Bottomward

To everything there is a season...

&&

Even now...

I still feel myself tumbling deeper into myself. But if what they say is true... then I'm falling into an inexistent nothingness. A nothingness that was never even supposed to become something real, a nothingness, pulled from the innermost reaches of someone else.

A nobody.

But... it really doesn't feel that way. It doesn't feel like... like...

You were never supposed to exist, Roxas.

I was angry then. Angry at what she was telling me, and angry at how my anger was synthetic, just another work of fiction that would never become real.

In order for him to become whole again... he needs you.

Why him though? Why Sora? He needed me. So didn't I have the right to choose whether or not I was going to help him?

Of course not.

This time, it wasn't Naminé who was telling me. This time, I was being rational with myself. Even though "I" didn't exist, and neither did rationality at that very moment. And still, I tried. With good reason too, because I knew, I didn't have a choice, and it was pointless even thinking that any of my choices were realistic, because they were never really there in the first place.

Still, I brooded over the fact that his half got to be the real part, while mine was just an ingredient to make him whole again. In fact, this whole town, my whole life, everything I thought I was, everyone who I thought I knew, didn't exist. But it was different with them, because they would never know it. I tried my hardest to find reprieve in the fact that my relationships, with the people and the places that were never there, are in fact real.

It's times like these, when I can even believe that. Those times, don't happen often enough.

My heart belongs to me!

And only me. Or at least, I wish it still could. But it doesn't, it was just sort of loaned to me for reasons that make my head spin. Everything I am, is everything I'm not and everything I'm supposed to be, all wrapped into one.

Sora...

He's sleeping. And I'm the dream.

It's time to wake up.

You're lucky...

And he is. He's everything I never was, and everything I'll always be. I feel myself tumbling bottomward into inexistence... and that inexistence becomes him.

Looks like my summer vacation is... over.

And somewhere else, autumn begins.

&&

And a time to every purpose under heaven.

fin.