Smoked [pt 1]:
...
3rd Person POV:
Tony Dinozzo arrived at NCIS reading McGee's newly discovered novel, Deep Six. He snickered as he walked over towards his desk, passing Ziva who was reading her own copy. Claire glanced up as she sat across the bullpen at her own desk, a copy of the novel in hand. Ever since it was revealed that McGee was crime fiction novelist Thom E. Gemcity, they quickly took up reading his book. Unfortunately, the reveal also led to the realization that he had based his characters off of them in a not so subtle manner.
"Finish McGee's book yet?" Tony asked, setting his bag and coat down behind his desk. The girls looked up from their books.
"I didn't get started as early as I wanted so I'm not I'm too far into it." Claire admitted.
"Half-way. You?" Ziva asked, glancing up at him.
"I'm on…..chapter seven, page 103." He told her, waltzing over to stand in front of her desk as she frowned at him curiously.
"Maybe someday Lisa would find the courage to tell agent Tommy about her dream of the two of them together. Their bodies covered in sweat as they made love on crystal white sands of her homeland…" Tony dramatically read off the page. Ziva snapped her book shut.
"I'm gonna kill him." she growled. Claire groaned in amused disgust at the idea while Tony beamed with delight.
"Oh don't be too hard on him. I think it's kinda funny that he reached that conclusion." She smirked. Ziva shot her a glare.
"Really? Well I don't think you would be so amused to learn that McGee thinks you have frustrating sex." Ziva quipped. Claire's grin dropped, while Tony guffawed at her reaction.
"The term is sexually frustrated and what the hell are you talking about?" she asked, furiously scanning through the pages.
"Allow me." Tony suggested and quickly turned to a passage that was clearly earmarked. As if he knew this topic would come up.
"Blair watched the sexual tension mount between her fellow coworkers Tommy and Lisa, her eyes holding a longing for her own relationship. Her background with high profile jobs kept her busier than most, leaving no time to find a lover. She often accompanied Tommy in his childish shenanigans and spent many hours in the building's training gym to release her sexual frustration ..…" Tony read with an amused smirk. He shot a look her direction, biting his lip as her face turned red at a rapid pace. McGee had written the book back when they were dating. It was mortifying to think that he had assumed she was sexually frustrated the whole time. And apparently pining after a fake relationship.
"Forget going easy on him. Ziva, I'll gladly help you kill him." she growled, slamming her book onto the desk.
"Kill who?" Gibbs asked as he strode past the agents.
"McGee, have you read his book?" Ziva asked, holding up her copy.
"Apparently McGee thinks Ziva is in love with me and that Claire needs to get laid." Tony gloated, however his grin faltered as Claire shot him a pointed stare. He cleared his throat uncomfortably. A bit too soon for that joke. Ziva scoffed at the absurdity of the whole situation. For a profiler McGee sure mixed up his messages when it came to the females in his life. Not that Claire was ever going to correct his facts, especially now that the relationship was over.
"There's a reason they call it fiction DiNozzo." Gibbs pointed out absently as he rummaged through his desk drawers.
"Boss, just got a call from dispatch. The construction crew just found a dead body." McGee announced as he made his way over to join them. Behind his back Ziva, Tony, and Claire glared with his book in hand.
"Where?" Gibbs asked, already reaching for his gun.
"Chesapeake High School in Quantico."
"Student?" Gibbs asked, grabbing the keys. McGee frowned down at his notebook.
"Uhhh I'm not sure." Gibbs tossed the keys to Tony who was smirking at McGee viciously.
"Take the truck, I'll meet you there." Gibbs informed as he walked out of the room, leaving McGee at the mercy of his coworkers. McGee went to his desk and started packing up his gear when he looked up. He paused his movements as his eyes swept across the bullpen, spotting three copies of his book paired with daggered stares.
"How many times do I have to tell you, it's not about you guys." McGee sighed in exasperation.
"Oh, no of course not." Claire drawled sarcastically. She looked over at Tony.
"Let Ziva drive." She instructed, shooting McGee a smirk. Tony eagerly handed the keys to Ziva. McGee stared at their backs in alarm as he trailed behind them to the elevator. After a silent ride down to the garage Ziva, Tony, and Claire quickly occupied the seats up front…those with seat-belts. This left McGee to climb into the back. Claire ended up in the middle and flinched when Tony's thigh slid up against hers. Tony clenched his jaw at her reaction but couldn't say anything.
"Comfortable back there, Gore Vidal?" Tony asked, pursing his lips in irritation. McGee scrambled to the small window behind Claire's head, causing her duck away from his face.
"For the last time Deep Six is fiction." He told them earnestly.
"Fiction about us, yes?" Ziva questioned as she started up the van.
"No! Look if you don't believe me, read the disclaimer in the front of the book." McGee insisted.
"Are you buying that….Lisa?" Tony asked, looking across the van. Ziva chuckled deeply.
"Didn't think so." Tony hummed reaching back to securely buckle himself in.
"Nice knowing ya McGee." Claire chirped, knowing how rough it was back there with the crazy Israeli driving. And she was much madder at McGee than her at the time.
"Ziva…" McGee pleaded worriedly. Without a glance back Ziva threw the van into gear and slammed her foot on the gas pedal. Everyone in the vehicle grunted as they were thrown back, however McGee lost his footing and went sailing towards the back of the van.
"It's just a book!" he cried desperately.
...
At the crime scene there was a charred body on the floor covered in soot as the man had dropped out of the chimney. Ziva flashed a camera in Tony's face causing him to blink the dots from his vision. Tony clenched his jaw and wiped some dust off his sketchpad.
"You know in chapter eight, McGee's 'book you' character does the same thing to agent Tommy. Turns out she has this whole secret photo album of him." he informed her pointedly.
"That's actually kinda creepy." Claire pointed out while Ziva shot him a glare.
"Fascinating Tony. But I wasn't taking a picture of you. I'm more interested in the wildlife." Ziva nodded her head towards the rat just above him. Tony turned and Ziva quickly took a picture of his disgusted reaction to the creature. She snickered at his reaction.
"It's just a rat, Tony. No need to freak out." Claire commented in amusement. Tony shot her a dirty look. Claire crouched down to examine the body on the floor when Gibbs entered the basement with the foreman alongside him.
"We have pulled rats, cats, and birds out of chimneys before Agent Gibbs. Hell, even one time a St. Bernard. But this is my first mummy." The foreman told Gibbs as they made their way towards the body.
"It reminds me of that urban legend."
"Which one is that?" Gibbs asked as he knelt next to the body.
"The one where the guy dresses like Santa, you know on Christmas Eve to surprise his girlfriend, but he never shows. She's convinced that the bastard dumped her. Badmouths him all over town…."
"Until they find the poor soul in the chimney a few months later. Still clutching the shiny new engagement ring in his hand. And the moral of the story is…." Ducky began as he climbed down the stairs.
"It's never a good idea to get married." Gibbs cut him off, not looking up. Ducky sent him a look from behind.
"..no its best not to judge someone until all the facts are in." Ducky clarified. He and Gibbs shared a silent glance.
"I like mine better." Gibbs quipped. The foreman chuckled.
"Did any of your men touch Kris Kringle here?" The man shook his head.
"Nah, most of them were halfway to Manassas before the dust even settled." He explained.
"There's no ID on him." Claire informed, standing up next to Gibbs.
"And based on what's left of the mullet I think it's safe to say he wasn't in the military." Tony added.
"You think, DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked sarcastically. Tony pouted and watched Gibbs head towards their M.E., without looking up from his notepad.
"Hey, I need a TOD, Doctor." Gibbs asked, not looking at Ducky.
"Considering we have been working together for over ten years, I am well aware of that fact Agent Gibbs." Ducky snipped icily. Palmer and Claire shared an uncomfortable glance as they stood between their bosses.
"Conners when he gets one run it through missing persons over the same time period." Gibbs instructed. Claire frowned.
"Where are you going?" she inquired.
"To the roof, to figure out how he ended up there in the first place." Gibbs explained. On his way up the stairs he ran into McGee who was holding an icepack to his neck.
"What happened to you?" he asked. McGee frowned thoughtfully as they passed on another.
"Um, creative differences with my coworkers, boss." He tentatively elaborated. Claire snorted aloud, McGee shooting her a frown.
"A lot of that going around these days." Gibbs quipped as he exited the room. The agents shot the exit a worried glance. Gibbs and Ducky were still being frosty towards one another, which caused everyone else to be very uncomfortable.
"Don't you think it's about time you and Gibbs made up, Ducky?" Ziva suggested once Gibbs was out of earshot.
"Made up? I wasn't aware we were fighting Ziva." Ducky hummed as he examined the body.
"Come on. Ever since he retired…."
"Gibbs didn't retire, he quit." Ducky quickly corrected what Tony was about to say.
"Ok, so he quit. But he's back now, that should count for something." Claire pointed out gently.
"You need to cut the man some slacks, Ducky." Ziva added.
"I agree. Except the term is 'slack'." Tony pointed out with a shrug. She had gotten close enough.
"Judging by the decay and the condition of his skin….I tentatively place the time of death at 2-4 months ago." Ducky ignored them as he relayed the information to Claire who jotted it down.
"Works for me. Time of death was 2-4 months ago Gibbs!" Claire shouted up the chimney. She paused and shrugged at the lack of response.
"Bag and tag the ashes, Probie. We'll pick you up after we coordinate with the MPs." Tony instructed with a grin. Claire and Ziva shot McGee cool stares as they passed, following Tony up the stairs. McGee frowned, still holding the icepack on his neck.
"Palmer I need a favor." Tim quickly asked once his team had left. Jimmy stared at him blankly.
"You need a ride back with us." He guessed. McGee frowned.
"How did you know?" Palmer pursed his lips, staring at McGee unhappily.
"I read your book. And for your information I never had sexual relations with a corpse." He snipped in offense. McGee inwardly groaned.
"That character was not based on you." he quietly insisted.
"His name was Pimmy Jalmer, McGee" Palmer snapped. McGee paused.
"Well he's French Polynesian." He defended weakly. Palmer huffed and slid past the agent.
"Doctor I'm going to go get the gurney now." McGee turned to watch the man stalk up the stairs. Just another added to the list of teammates that hated him because of his book.
"It was only a dream…come on haven't you ever heard of symbolism?" McGee continued his attempts to placate Palmer, but it was useless. The sound of Ducky chuckling caught his attention.
"The life of an artist is never easy, McGee. They'll all get over it eventually." He assured. McGee sighed, crouching next to him.
"Thanks, Ducky."
"By the way do you know if Tony has finished it yet?" Ducky asked, looking at McGee curiously.
"Not yet." McGee answered, unsure what that had to do with anything. Dr. Mallard winced thoughtfully.
"Well him I'd watch out for." Ducky warned, putting McGee even more on edge.
...
Claire's POV:
Back at NCIS I was sorting thought the photos of missing persons during the time frame Ducky had given.
"None of the photos from the local missing person reports match our John Doe's description." I sighed in frustration.
"And there's no record of anyone going missing on base. Civilian or military during that time period." I added with an agitated growl. Hearing no helpful response I looked up and glared at Tony who was still nose deep in McGee's book.
"Are you even listening to me?" I asked sharply.
"I'm getting close to the end." Tony dismissed, not looking up from the book.
"You know McGee is really starting to nail your essence here." He beamed in approval.
"That's not funny. Besides he keeps saying it's fiction so part of it has to be wrong." I huffed, unwilling to let it bother me. I didn't really have all those habits, did I?
"I don't think so….'Blair' silently watches the others with observant eyes, punching Tommy in the shoulder when she's irritated, she wears the leather jackets and heeled bootie shoes, spending hours in the gym to blow off tension…."
"I am not!..." I paused to suck in a breath, realizing that I had raised her voice. No need for everyone else in the office to hear me.
"I am not sexually frustrated. I can't believe he wrote that!" I snarled, clenching my fists together. Tony raised an amused brow and smirked at her from across the room. I wanted to smack it off.
"I know that…" he assured calmly, still grinning. I jerked my head up and pursed my lips at him with a cool glare. This was not the time.
"You really want to address this?" I warned. Tony blushed and looked down at the table in embarrassment. If he was so adamant about cutting our relationship off, then he needed to know where the boundary was. He can't just bring stuff like that up and expect me to act fine with it. It had only been a few weeks ago.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring it all up again." He quietly admitted, realizing just how worked up I had gotten. I ran a hand through my hair roughly, trying to get my emotions back under control.
"I know, it's just…..I know." I told him roughly. Tony remained silent, obviously unsure how to proceed from there. I didn't really have any ideas on where to go either. I hated how awkward we could be now. This had never been a real problem before. After a minute of silence, he picked the book back up.
"You know he also is keying in on Ziva pretty well too." He began, glancing over to see if I was paying attention. I barely glanced over. At least he was trying. Taking that as a good sign he continued, reading directly from the book.
"…'stakeouts. Long endless hours fueled by cheap food….and even cheaper coffee. But tonight, Mossad officer Lisa didn't seem to mind because she was getting to spend it with Agent Tom….'" I grinned, biting my lip to keep the smile back as I sat up and watched him. Tony trailed off as he read the passage in a gravely narration voice, grinning my direction. Until he realized I was looking past him. His smile instantly dropped.
"She's behind me again, isn't she?" he muttered. Ziva leaned down towards his ear.
"Lucky guess." She commented before shoving his chair into the desk hard, pinning his torso against it. Tony groaned in pain as his gut was squished roughly, Ziva not letting up on the pressure.
"You know I think McGee's right." Ziva hummed next to his ear. Tony's face bloomed in surprise. I however stared at them incredulously. Was this really happening?
"He was, was he?" he asked curiously. His face then morphed into one of pain as it flared up again.
"It is taking almost all my willpower to resist these urges when I'm around you Tony." She told him. Tony bit his lower lip in silent thought. I watched a plethora of emotions flit across his face in seconds. But overall I could see that he was uncomfortable with how believable she was being.
"Maybe….it's time that I just give in, yes?" she continued. Tony's brow furrowed in confusion and slight alarm.
"And by give in you mean?..."
"Letting loose, doing what comes naturally to me." Tony chuckled.
"Ah yes. You know I thought I was picking up on those vibes the first time we me." He grinned charmingly.
"You were?" Ziva inquired. Tony hummed in confirmation, keeping up with the game. At least I was pretty positive it was a game. Either way I was getting weirded out just watching them.
"In fact I almost did it the night we talked at the hotel." Ziva told him thoughtfully.
"Really?"
"But my father wouldn't approve."
"Because I'm not Jewish." Tony assumed.
"Because he gets very angry when I KILL a coworker." She snarled, jerking her head towards him on the word kill. Tony jerked back and laughed all the emotions off in his usual way.
"Like I believed you for even a second." He shot back seriously. Ziva chuckled in amusement.
"You didn't?" she hummed, standing upright and smacking him lightly on the face. Tony's eyes bugged as he glanced around unsure as what just happened. I rolled my eyes and went back to work.
"You guys done playing grab ass?" Gibbs asked as he made his way into the bullpen. I couldn't have said it better myself.
"Oh, he started it." Ziva informed, returning to her spot.
"I'm ending it." Gibbs countered, leaning on Tony's desk.
"Oh…I…" Tony sputtered. Gibbs took the book off his desk.
"The next person who mentions this book will be deep sixed by me." Gibbs warned, tossing Tony's book in with the small pile behind his desk. Mine was included in the pile, confiscated an hour earlier.
"I can completely live with that boss." Tony quickly assured.
"My point exactly DiNozzo. Did you ID our victim yet?" Gibbs asked, taking a seat at his computer.
"We're running facial recognition against missing persons cases over the last six months."
"No hits yet, boss." Tony and I summarized for him. I shot Tony an impressed nod. I guess he was listening to me.
"Um I believe that's my fault. I'm afraid my initial time of death wasn't completely accurate." Ducky chimed in from the end of the room. He waved for us to follow him down to autopsy.
...
On the table downstairs the victim had been cleaned up but remained a reddish-brown color, still stuck in the position he was found in. Definitely different than most bodies that came through here.
"As you may see his body is almost perfectly preserved. Perfectly preserved for a rotted corpse that is." Ducky began as all four of us followed him in. Tony eyed the man with mild disgust.
"The guy looks like a piece of beef jerky, Duck." He commented.
"Gum tissue rots faster than the outer flesh, due to the high degree of bacteria inside the mouth." Ducky began his explanation, pulling back the man's lips.
"As you can see, his gums are almost intact." He pointed out. Gibbs and Ziva leaned down to get a closer look while Tony and I remained on the other side of the table. I could picture it just fine from here.
"Maybe he was just a good flosser." Tony suggested, earning deadpan stares from rest of us.
"I'm shutting up, boss." he amended knowingly. Tony turned and gave me a dramatic wince, earing a reluctant grin from me. I pretended like I didn't notice how he lit up at my reaction.
"How'd he die?" Gibbs asked, ignoring Tony.
"Well the how I'm still working on. It makes it very difficult because of the means by which his body was preserved. This man was literally smoked inside that chimney." Ducky explained. My brows rose in surprise.
"Smoked?" Ziva asked. Tony's head jerked around in surprise at the news.
"Yes, like a fine cut of meat." Ducky explained.
"So he really is like beef jerky." I pointed out. He sure looked the part.
"In a manner of speaking, yes. Its also the reason why my time of death was so far off." Ducky answered.
"More than 2-4 months, Ducky?" Ziva asked.
"It would seem so." The man chuckled.
"How much?" Gibbs asked.
"I would say we're looking at 5 or 6…" Gibbs shrugged with a grin.
"Ah don't be so rough on yourself doctor. We're already running the past 6 months." Gibbs explained as the team started to head out.
"Not months. Years." Ducky called, getting us to pause. That was significantly off from what we initially thought. I sighed, already knowing that I was going to have many more missing persons to sift through. Gibbs turned to me expectantly.
"On it." I nodded, already heading towards the elevator to head back to my computer.
...
3rd Person POV:
Shortly after the team had returned to the bullpen, Tony was called away by the Director. Conveniently at a time where Gibbs was not in the room. However, he had quickly noticed the man's absence over the span of an hour he had already been gone. He stood in front of the big screen, sifting through his own set of missing person photos to help speed up the work.
"How long has Tony been doing errands for the Director?" he asked. Claire paused her typing as she was the only other person in the office.
"Why would I know?" she inquired, her voice letting out a small bite. Gibbs turned to look at her knowingly. She would be the only person who would keep track of his activities to closely. Claire swallowed as she paused in mock thought. She didn't need to think about it but didn't want to come across to nosey.
"A week or so after you retired. Apparently, she trusts him."
"To do what?" he asked.
"You will have to ask Tony that. Lord knows he won't tell me." Gibbs eyed her curiously, paying close attention to her tone.
"You don't trust it." He surmised. Claire shrugged.
"I don't have anything to go on to have an unbiased opinion on it. But no…. I don't like how secretive it has been." She admitted reluctantly. Gibbs nodded thoughtfully. Before anything else could be said Abby came bounding into the bullpen.
"Gibbs, Gibbs! I did it." She cheered.
"Wh…you mean we." McGee corrected, disgruntled.
"There's no we in McGee." Abby dismissed. McGee frowned in confusion but let her continue.
"I traced the connection back to the system that deleted the fingerprint match." Abby explained excitedly.
"It's a server in Arlington Virginia."
"Routed through AFIS, directly at the source."
"Our mystery hacker is…
"..the FBI." Gibbs answered for the duo. Abby deflated.
"Yea…it sounds a little anticlimactic when you say it." She pointed out in disappointment.
"How did you know that?" McGee asked.
"I'm looking at them." Gibbs explained. Just as he gestured behind them, Fornell made his way into their circle with Sacks on his tail.
"Well isn't that just fantastic." Claire drawled, sending Sacks a dirty look. One which he easily returned.
"You've got something that belongs to me, Gibbs." Fornell grinned deviously.
...
After two hours, Tony finally made his way back to work waltzing in as if he was never gone. He slowed his gait and glared at his desk where familiar FBI agent sat in his chair. Sacks grinned as he chatted jovially with someone over the phone. His grin widened and he waved when he spotted Tony's sour expression. Tony skirted around his desk, glaring at the man. When Tony turned to look at his teammates they all shared strained grins, just as thrilled as he was that Sacks was in the room.
"What's wrong with this picture?" Tony asked, walking over to Claire. She shot him a look.
"Besides being late over two hours?" she quipped sharply. Tony bit the inside of his lip and ignored it.
"Why is the spawn of the FBI sitting at my desk?" he asked instead with a snarl. Lee made her way over towards Tony with a paper, cutting off the conversation.
"Warrant just came in via the FBI, I made sure NCIS was a co-signer." She told him. Tony frowned in confusion.
"A warrant for what Lee?" he asked, looking over the paper. Claire snatched it from his hands, scanning it herself since Tony had missed all the action.
"The serial killer's home." She explained shortly. Tony's brow furrowed.
"It covers the grounds and residence." Lee added.
"Serial killer?" he sputtered.
"Well you missed quite a bit when you were off on your errand." Claire told him coolly. Tony sighed tiredly, shooting her a pleading look. He really didn't want to keep getting into this conversation.
"I only missed like two hours." He defended. Right on que Gibbs swooped in and smacked Tony upside the head, causing the two girls to flinch.
"You snooze you lose DiNozzo. Grab your gear." Gibbs ordered with Fornell in tow. The man snatched the paper out of Claire's hands while everyone scrambled for their gear.
"I already have my gear." Tony weakly pointed out. He looked to Claire, his eyes pleading for her to help him out. She sighed and rolled her eyes.
"Fine, I'll fill you in on the way out." she caved, already behind their boss.
"Today DiNozzo!" Gibbs called as he spotted Tony lingering in the back. Tony jolted into action and chased after the team before the elevator closed.
...
In the car McGee grabbed the wheel while Ziva sat passenger, putting Tony and Claire in the back. The four rode in silence for a few minutes as they followed Gibbs and Fornell to the address.
"So….serial killer? Who is that?" Tony finally asked, looking over at Claire. She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye.
"The body downstairs. Killed 14 women and then ate their left toes." she summarized. Tony's face scrunched up in disgust.
"Someone has a foot fetish." He muttered distastefully. Claire nodded silently. Ziva and McGee chatted up front in an attempt to give them some privacy. They were well aware that something had happened between the two in the back, adding to the already present tension within their work group.
"How did we figure that out?" Tony continued.
"Abby and McGee did some computer program on jerky's face and matched it with missing persons. The prints matched the case that the FBI still had on the murders. This is the first time the FBI has had any clue on who it was." Tony nodded, and watched Claire absently as she stared out the window.
"And now we are going to his house?" Claire nodded.
"Yup, his wife and kids still live there. His profile suggests that there's a strong likelihood he kept some of the bodies as trophies." She answered. Tony nodded again and returned to silence, having nothing else to really say. At least not with prying ears up in the front seats.
