Ch1

Izzie somehow managed to maintain her composure. Nobody knew how, least of all Alex. "I'll take her home, man. You should probably go find Callie."

"Yeah, probably a good idea. I'll see you later. Call me if you need anything. If, she..." George mumbled, scratching his head.

"Will do. Night." Alex opened Izzie's door as she reached the car. Alex climbed in, started his car, and turned on the lights and wipers. The weather seemed to match everyone's mood: dark, depressing, and chilly. Typical early spring in the Pacific northwest, but somehow it seemed far gloomier than the promise of blooming flowers and life anew. Tonight, life was taken. And Izzie looked like the life had been taken right out of her.

The whole ride home, Izzie didn't say a word. Alex knew turning on the radio would do no good, so he drove her home, silently, carefully watching the road and the rain. Izzie looked out the window, the glow of the streetlights illuminating her tear-stained face. Clearly, she'd been through hell.

Alex couldn't really relate - after all, the only person close to him that had died was his high school wrestling coach. His parents were the picture of true love, married for 35 years and counting, even though his father's musical career tanked due to drug addiction and his wild lifestyle. His mother stuck by him, and he says that she saved him. The closest he had ever been to love was Izzie, and he had blown that by sleeping with Olivia and generally being a jerk. He'd kick himself for it, but he's smart enough to know that asinine comments and generally being a jerk was his modus operandi. If maybe Alex didn't open his heart up, maybe it would never get broken. The one woman he let in, he managed to shove out, and right into the arms of another man. Most people think Alex is cruel and heartless, but the truth was that it was killing him inside to see Izzie do this to herself. She fell in love with a patient, someone who was barely living and clearly off-limits, and then compromised her medical career and everything she'd worked for just to have him die on her, leaving her grieving and alone.

At the house, Izzie calmly got out of the car and walked to the door. She fumbled for her keys, with Alex on her heels. She opened the door and threw her purse on the table by the door, calmly climbing the stairs to her room. She didn't even acknowledge Alex's presence. It's like she was on auto pilot, a shell of the person everyone knows. She opened the door to her room, and sat down on her bed. Alex pulled up the chair beside her door, and sat facing her, as she put her head in her hands and began to sob. Loudly, violently, like she was being physically hurt. She'd barely let Alex touch her - the best he could do was hold her elbows as they shook, her blonde curls cascading over her shoulders. Eventually she had cried herself out after what seemed like hours, and leaned back on the bed, pulling herself up towards her pillows then grabbing one and wrapping her arms around it. "I'm too tired to keep doing this," she told Alex blankly as she curled up. "You can stay."

Ch2

Izzie barely slept. She woke up around 5 am, still in her dress from the prom. Her hair was a mess from tossing and turning, so she reached up to pull out her hair pins, throwing them on the floor. She was numb to the core, past the point of caring about anything. She sat up in bed and tried to gather her composure. Behind her something shifted, and she turned to see Alex in his suit, asleep in a chair. Sunlight was barely coming in the window as she changed into a pair of jeans and a tshirt, looking around her room for a ponytail holder. Then a pair of shoes. Then a duffle bag. She filled it with a few shirts, some underwear, another pair of jeans, and some pajamas. She took one last look at Alex and realized she should at least do him the courtesy of thanking him, but decided to let him sleep instead. She'd put everyone through her long night it seemed. Carefully she opened the door and eased down the hall into the bathroom. She picked up one of the red toothbrushes, not sure if it was hers or George's. She studied it for a minute before realizing she didn't really care and threw it into her bag. She swished some mouthwash around in her mouth, realizing how dehydrated she was. Probably from crying all night. Izzie crept down the stairs, grabbed her car keys and her purse, and walked out the door.

Chehalis, Washington was a small town about three hours from Seattle. It seemed like it was more than that. Like it was on a whole 'nother planet. Between the railroad tracks and Interstate 5, halfway between Seattle and Portland, Chehalis was full of warehouses, logging operations, and farms. To Izzie, it just looked rundown and sad. It reminded her of the sad life she had before she left for school in Seattle. It was a big transition for her, going from a trailer park to the big city, but she knew she couldn't spend the rest of her life in Chehalis waiting for something great to happen to her. She turned 18 the day after her high school graduation, and decided a good birthday present was to live the words she said in her valedictorian speech - to follow her dreams until they become reality. She spent that summer waiting tables in the city, and before long she found herself waiting on a short, bald man with big ears, who asked her if she really wanted to spend the rest of her life as a waitress. She told him that she was saving money for medical school so that she could become a surgeon. The man turned out to be a catalog photographer looking for a fresh face - he had found it. Izzie posed in a few catalogs for him and his company before someone asked her how she felt about underwear modeling. The rest was history. She could have pursued the modeling, but she knew there was a much bigger dream on the horizon for her than just being famous for her looks.

She turned her car at the church, into Forrest Park Trailer Homes. Instantly the past came into view. Izzie parked, quietly closed the door to her car, and took a deep breath, studying the familiar surroundings. Even the shrubs in front of the porch looked the same, like they had frozen when she first left and had lost the will to grow and change. Izzie climbed the steps beside them and knocked on the door.

Ch3

Alex realized his back hurt the moment he'd woken up. The chair in Izzie's room was comfortable to someone who was just sitting for a short time but not conducive to sleeping for four hours. When he opened his eyes he saw Izzie's pink dress on the bed, but no sign of Izzie. Just a note,

"Maybe I just need to go home. Thanks for being there."

Alex grabbed his jacket and reached for his keys, bounding down the stairs and out the door. His shift started at 6 and he only had a few minutes to get to the hospital.

Everyone was trying to sort out the mess from the night before. Almost the minute he walked into the intern's locker room, still in his dress shirt and slacks, he was bombarded with questions, 'How is she?' 'What's going to happen to her?' 'Did she really quit?' "I have no idea. Really, no clue." Alex grabbed a pair of scrubs from his locker and began to change into them, then reached for his tennis shoes and a stethoscope hanging in the back of the locker. He clipped his pager onto his scrubs and headed out into the hallway.

"Well, being as Cristina is otherwise occupied and Izzie's MIA, we're a few pairs of hands short today. Hope you all brought your A-game." Bailey bellowed as she walked. Alex felt like hell. Meredith looked like she was miles away, clutching her venti mocha latte for dear life. George was the only person who looked rested and ready to work, but he had a look in his eyes that showed how worried he was at the mention of Izzie's name. Bailey stopped walking and turned to face the interns, "Look, I know it was a rough night with Denny and Izzie and the prom and Burke and everything else, but today we're doctors and we're working. People need us right now. Sick people. Dying people. Pull yourselves together for them, got it?"

After a quick round on the floor, Alex went to find Dr. Webber standing in front of the surgical board. "Do you mind if I talk to you privately, Chief? It's about Izzie."

"I have a surgery scheduled at 7:30. Meet me in my office afterward."

When Alex got there, he was met by Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd in one chair and Dr. Webber behind the desk. He slid into the chair next to the redhead, and once he realized his back hurt from the chair he had slept in, he leaned forward with his elbows on his knees.

Dr. Webber looked tired. Between Camille's cancer coming back, knowing that Meredith and Adele knew about his affair with Ellis, and the complexity of Preston Burke's situation, on top of having to deal with Izzie, the stress was taking its toll on him. He rubbed his temples then leaned across his desk to address his colleagues. "What Dr. Stevens did was unprofessional and, more importantly, unethical. I can expect a certain amount of bad judgement out of an intern but she crossed the line completely. However, she is talented - incredibly talented - and sometimes the most talented surgeons need a jolt of reality." He gestured to Addison. "Dr. Stevens needed a big one. Do you two think that she really meant what she said last night?"

"Frankly, I'm still trying to process the whole situation," Dr. Shepherd retorted. "After that episode with the quints I thought maybe she was over the emotional attachment thing, but I guess I was wrong. However, this was a special kind of relationship that just went over and beyond the normal scope of being overly attached to a patient's care - a situation that made her more of a friend or family member or a person who had a stake in that patient's life than simply an overly concerned doctor. That kind of situation is rare and probably won't be repeated given the emotional damage it probably did. I do think she could stay in the program and make the move to peds, where I can work one-on-one with her and give her some more personal guidance. She reminds me of myself at that phase - well, except that I wasn't involved with a patient - and I think that I can help her progress as a surgeon. I think she could excel there. "

"Do you think she would even consider coming back, Dr. Karev? Have you talked to her?"

Alex cleared his throat. "Actually, sir, I don't know where she is. But I do want to have something to tell her when I find her."

"Well, Dr. Karev, if Dr. Stevens is willing and if it's okay with the Chief, then I'd like to give her a shot with me."

"Alex, find her and bring her in. You have tomorrow off."

As he left the Chief's office, Alex ran into Meredith. He grabbed her by the arm, "Meredith, do you know where Izzie's mom lives?"

Ch4

Dena Stevens hadn't had a real conversation with her daughter since Izzie was about 16. Izzie had gotten pregnant and had no idea what to do with the baby. Dena saw a glimpse of herself at roughly that age - young and full of promise, she had chosen to marry her high school sweetheart, move from South Dakota to Washington, and start a family. Then a few years later came tragedy, and at only 22 Dena found herself a widow with a young daughter, miles away from home, no career or way to support herself, and only a high school education. She moved into the tiny trailer and worked as much as she could, attempting to raise her daughter as best she knew how. Dena urged Izzie to follow her dream of becoming a surgeon, and to give her daughter the life that Izzie had never had. The pain and grief that Izzie had felt from that experience, even knowing that it was the right thing to do, caused her to push harder into her studies and into working nights after school. Not knowing how to help her daughter had pushed Dena to the brink of insanity. She tried to keep her mind off of it, but late one night watching a commercial on a TV at the diner she worked at, she decided to call a television psychic. From that moment on, Dena had put all of her hope - and all of her money - into looking for a reason to believe that the future was really going to be okay, for both of them.

On this day, however, Izzie looked like the same scared teenager. She showed up at the door to the trailer, for the first time in years, looking like she'd been through hell. Dena simply hugged her child as she cried on her shoulder.

"I know what you need, Cricket." They walked into the trailer's small kitchen, and Dena starting taking out mixing bowls and wooden spoons. She reached into the refrigerator and removed eggs, butter, and some milk. Izzie slunk down into a chair at the small kitchen table, and Dena poured her daughter a glass of milk. She crossed the room to begin making her daughter's favorite dessert. "Talk to me when you're ready, babe. In the meantime, cupcakes." Izzie told her mother all about Denny, his initial flirting, the struggle to find him a heart, and the sad circumstances that led to him actually getting one. And about his proposal, his death, and her resignation from the program. Dena listened in silence, trying to take it all in and process it. Finally, she turned to her daughter.

"You know, most girls buy into that whole 'knight in shining armor' idea. You have always tried to save people. After your father died, you tried to save me and protect me, right up until Kevin came along. You tried to save Kevin, to help him from his bad family and his sad life, and in the end, he left you pregnant and scared. You became a surgeon so you could save people. You tried to save Denny. Did you ever start to think that maybe you should be looking for someone that could save you?"

Izzie thought back to Alex.

Ch5

After working a full day, the number one thing Alex wanted to do was sleep. Compounded by the fact that he slept bolt upright in a chair for about four hours the night before, the last thing he wanted to do was drive for three hours.Meredith had Dena Stevens' number in her Palm pilot. Izzie had given it to her in case of an emergency, after the whole Code Black event. Alex called her and found out that Izzie was indeed there. And from what Dena was saying, Izzie was definately in need of rescuing.

It was new to Alex to go out on a limb for someone, especially a girl. He learned a long time ago to look out for himself, and had in time had added 'only' to that mantra. With women, he had really never taken anyone seriously before Izzie, and it scared him. So much so that he couldn't even be intimate with her. So he did a very Alex-like thing and pushed her away. Granted, with Olivia's help. And right about the time he'd figured out how to tuck tail and apologize, she had found Denny. That crushed Alex in a way he had never been crushed before. He had the girl - THE girl - and had lost her just being Alex. Being a jerk. The way Denny made her light up, how happy she was with him, had really hurt - while he had nothing against the guy, he knew deep down that he could be what Izzie needed. Just without her having to destroy herself in the process. He loved Izzie so much that while he complained about having to talk Dr. Hahn out of the heart for Denny, he knew he would do it without hesitation. Anything for the woman he loved.

Ch6

All Izzie had done all day was think.

When she woke up, her mother had gone to her day job cleaning houses, leaving her with a few cupcakes and a note to call her if she needed anything at all. After a while, the walls of the trailer seemed to be closing in on her and Izzie drove out to a secluded spot at Fort Borst. She remembered going there with her mother, taking a picnic, while her mother told her that they used to do that when her father was alive. Izzie wished she remembered her father. He had died tragically, having been shot in the line of duty as a Chehalis police officer. Growing up, her mother had never really dated, and she had never grown close to a man until she was a teenager.

She discovered boys, as teenage girls are wont to do, and her first experience with love was definately less than ideal. Kevin Fowler came from a home more broken than hers, where his parents were going through a nasty divorce leaving their four children in the middle. The oldest, Jamie, couldn't stand the way his parents' marriage was falling apart, and fell into a life of drugs and theft. Finally one night, he shot himself in the head. Kevin, the baby, had been really close to Jamie, and after his death he felt like his world was falling apart. Izzie thought that she could help him, that she could give him something positive and strong to lean on, but then she got pregnant and it became too much for Kevin to handle. He left in the middle of the night on a Greyhound bus, never to be seen or heard from again. He was probably in a much better place than home had been for him, but he left a destroyed and pregnant teenage girl in his wake. Izzie knew she made the right choice for their little girl, but she was so hurt for having been abandoned and by the feeling that despite giving her child a better life, she was abandoning the child as it's mother. She threw herself into her studies and into saving her money that she never really dealt with all the emotions she felt at that time.

She had given up on love until Alex. He was cocky, arrogant, and rude, but get him alone and he'd be incredibly charming. On top of being handsome, only it was hard to see how handsome he was when he was spewing out his comments. Once Izzie got to know him, she started to like him... right up until she found him in bed with Olivia. It didn't hurt her too much that he couldn't perform the night she brought him home - after all, they had been drinking and that can affect things - but to know that he could do it with Olivia and not her was like a knife in her back. She had once again opened her heart, only to have it broken. It was hard to get over, especially since they shared a group of friends, but when she found Denny she knew she could do it. He had encouraged her, cared about her, and loved her. Well, as best he could from his hospital bed. He had given her strength, up until the point that she began to think that she was going to lose him, too. And then, in a moment of weakness, she went out on a limb to get him a heart and save his life. In the process, she destroyed her own.

Ch7

Alex Karev has never been at a loss for words. Any biting comment, any witty remark, anything - Alex knew just what to say. As he parked his car next to Izzie's at the trailer, he realized that he had no idea what he was going to say to her. She had just lost the person she loved and had given up her medical career. How do you comfort someone going through that? On top of that, Alex's feelings for Izzie were strong, and he wanted to tell her how much he cared about her. But between her grief and her loss, it was probably not a good time. However, Alex's one fault - if you could really call it that - was that all he really knew how to say to someone was the truth. Never one to lie and not very good at beating around the bush, Alex knew he had to face everything head-on, and so did Izzie.

The look on her face when she opened the door was priceless. Almost like she'd been hit by a bus. Before she could even say anything, Alex began to speak:

"I'm not here to try to make you feel better. I don't even have anything good to say for once. Well, nothing mean and nothing funny anyway. I just want to lay things out for you, so you see them like everyone else is seeing them. Reality, Izzie. Denny loved you, yeah, but he loved you for who you are. You're smart. You're driven. You're a doctor. And Denny would tell you not to throw all that away. I'm telling you not to throw all that away. So would Meredith and Bailey and George. So would the Chief. That thought you have in your head, that you can't be a surgeon, that you don't have what it takes? We all think like that. But you do have it and you can do it. You need to realize that and go back to being the Izzie we all love. The Izzie I love."

Ch8

It had never occurred to Izzie that anyone might come looking for her, and if anyone did, Alex was the last person she would have imagined. George or Meredith, maybe, but not Alex. And did he just say he loved her?

"I can't come back," she told him, shaking off what he'd just said about love. "It's too late. I quit the program. Besides, the Chief would never let me come back. I screwed things up royally, Alex."

"You can come back. I met with the Chief and Addison Shepherd yesterday, and she wants you to do peds with her. They both think you're talented and they want you back. Everyone wants you back. I want you back."

"Okay, all that aside, what are you going on about loving and wanting me for? Remember - you left me to screw Olivia again. Didn't you learn your lesson with nurses the first time?"

Alex sighed and started rubbing his temples. "Okay, I've never had to admit this before, but you scared me. No, I scared me. You made me like you, and you made me nervous, and you made me scared because I don't open up to people. But I opened up to you. And the moment I realized I was vulnerable and scared, I realized I didn't know how to deal with it. And, fine, I picked the wrong way to do it. I just wanted to figure out why you made me so freakin' nervous and no other woman did." He took her hands in his. "It's because I love you. And I know now's probably not the time to tell you this, but I do. And I want you to come home. I want to be the prince and I want to rescue you and I want to bring you home and bring back Izzie, the real Izzie, my Izzie that I fell in love with and can't live without."

Izzie was floored.

Ch9

Alex has made some comments in his life he wished he could take back. This was not one of them. However, he wasn't prepared for the silence that followed. Uncomfortable and awkward, almost like he could see the wheels turning in Izzie's mind. He'd never told anyone he loved them aside from his mother and his sister, so he wasn't prepared for whatever her reaction would be. Especially given the emotional roller coaster that Izzie's life had been lately.

Izzie clutched Alex's hands tighter, and, once she finally processed what he had said, started laughing. Wiping the tears on her cheeks, she said, "Rescue me. You have been talking to my mother!"

"Huh?"

"Alex, do you think I try too hard to save people? I mean, you know, not just as a surgeon trying to save a patient, that's normal, but just trying to save people in general? Like Meredith from Derek or the pregnant patient I had who gave up her daughter for adoption? Do I try to save people from their mistakes?"

He thought about that for a moment. Looking up, he brushed the hair out of her eyes, saying, "Saint Izzie, patron saint of those who don't know how to protect their own hearts. You saved me. I'd have gone right on being an ashole who didn't know how to have feelings if it wasn't for you."

Izzie smiled. "That's certainly true." She paused, then looked back up at him. "Alex, tell me how to save myself?"

"Let someone help you for a change. Let me."