MWAHAHAHA! ALMOST 1000 HITS! I LOVE YOU! LONG LIVE YOU! LONG LIVE YOU! WHO IS YOU ANYWAY! WHY AM I SCREAMING! Sorry, over excited.
A/N:- This chapter is dedicated to all you beautiful (or handsome, whatever the case may be) people who reviewed. But a special dedication to:-
Dreaming Rain (For beta-ing the fic)
SaphirexSerpent (For wanting to write a fic for me...I like it when people write fics for me :) )
My older brother (For pitching in a few good ideas)
A really good friend (For her unique sense of humor)
Disclaimer:- I do not own Final Fantasy 7 or any of its characters. I didn't even own any of the names in the previous chapter or in this chapter.
In the 7th Heaven bar...a few minutes after the events of chapter 3...
Everyone stared at Tifa, and Cloud's eyes filled with tears as he made a puppy-dog face.
'So...drinks? Anyone...heh heh heh,' Tifa laughed nervously as Cloud burst into tears.
'Okay, I'll go now' Tifa said quickly as she grabbed her coat and walked out of the bar. Poor girl didn't realise it was one in the morning and that the streets were empty.
'Yo Cloud, you're not really sad, are you?' Reno asked, patting him on the back.
'Not really,' Cloud replied with a shrug. 'I mean, I'm pretty cruel myself.'
'No duh,' Reno said, taking a sip from his beer bottle. 'Especially after all the calls Yuffie gives you. Hey Laney, remember the time we found Cloud's phone and read all his private messages?'
Elena slapped her hand on her forehead and Cloud started to growl.
'Yeah, I read quite a few messages and Elena told me a couple of the President's messages too,' Reno said obliviously. Elena gave Reno a look of affectionate pity and Cloud head-butted him off his stool.
'Looks like someone has had a lot of booze,' Rude commented as he fell off his stool, snoring. Despite Reno's swearing and slashing, Cloud managed to steal his phone and run up to his room. And then...
You have 20 New Messages
'Now, sweet vengence is mine!' Cloud said with a grin. When suddenly...
Please Input your Password
'Dammit' Cloud swore as he tried everything that came into his head. 'Lets try...RENO...okay, didn't work. Let's try... RUDE. Wow, that didn't even work. I think I know... RENOLOVESELENAANDWILLONEDAYMARRYHER...wow...that didn't even work. Maybe this'll work...CLOUD...'
Password Correct. Welcome Reno, King of the Underworld
Message 1
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Reno, this is Vincent. Did I ever tell you the classic joke about the refrigerator? Oh well, here goes. Is your refrigerator running in the vicinity? And if so, should I go and retrive it for you! Haha! Do you not think that crank call is just simply amazing? If I do say so myself. Oh yes, and Reno, do me a favour. Pass this crank call to as many people as you can think of.
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Message 2
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Reno, this is Elena. Why the hell did you SMS that stupid, dumb and idiotic fridge joke to me? I mean, how lame can anybody get? It sounded like one of Vincent's crank calls. Man, Reno, are you getting old?
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Message 3
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Reno, this is President Shinra. I have a new mission for you. And do NOT make up another excuse about you being married and having two kids. And there is no such thing as nail cancer, toe cancer and most definetly not hair cancer.
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Message 4
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Good afternoon Reno, this is Tseng speaking. I have a mission of great importance for you. I picked you of all the Turks because this mission requires delicate handling and quick thinking. One must have all these skills and more to become a Turk and complete a mission as impossible as this one. Did I mention the time when I once had a mission similar to this one? The rain was pouring and the storm was-
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Message 5
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getting more destructive by the second. The thunder roared, shaking the heavens and making everyone scream like little school girls, except for me. For nothing can weaken my resolve ,as I am the greatest Turk of all! There was also this other time when I had to go to the beauty salon to purchase some hair straightner, until I realised that the beauty salon-
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Message 6
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I was in did'nt sell hair straightner. I stormed out of the salon angrily and to my surprise I realised that the salon was acctually a bakery. Oh, bakery reminds me of the time I accompanied my grandmother to purchase some shoes. Which were purple with ribbons and kitty heels. But then my grandma remembered that she was buying shoes for herself, not for me, so she bought army boots instead. Which reminds me of a time when-
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Message 7
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Reno, this is Rufus. I overheard Tseng talking to you and I believe he forgot to tell you what the damn mission was. Now Reno, listen carefully, because my life depends on this mission. This mission is of great importance, and requires great strength and concentration. This is a life threaning mission. Reno...you must go to the...Lucky Twinkles Princess Bakery and...get me a donut.
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Message 8
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Ok, whoever you are, just shut up and listen. To reincarnate me...Sephiroth...who is not Reno...you must follow these simple instructions. First, capture the rare Midgarian beer fly. Next, dip it in extra virgin olive oil on the night of a full moon when three pink dogs howl in a well. Next, take a strand of Hojo's hair from respectable areas and place it inside a taco shell. Then shove it up your-
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Message 9
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Mr. Reno, this is your doctor, Dr. Homer-Hendel-Lado-Sabun-John-Jonathan-Jacobo-Chocobo-Brother-Marina-Corrina-Tarzan-Donald-Mickey-Goofy-Schmidt...MBBs, PhD, BBBBBBBBs, BSc, MSc, Grade 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8...(Eerie silence)...as I was saying, your recent test results have come. I must remind you yet again, please refrain from taking the rare Midgarian beer fly dipped in extra virgin olive oil on the night of a full moon when three pink dogs howl in a well with a strand of Hojo's hair from respectable areas and placed inside a taco shell, and shoving it up your-
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Message 10
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Reno...it's Rude...your partner...in crime...the bald one...the one with self-esteem issues...yeah, I'm him...just wanted to call...y'know, 'cause I'm a friend...and friends call...so I called...'cause I'm a friend...and friends call...just thought I'd ask...how you're doing...'cause I'm a friend...and friends call...which reminds me, there was a girl interested in dating you. She's really hot and totally into you and her number is-
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Message 11
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Reno, this is a totally random stranger named Vincent...not Vincent Valentine...just Vincent...who just so happens to be crank calling you at this very moment. Do you think that you happen to be 'hot'? If so, I suggest you take a...(snickers)...a 'chill pill'! Oh my, I amuse myself so! Yes mortal, it is I, the god of crank calling... Vincent Valentine!
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Message 12
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Foolish dumbass mortal! This is Sephiroth...not Reno...you jackass, you reincarnated my real mother, Lucrecia! F#$ you! F#$ you! F#$ you! F#$ you!
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Message 13
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Hey Reno...like, this is, like, Chloe and I, like,...got dumped, like,...again. So...um... I, like, called the Nibelheim Garden of Love and they said that they'd arrange a marriage for me in, like,...two weeks. But, like,...I don't have a husband and I, like, think you need a husband to, like, get married so will you, like, be my husband? Oh pretty please?
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Message 14
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Hi Reno dear, this is Lucrecia. Thank you for reincarnating me...accidentally. Could you please give my number to Vincent and his friends? And could you also tell Vincent that I'm alive and have a phone...but don't tell Hojo that. Thanks. Bye!
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Message 15
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Hey Reno baby...this is Yuffie. So...when are you gonna take me to the movies like you promised? On Friday I have a date with Cloud and Yazoo has to meet me on Wednesday. So I'm free on Monday. Oh...and I got some 'materia' for you...heh heh heh...
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Message 16
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Reno, this is Lucrecia. Tell Vincent that I'm going and freezing myself in a Mako crystal in an underwater cave near Costa Del Sol. The man, as much as I love him...will not stop crank calling me! Reno, its driving me crazy! Lock me in a crystal and break my phone! Vincent is calling himself 'Lord of the cranks'! Oh God, Reno, just shoot me!
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Message 17
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Reno, this is Rufus. I must congratulate you on accomplishing the mission. Only problem is, you asshole, I AM ALLERGIC TO RASIN COATED DONUTS! DIDN'T I WARN YOU NOT TO GET RASIN COATED DONUTS? I ASKED FOR THE ONES WITH SPRINKLES! SPRINKLES, YOU DRUNK BUFFOON! Okay yeah, that's all.
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Message 18
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Mr. Reno...uh...Turk? This is Jason calling from the General Store. We have a new supply of red hair-dye and gel. Just thought you should know. And when are you going to return that spikey orange-red wig you borrowed from us 15 years ago? Well...let me know then. Thanks.
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Message 19
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Foolish idiot, this is Sephiroth...NOT Reno. Why do people keep calling me Reno? Anyways, just shut up and follow the list of instructions that will bring me back to life. First of all, take a silver wig and place it on a bald male chocobo and smother it in sticky grape juice. When that is done, make it wear kitty heels on the night of a three quarter moon when two goldfish are-
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Message 20
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-swiming in a pond with yellow water. Then I shall fall from the heavens. This is where you must spot me falling with a pair of binoculars and then throw a pillow below me when I come. The rest will happen naturally. I take my beloved Masamune and slice your head off and then I go off and destroy the planet. Simple and clean.
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When Cloud was fairly satisfied with tweaking up Reno's phone and changing the password to 'RENOISADUMBASS', he decided it was time to return it, when suddenly the cell-phone started to ring. Now Cloud knew that he should'nt have answered Reno's phone, but he did anyways. (Yeah, go figure)
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A/N:- Hello people, your author here! Just here to tell you all that because this chapter wasn't as good as the previous ones, I've decided to give you all a special treat by catching Vincent in the crank-calling drama red-handed. Right then...I'm going...don't try and stop me...Yeah, I'm leaving...
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Cloud decided that he'd answer the phone anyways.
Cloud: Hello?
Vincent: Hello Reno.
Cloud: No man, this is Cloud.
Vincent: Yes Reno, I'm sure you are. Just as you are Sephiroth, Aeris, Lucrecia and Pa Shinra.
Cloud: Pa Shinra?
Vincent: So, Reno, this is Vincent. Not Vincent Valentine, just plain Vincent.
Cloud: Eh?
Vincent: My full name is Vincent...Vincento!
Cloud: Vincent Vincento? Oh...heh heh heh (evil grin). Ok Mr. Vincento, why did you call me?
Vincent: Well Reno, I called to ask you if your refrigerator is running in the premises.
Cloud: Sorry Mr. Vincento, but I don't own a refrigerator.
Vincent: Well then...(coughs)...how about your air conditioner?
Cloud: Nope, sorry. My air conditioner is off.
Vincent: Toaster?
Cloud: Nope.
Vincent: Aha! Your light is running!
Cloud: Lights don't run.
Vincent: Well then...Do you have frog's legs in your kitchen?
Cloud: Nope.
Vincent: Rabbit's legs? Chicken legs? Chocobo legs?
Cloud: Nope. Sorry.
(Vincent hangs up quickly)
Cloud: Heh heh heh.
Then suddenly, Reno ran into the room. 'Cloud, what the hell are you doing with my phone?'
Well everybody, the fourth chapter is finally over. I feel so terrible. Reno is one of my favourite characters and I messed up on his chapter so bad. Sorry folks...writer's block. I'll try my best to make the next chapter MUCH better. Which is why I need you great people to review and tell me who it should be on.
