I'll Never Ask
A/N:
Yuuka-chan: It's the first time I'm writing a story in English, but that idea just came and bit me all of a sudden, and I couldn't resist.
Muse: Yeah right. Not when it's biting. Literally. (giggle)
Yuuka-chan: Oh yeah, just go and laugh at me there.(cry)
Muse: Now don't be like that… Here's a cookie!
Yuuka-chan: - (grabs the cookie) I wuv my muse!
Disclaimer: it's NOT mine. Nothing. Absolutely. sob sob
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At first, it was funny and it seemed to be a little interesting.
As time passed, it became more and more troubling.
And then, finally, when I spoke about it, it became nothing but "hopeless and disturbing". Not that I cared much about this… I never really wanted to lose it like that, but, since it cannot really be changed, I suppose I should just leave it this way.
When I tried to give him a simple hint, he didn't understand me. Now, after thinking about it a lot, I came up with the idea that he could just be pretending not to understand me that time.
I tried to stop thinking about him the way I was, but I couldn't control my fantasies. Those dreams just didn't stop. Not that I really wanted them to… Then I was in agony though.
When he once asked me if I needed his help, I sent him to hell with that devilish look of mine, hoping that he would just go away. Luckily, Haruhi called him, and he rushed to her, immediately forgetting about his so-called 'mother'. Sheesh, I hate that nickname, but when he calls me that, looking with his puppy-eyes… How can I ever say 'no'? Always telling myself "don't look in his eyes, don't look at him at all", I still do. I never obey my inner-voice, I always lose when it comes to Tamaki.
Maybe it's right that I'm the 'Shadow King". I do everything about this stupid club myself. Tamaki may be 'the lord' and all, but all he ever does is play with those girls. They all adore him. Actually, I never liked this idea about the club, but when he came to me and said "let's make a club together, Kyou-chan", smiling in his on special way, I just couldn't resist.
Then, once a word 'love' slipped… He was lying on the sofa then, his head on my knees, babbling about something, and I whispered:
"You love yourself too much"
He smiled again and murmured:
"I'm not the only one who loves myself, you know"
"So I know"
"Right, you always know everything, don't you"
"I don't know one thing though"
"Oh? And what's that?"
He was interested in hearing my answer. I hesitated. But then I saw his eyes again…
"I don't know how it's possible for this devil to love you so much…."
He looked scared. Really scared. He stood up, and, staring at me unbelievingly, whispered: "Don't". And ran away.
I hate myself for that weakness.
Later he came back and pretended that nothing ever happened, I, following the example, did the same. But now he never lies with me on the sofa, never comes to my room to wake me up and take out somewhere, and never smiles with that special smile he used to give only me. At least, I hope it was only me.
I guess it will always be like that now. Not that I'm complaining… It could be worse, so I'm actually thankful for that ignorance.
I have just one regret left now. I regret I didn't use my chance and kiss him when he was lying with me. I could get at least that much for my suffering, no? Maybe that's what he meant by 'don't'? He's the only one who knows the answer for that, but I'll never ask.
END
