Chapter 10: Lonely Heart
Selphie sat in her room. She had to sing tonight because she promised Quistis. She just didn't know how good she would be. She was too worried about her man troubles to sing. It was his fault she even has to. She was trying to help him out when she made the promise to Quistis.
"Hey there," Quistis said walking slowly into the bedroom. The two girls were like sisters. They were best friends, but sometimes they just didn't understand each other. Quistis didn't understand why Selphie couldn't just let Squall explain. She knew he didn't do it, he couldn't have.
"I don't know what to sing, so do I have to?" Selphie pleaded walking over to her closet. Her normally perfectly clean room was in shambles. She was a wreck. She was Selphie anymore, or not the Selphie anyone knew. She didn't have a single person on the face of the planet that understood her. She had friends, but was they really even her friends?
"Yes," Quistis demanded as she hugged her friend. She hated seeing Selphie like this there had to be something she could do. She was just glad that she was the one who had driven back to the garden. If Selphie would have driven, they would have crashed for sure.
The girls have been back at the garden for a week, but it has been about two weeks since they saw Squall. Selphie wondered if she was ever going to see him again. He was the most important thing in her life. It wasn't that she was mad at him… She just saw Irvine all over. Maybe, Irvine could help her. He'd be glad to talk to her. She definitely needed to talk.
"I'll sing Beautiful Disaster," Selphie whispered. The stupid song reminded her of Squall. Then again everything reminded her of Squall. She'd feel much better after singing it though. She did help him, and her world did cave in. How true the song was.
"Are you sure?" Quistis asked knowing the emotional attachment Selphie had to the song. It was one of Selphie's favorite. It had more meaning then just Squall now. Now, Selphie herself felt like a disaster. She didn't have any control over her own emotions.
Selphie nodded and threw on her best pair of pants, her leather pair. They were the type that if you had a great ass, you wore to make the other girls jealous. Selphie had no problem wearing them. She needed all the attention she could get to get her mind off of him. It would also be a plus to see the look on Irvine's face when he saw her at the talent show. She wore a white beater tied in back to show off her belly button piercing. And she wore a black pimp hat as they wear called. She wasn't sure if it matched her song, but she knew she look hella good.
"Going all out for a little talent show aren't you?" Quistis asked when she saw her friends finally product. It always amazed her how good Selphie always looked. She was jealous of the petite girl; she could wear whatever she wanted to wear. Being an instructor, Quistis was required to wear certain clothes at certain times. She always had to look proper. For emceeing she would be wearing a simple black dress that flowed down the knees. It was beautiful but plain.
"I have to look good," Selphie shrugged. She wanted to make everyone jealous. She was sick of guys thinking that there are other women out there, when they have a good one at home. Selphie just wanted him to show up and see her. He had to come back, didn't he?
"Well I have to go do sound check," Quistis said moving toward the door. She had to get this done and over with. She personally hated being in front of an audience, but the real emcee ran out at the last minute. The show had to go one and no one else would fill in. She hated her position sometimes.
Selphie looked at herself in the mirror as tears started to fall down her cheeks. She couldn't make up her mind if Squall had the intentions to do anything or not. It was only a kiss right? People kiss their grandmothers! When she walked in on Irvine it was full on action. Could she really blame him for just a kiss? What if he had a reason? What if he actually wanted to go further but she walked in to early? What if he was just delirious and thought it was her.
"I need you help, but you don't have to talk to me if you don't want to," there came a rough male voice from the doorway. Selphie got really excited…. Squall? No it was just Irvine. What could he possibly want from her? She gave him everything that she had before, and he threw it all away.
"What do you want?" Selphie growled as she pushed her way out the door. He shut it after her. She wanted to see him, but that didn't mean she wasn't still angry. She hated him; he was just her last resort. It was like she had to be with another man just for spite. But she knew he didn't do it, or at least she hope she was a long lost cousin twice removed.
"I need you to help me get Serena back," Irvine asked politely. He hadn't changed one bit. He was still the same old asshole. She didn't even need him to say what he wanted her to do. He wanted her to say something to Serena while she was on stage. He must have cheated on her. She just rolled her eyes; she really didn't need to see the loser ever again.
Selphie just walked away. There was no way she was going to make up for something he did. Especially since her hurt her so badly. Why would she help him get back the girl that stole him from her? It was like him saying to her, you're just a whore that meant nothing. Meaning nothing to someone is the greatest form of pain.
Please Squall come back to me…
She didn't know what to do anymore. She just wanted to run away from everything. Leave Balamb and go back to Trabia, by all her old friends. She needed a new way of life. She needed something to ease this pain. Everything that she saw or did just made things worse. Like singing, she would be singing his song. She couldn't get any deeper then that.
"Glad you could make it here on time for once," Quistis smirked as her friend walked in a whole minute early. It wasn't like she had anything better to do and she figured that Quistis would need help. She never was good at organizing fun student activities that was always Selphie's trademark.
Selphie just looked at her watch and side. She could tell that the sound from the mic was going to be off from the look on Daryll's face. Daryll was the technical guy. He knew everything about lighting, sound and setting the mood. He was great at what he did, but Quistis wasn't. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that Quistis had only confused him.
"Put all light on up at 7. They are too dim right now," Selphie said as she got on stage. She grabbed the microphone and motioned for him to adjust the volume to her voice. Then she started singing. She tried to hold the tears in but a few got away anyways.
"I think I got it, thanks. I think that's the quickest sound check we have ever done," Daryll said from his little tech booth as everyone called it. He just sat there and made sure everything worked.
Selphie nodded. The show was scheduled to begin in fifteen minutes and people were still standing outside. They didn't have an option but to have a fast sound check and pray that it worked. She ran backstage to meet the other performers as Quistis opened the door. She didn't need anyone seeing that she was actually crying again.
Selphie saw Serena sitting in a corner reading tonight's line up. Selphie already knew she was last it was her only request. She walked over there. Just because she wanted Irvine doesn't mean she couldn't be a nice person. "Hi."
"Are you nervous to?"
"Nope, just sad. He won't be here and it's his song. It'll be weird to sing it without him."
"You can have Irvine back! I hate him."
"I don't know what he did, but I think you should give him a second chance. I think if you let him, he'd be willing to apologize. You must mean a lot to him, because he never said sorry to me."
""I don't know if I can forgive him."
"Give him one more chance and if he fucks up again cut off his dick when he's sleeping…"
"That doesn't sound like something you would say."
"I'm a new person. Once you break so many times, you can't break anymore."
Serena nodded in agreement although she didn't know what the brunette was talking about. She started feeling bad that they weren't friends because of the whole Irvine thing. But if Selphie was the one talking for him, Serena knew she could forgive him.
Selphie smiled and walked away. It was a good feeling to know you have done your god deed for the day. The only thing she didn't understand why was it taking so long for her to get reward. Squall where are you?
She looked as Serena went on stage. She would be next. The world would see her cry. She didn't know if she could keep it all in. She needed him and he wasn't there for her. All she could think about was him. She couldn't think of anything else. She couldn't even remember the words to the stupid song that reminded her of him. She was going to make a fool of herself in front of everyone.
She heard her name being called. It was the moment of truth. Either he would be out in the crowd waiting, or this relationship was a big waste of her time. She needs him, needed to talk to him. If he wasn't there she didn't know is she couldn't even have faith that he ever really did care.
