A/N:- Thank you sooooo much for the reviews people! You rock sooooo much! (Dances with the victory fanfare playing in the background)
Disclaimer:- I do not own FF7 or any of its characters. Waaaaaah!
I owe a million thanks to all my reviewers and especially a really close friend who helped me a lot.
'Tseng! Tseng!' the young blonde president called through his office. 'In my office at once!'
Tseng fixed his tie and made his way into Rufus' office. The president grabbed his coat and made his way out of the office the second Tseng entered. 'Manage the office while I make the rounds of the Shinra Company'.
Tseng gave the President an obedient bow and seated himself at the head of the desk. A little while later, Elena and Reno popped their heads through the door and Reno began, 'Which lucky Turk gets to watch the office this time?'
'It ain't me!' Elena said, waving her hands.
'Why not?' Reno asked, annoyed.
'Just because,' Elena said, stomping off.
'Elena, watch the office for me please!' Tseng called out to her as he slowly got up.
'Yes sir!' Elena said, running back quickly and seating herself on the desk. Reno and Tseng left the room and Elena was left humming to herself. Suddenly...she spotted a telephone.
You have 20 New Messages
'Must resist...resist Laney!' Elena cried to herself, trying to hold back the urge. Too late.
Message 1
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Rufus honey, this is Ma Shinra. Why don't you ever call me, honey, your Ma misses you ever so much! Ever since your Pa died, you ain't ever visited me. And don't you start that 'I'm a grown man' crap with me, honey, you're still Mama's little boy. Why yes you are! Yes you are! Yes you are! Yes you-
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Message 2
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Like, sir, this is Chloe. Like, I know you fired me from my secratary job, but, like, sir, I'm, like, so madly in love with you sir! Like, please marry me sir! I love you sir!
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Message 3
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Good morning. This is Snow-White Dry Cleaning sir. We would like to inform you that the last 250 white suits you sent us have been dry cleaned and are ready for picking up. Thankyou.
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Message 4
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Rufus...this is your father. I'm not really dead...I'm...Reno! Haha, gotcha! Hiya boss! Please don't fire me!
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Message 5
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Hello, President Rufus? This is Tifa Lockheart from AVALANCHE. I'd like to ask you if Cloud has been around your parts lately. You see, he keeps saying something about 'Rufus...Shinra...Reunion'. It's really freaky, so could you please ask him to come home? Bye!
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Message 6
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Hello Mr. Shinra, this is Joe Joseph from the dating agency. We are sorry to inform you that no girl seemed interested in you. Apparently, your description stated that you had a hairy mole on your forehead and that you were bald. Better luck next time!
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Message 7
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Yo boss, it's Reno. I filled in and dropped off that 'Physical Description Card' you wanted me to, at the Dating Agency's office. Just wanted to tell ya that. Bye!
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Message 8
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Hello boss, this is Elena. Tseng just stubbed his toe...I thought you should know. Hey boss, that rhymes!
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Message 9
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I say, my good man is your air conditioner running in the vicinity? If that is so, I suggest you go and retrieve it! This was Vincent Valentine, the lord of crank calling. I am a genius.
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Message 10
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It's Rude, sir...Just called to tell you that the mission's accomplished...I'll go now...I'm hanging up...Don't wait any longer...Yes sir, I'm going...Almost gone...I don't want to waste any more of your time...Just called, you know...you tell us to call if the job's done...so I did...Oh yeah, just remembered, a man named-
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Message 11
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Hey Rufy-Wufy...guess who? It's Yuffie. Cloud still doesn't know about us. What an idiot. But then again, he is kinda cute and VERY emo...so, when do we meet again? I mean, after all, I got you more 'materia'...heh heh heh...
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Message 12
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Hey Yuffie, this is Cloud. I...uh...I've been wanting to meet you...Tifa doesn't know about us...yet. I...uh...wanted to talk to you about our relationship. Is it going anywhere? I would love it if you...HOLY SHIT, THIS IS RUFUS' NUMBER!
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Message 13
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Rufus...this is Sephiroth. I'm going to kill you and make you suffer the same fate as your father did...just kidding boss, its Reno. Please don't fire me boss, I have a wife and two kids, and my Aunt Muriel has nail cancer and-
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Message 14
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Boss, this is Elena. I wanted to tell you that Tseng is having an epileptic siezure. I mean, he's all shaking and stuff, and it's freaking me out. So, any time you're free, drop by and help him out, alright? I mean, if that's okay with you. Okay then, bye.
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Message 15
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False alarm sir, Tseng just had a fly down his throat. Heh, silly me. Bye, sir.
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Message 16
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Mr. Shinra, this is Joe Joseph from the dating agency. We are happy to inform you that a man, who calls himself Strife, has started to develop a slight interest in you. Congratulations!
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Message 17
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Yo Prez, ma man! This is Barret, callin' to thank ya fer lookin' after Marlene last Sunday. I wanted to ask ya if you're free on next Sunday, so I could drop her at your place again.
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Message 18
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Is this the Shinra Company French restaurant? If so, do you have Frog's legs? And if so, do you hop to work? This was Vincent Valentine with yet another amazing crank call! I know, I know, you all burn with jealousy at my amazing sense of humour, but not everyone is gifted!
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Message 19
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Rufy, honey, this is Ma Shinra. If you don't bring your tushy back home this instant, you can forget about going with me to the beauty parlour like you always do.
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Message 20
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Hey Rufus, this is Kadaj. I met Ma Shinra at the dentist's, and she was asking why you aren't calling her. Oh wait, she wants to talk to you, hold on...Rufy, honey, this is Ma Shinra. I want you to come home and pick up some clean underwear, honey, you've been wearing that same one forever...
Beep
Elena's face went red as she tried to hold in her laughter. Suddenly, the door swung open and president Rufus marched in.
'Oh, Elena...I thought Tseng was here. Anyways, was everything alright?'
Elena held her breath and prayed he wouldn't suspect a thing. 'Yes sir, everything was fine'.
'Very good', Rufus said, seating himself on his leather chair. As soon as Elena left the room, Rufus turned on the messaging system on his phone.
You have No New Messages
Rufus sighed and leaned back on his chair. 'Nobody ever calls me'.
Well, I hope you all liked it. Poor Rufus, eh? Please review and tell me if you'd like anyone else's 'Private Messages' revealed. By the looks of things, I'm guessing one of the SHM are next. Yay! Oh yeah, R&R please!
