Howdy! So I, again, want to thank you all for your love and support, as well as your feedback. I can't even explain to you how amazing it is to read each and every different perspective, every reaction, every thought you guys have. It's elating, it really and truly is.

You guys made this happen. Give ya'selves a pat on the back! :)

So the reason as to why this chapter has taken so long is because I was genuinely emotionally drained from planning this. I'm not sure how I can explain it, but to those of you who have written something as volatile as this, I'm sure you'll know what I mean. To continuously write such horrifying things, it eventually does begin to chip away at you. Nevertheless, I do intend to keep on keepin' on with this until I can go no further.

On we go to torture these sweet babies once again. (Cue defeated sigh.)

Alone I Break

The season of winter had come to spend its time in England for another year, bringing with it the cool, damp weather.

The skies were permanently grey, the air carrying a thick moisture in it. Snow hadn't yet begun to fall, but it wouldn't be long before they were buried beneath a soft, white blanket of it. Rain came and went, often drizzling down for a while before spitting into full downpours.

As Seras' boots squelched in the dirt of the woods behind the Hellsing mansion, she thought the weather appropriate for her mood. Dark and damp, just how she felt pretty much constantly these days.

It had been two weeks since she'd left Alucard in her room.

For every moment that had passed after that, she felt a twinge of longing, as though she regretted leaving. But if she had stayed, she knew what her fate would have been. It would have been the same outcome as every time before, with her in pain and unable to think, drunk on this false idea of intimacy, happy in her Master's embrace while the afterglow stayed bright within her, if even only for a short while.

And while some part of her wanted that, a huge part of her couldn't stand to go through with it again.

She navigated her way through the forest without much effort, not really intent on any destination. She was just wandering, making use of one of the many free evenings she had. Since that encounter with her Master, she'd hidden away in the lower levels of the mansion, cowering there, hoping desperately she'd be forgotten about.

Of course, she wasn't.

Once she'd escaped from the room, she'd sprinted through the hallways of the mansion, had practically fallen down the staircase, and made her way to a room that felt very much like a dungeon.

It had probably been renovated into a bedroom not all that long ago, but the layers of dust laying upon everything said it hadn't been used for quite a while. There wasn't a window in the room, but that was something Seras didn't mind. Other than that, it was perfectly comfortable.

After she'd spent maybe five hours down there, weeping for the loss of her love, Walter had eventually come to find her. After a very brief explanation as to why she'd come down, he had patted her hand comfortingly before heading off to gather up a broom among other cleaning supplies.

He'd stayed with her while they tidied up the bedroom; they didn't talk much, but it wasn't at all an uncomfortable silence between them. It was as though he could sense nothing he could say would possibly improve her mood.

When they'd finished, Seras had thanked him and he'd left her to herself after that. Exhaustion had hit her like a freight train not long after, and she'd collapsed onto the bed, falling into a deep, peaceful sleep. She wasn't summoned to see Sir Integra the following evening, or at all after that.

That made her mind wander as she ducked beneath a low hanging branch.

Had Sir Integra been made aware of the relationship that had formed between Seras and Alucard? Did she know of her beast's abusive nature towards his fledgling? Did she condone it, or did she simply ignore it in hopes it wouldn't ever rise to a problematic circumstance?

And the question that rose to the tip of Seras' tongue: did she even care?

Something deep within Seras wished Sir Integra knew, and something deeper wished she cared. Cared enough to seek her out and comfort her, cared enough to punish that monster she kept close at hand for his horrendous actions.

But why would she? You're worth nothing to her.

Seras stopped dead in her tracks, a cold, heavy pressure suddenly pressing down on her chest, her breath hitching immediately in her throat.

You're just another soldier. Why would she care what you've had to endure? You're not indisposable. You're nothing. You're worthless.

There was the hot threat of tears in her eyes then as she felt her body collapse on itself, and she fell to her knees among the dirt and deadened leaves that littered the forest floor.

That voice that spoke to her, whispered to her when she had nothing else to distract her, it ripped her apart inside. Its cold, cruel words shredded any positive self-image Seras might have had, and when she was starting to feel better, that voice made sure she was dragged back to the depths of self loathing, where nothing but atrocities were heard in her head.

That voice made sure the longing for death was constantly present in Seras' mind.

Weak. You're weak.

And in that moment, when the rain began to dampen her hair and clothes, where there was nothing but decay all around her, she couldn't fight that voice of reason.

She was weak. Mentally and physically. She couldn't fend off Alucard's advances, she couldn't hold herself together when he was finished with her, she couldn't find her self-worth from anything else but him. She depended on him for absolutely everything, and in the two weeks she had forced herself to stay apart from him, she was slowly but surely crumbling away into nothing.

And it hurt.

She couldn't seem to forget the wounded expression on his face as she turned her back to him and fled, she couldn't forget how he called after her, the tormented tone that twisted her name into something that drove daggers into her heart. He had wanted her to stay, and she didn't, because the pain had been too much to bear; the pain now was considerably worse.

Seras hadn't had sight nor sound of him, she couldn't feel his presence. His absence made the loneliness inside of her swell and ache, and she wanted to seek him but she knew she couldn't.

If she did, they would lapse back into the same vicious cycle she was so terrified of.

Yet she needed him. She craved him. Seras needed something to distract her from her monochrome world; she needed the slash of red he made in that repetitive view. His presence, it was the only thing she wanted with her, to feel him by her side. Even the pain he gave to her, it reminded her that she was still alive – it reminded her she could still feel.

But where was he? Why hadn't he come to find her?

And so she knelt there, in the damp mud, crying while her chest ached, letting the rain soak her in its cold embrace, weeping for her Master. Crying for the loss of him, again.

-oOo-

Alucard stood tall in the shadows of Sir Integra's office, the swirling darkness concealing his physical self as he looked on.

His Master sat stoic in her plush chair, a cigar lighting in the ashtray atop her wide desk. Papers were stacked neatly in piles before her as she read from a letter on parchment in her hands, her icy blue eyes following every word with an eerie alertness. The glasses that perched on the end of her long nose caught the low light of her lamp, the spectacles glimmering with each slight turn of her head.

Alucard couldn't help but admire how mature his Master had become, and something within him swelled with pride. He'd watched her grow from the unsure little girl she once was into this powerful, determined woman who could command an army without batting an eyelash.

The confidence that she gave off was similar to that intimidating aura Alucard had, and it in itself demanded anyone's attention. She was such a wonderful young woman, and he was so very proud of her.

"You'd do well to remember I can feel your presence when it's close by," Sir Integra then muttered, her eyes never leaving the paper. She reached a hand out to take the cigar between two fingers before lazily bringing it to her lips. "Come out, Alucard."

The No-Life King froze a moment before smirking, a slight tug at his lips, before stepping out into the soft glow of the lamp, the light chasing away the shadows he so dearly loved. He bowed to her before taking a seat in the chair opposite her desk, his red eyes watching his Master carefully.

"What brings you to my office without a summon?"

Sir Integra's voice was sharp, like the blade of a thin knife. It was cold, almost as though she wasn't in the mood to tolerate any business Alucard was bringing to her. It was unusual to an extent – Alucard, when unsummoned, usually brought her enemy information, or some insight into what was going on in her beloved country – which made him curious as to why she was in such a foul mood.

"Can't I visit my Master without a reason?" he asked, an eyebrow slowly rising.

How far could he push her with senseless nonsense before she'd snap at him? It was a game he liked to play, and he was more than curious how it'd play out with his Master.

"No," she replied, her eyes slowly traveling up his languid form to meet his, a cold shiver running through him as their gazes met. How odd.

He was well accustomed to her usually cold demeanor, its presence usually never absent. But this, the way she spoke to him with that callous intolerance, her answers short like the crack of a whip, it raised an alarm in his head. What was going on with her? There was nothing amiss, nor was there the appearance of anything new. She was as she always had been.

So what was her cruel tone about?

Alucard stared at her as minutes ticked by, every second feeling like a millennium as the hand in her clock thrummed its steady counter, its usually quiet sound now deafening in the suffocating silence.

"My, aren't we snappy this evening," he finally said, leaning back in his chair, feeling the leather creak beneath his weight. "What on Earth was in that letter?"

He was sussing her out. He knew her attitude had nothing to do with the letter, but he hadn't a notion of what it was that was causing this sudden change in his beloved Master. If he could strike up indirect conversation, perhaps she'd let slip what was bothering her.

But the next thing she asked, he felt as every cell in his blood turned to ice in his veins and he felt as time just... stopped.

"What have you done to that fledgling of yours?"

His mouth was as dry as the Sahara desert, his mind spinning off its course inside of his head. He could feel as a pulse of emotional torture shivered through his aura of power, and it quivered in the air around him. His body stiffened, his limbs unresponsive to his brain in that moment, yet he could not tear his gaze from hers.

How on Earth did she know?

Something inside of him so deeply wished she didn't know, that it was just a suspicion she had. Perhaps she only thought he'd told Seras off a little too harshly, and the little girl had come crying to her about it.

And yet, he knew that wasn't it. He knew Sir Integra had a better idea of what was going on that what he hoped for.

"Nothing," he said, trying desperately to keep his face a void of emotion. "Why do you ask?"

His Master didn't immediately answer, and it caused something inside of him to screech in what he could only register as pain. He wasn't particularly fearful of her, but he knew better than others how cruel she could be sometimes. He could do nothing but hope now wasn't one of those times.

He watched in frightful anticipation as she placed the parchment she'd been holding down onto her writing desk, and pushed back her chair, the legs of it squeaking across the stone floor. She stood then and turned her back to him, clasping her hands behind her as she strolled lazily towards the large-paned window, her figure now a silhouette against the moonlight that filtered through the glass.

Alucard couldn't see her face, and that invoked a strange sort of panic. Why?

"I'm almost mad you would lie to me, Alucard," she eventually muttered, her tone chilling as it floated to his ears. "Though I don't particularly care for the girl, she is still a member of Hellsing, and she's served me well so far."

Alucard swallowed a thick mouthful of saliva, wishing desperately he could shut off his emotions as he used to do so well before that little witch wormed her way inside of him, planting her roots and staying firmly put. "If you don't care for her, why bother attempting to find out what I supposedly did to her?"

Sir Integra let out a small chuckle, but it wasn't a very kind one.

"She is a woman. Though you may forget sometimes, I am one, too. She has become somewhat respected within this organization by the foot soldiers, thus gaining my stamp of approval, even if I don't find it necessary to tell her so. I may not care for her emotional state, but she isn't fit for duty." His Master turned to him, her gaze deadly and accusing. "And that, my beast, is where I must become involved."

Alucard was so tempted by the demon within him to stand and lash out at his Master with all his might, but the truth she spoke shattered that animalistic urge. Sir Integra probably didn't want to get involved any more than Alucard wanted her to, but if Seras was unfit to carry out her role in the army like she was supposed to, his Master had to intervene.

"Before you go any further, it wasn't my intention," he mumbled, almost ashamed of himself, feeling like a small child being reprimanded by a schoolteacher.

"What wasn't?"

"To hurt her. She is so delicate, so fragile, and sometimes... sometimes I lose the piece of myself that remembers that." Alucard slumped in the chair, a hand to his head, almost shielding himself from however Sir Integra chose to look at him.

For two weeks he had managed to swallow his misery, and in a single second, it was repeating on him, making sure he could taste the sorrowful pity all over again.

"Tell me what you did, Alucard," said his Master, yet he refused to look at her, "tell me now. That is an order."

The beast inside of him crafted from shadows and hatred hissed in response, cowering away in the deepest corners of himself, refusing to admit to the crimes it had committed. And yet, somehow, Alucard felt almost relieved. All the turmoil he had refused to think of, now was his chance to release it, exhale all the toxicity inside of him.

Don't.

He listened as Sir Integra took her seat once again, and waited patiently as she lit up yet another cigar, almost unsure of how to start his tale of tortured love.

"I destroyed her," he began quietly, "everything that she was, I ripped it apart. She was so sweet, and I never thought to appreciate it. Instead, I wanted her to despise me, I wanted her to bow her head to me when she felt my presence near. I wanted her to hate me to my core."

He paused, reliving the moment in which he realized that she could never hate him, and something inside of him smashed into a thousand pieces.

"I raped the innocent child she was at heart. The monster I truly am distorted her self-image, made her discard the thought that she would ever be anything without me. I made her reliant on me for affection, for love, for care. I violated her in every way imaginable, and when she asked me to just be human for a moment, I couldn't even do that. In everything she gave to me, I couldn't give her the one thing she desperately needed from me."

Alucard suddenly stood, feeling a nauseating mixture of self-loathing and anger well up inside of him with a destructive force. The chair he'd perched on slammed back and shattered against the far wall as he flung himself to his feet, his aura flaring in an explosion from his body. He took a ragged step forward, his hands pounding onto her desk where he leered at Sir Integra, a disfigured, monstrous mask of flesh on his face.

"She died the first night I lay hands on her, and she's been a walking corpse since."

Alucard's voice had taken on an otherworldly resonance, and it vibrated with a devastating toll through the air, his eyes flashing that venomous red.

And yet, Sir Integra hadn't moved an inch.

She pulled on her cigar, a slow, long inhale, before blowing out the stinging smoke directly into his face, earning a displeased growl from the riled beast that stood before her, the monster that wanted his nails dipped into bright crimson blood to paint the walls with. But she knew he would not hurt her, and even in his broken-down state, Alucard knew he would never lay a finger on his beloved Master.

"So you abused the girl's trust in you." Sir Integra opened her glassy, cool eyes and stared unflinching right into his demonic ones. "You did what you do best."

You did what you do best.

Alucard wavered, momentarily knocked off guard. His whole world shivered in response, and he faltered, falling back a step. He stared at his Master with disbelief, his mouth hanging open like she'd struck him with force.

And she had. Her words pierced his steel armour, jaggedly ripping at the heart he thought he'd discarded years ago.

"I didn't... that isn't what I did. She is just too sensitive," he said, his voice losing all the aggression it had held only moments ago. He was breaking down once again, unable to fathom the emotions running rampant in his mind. He stumbled back another step, his hands coming to his face, grasping at the disfigured skin.

"But it is," said the blonde-haired woman sitting at total ease across from him, "whether you like to admit it or not. Women have fallen victim to your beastly ways time and time again, so why would this little girl, barely even a woman yet, be any different? Why should she be?"

Alucard was losing himself in her words too quickly and he felt as though the air from his lungs was being drawn at a pace he wasn't comfortable with.

"She... She should be because she is different. In her, I saw the Draculina that tamed me," he said quietly, glaring at his Master with a hateful stare. "Seras was meant to be my eternal."

Sir Integra let out a laugh that could have shattered windows and chandeliers, her head thrown back in glee. She chortled for a solid minute, almost unable to catch her breath before she tilted her head at him, that unsettling grin settled in place on her lips.

"Alucard, that child couldn't have tamed you if she'd tried to! You're a monster, and monsters are incapable of any form of love." She wiped at her eyes, almost mocking him with her joyous laughter. "She was a distraction to you, a mere body to be used by your savage will. And now look at you; she's grown on you, you're starting to care for her!"

His Master stood to her feet, walking calmly around her desk before standing before him, looking up into his mortified face. "If you truly cannot reform from the way you've grown to be, save her. Leave the girl be, whether it kills you both or not. She doesn't deserve the only treatment you can give her, Alucard."

The No-Life King stared down at her for a moment, a distasteful curl of his lips showing through his hands.

What is she doing?

There was something about the way Integra spoke, the way she told him to leave Seras be... it was concern. That undertone in her voice that could be easily missed, it was her genuine care for him. Yes, he was her own personal weapon, but they had formed a bond of sorts where caring about one another was never spoken, but its feeling was always present.

She probably didn't care for Seras on any other level than a professional one, but she could see just how much damage the little girl had done to her beast.

Perhaps she wanted Alucard to change for the Draculina wandering alone on Hellsing's grounds, maybe she wanted to see him be somewhat human, if even only for a brief period. Her reason for even bothering with this mess of a situation had to come from a place of concern if not curiosity.

And that in itself was enough of a reason to at least try.

"My, my, Integra," said Alucard, his voice lilting. "I didn't know you were in love with me."

Despite the seriousness of the moment, and the unfiltered emotions wreaking havoc within him, he couldn't ever pass up an opportunity to tease his Master with taunting banter. He grinned and tilted his head innocently at her, his eyebrows inching up as he watched her face go from that sweet pale to infuriated red.

"Get out, you bloody idiot."

-oOo-

I can do nothing but apologise for how LONG this took to get up! And even at that, I'm not sure I'm entirely happy with it, but oh well. I couldn't make you wait any longer.

And now, time for some support to a fellow author. It was brought to my attention last month that Princess Destiny of the writing site Destiny's Gateway is in trouble with her financial situation. She's risking losing her home and her little furbabies, and my heart was broken for her. If any of you could please, please, please spare even so much as a dollar (euro for my fellow Europeans), you have no idea how much you could really and truly help someone who is in need of all of us as a community.

I fear I may be too late, but there's still a chance to help. Her GoFundMe page is under the name Aurelia Destiny (called Aurelia's Fund), and I want to thank any of you who do decide to help if you can. She explains the devastating situation on said GoFundMe page, and I hope it sheds some light on the situation.

Thank you all for taking the time for reading, and I hope you have a good day. 'Til next time!