's chance in hell, but he did not tell that to his friend. Some things, people had to learn the hard way.
Once the group made it to the tavern, and Agrias had taken a seat at a table across the room, Mustadio had lost some of his swagger. He shuffled from one foot to the other, sighing, "Hmm…"
"Well? Do you intend to give it to her or not?" Ramza demanded.
Mustadio looked like he was having a total crisis of confidence. Especially now that Balthier was standing nearby to them. The machinist stammered, "Give… what? To whom? I've… I've no idea what you—"
"Mustadio!" Ramza exclaimed.
Mustadio nodded, fidgeting. "All right, all right…"
He nervously made his way over to Agrias, and managed to bleat out, "Ah, Agrias! I, ah, I hope this is n-not… not a bad time."
"Hmm? Is something the matter?" Agrias looked at him in confusion.
"N-no, it's just, I—here!" Mustadio shoved the box onto the table, clearly hoping the gift would distract her from his shaking hands.
"What's this?" she asked.
"It's a, ah… um—a present! I heard today was your birthday, so I, well…"
"Today is my birthday, is it not? I had nearly forgotten. Who told you? Lavian? Alicia? Those two cannot still their tongues, can they?"
Mustadio looked unprepared for the question. "Um… Anyway… I wanted to give you this. It isn't much."
Agrias eyed the present. "May I open it?" she asked.
"Ah, yes, of course!"
Upon opening the box, Agrias looked as confused as Mustadio was nervous. "Lip rouge?"
"Yes. Y-you're always busy fighting, and… and… Well, I know you've probably small time for such womanly things, but… I thought m-mayhap you might like to have that." Mustadio explained.
"I've small time, yes," Agrias looked a bit touched by the kind sentiment. "But I chose this life for myself. It's not as though I regret it. Still, there are times… Are you sure it's all right for me to have this?"
"Of course! Why do you ask?" Mustadio exclaimed.
"It cost a goodly amount, did it not? Surely a gift like this is wasted on a knight such as I?" Agrias said.
"No, not at all! Please, accept it!"
"Very well, then." Agrias uncapped the lipstick and rather awkwardly traced it around on her lips. She had only ever seen this type of makeup on barmaids, before. But it was sort of fun to try something new. She knew Ovelia would have loved the chance to try on lipstick.
Gods, she was glad she had been able to at least gift Ovelia with a knife, to protect herself, during her fleeting last visit with the princess. She prayed that that stupid cad Delita was treating Ovelia well. He had seemed far too familiar with the princess, as if he thought himself her equal rather than her servant. It had been one of the hardest decisions of Agrias' life, to choose to stay with Ramza rather than remaining at Ovelia's side, after that. But how could she leave Ramza and the rest of the party to face demons without her aid? Her happiness with Ovelia would be short-lived, if the Lucavi destroyed Ivalice.
"Oh!" Mustadio said, when Agrias turned her face up toward him.
"Well? Do I look odd?" she asked. There was no mirror for her to examine her own appearance.
"Wh-what? N-no! You look wonderful! Truly… truly so!"
"Thank you, Mustadio," Agrias said, feeling a bit weird about the whole situation. She gestured to the tube of Tynar Rouge. "I will treasure it, as I do our friendship."
Where they were eavesdropping from a couple paces away, Ramza, Meliadoul, and Rafa all flinched.
Oh, that was even worse than I expected, Ramza thought to himself.
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Days later, the group finally arrived at Igros Castle. They found the main gate oddly deserted, with a chocobo that Ramza recognized as his brother Zalbag's left tethered nearby. With no guards to stop them, they passed through the gate unquestioned. If it were not for the few servants they saw scuttling around the grounds, Ramza would have feared that this castle was another carnage site, like Riovanes.
It was passing strange that there were no guards on the gate. Definitely unlike Dycedarg to be so trusting.
It was even stranger to be wandering through the corridors of a castle, after their constant efforts to avoid extremely public spaces. A castle was about as 'public' a place as existed. Ramza knew which areas were most likely to hold his eldest brother during the day. They had figured their best bet was to locate Dycedarg immediately, and do whatever they needed to do find out if Dycedarg had any information about Alma or the plans of the Templarate. Not to mention, take back the zodiac stone and try to figure out if Dycedarg was demon-possessed.
Ramza was utterly shocked to walk in on Zalbag already confronting Dycedarg. Their eldest brother was explaining in a cool tone that he had needed to kill Duke Larg, as the man was too weak to carry their cause.
"It is one thing to kill one's lord," Zalbag said, with a frantic edge to his tone, "But why did you have to kill our father?! You killed my father, Dycedarg! Why?!"
Dycedarg gave an unconvincing denial, as Ramza felt a burning pain coursing through him, from heart to bowels.
That could not be true. Could it?
Then, Dycedarg ordered his guards to arrest Zalbag. Ramza had to step in. How could he not? How could he let Dycedarg hurt Zalbag, if Dycedarg might really be his father's murderer?
They fought. Of course, they fought. It was all a blur for Ramza. His mind and his body buzzed with fury and pain. Had Dycedarg truly stolen his father from him?
Zalbag was cut badly, falling to the ground with a spray of blood, and they were too far away to protect him. They had to slash through Dycedarg's guard to even get close to the dueling Beoulve brothers. Their magic-users and Construct 8 blasted away at Dycedarg from afar, finally injuring the Rune Knight badly enough to make him fall to his hands and knees.
Zalbag was alive, thank the gods. He had managed to sit up on his knees and look down at Ramza, though he clutched his chest wound.
Dycedarg coughed out, "I did all of this for us… Ivalice would have been ours, the Beoulves… You fools…" His voice sounded tearful.
Dycedarg succumbed to the power of the Capricorn stone. Ramza did not know if this was the first time he had done so, or if he had shared his body with the green-furred goat-like demon for weeks. He supposed it did not really matter. Dycedarg had been demonic long before he ever got his hands on a zodiac stone.
He introduced himself as Adramelk. As if they cared about his goddamn name. Then the goat-horned demon spat at Zalbag, "Young fool. Here is a souvenir for you, on the way to Hell: I killed Balbanes… Yes, I did it… The Beoulves finally had their chance to rule… And the fool wasted it! Of course, I killed him! Even a great sword master cannot fight poison, after all."
Before anyone could move to help, a lesser demon materialized behind Zalbag. Grabbing the injured knight, it somehow teleported away with him.
"Zalbag!" Ramza shrieked, though his brother was already gone.
Now the demon Adramelk turned to peer down at Ramza. "Do not be jealous, it is your turn next, boy. You will regret opposing me! You have no chance against me now; you are all so very weak!"
"I AM VERY STRONG," Construct 8 insisted.
Even the demon looked confused for a moment, turning a disbelieving eye onto their robot friend.
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