...I will explain everything at the end of the chapter. But here is the bombshell I promised, so don't hate me for it! NCIS is built on angst.
...
3rd Person POV:
Tony quietly entered the director's office, spotting her behind the desk. She had requested to see him after everyone else had gone home. Usually this is when she chose to discuss his undercover OP but recently there hadn't been any big developments.
"You wanted to see me director?" he began, coming to stand in front of her desk.
"I think it's time to take the next step in the La Granuii mission." she suggested calmly. Tony frowned as he stared at her warily.
"I don't think I understand?" he lied. He had a strong feeling about what the next step was, and he wasn't too keen on going that direction.
"I need you to go deeper. You have already established yourself as an acquaintance with Ms. Beniot but it has reached its limits. In one of your last notes you mentioned she may be developing feelings for you. I want you to pursue a romantic relationship with her." Jenny elaborated for him. Tony swallowed. He was afraid of that.
"No disrespect Director, but what about another agent. I'm currently in a relationship and would prefer to keep this one. Besides, what about not getting emotionally involved in a case?" he suggested, wanting nothing more than to get out of this sticky situation. If he couldn't tell Claire about him 'dating' another girl than that would cause some major issues. It was already uncomfortable enough not being able to tell her that he was assigned to this woman because of her father. Claire wasn't stupid; she was already getting more suspicious.
"You are the best candidate for this, Tony. And I trust that you will be able to keep yourself emotionally distant." She countered. Tony nodded in understanding.
"Then what about Claire? She could befriend Ms. Benoît and infiltrate that way. It won't take much as both are very integrated in my life at the moment. You know girl talk will go a lot farther than what I can do as a friend. Besides it would be nice to have a partner in this." he tried again. This way he could keep his girlfriend. But the look on Jenny's face told him otherwise.
"I already told you that I am your partner and lovers get to know their other half much better and deeper than friends do Agent DiNozzo." She coolly countered. Tony sighed and ran a hand through his hair, trying to maintain his rising distress.
"Director Shepherd, I am in a relationship at the moment and 'dating' another woman leaves me with very few choices in the situation and telling her about this is not one of them." He protested once again. Jenny smiled knowingly…..but not in a way that made him comfortable. It set him on edge.
"You are aware that agent relations are strongly frowned upon here at NCIS, right Mr. DiNozzo?" Jenny asked him. Tony tensed. She knew.
"Director I assure you it's not causing any problems. You are one of the few that know about it." He insisted, hoping that he could keep what he had, but her expression didn't lead him to believe it possible. This could only end badly.
"I could easily discern that it is a problem and have a certain one of you removed from the team and stationed in another unit…maybe somewhere over in the middle east? Agents working within the Taliban are always in short supply." She pointed out, basically threatening Tony without actually saying it. But Tony knew what she was implying; he wouldn't have that.
"That has the highest death rates of any other unit. I'm not having you send her there." He defended with a glare. They both knew what he would have to do in order to keep his deep cover and he was livid. Tony was at a loss, he couldn't tell Claire, he couldn't tell Gibbs. He knew he would have to follow out the director's orders, and to do it well he would have to do something that would break him up inside. It was either this or basically sign Claire's death sentence and he didn't want that. At least this way he could have her close and where he could protect her.
"I trust you will make the right decision." Jenny pushed, her eyes staring at him pointedly. Tony clenched his jaw, staring right back at her unwavering gaze.
"Fine. Director." He grit out, leveling her with a murderous glare. Jenny grinned deviously, knowing she had won the battle and would get her inside man. Without another word Tony stormed out of her office, dreading what was about to happen to him. He was going to lose everything he ever cared about for some shot in the dark mission.
...
Tony paced back and forth in his apartment, his stomach sunk all the way down to the floor….. all the way down to the basement really. He couldn't stomach this. How could he do this to her?! Then again how could he not. He couldn't let Jenny get ahold of Claire; he was choosing the lesser of the two evils. If Claire knew about all this she would go after Jenny and he didn't want to think about what would happen. No this was the best option; she could be happy later on and that's what he wanted. The farther she was from the mess Jenny had gotten him into the better. Yet as he tried to rationalize his decisions, tears threatened to break through the surface. Before he could talk himself out of it, there was a knock on the door. Tony's heart jumped up into his throat. Here comes the worst day of his life. Slowly walking over, he opened the door letting in Claire who was watching him worriedly.
"Tony is everything ok? You sounded really off on the phone." She inquired, slipping out of her jacket and hanging it up. Not getting a response she turned to see Tony staring at the now closed door with a pained expression.
"Tony?" she asked again softly, walking over to put her hand on his arm in comfort. However, he subtly shrugged out of her hold, turning and raking a hand down his face. Claire's frown deepened in concern.
"Tony what's going on?" At her concerned tone, he finally turned to face her with his features schooled.
"I…uh….we need to talk about some things." He shakily began, trying to keep himself together. He just needed to get the words out.
"Okay.." she walked over and sat on the couch waiting for Tony to calm down enough to speak.
"I think…..I think we need to separate for a while." He eventually whispered out, not looking up from the floor. Claire blinked.
"You…what?" she asked in confusion. Claire stared hard at him, trying to spot anything in his expression that could give her a hint of what was going through his head.
"We…..we need to take a break from each other. Probably indefinitely." He repeated, finally looking up. Claire was startled by the pain in his expression.
"Tony, what brought this on? If I made you feel uncomfortable about the domestic comment a few days ago…"
"No, no, no it's not that. I just….I think this is the best thing for you…us." Claire stood and eyed him curiously at the slip up.
"You said me….why is this the best thing for me?" she questioned. Tony sighed, rubbing his forehead.
"Nothing just please…"
"Tony tell me what brought this on." She insisted.
"I can't." he huffed out, trying to keep it together. Claire reached for him but Tony flinched away. She stayed put, staring at him. Tony finally moved his eyes to meet hers, looking back at her intently. Begging for her to understand what he couldn't say.
"Is this about your meetings with Jenny?" she asked. Tony didn't answer but he didn't need to.
"Tony, if she's asking something of you that's unsanctioned….you need to tell me. This isn't right."
"Claire stop. There is nothing to worry about.
"Of course there is! What's going on, why are you breaking up with me?" she pushed, making her way closer to him. Tony instinctively reached out to comfort her and pulled her in close. He held her tight, just taking in the moment. Wanting to be as close to her as possible.
"Please. I can't tell you. But I need you to promise me that you'll stay out of it. I can't bring you in to this, for your own safety." He whispered urgently, holding her close to him.
"Screw my safety. I made a promise to have your back, let me help." She begged, realizing that he wasn't going to budge on this. He was pushing her away and she was trying desperately to change his mind. Whatever deal he had with Jenny was going to get him in trouble, she knew it.
"No. I need to do this." he protested, slowly de-tangling himself from her. Claire shook her head in protest.
"So are you breaking this off for safety or because you're done with us?" she asked him intently. Tony swallowed.
"I just think it's for the best." He avoided. Claire's jaw clenched.
"Unless you can look me in the eye and say you don't care about me, I'm not dropping this." she whispered. Tony stared into her eyes but he couldn't say it.
"You need to go, you need to let me go." He whispered instead. Claire nodded shakily.
"Fine. But know Tony DiNozzo that I love you, and I'm not letting this go. I'll let you have your space but I'm not gonna drop this." she told him sternly, her voice wobbling. Those three words broke him. Tony pushed back tears as he watched her back towards the door. Claire sniffed, wiping at her nose.
"This is probably the worst moment to say 'I love you' for the first time huh?" she smiled bitterly. Tony let the tears slip out, her words cutting him deep. But he knew he couldn't say it back. Not when he was trying so hard to put distance between them for her own good. He loved her, and he wanted to tell her so badly it physically hurt.
"You need to go Claire. We're done. Just let it be." Tony choked out, unable to stand her presence any longer. If she continued he wouldn't be able to go through with his plan. Claire nodded stiffly, wiping at another tear that fell before walking out the door. As the slam echoes behind her, Tony felt intense loneliness and pain that came with how hollow he suddenly felt.
...
Claire eventually made it to her car, despite her blurred vision. This was his decision and if he was so set on it there was nothing she could do. He wanted her away, but she didn't know why. She knew he loved her back, even if he had never said it. But he wanted her out of his life for the moment. Damn the DiNozzo pride and stubbornness. Turning on her car she sat there listening to the radio. As she listened, she smiled humorlessly at how ironic the timing of the song was….
...
Still gotta walk into a crowded room
With the radio on
Crack a smile and crack a beer like it don't bother you
Like it ain't your song that's on
Still gotta cross the bridge to get to work
The one by her place
Make it through the nine to five like you don't hurt
It goes that way
...
Claire drove home, her eyes drawn to all the places they used to frequent as she did. Her heart hurt to think that they would just be memories here soon. They didn't mean anything significant anymore, just pain. Just a place where she was happy. Another onset of tears came up and she let them run. She had tonight to mourn, tomorrow she could be called in to work and that was no place to be emotional especially if he was gonna be there. She didn't care if she looked like a mess tonight. It's not like anyone would see it. Claire knew she had to compose herself and except that fact that it was all over. All those years of progress thrown to the side. She had to be able to continue working with Tony. Maybe there was a good reason for rule 12. Work made romance complicated.
...
When someone stops loving you
It don't make the evening news
It don't keep the sun from rising, the clock from winding, your heart from beating
Even when you want it to
When someone stops loving you
...
The next morning Tony awoke with a heavy heart. He could admit that he cried….a lot. But no one would know that he did. They hadn't got called in just yet but he couldn't sleep. Not with the emotional turmoil that was going on in his heart. Looking at his nightstand he smiled wistfully. Claire was smiling back at him, her arms wrapped tightly around his torso as he smiled down at her, completely ignoring the camera. Picking it up he frowned, burying back another wave of pain. He had let her go, and it hurt like hell. A ring from his cell caught his attention, looking over the text he frowned even more. Jenny had sent him some details about where Jeanne would be. Another mission for him. Setting the picture down gently he slowly stood to get ready for the day. Opening his closet, he grabbed the first decent shirt he could find. Once he took it off the hanger he stared at it sadly. This was Claire's favorite shirt on him. All he could think about was her hands running over it, swiftly undoing the buttons as he kissed her long and hard. Tony's heart clenched again, being reminded of how much he loved her.
...
Still gotta button up your collared shirt
The one she used to button down
Sleep on the mattress where her body left a curve
Or maybe just the couch
...
Claire stretched her back as she sat up on the couch. She had slept there instead of the bed. It was just too big, too empty now. The night before she had tried to sleep but the faint smell of his cologne that lingered sent her into sobs. She had to get some form of sleep if she was going to make it through these next couple weeks.
...
Still gotta keep her number in your phone
In case she calls back
One night when she's drunk and all alone
Yeah, you pray for that
...
As Tony watched from the café window he scrolled through his phone, looking to see if Jenny had called him. As he scrolled through the recent calls his finger froze when it passed a familiar number. He swallowed thickly, staring at Claire's number. He couldn't dial it, he couldn't delete it. It just sat there taunting him, reminding him of how stupid this whole situation was. Damn Jenny. Quickly closing it he glanced up and looked over to where Jeanne was. However, the doctor was now gone and nowhere in sight. Tony sighed. Jenny would be pissed that he lost his chance to 'run' into her, but right now he couldn't care less.
...
When someone stops loving you
It don't make the evening news
It don't keep the sun from rising, the clock from winding, your heart from beating
Even when you want it to
When someone stops loving you
...
Claire took the time she had off to sort through her room. The quicker she cleared out his things, the faster she could get over this. As she did she stumbled across one of his shirts that she loved to sleep in. Picking it up she held it up to toss but couldn't seem to release it. Instead she pulled it tight to her chest and slid down the wall, suddenly out of energy. A tear slipped down her face and she hugged it tight and took in the scent. No matter how much she wanted to forget, she couldn't, she still loved him.
Tony trudged home tiredly. All he wanted to do now was sit down and drink. But first he needed a shower. Turning on the hot water he slipped in blindly and stood there quietly, just letting the water roll down his body. After a few minutes he reached over for his shampoo but picked up the wrong one. He picked up hers. Tony stared at it for a moment before opening it and rubbing it all along his hands. Bringing them to his face he smiled tearfully, taking in the fruity scent that was always clinging to her hair. He sat down in the shower, holding his hands to his nose. He loved that scent. He loved her, and now she wasn't his.
...
The hardest part about it is
There ain't a switch that you can flip
'Cause you can't stop loving them
When someone stops loving you
When someone stops loving you
It don't keep the sun from rising, the clock from winding, your heart from beating
Even when you want it to
When someone stops loving you
When someone stops loving you
When someone stops loving you
[When Someone Stops Loving You- Little Big Town]
...
Don't hate me! I dislike this just as much as ya'll do but in order to keep the Jeanne story line (because regardless of how I feel about it, it is a big story line in the show) I had to do something between Tony and Claire. After months of dwelling on this problem I felt that this way was the truest to Tony's character. I can't see him 'two-timing' someone he truely cared about nor could he get away with letting Claire in on the secret. Tony's a good but he has a good heart and is very loyal so this option seemed the best way to keep him true to form. Besides it was about time this story had some angst, because if not then it would just get boring. So this new dynamic will make for some interesting interactions in the future. Thanks for sticking with this so long and I hope this doesn't turn ya'll off from reading anymore. I assure you they are not done forever ;)...
